Super Junior AU; Bandfic; The Internet is for Porn
Title: The Internet is for Porn (or, 20 Things That Probably Wouldn't Happen If Super Junior Were in Fandom)
Fandom: Super Junior AU (Fandom)
Pairing: Various (Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul, Kibum/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi)
Word count: 4,882
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Eunhyuk is a moron, Siwon is judgemental, Eeteuk is a girl and no one really knows what's going on.
A/N: This is the stupidest thing I have ever written, sob. Why is it so long? Why do people encourage me? Why do I do this to myself? So many questions, and there are no answers. LOL AT MY HIGHLY ORIGINAL TITLE ;_____;
Thanks to meitachi and magnoleo for helping me along; blame the latter for actually convincing me to post.
ETA: See, now it just looks stupid. Thank you FW.
1.
Eeteuk has been in fandom for longer than any of the others, and in some ways, he feels like it is his duty to look after all the others who followed him. It's like he's their mother sometimes, trying desperately to stop another argument breaking out between Eunhyuk and that weird one from the jpop fandom, or trying to stop Heechul from making fandom_wank for the third time that week, or trying to talk Kangin out of flagging Yehsung's journal just out of spite.
Mostly, it hurts his head, but he figures that someone has to do it.
2.
Sometimes it seems like it's a personal on-going battle between Eunhyuk and Heechul to see who can make fandom_wank the most in their fandom career. Actually, it's a personal battle for Heechul, who practically stalks fandom_wank with a fervour that makes Siwon wish he'd applied it to religion, and who posts every time Eunhyuk gets on there instead of him:
"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS, WHY IS THE WORLD SO STUPID? Hyuk is a fucking moron why is he on there instead of me go look at fanficrants you stupid fucking morons."
Mostly these posts gain a ridiculous amount of comments in support, although without fail Kangin will post, "stfu fag" and that will spark off another round of ranting from Heechul ("WRITING GAY SMUT DOES NOT MAKE ME A FAG." "NO, BUT ACTING IT OUT LIKE YOU DO DOES.") who then logs into IM in order to use thousands of angry emoticons at Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk, however, doesn't care about fandom_wank.
3.
Eunhyuk doesn't care about it because Eunhyuk mostly doesn't know about it. Whenever Heechul talks about it, Eunhyuk just ignores him and goes back to talking to Junsu. Mostly these conversations dissolve into a mess of arguments, insults and put-downs, all in very public forums, and it is not until the tenth time he's been featured on fandom_wank that Eunhyuk finds out about it.
"have you seen this?" Sungmin says over IM. "your famous!"
Eunhyuk clicks the link and sits for around five minutes with a shocked expression on his face, as the comments of "Junsu is so funny!" and "Sometimes I want to punch Eunhyuk in the face," and then Junsu nudges him.
"wtf," he says. "why are you so quiet, have you died from sheer stupidity."
"LOOK AT THIS," Eunhyuk types furiously. "PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT US. PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW."
"welcome to the internet," Junsu types, and then, "wow, they like me more than you lol pwned :D!"
";______;" says Eunhyuk.
4.
Everyone in every fandom knows Heechul, because he has been in every fandom, and made himself known in every fandom. New fandoms are immediately jumped upon by Heechul; within one week of there being a fanfiction community Heechul has posted smut, mostly of the slash variety.
"do you think he speaks from experience?" Hankyung asks worriedly.
"idk," says Siwon. "Is it any good? Should I read it? Will reading it go against my religion? :\"
Heechul thinks that all the other people in whatever fandom he is gracing with his presence at that point in time are idiots, and lets it be known regularly. Every fifth post on fanficrants are posted by Heechul, who is of the opinion that no one should read anything that isn't written by him, and he flames new writers left, right and center. His parodies are works of sheer genius; his biting tone ruins the effect rather.
The internet is divided when it comes to Heechul. Half of it hates him with a passion that manifests itself in arguments that Heechul doesn't really care about that go on for months, while the other half quietly admire him and are in awe and would probably try to friend him if they weren't scared of what he will say about him. Heechul treats everyone the same; points and laughs.
Siwon regrets ever friending Heechul.
5.
Heechul gets away with a lot because Heechul cam-whores a lot, and Heechul, as it turns out, is rather hot. Even the people who wish that he would die in a fire have to admit that the fire surrounding him would be quite a few degrees hotter than previous once Heechul got in it. Heechul tends to be described as 'that hot, bitchy one from, actually, I don't know which fandom, which one is it this week?'.
The thing is, Yehsung cam-whores just as much as Heechul. Actually, Yehsung cam-whores a lot more, but no one cares about Yehsung because he's in anime fandom and writes about Goku and Vegeta having bondage sex. To be perfectly honest, anime fell out of fashion years ago. Yehsung tends to get described as "who - oh, wait, him?"
"it's like, who the fuck cares about Sailor Moon and her stupid outfit?" Kyuhyun says.
"but i don't write Sailor Moon fic :\" says Yehsung.
"STFU KYU, SAILOR MOON IS HARDCORE," Heechul types, and blocks Kyuhyun for precisely one day and three minutes.
":OOOOO!" says Sungmin when he hears what Kyuhyun said. "sm is so cute why are you so mean kyu?"
Every time Yehsung posts fic, Ryeowook defriends him. This is because every single one of Yehsung's fic involves some form of heavy core bondage, or S&M, usually described in graphic detail. Once he even wrote tentacle porn. Ryeowook never realises what he's writing and encourages him along the way, looks forward to reading it, and then, when it is posted, says over IM, "i cannot be part of this, hyung" and defriends him.
"DDDDD:" Yehsung always says.
It usually only lasts a few hours because then Yehsung will say, "new pictures!!!! go look!!!" and Ryeowook will re-friend him and comment on how hot he is.
Heechul always responds by posting new pictures of himself and everyone's attention gets diverted.
6.
"I'm worried about Heechul," Eeteuk confides to Kangin. "I think fandom has tainted him."
"why are you such a girl," Kangin says.
"No, seriously," Eeteuk says.
"no seriously," Kangin says.
"Why don't you use grammar?" Eeteuk asks. "Seriously, the internet need not impair you."
"YOU ARE SUCH A GIRL!" Kangin posts in a comment on Eeteuk's livejournal, complete with sparkles and pink font, just to show much of a girl Eeteuk is.
It comes as a shock to no one when they are voted 'Most Canon Pairing in Fandom' in a meme.
7.
Also voted on in that meme is 'Scariest Fandomer' (Heechul) and 'Most Boring Fandomer'. Siwon is actually in the running for this, something which disheartens him most immensely.
