I live....barely.
Ok, I realize it has been since April that I blogged here last.
A LOT has changed since then. But onto the changes later. For now I present you the present, because frankly I need to vent something terrible. I've been taking harder classes because I'm in the tail end of my degree and this morning I've finally admitted total defeat in one. I'm freaking out because i'm concerned what it will do to my status and whether it means i will be held back anymore.
by the by my projected graduation is spring of 09! Finally, the light at the end of the fucking tunnel. Hopefully i can milk this cow for all it's worth though. Meaning priceless travel experiences.
God i just realized how much i have to update here.
Anyways....I'm broke again. No chance of remedying that situation anytime soon either. Damnit. I'm foolish, terrible with money, procrastinating ...but lovable. :P If it weren't for my faults my worries would be but little.
I'm still single, however for a time there I had a stint with a 38 year old vending machine worker. Damn, never called him that before. Kinda puts perspective on things a little. I forgot to add his three kids in there as well. Yes, I went off the deep end. Very much so.
Boy was that a mistake.
Ok....let's organize a bit here. My life. My classes. Marching band(where i am once again librarian, big suprise right), Jazz band(where i'm the only Jazz flutist to be seen), flute choir(where people have learned i am a POWERHOUSE on alto flute, Music technology (where i give the professor sass and try to stay awake in), Woodwind Ensemble(which only gives me a headache thinking about it), and last but not least the class i'm failing and ripping my hair out over, Music in Elementary Schools.
Let me lay it out for you. In the Elementary Schools class, which only meets once a week we are required to learn all that the ill fated school system needs us to know. Standards, teaching methods, idiotic children's songs, school laws, and lessons with one major goal in mind, to introduce the new fresh minds of today to the wonders and awe that music can give to the human soul. What they don't tell you is that in order to do this, you must sacrifice your own insanity.
I mean, come on, I KNOW how much you have to give in the classroom, well aware it will eat you alive if you either aren't careful or aren't man enough to stand it. And believe me, I know plenty who aren't. That's one reason I'm built for the classroom. I'm a WHOLE LOT OF WOMAN. I'm learning this lately from peers that most men are in fact scared of me because they know without a doubt I'm a vivacious, intelligent, firey handful that needs an experienced bull rider to keep her in check.
The funny thing is my teacher is trying to convince those of us destined for high school to be prepared and maybe want to change to elementary. This is ridiculous. I love kids, I have a mother's instinct. But don't lock me in a room with 30 of someone else's kids and expect me to keep my head! Especially if what i'm teaching them is fucking Hot Cross Buns. No thank you. I'm not meant to start kids in music at this level. I know this. It's that gut feeling. What's worse is the teacher has bargaining chips. Like "If you want to perform on your instrument more, you'll definitely have more time as an elementary teacher to do so." Claiming I'll have more free time doesn't cut it for me. And looking around the classroom at my peers tells me they feel the same. But still we play our little recorders, be humiliated in the front of the room as we teach a second grade level song to a group of adults....while being filmed. This is part of the hoop jumping required to get done. And I hate it.
What's worse is this class only meets once a week and they CRAM everything they can in that three hour period. It's simply too much. In high school, I know I won't have to deal with textbooks, testing or DAILY new lesson plans. I get music, I teach my band how to play it. Secondarily, they will also learn how to play as a group, they will learn dynamics, articulations, and Feeling the music. I don't want Hot Cross Buns. I want the next generation of great band kids.
Whoa Nelly. Sorry, got a little carried away there. If only I could put passion in this class. Although I must acknowledge the fact the fact that this class has opened my eyes to why elementary teachers are soooo cooky. You have to be to do this job. The time spent on making up behavioral objectives, detailed lesson plans, the paperwork here is the killer. And then to have to have the level of energy required to teach these kids is amazing because at this level, if you aren't excited about the subject matter your teaching, your kids won't get into it either. Which I would think resolves top grade musicians to retrograding themselves for the sakes of their kids. I think the price may be a bit high for me. I think the top grade musician has to pull the reigns on their growth in order to stay back to catch the next generation up. Sadly, I must say I don't think I'm part of that group. Noble thing, that but not for me. I'm only on the way up to improving my abilities and I dont' want to lose those because I'll be teaching elementary. At least in high school I could retain what I have learned.
Some would argue that I'm wrong, but honestly, how many elementary music teachers do you know that are playing in a symphony? I don't know of any. But high school directors i do know have.
This semester I have learned quite a bit about myself and what direction I see myself going in. For the first time ever I gave an honest try to improv on the flute. Turns out, I've got a knack for it. To the point I see other opportunities arising from it and I want to see how far I can take those. Needless to say I'm only more firmly resolved to teach high school when I get there.
But damnit, I'll be one hell of a director, when I finally make it.
