Lifeline 1/5

[dokssuri]

Title: Lifeline
Pairing: Yoochun/Jaejoong
Summary: One fatal accident leads Jaejoong to his soulmate, the next leaves him forty days to say goodbye. Or, in which Jaejoong dies twice and Yoochun saves him the first time.


A/N: Um, hi. So...I'm (sort of) back from doing fieldwork in the Arctic and writing articles and speaking at conferences and doing other science-y stuff, which I probably should have told you about. If you're still here despite my frequent disappearances, *hugs* you're the best.

This story is for: changminshim, caffeine8 and moni_moni_chan
Request: JaeChun

He was listening to the radio the first time it happened, singing along and moving his head to the beat.

It happened during a song about a broken relationship, filled with pain and regret. It was perfect for a boring drive to work on a rainy day. Jaejoong exaggerated the emotion in his voice until he could feel the sadness of whoever wrote those lyrics.

A lot of things happened at once; a BANG that didn't just hit his ears but went straight through his body, a sharp pain that shot up one of his legs and more, noises and sensations that were mostly drowned out by the intensity of the first two, but not completely.

The sound of the radio died along with the engine and was replaced by a dull ringing in his ears. Jaejoong didn't really register anything except pain and fear. The world was a blur, until a hand touched his shoulder and he realised he could still feel his shoulder, he could still feel, he was still alive.

"Can you hear me?" a voice asked. Jaejoong wanted to open his eyes, but they already were. He looked up and focused on the slightly blurry image of a man sitting in the passenger seat, leaning towards him.

The man repeated his question and Jaejoong tried to nod. Pain shot through his head and a wave of nausea washed over him. "Yes," he whispered instead.

"Okay," the man said. "Good."

Jaejoong started to regain his senses. The pain in his leg was still there. He either couldn't move it or didn't dare to try. His neck hurt too, and his head. He wasn't sure if he could lift his arms. One of his wrists was sore. The worst right now, however, was his chest, which stung with every breath, as if someone was stabbing him with something sharp.

"Are you okay? No, stupid question. I mean.. where are you hurt?" the man asked.

"Everywhere," Jaejoong said. He didn't know who this person was, or why he was in his car, but it seemed he was here to help. "I think my leg is stuck."

"I'm sorry," the man said, "I'm not a paramedic or a firefighter come to save you, I'm just a bystander. Someone has called an ambulance, I'm sure they'll be here soon. Just hang on. Keep.. keep talking I guess. My name is Yoochun."

"Jaejoong," Jaejoong said curtly. He would have liked to be more polite, but talking hurt too. "What happened?"

"Another car slammed into yours from the side." Yoochun motioned towards him. "That side. Everyone who saw it happen is convinced you're dead. I was the only one who dared to check. You're conscious. That's good. Keep breathing."

Jaejoong tried. Breathing hurt. A car crash...a crash involving another car, another driver. He groaned. "I was distracted by the radio."

"No." Yoochun shook his head. "I mean, that could be, but it wasn't your fault. I saw it. That guy was one hundred percent wrong and there was nothing you could have done to prevent him hitting you."

"Is he okay?"

"He's fine, a bit bruised maybe, mainly shocked. He's walking around in the rain out there mumbling that he's killed someone." Yoochun peered through the windshield, which Jaejoong now noticed was cracked. "Yes, still there."

"This is my sister's car. She'll kill me." Jaejoong closed his eyes.

"The car or your sister are really not what you should be worried about right now," Yoochun said, very serious. "Hey, Jaejoong? Are you still with me?"

Jaejoong opened his eyes. "Yes.. I.." It was hard to focus. "Keep talking."

"Okay," Yoochun said. "Of course. Well...I'm Park Yoochun, 28, single. I'm a hotel receptionist, hence the suit. Boring, I know." Jaejoong hadn't noticed the suit, too focused on simply keeping his eyes open.

There was a short pause and then Yoochun said: "You probably get this a lot, but damn, you're beautiful, even with the blood."

Jaejoong hadn't noticed the blood on his face either.

"I very much want to go punch the idiot who did this to you."

