Aspartame 3/8

[dokssuri]

Title: Aspartame
Pairing: ChunJae
Length: Chaptered
Summary: Jaejoong thinks he found just another sugar daddy to support him, but Yoochun is a different kind of sweet.



Yoochun was too good to be true. Jaejoong just couldn't put his finger on what exactly wasn't real about him.

They had dinner together two more times before they went to the ballet. Yoochun stayed on his side of the table both of those times. He offered to drive Jaejoong home afterwards and didn't complain when his offer was rejected.

During their third meeting Yoochun asked him if he needed anything specifically. Since Lee Soo Man already paid his rent - not that Jaejoong mentioned that to Yoochun, they had agreed on a small allowance which he could use to buy books and study supplies, food and clothes. Yoochun insisted on twice the amount he needed and surprised him with a necklace after dinner.

Jaejoong should be used to receiving gifts by now, but still he felt just a little bit guilty every time. He was determined to be a good companion in return, especially to Yoochun who still didn't ask for much.

What Yoochun expected of him seemed so simple, but turned out to be one of the most challenging things he'd ever had to do. Yoochun liked him to be 'himself', and Jaejoong didn't know how. Yoochun was too perceptive for him to just put on an act.

He had two identities; hardworking student and perfect son, and easygoing shameless sugar baby. Jaejoong couldn't be both at the same time. He didn't want the boundary between them to fade.

In front of the opera house it was especially hard not to let his student side show. He wanted to tell Yoochun everything he knew. He could probably talk for hours, get excited and digress. But as a sugar baby he wouldn't be so self-centered.

"Shall we go inside?" Yoochun asked.

Jaejoong tore his eyes away from the roof. "Yes. Sorry."

Yoochun smiled at him like he knew.

They were early, and the lobby was full of people who wanted to have a drink and meet up with others before going inside. Jaejoong was most interested in the ceiling, so it was a miracle he even noticed the man standing by the bar.

He slowed down and almost grabbed Yoochun's arm to keep him from moving too far away to hide behind. He stopped himself at the last moment, but his fingers may have brushed Yoochun's sleeve. Yoochun noticed and turned around.

"What's wrong?"

"You're wearing the same suit again," Jaejoong said. He'd noticed this before and was glad he could use it as an excuse now.

"It's because you said you liked it."

Jaejoong didn't know what to say to that other than: "I do."

Yoochun frowned at him. "Tell me what's actually wrong."

Jaejoong glanced over Yoochun's shoulder and Yoochun turned his head. "Someone you know?"

"At the bar," Jaejoong said.

Yoochun looked again and then back at him. "Is he also your.."

Jaejoong quickly shook his head "No. I mean.. not anymore." He'd also hate to run into Lee Soo Man here, but this was worse.

"You didn't part on good terms?"

"Something like that."

"Are you going to hide behind me all evening?"

Jaejoong gathered courage and stepped away. He was being ridiculous. "Of course not." He forced a smile. "Do you want to drink something, or shall we go inside?"

He didn't want to look at the bar. He'd only draw attention to himself. But what if he had already been seen? Was he looking at them right now? Would he come over?

"You look very nervous," Yoochun noted.

"I'm fine." Jaejoong tried not to physically shake.

Yoochun stepped a little closer. "If I hold you, will that make it better or worse?"

Jaejoong looked at him. "Better."

It was a good idea actually, since the last thing he wanted right now was to look available.

Yoochun put an arm around him, just below his shoulders. Jaejoong grabbed his hand and moved it down. "Not like we're just friends," he said quietly. He leaned into Yoochun's body and noticed that yes, he did feel better.

"Okay." Yoochun stayed very still, which made it just a little bit awkward. Jaejoong hoped it didn't show.

"You don't have to ask permission for things like this," he said. He didn't mind, but he didn't want Yoochun to have the wrong idea and think he just accepted money and gifts and refused to do much in return.

"I'd rather ask," Yoochun said. "I don't want to end up like that guy."

Jaejoong would have snorted if he hadn't been so nervous still. "I'm not avoiding him for using me as arm candy."

Yoochun suddenly let go of him and stepped back. "That's not what I meant to.. I'm sorry. Maybe we should just go. You're obviously not comfortable here."

