The miles turn into decades, and I find myself in the Kansas of my life.
I woke up to a nice phone call from my old friend Rachel, and it put me in a wistful, reflective mood. I spent an hour digging thru old emails, reviewing my year and years. Its amazing how much has changed in the past year, and indeed how much has changed in the past several. Now, i work 16 hours a day, obsessively. I used to have so much more patience for trite bullshit and social interaction. How did I make time for so many meaningless interactions? Really though, it all meant something, or it wouldn't have happened. Every story had an amoral moral, it only mattered whether I chose to see it or not. All those aimless meandering roads ultimately lead to right now.
I reviewed a large section of emails between me and Jen that occured this time last year that shed light on topics that I am currently grappling with (being present for my life in real time, coming to terms with the past, truly observing myself, seeing the positive in addition to the negative). The past can be a valuable tool if you use it right. Instead of getting upset about the distance (emotional, geographical, mortal) between me and all the people i love/have loved, i felt invigorated by it. Every moment was valuable, is valuable, and will continue to be so. I just have to treat it all with the resepct it deserves.
I reviewed a large section of emails between me and Jen that occured this time last year that shed light on topics that I am currently grappling with (being present for my life in real time, coming to terms with the past, truly observing myself, seeing the positive in addition to the negative). The past can be a valuable tool if you use it right. Instead of getting upset about the distance (emotional, geographical, mortal) between me and all the people i love/have loved, i felt invigorated by it. Every moment was valuable, is valuable, and will continue to be so. I just have to treat it all with the resepct it deserves.