Jaejoong managed a smile. He felt tired, still in pain but also quite drowsy. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe. Would it distract you from the pain?"

"I think I'm dying," Jaejoong said, feeling oddly calm about that. He was too tired to panic. He could feel himself slipping away. "Would you still want to...if I have no future?"

"You're not dying. You can't die," Yoochun said. "I've only just met you. What's the point of us meeting if I don't get a chance to get to know you?" He sounded genuinely upset, like they hadn't been complete strangers just five minutes ago. He turned his head. "I hear an ambulance. Finally. They will-"

The sound of Yoochun's voice slowly faded away, as if he was moving back, but he was still sitting next to him, a hand on his shoulder. Jaejoong couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

"Interesting," a voice said. "You are one lucky man."

It wasn't Yoochun's voice. Jaejoong couldn't even tell if it was male or female. It was unlike anything he'd ever heard before.

Everything was dark. He couldn't see. He couldn't use his other senses either. He couldn't even feel his own body. The pain was gone, but so was everything else. He was nothing, floating around in total darkness, feeling strangely comfortable about the situation.

"Where am I?" He didn't have a mouth to talk with, but he knew the owner of the voice had heard the question in his mind.

"In between," the voice replied. "But I'm sending you back, not on."

"Am I dead?"

"Please try to keep up" the voice said. "Humans, Such a short lifespan and yet so slow."

"What is going on?" Jaejoong demanded.

"You found your soulmate, or your soulmate found you. Either way, it happened just in time. So I'm sending you back. Have a nice life, goodbye."

The pain was the first sensation that returned, but not as sharp as before, a dull ache in the back of his fuzzy consciousness.

The next thing he noticed was that he wasn't trapped in his car anymore. He was lying on his back.

He looked up to see a man standing over him. The man introduced himself as a doctor, no name. The doctor examined him and asked questions. He seemed satisfied with Jaejoong's half-coherent answers.

Jaejoong asked some questions as well, but he didn't really listen anymore. He couldn't focus. A reassuring voice told him something about pain going away and the world slowly became blurry and then quickly dark again.

"Can you hear me?"

That was unmistakably Yoochun's voice, asking the same question as the very first time Jaejoong heard it.

"Jaejoong?"

Jaejoong managed to move his lips before he could force his eyes open. "Yes."

He heard Yoochun's breath of relief and felt the warmth of a hand on his. It was a distant feeling, like his hand didn't really belong to him, or his arm was too long. He looked up and had even more trouble focusing on Yoochun's face than before.

"How do you feel?"

Jaejoong closed his eyes again. "Drugged up."

Yoochun chuckled softly. "Yeah, I can imagine."

"What happened?" The only things he remembered were a song on the radio, pieces of a conversation with a handsome stranger and a broken windshield.

"You passed out right before the ambulance arrived, and then there was a moment when I was convinced you were dead." Yoochun paused. "But apparently you were insanely lucky. I don't know the details, but your leg is broken and that seems to be the worst of it. The rest is superficial. The paramedics called it a miracle."

Jaejoong tried to move his legs. Bad idea. He moaned in pain. "I don't feel very lucky."

"Trust me, once you see what your sister's car looks like right now, you'll feel lucky."

"You've clearly never met my sister."

"Oh," Yoochun said, "I'm sorry."

Jaejoong smiled at him. "That was a joke."

"I knew that," Yoochun said, but he looked a little embarrassed. It was adorable. "She's on her way, by the way, your sister. They contacted your family, your real family. I...may have told someone that we're related to get in here...sorry."

"Why are you here?" Jaejoong asked, not in an accusing way, he hoped. He was genuinely curious.

"I..." Yoochun sounded almost shy. "I wanted to see how you were doing. And I brought you flowers."

"Thank you," Jaejoong said. "For being here. For everything."

"I didn't really do anything..." Yoochun protested. He smiled apologetically. "I was just there until someone came to actually help you. I felt useless."

"No," Jaejoong said. He didn't know why, but hearing Yoochun say that he was useless simply sounded wrong. "It feels like you saved my life. Thank you."