"I'm not boring, am I, hyung?" he asks Heechul.
"kind of," says Heechul. "all you talk about is religion. Who the fuck cares?"
"I do," says Siwon. "T_T"
"you should post a picture of yourself," says Heechul. "That would help."
Siwon posts a picture that Heechul took last time he visited, when he made him pose with no shirt on. He only posts it because Heechul sits and caps at him until he does so, and then immediately he is inundated with comments along the lines of "ZOMG SO HOT!!1!" and all voting to do with Siwon flips over to 'Hottest Fandomer', and before long Heechul and him are neck and neck.
"I think this is against my religion," Siwon posts near the final.
He ends up winning. Heechul defriends him and then Yehsung does too, because he ended up winning 'Most Boring Fandomer' in Siwon's place. Siwon apologises to the both of them through Hankyung, who thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.
8.
Hankyung hardly ever updates his livejournal, and whenever he does, it's always in Chinese. Heechul tends to sit there for about two minutes straight, staring, and then opens another tab to pull up a translator, muttering furiously under his breath at having to be forced to do something so ridiculous.
First of all he tries translator.dictionary, but ends up with a load of rubbish about rainbows and flowers, and so next he tries babelfish. He ends up with an even bigger load of rubbish that makes no sense at all:
“We want them from time to time and to respect like the true identical person, we know the fact that our lives which sees wear out. As, they are better? We possibly, there is a many thing? A more thing operate, do we possibly, there is a money, or is lazier authorization pleasure is good? Me that which is knowing, possibly, will put aside and will put and there is a necessity which will get.”
As a last resort, Heechul tries Siwon in a panic, caps at him to translate Hankyung's latest post for him. Siwon always makes some comment about it being against his religion to relay people's inner-most thoughts and feelings, and then says "anyway I don’t know enough Chinese."
"fuck you," Heechul types back, and telephones Hankyung.
"What the fuck, you bastard," he screams down the telephone at him as soon as Hankyung picks up. "What the fuck is that, what did you type? You asshole! Tell me, I can't get a right translation. Why the fuck do you always post in Chinese?"
He always ends up storming around his flat, dragging the phone this way and that until he trips over the wire and falls face-first. Usually this is on his bed, sometimes on his sofa, and once even onto the floor. He is always glad that Hankyung is the only one who ever hears him do this, because Hankyung only ever posts in Chinese and so no one ever reads his posts.
Heechul maintains that Hankyung ought to be the one paying his telephone bill.
9.
When Eeteuk is not attempting to marshall the rest of them, he is taking up some cause or another in whatever fandom he is in. Eeteuk's main problem is that he gets too caught up in the drama of a certain ship and within two weeks is the most hard-core shipper that the fandom has ever seen. Every third week in his fandom ends up with him on fandom_wank, screaming about how his ship is the only ~*~otp~*~ there is. Mostly, he ships het, so Heechul just lols at him and ignores his fandom_wank entry. Kangin calls him a girl and then flames everyone flaming Eeteuk, while Sungmin jumps in and posts macros left, right and center.
Eeteuk is always horrified to find that he has been posted on fandom_wank. He IMs Kangin in a panic every time, worried over whether he's setting a bad example to the rest of fandom, and what about the new ones to his flist, the eighteen and sixteen year olds that added him recently, is he going to make them think that it's okay to be like this?
"lol," Kangin says. "you are such a moron. anyway, have you seen heechul's flist recently, i swear, there's a fifteen year old on there :|"
Heechul, Eeteuk finds out, doesn't believe in filters. It's all rather stressful for Eeteuk.
10.
Looking back on it, Kibum has no idea why he friended Donghae back. Kibum is a BNF. Kibum is almost as big a BNF as Heechul is, and was in the running for 'Hottest Fandomer' as well, and only didn't win because people think Kibum is slightly cold and distant and so can't relate to him like Heechul, because no matter how much of a bitch Heechul is, it's understandable. Kibum writes fic, does it better than Heechul, serious fic with underlying issues and good characterization, but Kibum never replies to comments or talk to any of the people that friend him. To be perfectly honest, Kibum thinks fandom is stupid and useless and would probably have moved onto greener pastures if he hadn't found out about sockpuppets. Kibum has a flist of 200 people, and around ten of those are sockpuppets. Sometimes he flames himself to see all these people that he doesn't know or like jump in to defend him.
Fandom, in all honesty, is just amusement for Kibum.
So when Donghae asks to be friends by saying, "hEy waNt 2b FRiEndz? ^___^" Kibum silently adds him back, because he thinks that this will be a great source of entertainment, and Donghae is, just not in the way that Kibum was expecting. Donghae's journal is full of interesting thoughts about life and what it means - they are mixed up by posts about aliens and terribly written smut fic. Kibum soon finds out that it is only in commenting that Donghae is an idiot.
"Why do you type like that?" he asks one day.
"Wut?" Donghae types back. "i Dun nO Wut u mean? ^__^"
Kibum sighs and adds him to IM.
11.
That is, Kibum finds, the worst thing he could have done, because Donghae considers anyone on his IM list to be his best friend forever, and soon he is talking to Kibum every night. Luckily, in IM, Donghae merely forgoes capitalization; Kibum doesn't think he'd be able to cope if he was waiting five minutes for a reply and it came back a mixture of caps and lower case.
"kibummie," Donghae says one night. "kibummie kibummie KIBUMMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What?" Kibum asks, irately.
"where do you live ^_____^"
"I am not telling you that," Kibum says. "How do I not know you're a psychotic murderer?" Kibum has to admit that Donghae is psychotic but probably not a murderer. No murderer Kibum ever heard of types like Donghae types.
"but i want 2 visit ^____^"
"Tough."
"but i like you, kibummie"
Kibum chokes on his glass of coke, and has to wipe it from the screen. What, he mouths at the screen. "What?!" he types.
"no," says Donghae, and Kibum breathes a sigh of relief before: "i love you in fact!"
Kibum chokes again, this time on nothing, and promptly blocks him. After five minutes of staring, he unblocks him.
"Idiot," he says.
"^______^!" says Donghae, and Kibum blocks him again, but next week Donghae's entry is a fanboyish ramble about Kibum's house.
12.
Zhou Mi just wants to be friends with everyone. That is his problem. He friends everyone and comments nicely on every fic and tries incredibly hard. The internet waits with bated breath for him to get to Heechul, but Heechul thinks that Zhou Mi is hilarious and cute in his need to be liked, and anyway, he's used to fucked up Korean from Hankyung. He gets it.