"No," Jaejoong shook his head, though he missed the reassurance of Yoochun's arm around him. "I don't want to ruin your evening."

"What will you do if his seat is right next to yours?"

Just the thought made Jaejoong flinch.

"I thought so," Yoochun said. "Let's go." He started walking and Jaejoong had no choice but to follow.

Yoochun took him to a high class bar, far enough from the opera house that Jaejoong could relax. They found a table in a nearly empty corner where soothing music played in the background and Jaejoong felt stupid for overreacting.

"Do you want to tell me about him?" Yoochun asked after Jaejoong had taken a first sip of his drink.

"I'd rather not," Jaejoong said. He looked down. "I'm really sorry."

"Park Yoochun!" A man of around sixty in an expensive looking suit walked over from a table behind Yoochun. The woman he left there could have been his daughter.

Yoochun pulled a slightly annoyed face before he turned around and smiled. "President Choi. How are you?"

"Good, very good." The man sounded like he'd had a little too much to drink. "It's nice to see you again."

Yoochun seemed slightly uncomfortable. He shot Jaejoong an apologetic look. "How is your company doing?"

"Great. And thank you again. You really helped me out with that deal last time. Is this attractive young man your date?"

Yoochun glanced at Jaejoong. "Yes, he is. But we were just about to leave."

President Choi grabbed Yoochun's shoulder, partly for stability. "But you only just got here. Don't you want to have a drink with us?"

"Thank you for the offer," Yoochun smiled politely, "but we really have to go." He stood up and pleaded Jaejoong with his eyes to follow him.

"He is less annoying when he's sober," Yoochun said when he'd settled the bill and they were outside again.

Jaejoong would have found it quite amusing to watch Yoochun get harassed by a drunk business partner. "I hadn't finished my drink," he mock-complained.

"You're avoiding someone tonight, I want to avoid this guy. Are we even?"

Jaejoong couldn't argue with that.

They walked in silence for a while.

"So you're not with the mafia?" Jaejoong said.

Yoochun laughed. "Is that what you thought?"

"Maybe." It was a bit embarrassing. But Yoochun never talked about his job. He said he wanted to keep business and private matters separate, which was a bit unfair since he seemed to expect the opposite of Jaejoong.

Yoochun smiled. "If I tell you I'd have to kill you."

"Shall I just take you home?" Yoochun asked when they'd reached his car.

Jaejoong agreed. He felt tired even though they really hadn't done anything tonight. "I'll tell you how to drive."

"I have a question," Yoochun said after a while.

"You can't hug me while your driving. It's dangerous." It was a weak attempt to lighten the mood. It was very obvious that this evening hadn't gone as Yoochun planned, and Jaejoong felt bad.

Yoochun smiled. "Not that kind of question."

"Ask away then." Jaejoong hoped it wouldn't be another inquiry about his past.

"I know you said on the site that you prefer to meet in public places, but I was wondering if you'd agree to meeting me at my house sometimes. We could be more comfortable, and you'd never run into anyone you know there."

Jaejoong had followed men to their houses before. It hadn't always ended well. He wasn't sure if he felt that safe with Yoochun yet.

Yoochun interpreted his silence as a no. "Forget I asked that. I know you don't trust me. I'm not sure I would either actually. You're going to ask me to drop you off at a bus stop again, aren't you?"

Jaejoong leaned against the mirror in the elevator. He hated saying no to Yoochun. Yoochun said he didn't mind, and Jaejoong knew shouldn't feel guilty about the money. At least he shouldn't let that guilt force him to do things he wasn't comfortable with.

Yoochun could give him as much or as little as he wanted, that was his decision. And he probably had enough to spare. If it wasn't because of his car and the fact that his acquaintances owned companies, it was because membership to the site as a daddy was ridiculously expensive.

But when he thought about it, Jaejoong realised that the money and gifts weren't the reason he felt guilty this time. He genuinely didn't like to disappoint Yoochun.

The elevator doors opened and Jaejoong walked into the hallway. He was halfway through unlocking his door when a sudden voice made him jump.

"You're home early. I was afraid I might have to wait all night."

He spun around to see Junsu push away from the wall and step towards him. "Remind me why you've never asked us to come over since you moved and I had to play detective to get your address. Just this hallway looks better than my entire apartment. We could throw great parties here."

