Frozen Fate 8/?

[dokssuri]

Title: Frozen Fate
Pairing: Changmin/Junsu
Summary: Junsu is living a carefree, comfortable life in his father’s orchards, planning a big adventure. Everything changes when it is decided that the Prince of Ice will marry a son of one of the southern lords. Junsu learns that sometimes life pushes you in an unexpected direction, and fighting it only makes things worse.



“Yes.”

Not a complete lie, but not the absolute truth either.

Changmin wanted to be wrong about that, wished he had just imagined how the defiant look in Junsu’s eyes contrasted with his unstable voice. But he couldn’t. It gave him an uncomfortable feeling that was too hard to ignore.

Junsu did not want to marry him. He probably wanted to do what was best for both their Kingdoms and his family, but he did not desire this marriage.

Changmin regretted proposing after explaining what good things their union would bring for his family, because even when he’d asked Junsu to answer the question honestly and not think about anything else, he’d known that was impossible. He didn’t know why he’d done it.

Maybe he had actually wanted to test Junsu’s sense of duty.

Or, he had thought he’d be happy with a yes no matter the reason for it.

Junsu had clearly passed the test, but no matter how much Changmin told himself he wanted someone who could put his duty first and desires second - someone like him - he found he could not accept this answer.

He had learned from his mother to always put his Kingdom first, and Changmin always had. Even now, even in marriage, he had picked the person with a genuine interest in his land and its people, the one best suited for ruling it beside him. Arguably, Junsu’s status in Soris wasn’t the highest, but if his mother had deemed it good enough, that wasn’t an issue.

And yet Changmin wanted more. This time, for the first time in his life, he genuinely wanted something beyond fulfilling his duties and he planned to act on it.

It was his mother’s fault, as everything always was.

Hers had been an arranged marriage, a marriage for the Kingdom, tying her, princess of the island capital, to the son of the chief of one of the northern tribes. It had unified Cryan. But it had also given her love and happiness.

Maybe his parents simply got lucky, but Changmin wanted what they’d had.

And he’d felt he could have that with Junsu. If only…if only he could get him to open up and show his real feelings.

Junsu was staring at him, more closed off than Changmin had ever seen him before, waiting for his reaction.

“What will your answer be,” Changmin said, picking his words carefully, “when I promise I will send help to your family this winter whether you agree to marry me or not?”

Junsu blinked. Then he narrowed his eyes and gave him an interested but very sceptical look.

After a while he said: “I wouldn’t believe you’d follow through.”

Changmin pulled his necklace from under his tunic and slowly closed his hand around the bear that represented his father’s spirit, never breaking eye contact with Junsu. “I promise,” he said solemnly.

Junsu’s eyes widened now. They looked down at Changmin's hand, back up to meet his and down again. He knew what it meant, Changmin could tell.

“Then…” Junsu said. He paused and looked at Changmin’s necklace again, then down at his own hands. “My answer is no.”

Changmin wished he’d said it while looking into his eyes, so he could have been absolutely sure about the truth of it, but really, he could tell without that confirmation.

It hurt. He wanted to ask why, if he wasn’t good enough, if there was something else… someone else.

But he would never ask such emotionally invested questions.

“I thought I’d told you not to think about your duties when answering the question the first time,” he said instead, calmly. The opposite of how he felt.

“Why?” Junsu asked. He looked up again, his eyes like an impenetrable wall and full of determination. “Why shouldn’t I? Are you not doing the same? You had more options to choose from than I do, but in the end this whole marriage is one big trading agreement, isn’t it? I think you’re putting your Kingdom before yourself, too.” His voice took a sharp sceptical tone. “Or has it always been your dream to marry a southerner who does not understand your culture or language, after spending a single day together.”

Changmin’s eyes narrowed. He was not used to being attacked like this.

“Why did you pick me?” Junsu continued. “Because I like your Kingdom and you think we’ll bond over that? That’s not a guarantee. Are you attracted to me? Do you find me more beautiful than Jaejoong? Have I somehow proven more skilled in the art of seduction than Yoochun? Do you think you can love me?”