Yoochun returned his smile. "You're welcome."

Jaejoong decided he wanted to keep seeing that smile.

Less than two years later, it happened again.

Jaejoong wasn't in a car or listening to music this time. He was walking, hands shoved in the pockets of his jacket, thinking he should have worn a thicker coat because autumn was really starting to show itself.

He checked his phone. He would be late to work for the first time since he started this job. Jaejoong personally didn't think that anything under ten minutes really counted as late, especially on Monday afternoons, which were never busy. But Joongki would scold him anyway.

The restaurant was just across the street. There wasn't much traffic, but he still waited for the light to turn green. He wasn't in a hurry. As long as he did turn up on time on Saturdays, Joongki wouldn't fire him. Green. He stepped off the sidewalk.

The sudden loud screeching noise and the pain were somewhat familiar. The difference was that it went much, much faster this time. And that Yoochun wasn't there. Yoochun was at work.

The nothingness followed immediately after, dark and empty. Jaejoong felt comfortably weightless and at ease. Slowly, a lost memory returned.

"Not so lucky after all."

He'd heard that voice before. It was the same one.

"I've been here before," Jaejoong said...or thought, out loud.

"Yes you have," the voice replied. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon." There was something in its tone that suggested disappointment, or anger. Maybe both.

"You sent me back last time," Jaejoong said. "Because...you said I found my soulmate." He remembered now. Why had he forgotten about that?

"I did," the voice replied. "I have a soft spot for love, true love. It's rare. That is why I gave you a second chance."

Jaejoong knew the reason behind the anger now.

As soon as he remembered that someone had given him a second chance, he realised that he'd wasted it.

He and Yoochun weren't happy together, not anymore, not for a few months, almost half their relationship now.

"I have disappointed you," he said.

"So you did." The anger was tangible at this point.

"Are you...God?" Jaejoong asked.

The voice snorted. "I don't often keep souls around for a chat like this, but every time I do, I get the same question. No, I do not fit your strange concept of a god, although there are similarities. You can call me Angel. It has a sweet sound to it."

"...am I dead this time?"

"Yes, you are dead. You were struck by a car speeding through a red light. Unfortunate, but it happens. A big blow to the head, killed you almost instantly. Traffic is a dangerous human invention."

It was surreal to hear someone describe his own death to him, but it was also surreal to be floating without a body. Jaejoong didn't need time to process the information. It felt like his mind worked faster here.

He knew now that Angel could have sent him on, to whatever lay beyond, without keeping him here and answering his questions. There had to be a reason for this conversation.

"You can heal me and send me back, like before," he said, hopeful.

"Oh I could, but I won't. That second chance was all you got. It was more than you deserved."

The disappointment he felt now was the first thing that really penetrated Jaejoong's feeling of comfort and acceptance. He really felt the need to ask for another chance.

"I do love Yoochun," he said. "And he loves me, truly."

"I know," the voice replied, utterly unimpressed. "You are soulmates. But still, you messed up, both of you. You were hurting each other. It's not the kind of love I like to see."

"Am I being punished?" Jaejoong asked.

"I do not usually interfere, but if that car hadn't hit you, I may have been tempted to orchestrate an accident for you myself. Your death was not my doing, but yes, I will make use of this opportunity. "

Jaejoong felt a slight sting of annoyance at that. "Why am I the one being punished? You just said we both messed up, so-"

A palpable wave of rage made Jaejoong realise just how powerful Angel was, and how tiny and insignificant he was himself.

The words that followed weren't spoken loudly, but very clear.

"Do not, ever, question my decisions. Dying is hardly a punishment compared to losing a soulmate. You may think he doesn't care, but he will miss you, and it will hurt."

Jaejoong suddenly felt it then, full force, breaking the bubble that had kept him feeling comfortable despite the empty darkness around him; the pain of leaving Yoochun behind, without an explanation or a goodbye, their last conversation a stupid argument. He wasn't floating anymore. He was drowning, overwhelmed by sadness.

He didn't know where Angel would send him after this, but wherever he went, he would never see the man he loved again, and Yoochun would be alone.