"Why are you here?" Jaejoong asked. He didn't want to open his door and let Junsu in, but he also didn't want to make a scene in the hallway. For now he just waited.

"I'm just curious what my best friend has been up to at night lately. I was afraid I might be missing out on something, because you seem to meet lots of cute men, wherever it is you go."

"I'm just dating. Why would you think it's not just one guy?"

"Because I've never heard a name, Jae. If you're in a happy relationship wouldn't you want to boast to your friends about it?"

The elevator opened again. Jaejoong greeted one of his neighbours. Then he opened his door and invited Junsu inside, because it seemed silly to just stand there.

Junsu didn't take off his shoes. He stayed by the door and looked around, probably because he knew he wasn't welcome. "How are you paying for this? Just tell me that. You may call me nosy but I think it's a valid question."

"Why do you care? Do you need money? You can borrow some if you want." Jaejoong wanted to walk past him, but Junsu grabbed his arm.

"I just want to hear that you're not doing anything illegal, and that you're not being forced to do things you don't want to do.. Please, just tell me those men you're seeing aren't-"

"They're sugar daddies."

"What?"

Jaejoong sighed. "There's a website, like a dating site but for rich men who are looking for younger, poorer men and women."

"To date.. for money?"

"Yes."

"And to have sex with."

"Not me. You can choose not to offer-"

"Are you serious?" Junsu said. "There are old gay men out there who give you money but don't want to have sex with you, you? Do you even believe that yourself?"

Jaejoong looked away. "I don't care what you think. Right now I'm seeing a decent guy. He never-"

Junsu waved his hands. He was getting worked up. "Let's not even talk about the sex part. Just the fact that you're selling yourself in whatever way.. you're okay with that?"

Jaejoong shrugged. "It's a job. I'm using my abilities to make money."

"And you can still feel independent and confident even though you apparently need those men to support you?"

"I can pay my bills, and I don't have to beg my parents for money knowing that they barely have enough for themselves."

Junsu didn't say anything after that for a while.

Jaejoong met his eyes again. "What's wrong with it?"

"Maybe there's nothing wrong with it," Junsu said, calmer now. "Maybe you're right and if you see an opportunity to make easy money, you should take it. I'm just worried about what it's done to your head. I thought we were the same, but you've changed, Jae. I don't know what you're thinking anymore if you think that you're living the perfect life right now. But maybe that's my problem."

"Maybe it is."

Jaejoong didn't think Junsu was wrong about everything. Ideally, a friend would be someone who reassured him when Jaejoong told him about his own worries. Clearly, Junsu couldn't be that friend.

Jaejoong took of his shoes and his coat. He put the bag of groceries he'd bought on the floor and walked to his laptop, pretending Junsu wasn't even there.

"How long has this been going on anyway?" Junsu asked. "You moved here what.. seven months ago?"

"Since Hyunjoong," Jaejoong said, not even faltering on the name.

"Hyunjoong," Junsu repeated. ".. two years?"

"Just about."

Junsu frowned. "You've only been acting strange for a couple of months though. What happened?"

An image of the man standing at the bar flashed through Jaejoong's mind, but he pushed it away. "Nothing happened. Don't you have a party to go to or something?"

Junsu stayed where he was for a moment longer and then turned to the door. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

When Junsu was gone, Jaejoong went to the site and deleted all of his new messages without reading them.

Yoochun wanted to meet him for a drink tonight.

Jaejoong hadn't spoken to Junsu since he showed up at his apartment. He wondered if they were even friends still. Yunho seemed very confused about this as well, judging by the worried texts he kept sending them. Jaejoong was grateful that Junsu at least hadn't told anyone.

Junsu probably wouldn't care, but Jaejoong decided to prove him wrong tonight, at least about the sex. He called Yoochun.

"Jaejoong?"

"I want to go to your house."

There was a short pause. "Tonight? It'll be late when I get off work."

"Just for a drink. Where do you live? Can I take a bus home from there?"

"Tell me where to pick you up from."

Jaejoong had wondered if Yoochun lived in an apartment or a house. Based on the neighbourhood they were driving through it was more likely to be a mansion.