Changmin wondered if Junsu knew how attractive it was, that fierceness, the fire in his eyes. Junsu was unpredictable, so unlike he young lords of Gold and White Mountain.

He could tell him that, that yes, he thought him beautiful, and intriguing, and that his rejection hurt. But that would put him in a vulnerable position. Changmin was the crown prince of Cryan. No one he’d only just met should have such power over him.

“I wish you would not question my decisions,” he said instead. “I have already given you my reasons. I think they were quite clear about the time it takes to build a relationship and did not warrant such pessimism.”

The Prince was holding back his emotions again. Junsu didn’t know what they were exactly, but frankly, he didn’t care. He was too caught up in his own.

His reason for denying the Prince was that he wanted to travel, chase his dreams and keep his freedom for as long as he wanted. And yet he’d based his argument on the fact that they weren’t in love, and would never be. As if that mattered even more to him than his plans of adventure.

Did it?

Junsu had never given it much thought.

In the stories he told himself and Yunji, he’d fall in love eventually and possible settle down and have a family of his own. But it was never the main goal, his purpose in life.

Betting your happiness on finding true love was too much of a gamble. Junsu might be young, but he had seen enough to understand that about the world.

And yet the absence of love had come to him so easily as a reason for denying the Prince, as if his foolish heart longed for a life of romance still.

Maybe it did.

“I’m not retracting my proposal yet,” the Prince said. “I’ll give you time to think about it.”

Junsu almost told him that it was pointless. That his answer would never change again.

But that would be wasting an opportunity to think this over, which he hadn’t been given since the Prince announced his decision so unexpectedly. Even if it didn’t change anything, it wouldn’t hurt.

“I will,” he said curtly, and then for the sake of politeness he started to add: “my Pr-“

But ‘my Prince’ were not the right words anymore. He wasn’t here to court the Prince, that much was clear now. As an endearment it would sound more fake than ever, and he wasn’t Cryan enough to address the Prince the way he would the Sorisian royal family.

“Your Highness,” he said instead. He could immediately feel the distance it created between them.

“You wound me, Junsu,” the Prince said, with an emotionless expression that revealed nothing about how he actually felt. “I would have given you permission to call me by my name starting today, had you accepted my proposal.”

That was probably a great honour some people would kill for, but Junsu didn’t think he could ever address the Prince by his name alone. It would make him appear far too…human.

Changmin…a man, a man less emotional than a block of ice, who arranged a marriage based on profit and expected love in return.

Junsu stood up from his chair. This conversation had dragged on too long already.

“Before you go,” the Prince said. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in front of the other candidates. You should know they are not unhappy with my decision.”

Of course, Junsu thought, as if they would throw a fit in front of a prince.

“I know,” the Prince said calmly, as if he had read his mind, “because the young lord of White Mountain was originally promised to the marry the heir of the Land of Gold.”

Junsu's surprise probably showed on his face. The Prince smiled.

“Their families arranged it years ago, long before my mother made the announcement of my marriage. If I had picked Kim Jaejoong, he would have to give up his position as heir and Park Yoochun would have been left to find a different match, which would have proven difficult and undoubtedly less profitable, as Jaejoong's siblings have already been promised to others. And if I had picked Park Yoochun, the Golden Lord would have been forced to find a lesser match for his successor. They have no love for Cryan, but it seems their fear that I would choose the other was even bigger. Do you understand why they don’t mind that I didn’t pick either?”

“But,” Junsu said, “what about the honour, the royal status?” Both Yoochun and Jaejoong had seemed to genuinely want to marry the Prince.

The Prince gave him a long look. “Some people,” he said, “will happily choose personal feelings over honour when given the chance.” It didn’t sound like an accusation, more like he was somehow surprised by this.