At one point, Zhou Mi friends Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun, he has been told, is scathing, sarcastic and witty, so Zhou Mi expects him to be like Heechul, and looks forward to it. Unfortunately, Kyuhyun's journal is full of his gaming logs and rants about the game he is playing. Zhou Mi doesn't know anything about video games and apologises for this.
"Who are you?" Kyuhyun asks in reply to his comment.
"I added you last week." says Zhou Mi
"Okay," says Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi tries to play the games that Kyuhyun plays, but he really sucks at it, and no amount of help from Kyuhyun manages to improve his skills any. Eventually Kyuhyun adds him to IM to give him direction that way, but Zhou Mi can't follow his instructions because Kyuhyun uses gaming language that only Heechul and Kibum understand. Kyuhyun gives up very quickly, and Zhou Mi finds a dating similator game in his local video game store and falls completely in love. Kyuhyun refuses to accept that the games that Zhou Mi plays now are games in any way, shape or form, but Zhou Mi thanks him fervently for introducing him to them, and alternates between playing them and watching romantic dramas that make him cry.
"sometimes," Kyuhyun says, "i wonder who's more of a girl, you, Heechul or Eeteuk."
"omg," Zhou Mi says back. "i just got proposed to!"
13.
Zhou Mi does like Kyuhyun, he really does, but sometimes Kyuhyun scares him. Kyuhyun always seems to be playing some game or another and never has enough time for anyone else, but always talks to Zhou Mi, mostly to tell him how much of a girl he is, and once rang him up just to tell him, "That is so unnacceptable!" in Chinese when Zhou Mi posted a heartfelt entry about a drama he had just finished that was heartbreaking because the lead girl died of cancer. Kyuhyun doesn't like anything that Zhou Mi likes, and yet he comments on every one of his posts and talks to him every day.
Kyuhyun scares Zhou Mi for another, completely different reason.
"i'm on webcam to Kui Xian," Zhou Mi says to Hankyung over IM one night. "i think his computer is broken, his facial expression hasn't changed in ten minutes"
"i'm on webcam to Heechul," Hankyung says. "i think his MIND is broken, i'm fairly certain he's going to strip."
">:(" Siwon says to Heechul when Zhou Mi tells him. Heechul cackles and adds him into the conversation with Hankyung.
"i could strip too," Hankyung offers. "if it will make you feel any better."
"No," types Siwon indignantly. "It goes against my religion!"
"fuck your religion," says Heechul, and takes his shirt off.
14.
It is Sungmin who first friends Shindong, because Shindong took his side in an argument that Sungmin had over whether Sailor Moon could be considered misogynistic (Sungmin's stance was "it is pink and gay, who do you have to make it so serious ;___;"). You're cool! Sungmin thought, and added him. Shindong's journal turns out to be hilarious, posts about his many girlfriends and expoits and his budding career as a comedian. No one quite believes anything that he writes until Sungmin meets up with him.
"Ohmygod you guys!" He posts afterwards. "It's all true! Girls flock to him like he's the last Gucci dress on sale!"
":\" says Kangin with regards the analogy.
"He's a good dancer too!" Sungmin adds, and Eunhyuk immediately adds Shindong in order to fan boy him.
"fuck it," says Heechul, and adds Shindong after everyone else has done it, just to see what all the fuss is about.
In the end, they're all completely in love, and probably would marry him if a) they were girls, or b) lived in a country where gay marriage was allowed. No one mentions this to Shindong, though their hearts all break a little whenever he posts about his latest girlfriend.
15.
Henry is a n00b. Henry knows he is - he has "I am a n00b" on his profile which, really, just goes to show how much of a n00b he is. Nobody minds Henry being a n00b, though, because he's cute with it, and besides, he's young, he'll learn. Hopefully.
Henry also writes fic, and he's quite a decent writer. His stuff is tame, because of his age, but his romance is fairly well written and his meta is interesting, and he gets the characterization right, and he will just get better in time and with practise. Unfortunately, no one ever reads his fic because of his author notes.
"lol i suck at summaries plz read tho!! kthnx! :DDDD!"
The only ones who do read them are Sungmin and Ryeowook, who both think that Henry is adorable as Hello Kitty stuffed toys. Both now read anything that Henry posts without fail, no matter what fandom it is, and rec them whenever they can get a chance; still no one reads them.
"you should read them!" Sungmin says desperately. "they're good!"
"have you seen his author notes?" Kyuhyun replies. "lol no."
"i'm sure they're very good," says Zhou Mi, who is sure they're very good, "but his AN put me off."
Kibum just laughs at him.
The only other person who reads them is Eunhyuk, but that's because Eunhyuk reads every piece of fanfiction on the internet.
16.
Eunhyuk had been on the internet for a year before he discovered fanfiction. This was because Eunhyuk spent most of his time arguing with Junsu, or flirting with epik_tablo, a twenty-eight year old from America, in chatrooms. He almost never checks his flist, because he has them all added on IM, and so has never seen anyone post fic before. He stumpled upon his first fanfic by accident when looking for pictures of Chris Brown to icon, and messaged everyone online frantically.
"OMG HAVE YOU SEEN THIS, IT IS FANTASTIC AND AMAZING!!!!!"
"lol" says Sungmin. "where have you been."
"loser :\" says Junsu. "srsly, when are you going to perish from stupidity?"
"aww, you're cute!" says epik_tablo.
His initial awe over such a thing quickly grows into an obsession, in which he becomes a member of every fic community of every fandom he has ever been part of, and spends two weeks straight reading and trying to catch up on what he has been missing out on. On his third day he finds smut for the first time, and again goes into a frantic panic.
"This is great!," he says to Sungmin. "this is like PORN, only WRITTEN."
"yes," says Sungmin, laughing at him. "thats what smut is."
"*____*" says Eunhyuk.
"i'll write you some," Sungmin offers. "if you want."
"YESPLZ," Eunhyuk says enthusiastically.
Sungmin spends a week writing, and when he posts, everyone on his flist clicks on the cut enthusiastically, wanting to see what Sungmin's very first smut fic will be like. They all immediately recoil from the screen. It is a 3,000+ fluff filled thing involving a love triangle between three of his stuffed toys, which is resolved only at the end by a threesome between them.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS," Kangin comments. "MINNIE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GIRLY LOSER?"
"i don't know why i talk to you," Kyuhyun says over IM.