He wasn't disappointed. Yoochun's garden was impressive, but his house was extravagant even compared to its neighbours. Jaejoong had to try hard not to get distracted analysing the structure of the building.

"Do you like it?" Yoochun asked.

"You live here on your own?" Jaejoong wouldn't design something like this for less than twenty people.

"I admit I'm a bit of a show off," Yoochun said with a grin.

The inside wasn't any less impressive. Jaejoong had visited big houses before, but nothing like this.

"Do you want some fruit?" Yoochun asked. "I can open a bottle of Barbaresco."

"I don't know what that is but it sounds good."

"Italian red wine, my favourite," Yoochun said.

Jaejoong followed him to the kitchen counter and watched him take out a cutting board and a knife. Yoochun pointed to a bowl filled with fruit. "What would you like?"

There was a lot for one man. Jaejoong wondered if he'd bought this just for him. He picked a mango.

Yoochun cut around the pit and diced the sides.

"You're good at this."

"I don't always eat out. You should try my mango and gorgonzola pasta sauce some day."

"Why don't you want a real relationship? I bet there are men and women lined up."

Yoochun's knife faltered and he looked up. "I want you."

Jaejoong didn't think he was that special. He wasn't ugly, but not the most good-looking. He did okay in his studies, but Yoochun knew nothing about that part.

"What about you?" Yoochun asked. "How did you get into.. this?"

"Bad break up, I wanted something else." Jaejoong didn't know why he was telling Yoochun this, but it felt so easy, talking to him.

"Take this," Yoochun handed him a bottle of wine and a glass. He carried a bowl of fruit and another glass himself.

The couch could easily seat ten people. Yoochun left enough space between them for Jaejoong to feel comfortable.

They discussed some light topics. Yoochun talked about the house and Jaejoong tried not to seem too eager. He drank his wine and ate pieces of mango, slowly. Yoochun didn't seem too distracted by that. Junsu had to be wrong. He almost asked Yoochun to feed him, but that might be pushing it.

Eventually, after a short silence, Yoochun came back to the answer he'd ignored before. "So.. you got your heart broken pretty badly."

Maybe it was the wine, but Jaejoong felt like talking. "I was twenty. Is that too old to be naive and stupid in love?"

Yoochun stared into his glass and smiled. "I don't think there's an age limit."

"I decided I was done with love and I wanted to try something different, less emotional. I think I saw an advertisement for the site somewhere online."

"And you liked it?"

"The first guy I met was perfect. He was old but not too ugly. He didn't have much time to meet me and he was kind and very generous. He mainly told me stories about his partner who left him because he worked too much. I think he just wanted to have someone who listened to him."

That man had never tried anything physical beyond a simple hug. Jaejoong had later wondered if there might have been another reason for that break up.

Yoochun just nodded, and Jaejoong decided to keep on talking. "But he moved to another country. I decided to find someone to replace him, but it wasn't easy. I tried older men because I thought they'd be least likely to try anything sexual, but I was wrong about that. I got better at recognising the fake profiles, and I got lucky a few times, but for various reasons it never lasted long."

"Dare I ask how many came before me?"

"Of the people I didn't reject after the first meeting.. you're the ninth."

Yoochun didn't give an indication as to what he thought of that number. "What number was the man we saw at the opera house?"

"Seven."

"That obviously didn't end well," Yoochun said. "What about eight?"

Jaejoong considered lying, but Yoochun kept telling him to be honest. "I'm meeting him tomorrow."

Yoochun didn't react to that either, unless it was with silence.

"I like you better, if you believe me."

"I want to," Yoochun said. "Do you want to tell me more about number seven?"

Jaejoong emptied his glass in one go. If he was pouring his heart out tonight he might as well be honest about everything. "He broke all the rules."

Yoochun sat up straight. Jaejoong interrupted him before he could say anything. "It was consensual."

Yoochun narrowed his eyes. "But not very."

"He didn't do anything wrong. It's all in the past anyway. I'd like to go home now. I have an exam to study for."

It looked like Yoochun was going to protest, but he changed his mind. "I'll take you-"

"You're drinking wine. Where is the nearest bus stop?"

Yoochun sighed. "I'll call you a taxi."

4. Wine

2. Cake
1. Chocolate