(no subject)
Waking up from a train ride, I find I have been sleeping for quite sometime. I have no idea where I am...or how I got here. But, none-the-less, here is where I am. Now, to work on either turning around and getting back, or simply hopping off and walking until I find something a bit more familiar. I suppose familiar is the wrong word, I dont need familiar. I need something real...something constant...something promising. I want to be embraced. I want a ton of things. I am too greedy. I wish to be loved. I want to feel treasured. I have so much love to give. I am wounded. My heart has been more than broken, but it's still there...beating with all it's might. I need to recognize that I am more than a shell. I have made many strangers smile, so why can't I bring a smile to my own face? I want to be happy. Am I asking for too much? I want to know that there is more to life than this. I want to experience it. I want to embrace it. I am scared to death. I am fearful. I tremble and I lose sleep. I haven't slept well in months. I miss sleeping. I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling loved. I have no place to call home. Home is where your heart is. I don't know where my heart is. I am not the lady I used to be. I have changed. Everything changes and nothing stays the same. Nothing. Things remain, but they still change. Change does not mean destruction. I have lost part of myself. And I continue to lose pieces of myself. If I don't make some drastic changes I am going to lose me completely. I feel myself letting go. I feel myself drifting away. I have a chance, should I take it...or sit back and wave goodbye. Am I worth it? Is it worth it? Should I just accept that I am mostly gone? Or do I give it my all and risk failing anyhow? If I reach out for myself, I know I can't do it alone. I don't have the strength. I hate asking for help, but I know I have exhausted my own resources. I am spent.