"Let's Hate Each Other"
These past few weeks I've been having the urge to write, but when it comes down to it... I get so tired of thinking about it that I stop myself from doing it. A lot has happened these past few weeks which is probably why I've been wanting to write... people have their ways to make themselves feel better, and writing just happens to be one of my methods. The problem with me when it comes to writing or anything for that matter is that I tend to put my emotions towards it and then I become emotionally exhausted... and that's not what I needed these past few weeks.
Thinking back to everything... from beginning to end, I wondered if it was a waste or was that a great experience that changed me for the better. In life, I don't ever want to regret any decision I make or the things that happens, because then I would never truly be happy with what I have that's in front of me or what's in my life now. The path I chose was definitely a narrow unsteady road with many many questions left unanswered. Along the way I was hurt many times and yet my heart kept opened... and for what? I suppose because I wanted to believe it would work, because I saw something there in the long run. But seeing is just seeing, it doesn't mean it will happen. In the end, you'll never know how the other person feels. It's true... it takes two to make any relationship work, and if one falters... it stops or gradually dies. Looking back to my old old post of how I felt... till this day it still remains true. I took a risk like I said I would, I gave it my all I suppose... in the end, it just didn't work out. I wanted it to work, but along the way... it didn't. You can't blame for people's feelings to change I guess, it just happens... like a quote I just recently discovered says, "Love is like the seasons, that continue to change."
I guess that quote originally meant for a persons feelings to grow overtime, but let's take it more literal and let it mean what it says. Haha...
And thus... my collection begins. I can't say that my collection started just recently, it actually began when it all began. When I had my heart broken was when this collection started. It was a different side to a persons feeling that's never really been explored by me thoroughly. It was a feeling that I strongly felt at that time that I wanted to express... funny how now I can continue on with this feeling. This collection will end everything and begin everything. I guess you can say this is my baby, but just like any baby... it will give you aches, pains, and frustrations along the way. This collection will be more dear to my heart than any other collection I've created, because I've actually let mine and someone else who was dear to my heart's feelings let it shine through. As much as I wish this was an easy collection like my previous works, this one somehow manages to be the hardest one ever. I seem to be stuck all the time... I hope by Saturday my mind will be free and be more inspired by the things that surround me.
All in all, I don't regret anything that has happened. I haven't felt that happy in a long time, but at the same time... I haven't felt sad like this in a while. But just like anything... time heals all. It's hard to imagine that I've lost something important, but I did... and at the same time, I didn't. This was all new to me in every way, and reading back to how I felt about it in my previous entry before... I meant every word of it. What happens now and in the future still remains uncertain... All I know is that I have to let it go. Memories are all I have now and if that's all I can have... I'm ok with that. At one point, I felt like that emptiness was gone, but I suppose not. In the end, I gained something and I lost something. I'm grateful to have had a best friend who I was able to share everything with and to be there for my best friend. Happiness will surely be there for the both of us even if we won't be there to witness it.
How fitting it is to have this song begin and to end it all...
This song will always have a special place in my heart...
"Let's Hate Each Other"