Junsu walked past Jaejoong’s and Yoochun’s bodyguards and opened the door to the sitting room. He wasn’t here because he had looked forward to their company, but because he was sure Aya would drag him out of his room again if he went there to sulk.

“You’re going to marry a Prince!” Jaejoong said, with the biggest smile Junsu had seen from him. “How do you feel?”

“Just so you know, I didn’t really kiss him,” Yoochun said. He raised his hands defensively, as if he was afraid Junsu was angry with him. “I only said that to tease Jaejoong. I did try, but he wouldn’t let me. He’s all yours.”

They were standing by the fire, where it seemed they had been eagerly waiting for him to finish his conversation with the Prince and breakfast.

Junsu felt a bit overwhelmed. “Aren’t you…surprised that he chose me?”

“Yes,” Yoochun said immediately, nodding enthusiastically.

Jaejoong shot him an annoyed look and added: “Only a little,” with an apologetic smile at Junsu.

Yoochun shrugged. “Okay, I guess it’s not completely surprising, with the way he looked at you.”

“Aren’t you…disappointed?” Junsu asked carefully.

“No,” Yoochun shook his head, smiling widely. “Rather you than me…” He looked at Jaejoong. “Or Jae.”

Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “What he means to say,” he said, “is that we’re happy for you.”

They seemed so relieved. So what the Prince had told him about them was true.

And yet Junsu remembered Yoochun worrying about not being picked himself. He had not once let it on that he’d be the happiest with this outcome. He hadn’t tried to lower his own chances, or plotted with Jaejoong to do it together. As far as Junsu knew, they hadn’t sabotaged each other either.

“To be honest,” Yoochun said, “we were both sent here by our parents, not by our own choice.”

“It would have been a great honour, of course,” Jaejoong quickly added, “and it is, for you. But we're not sad about it.”

Yoochun smiled and went to stand by Jaejoong’s side. Jaejoong turned his head and they just looked at each other.

Junsu almost looked away. It seemed too intimate. But Jaejoong's voice broke the tension. “I need to talk to my captain,” he said. “We should get the ship ready to leave before the storms get any worse.” He looked at Junsu, who still stood frozen near the door. “I’m really sorry we might miss the engagement and wedding. I hope you’ll understand.” He walked past him.

“Me too,” Yoochun said, and made to follow Jaejoong. He paused to say: “I don’t know what you did, but thank you. I promise to send you the best quality White Mountain salt as a wedding gift. …although I don’t know how much it will do for that gross black stuff you ate the other day.”

When they were gone, Junsu suddenly felt very small, and so very immature.

The Prince was wrong about Jaejoong and Yoochun. They did care about personal feelings, but they had put duty first anyway. They had come here as marriage candidates and done exactly what their families expected of them.

Junsu hadn’t been able to tell them that he had turned down the Prince’s offer.

Junsu was sitting by the fire when Aya opened the door ten minutes later, or maybe it had been longer. Junsu’s mind was completely blank. He couldn’t get used to the fact that the Prince had chosen him, let alone think about the decision he now had to make.

Aya’s face was unreadable, but Junsu knew it was a bad sign that she hadn’t spoken to him since she led him to the Prince this morning. She must have overheard their conversation, although she hadn’t let it on when she accompanied him to breakfast.

There was a bundle of fur in her arms. “A gift,” she announced, “from he Prince.”

She placed the bundle at Junsu’s feet and unfolded it. From the mottled grey package appeared two boots, skilfully made from soft leather and fur. Their colour ranged from white to deep brown, along the top was a leather band with decorations, symbols in the style that Junsu had seen on people’s faces in the streets.

They looked beautiful and warm, but they felt like a bribe.

Junsu wouldn’t trade his future for a pair of boots, but he would definitely use them on his next walk through the city.

Actually, he could use some fresh air right now.

“Can we go outside again?” he asked Aya.

Junsu could tell from her frown that she didn’t think that was a good idea, but all she said was: “What do you want to do?”

Junsu tried on the boots. They fit perfectly. He felt he would be able to run in these even better than in his old shoes. “Just walk,” he said.