"WHAT THE FUCK," Eunhyuk comments. "MINNIE THIS IS SO GREAT, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ♥ WHY ARE YOU SO GREAT? WRITE MOAR PLZ!"
"WHAT THE FUCK," Heechul posts. "HYUK IS A FUCKING MORON, WHY DO I TALK TO ANY OF YOU."
17.
Heechul should be the one who is the most experienced when it comes to the internet and fandom. Heechul is the one who writes smut, who has daily arguments, who laughs at everyone and everything because they are idiots. Heechul should really know what he's doing, so when he announces one day to Hankyung that he's going to meet a girl that he met in a chatroom, Hankyung is literally frozen with shock for quite some time.
"wtf," he types. "have you even spoken to her outside of the chatroom?"
"no," says Heechul. "but she's cute! she sent photos!"
"but how do you know it's her? :\" says Hankyung, and Heechul sends him the photographs. She is cute, albeit young.
"she's called Sohee," Heechul says. "she's sixteen and she wants to be a singer!"
"Heechul, she could be anyone." Hankyung pulls Siwon into the conversation because he's never been too good with serious internet things like Siwon is.
"Hyung," Siwon tries. "how do you not know that this is a guy who's pretending to be a girl?"
"but." Heechul doesn't seem to know what to say. "but she's pretty!"
":\" says Hankyung, and gives up.
"well," says Heechul. "if i'm going to give her up, i need some sort of reward."
"i am not coming over from China," Hankyung types. "fuck, that costs money that i don't have."
"Siwonnie can come over!" Heechul says.
">:(" says Siwon. "I'm fairly certain that what you have in mind is against my religion."
"never stopped you before~"
In the end, Siwon pays for Hankyung to come over from China, and they both end up at Heechul's house. They really do try their best to stop him from going to meet this 'girl' - it works a little too well. Hankyung ends up staying for a week.
18.
During the week that Hankyung spends in Korea, it is decided that they should take this chance to meet up. Someone - mostly Kyuhyun, but a little Heechul and some of Hankyung - pays for Zhou Mi to come over, and it turns out that Henry actually lives in the same apartment block as Donghae, but no one realised before. They all meet inside the main square - Hankyung has to pick Zhou Mi up from the airport in Heechul's car to stop him from getting lost - and it soon becomes obvious as to why they've never done this before.
They lose Henry. He is small and young, and they lost him, because Heechul and Yehsung were arguing over where to go next and Eeteuk was trying to calm it down while Hankyung and Siwon stood to the side and tried to pretend that nothing was happening. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were flirting, while Kibum tried to pretend that he wasn't flirting with Donghae, and Shindong, Sungmin and Eunhyuk decided to sit down in a nearby cafe and have something to drink while they waiting for something to be decided on. They all blame Ryeowook when he comes back from the toilet, because Henry is suddenly no where to be seen.
Eeteuk is frantic immediately, and nothing Kangin can say will calm him down.
"But he's only young!" Eeteuk wails.
"But he lives in this city!" Kangin shouts over the top of him.
"Um," says a voice, and they turn to see Henry holding a bag in his hands. "I bought something for us to drink?"
Eeteuk actually falls to the floor with relief; Sungmin hugs Henry's head to his chest enthusiastically. It is decided that they will never do this again, or, they will never do it again in such a big group. No one is in any doubt as to who will meet up again; Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi disappear for a whole day afterwards, and Donghae posts topless pictures of Kibum, which are quickly screencapped by everyone because Kibum makes Donghae delete them.
At least, they think they're topless. No one ever finds out how far down the nakedness goes.
19.
[11.04pm] SexGod: What do you want?
[11.04pm] FISHY!: i have an idea
[11.05pm]SexGod: I do not like that sound of this.
[11.05pm] FISHY!: no its good!
[11.05pm] SexGod: ...
[11.06pm] FISHY!: lets have cyber sex!
[11.06pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.08pm] SexGod: has signed on.
[11.08pm] SexGod: ...Why?
[11.09pm] FISHY!: because i want to! ^__^
[11.10pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.13pm] SexGod: has signed on.
[11.13pm] SexGod: ...Why are you so weird?
[11.15pm] FISHY!: Is it weird that I just want to have sex with you?
[11.16pm] SexGod: Okay, why is your grammar suddenly correct?
[11.17pm] FISHY!: That I want to run my hands down your body?
[11.18pm] FISHY!: That I want to kiss you like I did the last time we were together?
[11.19pm] SexGod: ...
[11.21pm] FISHY!: Does my grammar turn you on?
[11.23pm] FISHY!: Or is it the thought of fucking me into the mattress that's making your hands slide under your shorts?
[11.24pm] SexGod: Fuck.
[11.25pm] FISHY!: Did I mention that I'm sitting here naked?
[11.26pm] SexGod: fuckfuckfuckfuck
[11.26pm] SexGod: Okay, you know what, I'm ringing you.
[11.27pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.28pm] FISHY!: has signed off.
20.
Heechul, sometimes, thinks that he's taking this whole thing a little too seriously. In the real word, who cares about the gay undertones of America television programs, or how many times you've been featured on on this community or another? In the real world, your writing ability isn't rated by how well you deal with budding romance between two characters from some Japanese anime - he could take Yehsung's fics and re-write them with the sex replaced by actual substance, and still no one would give a fuck. In the real world, he wouldn't be able to get away with his fits and rants and bitchiness (--actually, no, he can, but it's not the same--) and before long someone would tell him to get over himself.
That's why he loves the internet. He can let himself go, because no one cares, really, on the internet, what the outside world is doing. He can write whatever he likes, and won't be judged, apart from by Siwon, but he doesn't count because there isn't much that remains unjudged by Siwon. He can take it seriously on the internet because he is Kim Heechul, the BNF who everyone fears but they are also adamant that he's really nice, really, you just have to get to know him. He knows that it can't last forever, that people get bored and move on. He knows that. But he's going to wring it for all it's worth while he can.
[07.51pm] Cinderella: idk.
[07.52pm] Cinderella: if i post this fic, will Siwon stop talking to me?
[07.52pm] 中國人: what do you want me to say?
[07.53pm] Cinderella: hopefully yes
[07.54pm] Cinderella: although if it's too bad then he may try to convince me to confess my sins or something.
[07.55pm] 中國人: idk either
[07.55pm] 中國人: is it hot?
[07.56pm] 中國人: does it involve ties?
[07.57pm] Cinderella: lol you
[10.04pm] Horse~: has signed on
[10.05pm] Horse~: HYUNG.