"This is your punishment. This is why I haven't sent you away yet. A quick death is too comfortable. I want you to feel how disappointed I am while you still can, and I want you to feel his pain."

"I love him," Jaejoong pleaded. "I know I haven't shown it enough, but so many things happened outside of our relationship, it wasn't just-"

"You could have dealt with it together, but you let mere unfortunate circumstances push you apart."

"Please," Jaejoong begged. "Please." He could hardly think straight. If he'd had a body, a face, he'd be crying. "Please, send me back to him."

Angel wasn't moved. "Do you think it is normal to bring people back to life, even once? Do you think it is easy?"

Jaejoong didn't know anything, and all he could think about was Yoochun.

"Don't bring me back to life then, just send me back for a little while, just a moment, just enough to say goodbye. Please let me make up with him and say goodbye."

Angel didn't react to that. It was the first time the powerful voice stayed silent after a question. Jaejoong knew it was still there. He could sense its presence.

The silence gave him hope.

"Please. You care about love, you must hate to end it like this. I accept my punishment, but please, give me time to say goodbye."

"You are already dead. Nothing will change that," Angel said.

Jaejoong's hope quickly vanished again. "I realise that, but-"

"You're dead," Angel repeated, "not brought back to life again, not on your way towards it like every other human, you're already there."

"I know," Jaejoong said, "I know, but-"

"Don't forget it," Angel said.

Jaejoong gave up. "I won't," he said, because he felt that was what Angel wanted to hear.

There was a long silence. Jaejoong expected pain, or a white light, to dissolve into complete nothingness until even his thoughts and memories were gone.

Instead, Angel finally spoke again.

"You have forty days."

The pavement was wet from the last autumn rain. Jaejoong had a distant memory of the hood of the car being warm, but he'd rolled down onto the ground and cold water was soaking into his clothes.

He also remembered the time that passed between being hit by the car and rolling to the ground, the long moment his soul spent somewhere else. The conversation with Angel hadn't been wiped from his memory this time.

He was back. He'd been gone, in between, and now he was back again, but still dead. He had to remember that. He'd promised.

However alive he felt, whatever sensations he slowly became aware of; the cold water against his skin, the sound of panicked voices of the people around him and the slight headache muddling his thoughts, it was all real, but he wasn't really meant to feel it anymore.

He had hoped to get a few hours, maybe even a day. Forty days was long, more than a month. It could be that it equaled a mere second in the life of a supernatural being, but still Jaejoong felt that Angel had been far more generous with time than he deserved.

His feeling of relief was short-lived. He now started to think of it as forty days left to live, forty days left to say goodbye to the people he loved and the person he loved the most, and forty agonising days long to count down to that final moment. He realised that maybe this was yet another form of punishment. It was too short and too long at once, and it scared him.

"Are you okay?" someone asked.

Jaejoong sat up and inspected his body. More than one person gasped when he got to his feet. A group of people had formed around him and they all looked surprised by his sudden recovery.

"I'm fine," Jaejoong said. He wasn't bleeding anywhere. His headache was slowly disappearing as well. Only the cold remained as the wind got hold of his wet jacket. He wanted to get inside, somewhere more private, to change his clothes and clear his head. "I'm late for work."

The group of people parted for him and he stepped up onto the sidewalk.

"Sir, are you sure you don't need an ambulance?"

Jaejoong turned around and shook his head at a man who was probably the driver of the car that hit him. "No, thank you." No, thank you. It's no use. I am already dead.

Joongki met him at the door. Jaejoong thought it was to complain about how late he was, until he saw the look of horror on his face.

"I saw that. I heard that from in here. Fuck, Jae, how are you still standing? You need to go to a hospital and get yourself checked out. I'll get someone to cover for you. Should I call an ambulance, or...do you need a lift?"

"I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. Go. Call me if you know when you'll be able to work again, but don't rush it."

Joongki would never let him work today, and his only option was to accept it and go home.

Actually, that wasn't such a bad idea. Yoochun would be home tonight.

There were two things Jaejoong had to remember. One, he was dead, and two, Yoochun was the only reason he was still here.

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