::parents::
Dear Journal,
they wont shut up.
>_>
dfhsajl[
no i don't hate my parents but everytime i try to be nice and be their daughter they were out the welcome.
I wouldn't mind it all that much if it wasn't always poor me flying out of there mouth. my problems don't matter. I stopped telling them my problems so that they wouldn't have strokes(since they both stress teh fuck out) and when i did my mom's response was always "o so thats whats going on? well it's nothing compared to my problems because I had ......blahblahbnlah" and my dad would freak out and act like a woman overreacting on the situation and then be like "but its ok because i love you buba and i always will. dont you ever forget that" only to come and find out that he's done something stupid behind my back. =[
They have been driving me nuts.
but I can't cut ties with them like paul says i should. though he acts like he doesn't have many ties with his family but hes a mama's boy >=P
bah what ever.
my parents really don't realize how much I stress because of them and the minute I try to explain it to either of them its a huge fucking pity party for them that turns into me getting yelled at that I'm such a horrible daughter even by fucking old ladies calling me to scream at me who know them. X_x it's retarded. not that I don't already have a guilty feelings jus from growing up to the point where I feel that I HAVE to provide for them as they get older. no that sounds wrong the way its said. ermmm see I grew up thinking that it was respectful for the children to take care of the parents who brought them up(this i didn't learn living in their houses). In their houses I grew up feeling that I had to never hinder them because it was their lives and I was just a piece that costed them money. yes I felt my parents cared for me but I never saw them as grown and therefore felt like a burden from a very early age. I remember my mom asking me as a kid how I felt about her going out at night and leaving me at the house(probably around age 9 or so) and I just replied that she worked hard and deserved to enjoy her life. Thinking back now, where does a nine-year-old learn to think like that? ahahha and I always had to lie to them for the other one(they were divorced early when I was 5)
I learned very quickly that my parents did not have money. and acted accordingly. though my mom will never let me live it down the time I had a tantrum in a store. I don't know what age I was but I couldnt have been more than 6 or 7 and I was sick. apparently she was scraping together change in order to get me meds and I started to hold my breath over wanting a toy of somesort. i passed out and she pulled my arm out of socket during the ordeal. I was such a huge embaressment for her at that time. I was a child. a child in pain from a fever who didn't realize now think about the fact that I couldn't have that toy due to the cost.
bah. i'm ranting. i'm just angery at the way people think of children. I promise that I will never be like that because of my children(once i have some). I won't be like these people in stores who scream at there kids who cry over not getting a toy. its a fact of life that children will act like that, they don't understand why they can't have it ecpecially ones that they can play with while its still in the box. they think its they'res since they started to play with it already. gah.
people suck. they need to grow up. but people and expecially americans are selfish and do not think about anyone but themselves. and growing up in that kind of enviroment will only bring in more people who think that way. I don't know what happened to me and why I didn't end up thinking just like my parents.
i'm sitting here trying to figure it out but I really cant. almost everyone I know grew up to act the same as their parents/siblings. gah i really don't know and now thats going to bug me
anyway. i hsould stop. this wasjust to rnat so that I wouldn't make my fever any worse by being angery(at least til i get to work)
-Jessie
they wont shut up.
>_>
dfhsajl[
no i don't hate my parents but everytime i try to be nice and be their daughter they were out the welcome.
I wouldn't mind it all that much if it wasn't always poor me flying out of there mouth. my problems don't matter. I stopped telling them my problems so that they wouldn't have strokes(since they both stress teh fuck out) and when i did my mom's response was always "o so thats whats going on? well it's nothing compared to my problems because I had ......blahblahbnlah" and my dad would freak out and act like a woman overreacting on the situation and then be like "but its ok because i love you buba and i always will. dont you ever forget that" only to come and find out that he's done something stupid behind my back. =[
They have been driving me nuts.
but I can't cut ties with them like paul says i should. though he acts like he doesn't have many ties with his family but hes a mama's boy >=P
bah what ever.
my parents really don't realize how much I stress because of them and the minute I try to explain it to either of them its a huge fucking pity party for them that turns into me getting yelled at that I'm such a horrible daughter even by fucking old ladies calling me to scream at me who know them. X_x it's retarded. not that I don't already have a guilty feelings jus from growing up to the point where I feel that I HAVE to provide for them as they get older. no that sounds wrong the way its said. ermmm see I grew up thinking that it was respectful for the children to take care of the parents who brought them up(this i didn't learn living in their houses). In their houses I grew up feeling that I had to never hinder them because it was their lives and I was just a piece that costed them money. yes I felt my parents cared for me but I never saw them as grown and therefore felt like a burden from a very early age. I remember my mom asking me as a kid how I felt about her going out at night and leaving me at the house(probably around age 9 or so) and I just replied that she worked hard and deserved to enjoy her life. Thinking back now, where does a nine-year-old learn to think like that? ahahha and I always had to lie to them for the other one(they were divorced early when I was 5)
I learned very quickly that my parents did not have money. and acted accordingly. though my mom will never let me live it down the time I had a tantrum in a store. I don't know what age I was but I couldnt have been more than 6 or 7 and I was sick. apparently she was scraping together change in order to get me meds and I started to hold my breath over wanting a toy of somesort. i passed out and she pulled my arm out of socket during the ordeal. I was such a huge embaressment for her at that time. I was a child. a child in pain from a fever who didn't realize now think about the fact that I couldn't have that toy due to the cost.
bah. i'm ranting. i'm just angery at the way people think of children. I promise that I will never be like that because of my children(once i have some). I won't be like these people in stores who scream at there kids who cry over not getting a toy. its a fact of life that children will act like that, they don't understand why they can't have it ecpecially ones that they can play with while its still in the box. they think its they'res since they started to play with it already. gah.
people suck. they need to grow up. but people and expecially americans are selfish and do not think about anyone but themselves. and growing up in that kind of enviroment will only bring in more people who think that way. I don't know what happened to me and why I didn't end up thinking just like my parents.
i'm sitting here trying to figure it out but I really cant. almost everyone I know grew up to act the same as their parents/siblings. gah i really don't know and now thats going to bug me
anyway. i hsould stop. this wasjust to rnat so that I wouldn't make my fever any worse by being angery(at least til i get to work)
-Jessie