Sick

[doitinthe_dark]

I'm sick of being lied to... sick of being talked about and laughed at... I'm sick of it all. With friends like these, who needs enimies, right? Apparently... I'm a lot of things... like the self-proclaimed "Queen of notables"... right. Becaude secretly I'm not the fattest, ugliest girl in Notables. Secretly I'm not the least talented and secretly, I belong/ have the talent to be in the group in the first place. And I'm full of myself... right... because secretly I don't sit along in my room at night and cry watching tv because... because of so many things... No one's going to read this anywhy so I don't know why I bother writing it. I guess I just need an outlet. I took a personal day today. I found out that my friencds hate me... who wouldn't need a personal day. People I htought were my friends, people I thought cared about me... You know... maybe I act like I think I'm awesome... but... seriously, I can't act well enough to be in a play so you should all be able to tell it's a front. I hate having people pity me... but for christ's sake, is it necissary to hate me for trying to be confident? And all I do for theatre, all I have done, apparently it's useless because no one's interested in doing my show. Their season ends with Suessical... nice guys, real nice. And, just fyi... the incident with me saying co-directed... was a slip of the tounge. I realized it afterward. But I'm glad you all think I'm really that stuck up. And it's not like it was forever ago anyway. It's not like Mr. Fusco said to put my name in or anything. My god... I just... I don't understand how... whatever, this will most likely be mocked, talked about. I'm going for pity, or I'm a drama queen. Or is this just evidence of me thinking I'm all mighty since I assume you'll talk about it... If I'd known freshman year that this was what would happen if I joined theatre, I never would have. I would've ignored my dream, ignored what I love to have friends I can trust... I would give anything not to feel like crying when I walk into a room and it goes quiet. I would give anything to believe a friend when they said they wouldn't tell anyone... I don't know... I guess it's pointless though. I've got a semester left, right? I should just suck it up and hope the "real world" isn't like a soap opera... probably hoping for too much though, right? Yeah... right... If you managed to read this whole thing, I commend you. Good job. You now have gossip for the next few days, either about what a bitch I am for being so whiney, or about how important I must find myself to assume I'm worth your time, let along worth while to discuss for a few days, let alone 5 minutes... or was it 45?

"So love me like you used to,
When our love was brand new.
And darlin' when we're through,
You can love me again.
And hold me like you want to,
Instead of like you have to.
Love me like you used to love me,
When you used to love me.

Love me like you used to,
When you used to love me..." (it may be about lovers... but replace that with the love of friends and it fits to a T)