(no subject)
Today at my work Becky got a letter from Kari.Kari is in prison for pretty much 3 1/2 years. Kari is a good friend of mine that simply just got mixxed up in the wrong crowd at the wrong time.
Becky asked me to read it and I couldn't. I knew that it would upset me. I very much so miss her and I don't think she really knows how much she molded into being a big part of my life.
I wouldn't expect her to know though since I have yet to write her. I have sat down several times to start to write her a letter but ended up crying,deleting, it or feeling bad. I feel bad for not writing her but I also would if I did. Of course it sounds damn stupid but let me explain.
When I was in the military academy naturally liked getting letters but at the same time it REALLY depressed me to read them. I knew that I would not be seeing the people writing them soon and hated reading " I miss you, I miss you" plus the few letters I did get just turned into long drawn out letters of what people are accomplishing and doing with their lifes. Something I kind of wanted to know but also made me feel inadequate because I was going nowhere it seemed. Which I imagine would be much worse if I were in a correctional facility. I have this fear of writing her a huge long letter and not writing of anything worth saying to her.
Also I am feeling sad about the whole situation. Although I know she got did everything bad that she did, I wish that I could have in some say reached her earlier. I just know that back when I went down the wrong path is was my freinds that detoured me to go the other way. I don't want to be egotistical but, I really think that I reached her. I can't help but think maybe if I befriended her earlier?
I am going to give my address to becky to give to kari so that once she writes me I am forced to write her back. Lame as it may be I Think it's the only way I will ever sit down and really write her.
If not I could always tell her all about my "hetero" moment~ I know she would go nuts over that! hehe.. In fact I will promise her I will have one with her once she gets out. haha
Becky asked me to read it and I couldn't. I knew that it would upset me. I very much so miss her and I don't think she really knows how much she molded into being a big part of my life.
I wouldn't expect her to know though since I have yet to write her. I have sat down several times to start to write her a letter but ended up crying,deleting, it or feeling bad. I feel bad for not writing her but I also would if I did. Of course it sounds damn stupid but let me explain.
When I was in the military academy naturally liked getting letters but at the same time it REALLY depressed me to read them. I knew that I would not be seeing the people writing them soon and hated reading " I miss you, I miss you" plus the few letters I did get just turned into long drawn out letters of what people are accomplishing and doing with their lifes. Something I kind of wanted to know but also made me feel inadequate because I was going nowhere it seemed. Which I imagine would be much worse if I were in a correctional facility. I have this fear of writing her a huge long letter and not writing of anything worth saying to her.
Also I am feeling sad about the whole situation. Although I know she got did everything bad that she did, I wish that I could have in some say reached her earlier. I just know that back when I went down the wrong path is was my freinds that detoured me to go the other way. I don't want to be egotistical but, I really think that I reached her. I can't help but think maybe if I befriended her earlier?
I am going to give my address to becky to give to kari so that once she writes me I am forced to write her back. Lame as it may be I Think it's the only way I will ever sit down and really write her.
If not I could always tell her all about my "hetero" moment~ I know she would go nuts over that! hehe.. In fact I will promise her I will have one with her once she gets out. haha