[10.06pm] Horse~: THAT IS AGAINST MY RELIGION >:(
Fandom: Super Junior AU (Fandom)
Pairing: Various (Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul, Kibum/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi)
Word count: 4,882
Rating: PG-13
Summary: In which Eunhyuk is a moron, Siwon is judgemental, Eeteuk is a girl and no one really knows what's going on.
A/N: This is the stupidest thing I have ever written, sob. Why is it so long? Why do people encourage me? Why do I do this to myself? So many questions, and there are no answers. LOL AT MY HIGHLY ORIGINAL TITLE ;_____;
Thanks to meitachi and magnoleo for helping me along; blame the latter for actually convincing me to post.
ETA: See, now it just looks stupid. Thank you FW.
1.
Eeteuk has been in fandom for longer than any of the others, and in some ways, he feels like it is his duty to look after all the others who followed him. It's like he's their mother sometimes, trying desperately to stop another argument breaking out between Eunhyuk and that weird one from the jpop fandom, or trying to stop Heechul from making fandom_wank for the third time that week, or trying to talk Kangin out of flagging Yehsung's journal just out of spite.
Mostly, it hurts his head, but he figures that someone has to do it.
2.
Sometimes it seems like it's a personal on-going battle between Eunhyuk and Heechul to see who can make fandom_wank the most in their fandom career. Actually, it's a personal battle for Heechul, who practically stalks fandom_wank with a fervour that makes Siwon wish he'd applied it to religion, and who posts every time Eunhyuk gets on there instead of him:
"WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS, WHY IS THE WORLD SO STUPID? Hyuk is a fucking moron why is he on there instead of me go look at fanficrants you stupid fucking morons."
Mostly these posts gain a ridiculous amount of comments in support, although without fail Kangin will post, "stfu fag" and that will spark off another round of ranting from Heechul ("WRITING GAY SMUT DOES NOT MAKE ME A FAG." "NO, BUT ACTING IT OUT LIKE YOU DO DOES.") who then logs into IM in order to use thousands of angry emoticons at Eunhyuk.
Eunhyuk, however, doesn't care about fandom_wank.
3.
Eunhyuk doesn't care about it because Eunhyuk mostly doesn't know about it. Whenever Heechul talks about it, Eunhyuk just ignores him and goes back to talking to Junsu. Mostly these conversations dissolve into a mess of arguments, insults and put-downs, all in very public forums, and it is not until the tenth time he's been featured on fandom_wank that Eunhyuk finds out about it.
"have you seen this?" Sungmin says over IM. "your famous!"
Eunhyuk clicks the link and sits for around five minutes with a shocked expression on his face, as the comments of "Junsu is so funny!" and "Sometimes I want to punch Eunhyuk in the face," and then Junsu nudges him.
"wtf," he says. "why are you so quiet, have you died from sheer stupidity."
"LOOK AT THIS," Eunhyuk types furiously. "PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT US. PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW."
"welcome to the internet," Junsu types, and then, "wow, they like me more than you lol pwned :D!"
";______;" says Eunhyuk.
4.
Everyone in every fandom knows Heechul, because he has been in every fandom, and made himself known in every fandom. New fandoms are immediately jumped upon by Heechul; within one week of there being a fanfiction community Heechul has posted smut, mostly of the slash variety.
"do you think he speaks from experience?" Hankyung asks worriedly.
"idk," says Siwon. "Is it any good? Should I read it? Will reading it go against my religion? :\"
Heechul thinks that all the other people in whatever fandom he is gracing with his presence at that point in time are idiots, and lets it be known regularly. Every fifth post on fanficrants are posted by Heechul, who is of the opinion that no one should read anything that isn't written by him, and he flames new writers left, right and center. His parodies are works of sheer genius; his biting tone ruins the effect rather.
The internet is divided when it comes to Heechul. Half of it hates him with a passion that manifests itself in arguments that Heechul doesn't really care about that go on for months, while the other half quietly admire him and are in awe and would probably try to friend him if they weren't scared of what he will say about him. Heechul treats everyone the same; points and laughs.
Siwon regrets ever friending Heechul.
5.
Heechul gets away with a lot because Heechul cam-whores a lot, and Heechul, as it turns out, is rather hot. Even the people who wish that he would die in a fire have to admit that the fire surrounding him would be quite a few degrees hotter than previous once Heechul got in it. Heechul tends to be described as 'that hot, bitchy one from, actually, I don't know which fandom, which one is it this week?'.
The thing is, Yehsung cam-whores just as much as Heechul. Actually, Yehsung cam-whores a lot more, but no one cares about Yehsung because he's in anime fandom and writes about Goku and Vegeta having bondage sex. To be perfectly honest, anime fell out of fashion years ago. Yehsung tends to get described as "who - oh, wait, him?"
"it's like, who the fuck cares about Sailor Moon and her stupid outfit?" Kyuhyun says.
"but i don't write Sailor Moon fic :\" says Yehsung.
"STFU KYU, SAILOR MOON IS HARDCORE," Heechul types, and blocks Kyuhyun for precisely one day and three minutes.
":OOOOO!" says Sungmin when he hears what Kyuhyun said. "sm is so cute why are you so mean kyu?"
Every time Yehsung posts fic, Ryeowook defriends him. This is because every single one of Yehsung's fic involves some form of heavy core bondage, or S&M, usually described in graphic detail. Once he even wrote tentacle porn. Ryeowook never realises what he's writing and encourages him along the way, looks forward to reading it, and then, when it is posted, says over IM, "i cannot be part of this, hyung" and defriends him.
"DDDDD:" Yehsung always says.
It usually only lasts a few hours because then Yehsung will say, "new pictures!!!! go look!!!" and Ryeowook will re-friend him and comment on how hot he is.
Heechul always responds by posting new pictures of himself and everyone's attention gets diverted.
6.
"I'm worried about Heechul," Eeteuk confides to Kangin. "I think fandom has tainted him."
"why are you such a girl," Kangin says.
"No, seriously," Eeteuk says.
"no seriously," Kangin says.
"Why don't you use grammar?" Eeteuk asks. "Seriously, the internet need not impair you."
"YOU ARE SUCH A GIRL!" Kangin posts in a comment on Eeteuk's livejournal, complete with sparkles and pink font, just to show much of a girl Eeteuk is.
It comes as a shock to no one when they are voted 'Most Canon Pairing in Fandom' in a meme.
7.
Also voted on in that meme is 'Scariest Fandomer' (Heechul) and 'Most Boring Fandomer'. Siwon is actually in the running for this, something which disheartens him most immensely.