Aya bundled up the grey fur and stood up. “A short walk. Not far.”

Junsu was surprised. He hadn’t expected her to actually agree. He thought she was angry with him, disappointed, but she kept her eyes lowered. It wasn’t like her to be this subservient.

When they had passed through the small door in the palace wall, he asked her about it.

“I don’t know how to act,” she admitted, still not meeting his eyes. “The Prince has chosen you as my new master. You’re not just a guest anymore. But you refused his offer, so I don’t know what you are to me.”

Junsu stopped walking and stared at her. “…you would have started treating me differently if I’d said yes?”

He liked his relationship with Aya. He was starting to see her as a sister. She couldn’t change and start acting like she was just a servant. He didn’t want that.

Aya finally looked at him. “Why didn’t you? What will it take for you to change your mind?”

People around them were starting to recognise him. Junsu saw them stop and point and whisper things in Cryan at a distance. Some of them came closer. Of course, they were still worried about the news of a harsh winter and thought he could help. He had forgotten what happened yesterday.

Aya noticed them too. “I thought it wouldn’t be as bad without the Prince to draw attention to you,” she said. “We should go back.”

Junsu didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to be locked up in his two rooms in the palace, he didn’t want to have to face the Prince again and he wanted Aya to go back to being her normal self. He wanted time to think about what he wanted, and he didn’t want anyone to ask him about it.

A hand touched his shoulder and he twisted around. A man asked him something in Cryan. Another appeared beside him and repeated part of the question. They looked curious, not intimidating, but Aya positioned herself between them and Junsu and said something which made them take a few steps back.

“Follow me,” she said to him over her shoulder, “stay close.”

Junsu looked at the small crowd around them. They hadn’t quite reached the busiest part of the city yet and there weren’t a lot of people. They had left enough gaps for him to slip through.

Junsu ran.

He heard Aya shouting behind him, but he had a head start, no weapon to carry, and his new boots. Those thoughts pushed him forwards and he ran downhill so fast it felt more like falling. He didn’t look back but kept changing direction, following narrow streets between colourful houses, in the general direction of the harbour.

Aya knew this city better than he did, and she spoke the language, but even five minutes of freedom would be worth it. Junsu could feel himself smiling. He felt the wind in his hair and it was like running through the orchards at home, pretending to be chased by a pack of wolves. There were no trees to climb here, the air smelled like sea, not grass and leaves, and he wouldn’t compare Aya to a wolf, but it was exciting in almost the same way.

The sound and feeling of his fur boots touching the ground was very soft, not the same as running on grass but similar. People gave him strange looks, but no one seemed to feel the need to chase after him. Junsu looked over his shoulder. He didn’t see Aya behind him either. He rounded a corner and stopped to catch his breath.

He hadn’t ran like that since…since the last time he chased Yunji through the trees, pretending to be a wolf himself.

The harbour was close now. The ground was less steep and he could see the masts of ships above the houses. He had no real reason for coming here, except that he could maybe blend into the crowd better.

It worked. As soon as he left the narrow streets, walking towards the docks, he was surrounded by all sorts of people. He didn’t stand out at all, especially without Aya and her blue uniform and spear. At least, not to strangers.

“Junsu?”

Jaejoong suddenly appeared in front of him, his Cryan bodyguard by his side. “What are you doing here?” Above them, golden sails were flapping the wind.

“Just…on a walk,” Junsu said.

“Aya?” Jaejoong’s bodyguard said, looking around. “Where?” His Sorisian wasn’t very good, Junsu remembered Jaejoong complaining about it once.

“She’ll be here soon,” he said. The guard seemed confused.

“The weather is getting worse. We need to leave very soon,” Jaejoong said. “My bag is being brought to my ship right now. I don’t know if I’ll even have time to go back to the palace to say goodbye, so I didn’t think I’d see you again.” He pulled Junsu into a hug.