Hm, I actually feel better now. Time to panic about something else.
A LOT has changed since then. But onto the changes later. For now I present you the present, because frankly I need to vent something terrible. I've been taking harder classes because I'm in the tail end of my degree and this morning I've finally admitted total defeat in one. I'm freaking out because i'm concerned what it will do to my status and whether it means i will be held back anymore.
by the by my projected graduation is spring of 09! Finally, the light at the end of the fucking tunnel. Hopefully i can milk this cow for all it's worth though. Meaning priceless travel experiences.
God i just realized how much i have to update here.
Anyways....I'm broke again. No chance of remedying that situation anytime soon either. Damnit. I'm foolish, terrible with money, procrastinating ...but lovable. :P If it weren't for my faults my worries would be but little.
I'm still single, however for a time there I had a stint with a 38 year old vending machine worker. Damn, never called him that before. Kinda puts perspective on things a little. I forgot to add his three kids in there as well. Yes, I went off the deep end. Very much so.
Boy was that a mistake.
Ok....let's organize a bit here. My life. My classes. Marching band(where i am once again librarian, big suprise right), Jazz band(where i'm the only Jazz flutist to be seen), flute choir(where people have learned i am a POWERHOUSE on alto flute, Music technology (where i give the professor sass and try to stay awake in), Woodwind Ensemble(which only gives me a headache thinking about it), and last but not least the class i'm failing and ripping my hair out over, Music in Elementary Schools.
Let me lay it out for you. In the Elementary Schools class, which only meets once a week we are required to learn all that the ill fated school system needs us to know. Standards, teaching methods, idiotic children's songs, school laws, and lessons with one major goal in mind, to introduce the new fresh minds of today to the wonders and awe that music can give to the human soul. What they don't tell you is that in order to do this, you must sacrifice your own insanity.
I mean, come on, I KNOW how much you have to give in the classroom, well aware it will eat you alive if you either aren't careful or aren't man enough to stand it. And believe me, I know plenty who aren't. That's one reason I'm built for the classroom. I'm a WHOLE LOT OF WOMAN. I'm learning this lately from peers that most men are in fact scared of me because they know without a doubt I'm a vivacious, intelligent, firey handful that needs an experienced bull rider to keep her in check.
The funny thing is my teacher is trying to convince those of us destined for high school to be prepared and maybe want to change to elementary. This is ridiculous. I love kids, I have a mother's instinct. But don't lock me in a room with 30 of someone else's kids and expect me to keep my head! Especially if what i'm teaching them is fucking Hot Cross Buns. No thank you. I'm not meant to start kids in music at this level. I know this. It's that gut feeling. What's worse is the teacher has bargaining chips. Like "If you want to perform on your instrument more, you'll definitely have more time as an elementary teacher to do so." Claiming I'll have more free time doesn't cut it for me. And looking around the classroom at my peers tells me they feel the same. But still we play our little recorders, be humiliated in the front of the room as we teach a second grade level song to a group of adults....while being filmed. This is part of the hoop jumping required to get done. And I hate it.
What's worse is this class only meets once a week and they CRAM everything they can in that three hour period. It's simply too much. In high school, I know I won't have to deal with textbooks, testing or DAILY new lesson plans. I get music, I teach my band how to play it. Secondarily, they will also learn how to play as a group, they will learn dynamics, articulations, and Feeling the music. I don't want Hot Cross Buns. I want the next generation of great band kids.
Whoa Nelly. Sorry, got a little carried away there. If only I could put passion in this class. Although I must acknowledge the fact the fact that this class has opened my eyes to why elementary teachers are soooo cooky. You have to be to do this job. The time spent on making up behavioral objectives, detailed lesson plans, the paperwork here is the killer. And then to have to have the level of energy required to teach these kids is amazing because at this level, if you aren't excited about the subject matter your teaching, your kids won't get into it either. Which I would think resolves top grade musicians to retrograding themselves for the sakes of their kids. I think the price may be a bit high for me. I think the top grade musician has to pull the reigns on their growth in order to stay back to catch the next generation up. Sadly, I must say I don't think I'm part of that group. Noble thing, that but not for me. I'm only on the way up to improving my abilities and I dont' want to lose those because I'll be teaching elementary. At least in high school I could retain what I have learned.
Some would argue that I'm wrong, but honestly, how many elementary music teachers do you know that are playing in a symphony? I don't know of any. But high school directors i do know have.
This semester I have learned quite a bit about myself and what direction I see myself going in. For the first time ever I gave an honest try to improv on the flute. Turns out, I've got a knack for it. To the point I see other opportunities arising from it and I want to see how far I can take those. Needless to say I'm only more firmly resolved to teach high school when I get there.
But damnit, I'll be one hell of a director, when I finally make it.
Hm, I actually feel better now. Time to panic about something else.