"I'm not boring, am I, hyung?" he asks Heechul.
"kind of," says Heechul. "all you talk about is religion. Who the fuck cares?"
"I do," says Siwon. "T_T"
"you should post a picture of yourself," says Heechul. "That would help."
Siwon posts a picture that Heechul took last time he visited, when he made him pose with no shirt on. He only posts it because Heechul sits and caps at him until he does so, and then immediately he is inundated with comments along the lines of "ZOMG SO HOT!!1!" and all voting to do with Siwon flips over to 'Hottest Fandomer', and before long Heechul and him are neck and neck.
"I think this is against my religion," Siwon posts near the final.
He ends up winning. Heechul defriends him and then Yehsung does too, because he ended up winning 'Most Boring Fandomer' in Siwon's place. Siwon apologises to the both of them through Hankyung, who thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.
8.
Hankyung hardly ever updates his livejournal, and whenever he does, it's always in Chinese. Heechul tends to sit there for about two minutes straight, staring, and then opens another tab to pull up a translator, muttering furiously under his breath at having to be forced to do something so ridiculous.
First of all he tries translator.dictionary, but ends up with a load of rubbish about rainbows and flowers, and so next he tries babelfish. He ends up with an even bigger load of rubbish that makes no sense at all:
“We want them from time to time and to respect like the true identical person, we know the fact that our lives which sees wear out. As, they are better? We possibly, there is a many thing? A more thing operate, do we possibly, there is a money, or is lazier authorization pleasure is good? Me that which is knowing, possibly, will put aside and will put and there is a necessity which will get.”
As a last resort, Heechul tries Siwon in a panic, caps at him to translate Hankyung's latest post for him. Siwon always makes some comment about it being against his religion to relay people's inner-most thoughts and feelings, and then says "anyway I don’t know enough Chinese."
"fuck you," Heechul types back, and telephones Hankyung.
"What the fuck, you bastard," he screams down the telephone at him as soon as Hankyung picks up. "What the fuck is that, what did you type? You asshole! Tell me, I can't get a right translation. Why the fuck do you always post in Chinese?"
He always ends up storming around his flat, dragging the phone this way and that until he trips over the wire and falls face-first. Usually this is on his bed, sometimes on his sofa, and once even onto the floor. He is always glad that Hankyung is the only one who ever hears him do this, because Hankyung only ever posts in Chinese and so no one ever reads his posts.
Heechul maintains that Hankyung ought to be the one paying his telephone bill.
9.
When Eeteuk is not attempting to marshall the rest of them, he is taking up some cause or another in whatever fandom he is in. Eeteuk's main problem is that he gets too caught up in the drama of a certain ship and within two weeks is the most hard-core shipper that the fandom has ever seen. Every third week in his fandom ends up with him on fandom_wank, screaming about how his ship is the only ~*~otp~*~ there is. Mostly, he ships het, so Heechul just lols at him and ignores his fandom_wank entry. Kangin calls him a girl and then flames everyone flaming Eeteuk, while Sungmin jumps in and posts macros left, right and center.
Eeteuk is always horrified to find that he has been posted on fandom_wank. He IMs Kangin in a panic every time, worried over whether he's setting a bad example to the rest of fandom, and what about the new ones to his flist, the eighteen and sixteen year olds that added him recently, is he going to make them think that it's okay to be like this?
"lol," Kangin says. "you are such a moron. anyway, have you seen heechul's flist recently, i swear, there's a fifteen year old on there :|"
Heechul, Eeteuk finds out, doesn't believe in filters. It's all rather stressful for Eeteuk.
10.
Looking back on it, Kibum has no idea why he friended Donghae back. Kibum is a BNF. Kibum is almost as big a BNF as Heechul is, and was in the running for 'Hottest Fandomer' as well, and only didn't win because people think Kibum is slightly cold and distant and so can't relate to him like Heechul, because no matter how much of a bitch Heechul is, it's understandable. Kibum writes fic, does it better than Heechul, serious fic with underlying issues and good characterization, but Kibum never replies to comments or talk to any of the people that friend him. To be perfectly honest, Kibum thinks fandom is stupid and useless and would probably have moved onto greener pastures if he hadn't found out about sockpuppets. Kibum has a flist of 200 people, and around ten of those are sockpuppets. Sometimes he flames himself to see all these people that he doesn't know or like jump in to defend him.
Fandom, in all honesty, is just amusement for Kibum.
So when Donghae asks to be friends by saying, "hEy waNt 2b FRiEndz? ^___^" Kibum silently adds him back, because he thinks that this will be a great source of entertainment, and Donghae is, just not in the way that Kibum was expecting. Donghae's journal is full of interesting thoughts about life and what it means - they are mixed up by posts about aliens and terribly written smut fic. Kibum soon finds out that it is only in commenting that Donghae is an idiot.
"Why do you type like that?" he asks one day.
"Wut?" Donghae types back. "i Dun nO Wut u mean? ^__^"
Kibum sighs and adds him to IM.
11.
That is, Kibum finds, the worst thing he could have done, because Donghae considers anyone on his IM list to be his best friend forever, and soon he is talking to Kibum every night. Luckily, in IM, Donghae merely forgoes capitalization; Kibum doesn't think he'd be able to cope if he was waiting five minutes for a reply and it came back a mixture of caps and lower case.
"kibummie," Donghae says one night. "kibummie kibummie KIBUMMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"What?" Kibum asks, irately.
"where do you live ^_____^"
"I am not telling you that," Kibum says. "How do I not know you're a psychotic murderer?" Kibum has to admit that Donghae is psychotic but probably not a murderer. No murderer Kibum ever heard of types like Donghae types.
"but i want 2 visit ^____^"
"Tough."
"but i like you, kibummie"
Kibum chokes on his glass of coke, and has to wipe it from the screen. What, he mouths at the screen. "What?!" he types.
"no," says Donghae, and Kibum breathes a sigh of relief before: "i love you in fact!"
Kibum chokes again, this time on nothing, and promptly blocks him. After five minutes of staring, he unblocks him.
"Idiot," he says.
"^______^!" says Donghae, and Kibum blocks him again, but next week Donghae's entry is a fanboyish ramble about Kibum's house.
12.
Zhou Mi just wants to be friends with everyone. That is his problem. He friends everyone and comments nicely on every fic and tries incredibly hard. The internet waits with bated breath for him to get to Heechul, but Heechul thinks that Zhou Mi is hilarious and cute in his need to be liked, and anyway, he's used to fucked up Korean from Hankyung. He gets it.