Junsu wondered briefly if they were close enough for hugs. Then Jaejoong’s announcement really sank in, and this sudden departure somehow felt like being abandoned by a friend.

If Jaejoong was leaving, Yoochun would be, too. Junsu didn’t want to be left behind in Cryan alone.

“Can I come with you?” he blurted out. “You’ll sail past the capital, right? Or else you could drop me off somewhere along the west coast. I can get home from there.”

Jaejoong gave him a strange look. “Aren’t you staying here?”

Junsu tried to think of an excuse, but then decided he couldn’t lie to Jaejoong.

“Does the Prince know you’re here?” Jaejoong asked. His eyes widened. “Are you running away?”

Junsu didn’t know how to answer that. He hadn’t planned to ask Jaejoong for a lift, it just happened. But there was something he had been meaning to ask him for a while that he could use to change the topic.

“Will you do something for me?”

Jaejoong frowned. “What?”

“Do they sell necklaces with cats on the Golden Shore?”

“…probably, yes. Why?”

“My niece really wants one,” Junsu said. He pulled the fox figurine and his three gold pieces from the pouch on his belt. He had some more gold with him to pay for the journey home, but that was still in his room in the palace.

“And this is a present for my nephew,” he said. “Can I ask you the favour of buying my niece the necklace and sending both gifts to my brother? I only have this to pay you with, but I can give you more later.” He pushed the gold and the little fox into Jaejoong’s hands.

“…of course,” Jaejoong said. He still sounded surprised. “But you don’t need to pay me.” He returned the gold. “I’d do it for a friend.”

“Thank you,” Junsu said. He smiled and began to walk away before Jaejoong could start asking questions. “Have a safe journey.” It was easy to slip into the crowd again here.

It felt strange to say goodbye like that, but his heart was beating wildly in his chest. Aya could track him down anytime, and the idea of being yelled at by her in front of Jaejoong didn’t seem particularly appealing. Even though wanting to be yelled at by her again like normal was part of the reason for this silly escape.

He watched the different kinds of ships and small boats in the water and wondered how it would feel to step into one of them and to truly be free.

Probably not good, was his next thought, since he couldn’t stop throwing up the last time he was on a ship, and he knew the Prince at least deserved a final answer from him, not a cowardly escape.

What would his answer be?

Junsu thought about Jaejoong and Yoochun. Their story had really put his into perspective. That realisation still hurt, but he would have to face it some time.

Did giving up some traveling compare to giving up the position of Lord of Gold in the riches and eternal summer of the south? Did giving up on the unlikely possibility of finding true love in the future compare to giving up a lover who's standing right beside you?

Everybody made sacrifices. Only Junsu wasn’t used to it, because Junho had always been the one to carry the heaviest burden in their family. And were Junsu’s sacrifices even bigger than the things he would gain from this?

Junsu still thought they were. He didn’t think he could be happy with the Prince, and that seemed to him a pretty big sacrifice to make. But when he compared his life to that of others, maybe even that wasn’t as unfair as he’d initially thought.

Aya had given up on dreams as well, and her reward might well be to be stuck with him for the rest of her life.

How soon would he have to decide on an answer? He hadn’t been given a certain number of days, but there had to be a limit to the time a Prince could be kept waiting.

Junsu snapped out of his thoughts when he realised he was being followed. He turned around.

“Hello,” a heavyset man said to him with a smile. He was missing at least half of his teeth. There were two others beside him. They all greeted him in Sorisian and they looked like the kind of sailors Junsu had sometimes seen stumbling around drunk near the brothels in the capital of Soris.

“We saw you waving your gold around just now,” the first man said. “Do you need a lift? We happen to set sail for Soris tomorrow.”

“I don’t, thank you,” Junsu said. He tried to step around them, but one of them grabbed his arm, squeezing hard enough that Junsu couldn’t pull it free when he tried.

The man smiled at him but didn’t loosen his grip. “If it’s the price you’re worried about, I’m sure we can work something out. There are other ways to pay than gold, for a pretty thing like you.”

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