(no subject)
I'm actually really happy. I love my roommates, even though i hadnt really gotten to know them before. Just friends of a friend who i said i would live with only guessing they would be great people to be around all the time. I UNDERESTIMATED THAT!! And they are all black except for my roommie kristi and i cant say i've had this much fun with this many people in a concentrated amount of time (one week). Not to say that my girls from home arent the best ever. it's just that we are so damn silly (even me, u'd be surprised what some people bring out of me). And they get my humor. Some even think i'm hilarious. It amazes me. I just have never felt funny or really interesting before. It's so nice to be that in sync with people. This will all end when classes start...
I think it's a general change in how i view myself. Physically and intellectually/socially. Definitely at a high point, but i have my weak areas. I still hate parties and large groups of people (i wanted to die at the activities fair today). but i dont feel i need to hide in my clothes. And i can do a job interview like WHOA. I'm getting into a groove actually. And i got jobs, which is crazy. I just need to act early and often i think. Or maybe i'm actually worth hiring. Answers to be given later.
What has not changed is my interaction with boys. They still make me uncomfortable/nervous. I am attracted to boys i cant have, not for their looks or status but because they make no sense. Like i'm not as physically attracted to them but emotionally/intellectually attracted. And/or they are really awkward and have an entirely different social group or schedule than I do. Or they are just generally unavailable for the mentioned reasons and more. proximity being a major issue in one particular case which is bothering me because there really is no future. Or at least i try to tell myself that. Damn. Could someone like me first once and make this easier? Pursue ME maybe (if i can call what i'm doing pursuit). i promise i dont play hard to get. I'm just honest. So I have gained alot and stayed the same. baby steps....
I think it's a general change in how i view myself. Physically and intellectually/socially. Definitely at a high point, but i have my weak areas. I still hate parties and large groups of people (i wanted to die at the activities fair today). but i dont feel i need to hide in my clothes. And i can do a job interview like WHOA. I'm getting into a groove actually. And i got jobs, which is crazy. I just need to act early and often i think. Or maybe i'm actually worth hiring. Answers to be given later.
What has not changed is my interaction with boys. They still make me uncomfortable/nervous. I am attracted to boys i cant have, not for their looks or status but because they make no sense. Like i'm not as physically attracted to them but emotionally/intellectually attracted. And/or they are really awkward and have an entirely different social group or schedule than I do. Or they are just generally unavailable for the mentioned reasons and more. proximity being a major issue in one particular case which is bothering me because there really is no future. Or at least i try to tell myself that. Damn. Could someone like me first once and make this easier? Pursue ME maybe (if i can call what i'm doing pursuit). i promise i dont play hard to get. I'm just honest. So I have gained alot and stayed the same. baby steps....