At one point, Zhou Mi friends Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun, he has been told, is scathing, sarcastic and witty, so Zhou Mi expects him to be like Heechul, and looks forward to it. Unfortunately, Kyuhyun's journal is full of his gaming logs and rants about the game he is playing. Zhou Mi doesn't know anything about video games and apologises for this.
"Who are you?" Kyuhyun asks in reply to his comment.
"I added you last week." says Zhou Mi
"Okay," says Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi tries to play the games that Kyuhyun plays, but he really sucks at it, and no amount of help from Kyuhyun manages to improve his skills any. Eventually Kyuhyun adds him to IM to give him direction that way, but Zhou Mi can't follow his instructions because Kyuhyun uses gaming language that only Heechul and Kibum understand. Kyuhyun gives up very quickly, and Zhou Mi finds a dating similator game in his local video game store and falls completely in love. Kyuhyun refuses to accept that the games that Zhou Mi plays now are games in any way, shape or form, but Zhou Mi thanks him fervently for introducing him to them, and alternates between playing them and watching romantic dramas that make him cry.
"sometimes," Kyuhyun says, "i wonder who's more of a girl, you, Heechul or Eeteuk."
"omg," Zhou Mi says back. "i just got proposed to!"
13.
Zhou Mi does like Kyuhyun, he really does, but sometimes Kyuhyun scares him. Kyuhyun always seems to be playing some game or another and never has enough time for anyone else, but always talks to Zhou Mi, mostly to tell him how much of a girl he is, and once rang him up just to tell him, "That is so unnacceptable!" in Chinese when Zhou Mi posted a heartfelt entry about a drama he had just finished that was heartbreaking because the lead girl died of cancer. Kyuhyun doesn't like anything that Zhou Mi likes, and yet he comments on every one of his posts and talks to him every day.
Kyuhyun scares Zhou Mi for another, completely different reason.
"i'm on webcam to Kui Xian," Zhou Mi says to Hankyung over IM one night. "i think his computer is broken, his facial expression hasn't changed in ten minutes"
"i'm on webcam to Heechul," Hankyung says. "i think his MIND is broken, i'm fairly certain he's going to strip."
">:(" Siwon says to Heechul when Zhou Mi tells him. Heechul cackles and adds him into the conversation with Hankyung.
"i could strip too," Hankyung offers. "if it will make you feel any better."
"No," types Siwon indignantly. "It goes against my religion!"
"fuck your religion," says Heechul, and takes his shirt off.
14.
It is Sungmin who first friends Shindong, because Shindong took his side in an argument that Sungmin had over whether Sailor Moon could be considered misogynistic (Sungmin's stance was "it is pink and gay, who do you have to make it so serious ;___;"). You're cool! Sungmin thought, and added him. Shindong's journal turns out to be hilarious, posts about his many girlfriends and expoits and his budding career as a comedian. No one quite believes anything that he writes until Sungmin meets up with him.
"Ohmygod you guys!" He posts afterwards. "It's all true! Girls flock to him like he's the last Gucci dress on sale!"
":\" says Kangin with regards the analogy.
"He's a good dancer too!" Sungmin adds, and Eunhyuk immediately adds Shindong in order to fan boy him.
"fuck it," says Heechul, and adds Shindong after everyone else has done it, just to see what all the fuss is about.
In the end, they're all completely in love, and probably would marry him if a) they were girls, or b) lived in a country where gay marriage was allowed. No one mentions this to Shindong, though their hearts all break a little whenever he posts about his latest girlfriend.
15.
Henry is a n00b. Henry knows he is - he has "I am a n00b" on his profile which, really, just goes to show how much of a n00b he is. Nobody minds Henry being a n00b, though, because he's cute with it, and besides, he's young, he'll learn. Hopefully.
Henry also writes fic, and he's quite a decent writer. His stuff is tame, because of his age, but his romance is fairly well written and his meta is interesting, and he gets the characterization right, and he will just get better in time and with practise. Unfortunately, no one ever reads his fic because of his author notes.
"lol i suck at summaries plz read tho!! kthnx! :DDDD!"
The only ones who do read them are Sungmin and Ryeowook, who both think that Henry is adorable as Hello Kitty stuffed toys. Both now read anything that Henry posts without fail, no matter what fandom it is, and rec them whenever they can get a chance; still no one reads them.
"you should read them!" Sungmin says desperately. "they're good!"
"have you seen his author notes?" Kyuhyun replies. "lol no."
"i'm sure they're very good," says Zhou Mi, who is sure they're very good, "but his AN put me off."
Kibum just laughs at him.
The only other person who reads them is Eunhyuk, but that's because Eunhyuk reads every piece of fanfiction on the internet.
16.
Eunhyuk had been on the internet for a year before he discovered fanfiction. This was because Eunhyuk spent most of his time arguing with Junsu, or flirting with epik_tablo, a twenty-eight year old from America, in chatrooms. He almost never checks his flist, because he has them all added on IM, and so has never seen anyone post fic before. He stumpled upon his first fanfic by accident when looking for pictures of Chris Brown to icon, and messaged everyone online frantically.
"OMG HAVE YOU SEEN THIS, IT IS FANTASTIC AND AMAZING!!!!!"
"lol" says Sungmin. "where have you been."
"loser :\" says Junsu. "srsly, when are you going to perish from stupidity?"
"aww, you're cute!" says epik_tablo.
His initial awe over such a thing quickly grows into an obsession, in which he becomes a member of every fic community of every fandom he has ever been part of, and spends two weeks straight reading and trying to catch up on what he has been missing out on. On his third day he finds smut for the first time, and again goes into a frantic panic.
"This is great!," he says to Sungmin. "this is like PORN, only WRITTEN."
"yes," says Sungmin, laughing at him. "thats what smut is."
"*____*" says Eunhyuk.
"i'll write you some," Sungmin offers. "if you want."
"YESPLZ," Eunhyuk says enthusiastically.
Sungmin spends a week writing, and when he posts, everyone on his flist clicks on the cut enthusiastically, wanting to see what Sungmin's very first smut fic will be like. They all immediately recoil from the screen. It is a 3,000+ fluff filled thing involving a love triangle between three of his stuffed toys, which is resolved only at the end by a threesome between them.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS," Kangin comments. "MINNIE, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A GIRLY LOSER?"
"i don't know why i talk to you," Kyuhyun says over IM.
"WHAT THE FUCK," Eunhyuk comments. "MINNIE THIS IS SO GREAT, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ♥ WHY ARE YOU SO GREAT? WRITE MOAR PLZ!"
