Driving school
So I had a couple of weekends of driving school. (My family didn't have a car when I was growing up... My parents walked to work, and I do now, and I've always lived near decent public transit so I haven't bothered to get a license before now) Our teacher was originally from the Czech Republic, and is a pretty goofy guy. With his accent, I guess he sounded a little like Roman Bellic (the protagonist's cousin in Grand Theft Auto 4) but with an older and deeper voice. I took down a bunch of what he said (and I know I'm not the only one), which is listed below, but it loses something without the accent. Try and pretend.
In the first class, when talking about ethanol, he got completely sidetracked and went on about how socialism wasn't so bad. "Government ask you where you wanna go for vacation, mountains or beach? You say beach. They say you have four weeks, have a nice trip."
One of the days we had a different teacher, with a similar accent, who wasn't nearly as entertaining (which is fine, that's not what he's paid for), but he even acknowledged it when praising our original teacher. "Oh, he has driven much longer than I have, he is better instructor than I am, and is more fun to be around." One thing in particular I remember him mentioning, though, was that when he was in Italy, he saw that they sold shirts with a stripe down the front to make it look like you're wearing a seatbelt. -_-
But the original teacher came back in the next session, and off the bat, when the class had problems answering his questions, he goes, "Welcome to the kingdom of darkness." Some quotes...
"If you don't have license you are like less human nowadays."
"Asians love their Honda Civics."
"ABS is selling hope to the hopeless."
"All-season tires is like hermaphrodite. No good for either season."
"Speaking about evil... cycling." [holds up booklet called Cycling Skills] "This booklet dealing with evil himself."
"Cyclists is tools of evil. I am mad all day long, madman."
"When car start skidding, there is nothing you can do. Just enjoy it."
"You have to go 60 even if you kill whole family... Welcome to Texas."
"You have big future ahead. Get hired by Kelly funeral home."
"It was double enema for Toyota - flushed all their money." (the out-of-control Prius case)
"What if they cut that too? Well... you gonna die."
If you get into an accident... "Get list of lawyers, call one with Jewish name. He help you out."
"If you hit Mercedes, he probably gonna shoot you 'cause he mafia."
"I'm like encyclopedia of knowledge... I help you out, even with abortion."
On being in court after an accident...
"This is a game... You gonna be sorry that you were born."
"You have to be confident if you are a crook. 'I am like virgin Mary. I do nothing wrong'... [to a student he often called 'troublemaker'] but in your case, because you are evil girl..."
"Judge say is act of God. Where is this, church or courthouse? Act of God? Is stupidity of girl!"
"She wasn't guilty and I wasn't guilty." "So God was guilty." "Exactly."
Before the final, one guy asked what would happen after the test and he said, "After test... is group hugging... exchange of gifts..." One girl was having trouble with the question about traffic conflict situations, and he said, "What you think? For example... blind granny on bicycle." (after writing down my answer, I wrote this in the margin)
He told us about one time years ago... Apparently drug dealers used bikes for mobility, and a large white SUV collided with one outside the school. The occupants of the car got out, looked at the guy, picked up the remains of the bike and just started wailing on him. O_o Then they leave, the cops arrive, look the guy over, shrug and leave. o_O Then there was the time that one student complained about getting a ticket just before getting to school... he ran a stop sign on his bicycle. XD
And that's all I got. Finished the in-class stuff, on to the in-car.
PS: I gave everybody a number, asked random.org for a random one, and so #5 - krk won the UnderGarden code. :) The demo's on Steam now, incidentally.
In the first class, when talking about ethanol, he got completely sidetracked and went on about how socialism wasn't so bad. "Government ask you where you wanna go for vacation, mountains or beach? You say beach. They say you have four weeks, have a nice trip."
One of the days we had a different teacher, with a similar accent, who wasn't nearly as entertaining (which is fine, that's not what he's paid for), but he even acknowledged it when praising our original teacher. "Oh, he has driven much longer than I have, he is better instructor than I am, and is more fun to be around." One thing in particular I remember him mentioning, though, was that when he was in Italy, he saw that they sold shirts with a stripe down the front to make it look like you're wearing a seatbelt. -_-
But the original teacher came back in the next session, and off the bat, when the class had problems answering his questions, he goes, "Welcome to the kingdom of darkness." Some quotes...
"If you don't have license you are like less human nowadays."
"Asians love their Honda Civics."
"ABS is selling hope to the hopeless."
"All-season tires is like hermaphrodite. No good for either season."
"Speaking about evil... cycling." [holds up booklet called Cycling Skills] "This booklet dealing with evil himself."
"Cyclists is tools of evil. I am mad all day long, madman."
"When car start skidding, there is nothing you can do. Just enjoy it."
"You have to go 60 even if you kill whole family... Welcome to Texas."
"You have big future ahead. Get hired by Kelly funeral home."
"It was double enema for Toyota - flushed all their money." (the out-of-control Prius case)
"What if they cut that too? Well... you gonna die."
If you get into an accident... "Get list of lawyers, call one with Jewish name. He help you out."
"If you hit Mercedes, he probably gonna shoot you 'cause he mafia."
"I'm like encyclopedia of knowledge... I help you out, even with abortion."
On being in court after an accident...
"This is a game... You gonna be sorry that you were born."
"You have to be confident if you are a crook. 'I am like virgin Mary. I do nothing wrong'... [to a student he often called 'troublemaker'] but in your case, because you are evil girl..."
"Judge say is act of God. Where is this, church or courthouse? Act of God? Is stupidity of girl!"
"She wasn't guilty and I wasn't guilty." "So God was guilty." "Exactly."
Before the final, one guy asked what would happen after the test and he said, "After test... is group hugging... exchange of gifts..." One girl was having trouble with the question about traffic conflict situations, and he said, "What you think? For example... blind granny on bicycle." (after writing down my answer, I wrote this in the margin)
He told us about one time years ago... Apparently drug dealers used bikes for mobility, and a large white SUV collided with one outside the school. The occupants of the car got out, looked at the guy, picked up the remains of the bike and just started wailing on him. O_o Then they leave, the cops arrive, look the guy over, shrug and leave. o_O Then there was the time that one student complained about getting a ticket just before getting to school... he ran a stop sign on his bicycle. XD
And that's all I got. Finished the in-class stuff, on to the in-car.
PS: I gave everybody a number, asked random.org for a random one, and so #5 - krk won the UnderGarden code. :) The demo's on Steam now, incidentally.