"WHAT THE FUCK," Heechul posts. "HYUK IS A FUCKING MORON, WHY DO I TALK TO ANY OF YOU."
17.
Heechul should be the one who is the most experienced when it comes to the internet and fandom. Heechul is the one who writes smut, who has daily arguments, who laughs at everyone and everything because they are idiots. Heechul should really know what he's doing, so when he announces one day to Hankyung that he's going to meet a girl that he met in a chatroom, Hankyung is literally frozen with shock for quite some time.
"wtf," he types. "have you even spoken to her outside of the chatroom?"
"no," says Heechul. "but she's cute! she sent photos!"
"but how do you know it's her? :\" says Hankyung, and Heechul sends him the photographs. She is cute, albeit young.
"she's called Sohee," Heechul says. "she's sixteen and she wants to be a singer!"
"Heechul, she could be anyone." Hankyung pulls Siwon into the conversation because he's never been too good with serious internet things like Siwon is.
"Hyung," Siwon tries. "how do you not know that this is a guy who's pretending to be a girl?"
"but." Heechul doesn't seem to know what to say. "but she's pretty!"
":\" says Hankyung, and gives up.
"well," says Heechul. "if i'm going to give her up, i need some sort of reward."
"i am not coming over from China," Hankyung types. "fuck, that costs money that i don't have."
"Siwonnie can come over!" Heechul says.
">:(" says Siwon. "I'm fairly certain that what you have in mind is against my religion."
"never stopped you before~"
In the end, Siwon pays for Hankyung to come over from China, and they both end up at Heechul's house. They really do try their best to stop him from going to meet this 'girl' - it works a little too well. Hankyung ends up staying for a week.
18.
During the week that Hankyung spends in Korea, it is decided that they should take this chance to meet up. Someone - mostly Kyuhyun, but a little Heechul and some of Hankyung - pays for Zhou Mi to come over, and it turns out that Henry actually lives in the same apartment block as Donghae, but no one realised before. They all meet inside the main square - Hankyung has to pick Zhou Mi up from the airport in Heechul's car to stop him from getting lost - and it soon becomes obvious as to why they've never done this before.
They lose Henry. He is small and young, and they lost him, because Heechul and Yehsung were arguing over where to go next and Eeteuk was trying to calm it down while Hankyung and Siwon stood to the side and tried to pretend that nothing was happening. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were flirting, while Kibum tried to pretend that he wasn't flirting with Donghae, and Shindong, Sungmin and Eunhyuk decided to sit down in a nearby cafe and have something to drink while they waiting for something to be decided on. They all blame Ryeowook when he comes back from the toilet, because Henry is suddenly no where to be seen.
Eeteuk is frantic immediately, and nothing Kangin can say will calm him down.
"But he's only young!" Eeteuk wails.
"But he lives in this city!" Kangin shouts over the top of him.
"Um," says a voice, and they turn to see Henry holding a bag in his hands. "I bought something for us to drink?"
Eeteuk actually falls to the floor with relief; Sungmin hugs Henry's head to his chest enthusiastically. It is decided that they will never do this again, or, they will never do it again in such a big group. No one is in any doubt as to who will meet up again; Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi disappear for a whole day afterwards, and Donghae posts topless pictures of Kibum, which are quickly screencapped by everyone because Kibum makes Donghae delete them.
At least, they think they're topless. No one ever finds out how far down the nakedness goes.
19.
[11.04pm] SexGod: What do you want?
[11.04pm] FISHY!: i have an idea
[11.05pm]SexGod: I do not like that sound of this.
[11.05pm] FISHY!: no its good!
[11.05pm] SexGod: ...
[11.06pm] FISHY!: lets have cyber sex!
[11.06pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.08pm] SexGod: has signed on.
[11.08pm] SexGod: ...Why?
[11.09pm] FISHY!: because i want to! ^__^
[11.10pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.13pm] SexGod: has signed on.
[11.13pm] SexGod: ...Why are you so weird?
[11.15pm] FISHY!: Is it weird that I just want to have sex with you?
[11.16pm] SexGod: Okay, why is your grammar suddenly correct?
[11.17pm] FISHY!: That I want to run my hands down your body?
[11.18pm] FISHY!: That I want to kiss you like I did the last time we were together?
[11.19pm] SexGod: ...
[11.21pm] FISHY!: Does my grammar turn you on?
[11.23pm] FISHY!: Or is it the thought of fucking me into the mattress that's making your hands slide under your shorts?
[11.24pm] SexGod: Fuck.
[11.25pm] FISHY!: Did I mention that I'm sitting here naked?
[11.26pm] SexGod: fuckfuckfuckfuck
[11.26pm] SexGod: Okay, you know what, I'm ringing you.
[11.27pm] SexGod: has signed off.
[11.28pm] FISHY!: has signed off.
20.
Heechul, sometimes, thinks that he's taking this whole thing a little too seriously. In the real word, who cares about the gay undertones of America television programs, or how many times you've been featured on on this community or another? In the real world, your writing ability isn't rated by how well you deal with budding romance between two characters from some Japanese anime - he could take Yehsung's fics and re-write them with the sex replaced by actual substance, and still no one would give a fuck. In the real world, he wouldn't be able to get away with his fits and rants and bitchiness (--actually, no, he can, but it's not the same--) and before long someone would tell him to get over himself.
That's why he loves the internet. He can let himself go, because no one cares, really, on the internet, what the outside world is doing. He can write whatever he likes, and won't be judged, apart from by Siwon, but he doesn't count because there isn't much that remains unjudged by Siwon. He can take it seriously on the internet because he is Kim Heechul, the BNF who everyone fears but they are also adamant that he's really nice, really, you just have to get to know him. He knows that it can't last forever, that people get bored and move on. He knows that. But he's going to wring it for all it's worth while he can.
[07.51pm] Cinderella: idk.
[07.52pm] Cinderella: if i post this fic, will Siwon stop talking to me?
[07.52pm] 中國人: what do you want me to say?
[07.53pm] Cinderella: hopefully yes
[07.54pm] Cinderella: although if it's too bad then he may try to convince me to confess my sins or something.
[07.55pm] 中國人: idk either
[07.55pm] 中國人: is it hot?
[07.56pm] 中國人: does it involve ties?
[07.57pm] Cinderella: lol you
[10.04pm] Horse~: has signed on
[10.05pm] Horse~: HYUNG.
[10.06pm] Horse~: THAT IS AGAINST MY RELIGION >:(