Well I did it.

[doinitwitrythem]

Well hello all my fellow brethrins.lol.J/k. Well...I thought that i'd go and see my children that I seemed to miss so much of.Choloe and Kaden are just...shit....I didnt know that the next time I seen my children they'd be half as tall as me.My little boy has sprouted and he looks so very much like me.He's got such laughter.So much laughter.He's a

Comments

[doinitwitrythem]

Yeah you do.She was saying she feels so lonely and dont get vistors anymore.Kate said that it seems like ever since she's had the kids it seems like she has lost all of her friends.I feel bad, because not even I come around very often.I mean, I have more of a life then her and I just feel bad about that crap you know?I think she'd really appreciate it though,seriously.She looks good as usual,she's still got a little bit of pudge but I mean still,its amazing for having 3 kids...you know?I know she was saying how she'd like to see Tay even, so then why dont you,the boys and Tay all see her.Im sure my kids would enjoy the playmates too,you know?It'd be good for you all.I know huh?Im not going to come close to even staying gone as long as I was.No way in flippen hell.Im missing out on too damn much of their life.I just wish to god they could live with me you know?But because of the ackward situation between Nat and Kate and one being an ex and another being my wife,I just dont see that working.I love those kids.My baby girl is fast asleep,I cant stop watching her.She's incredible.Seriously.I remember when Kaden and Choloe were this small.It almost hard to remember, but I do and Kylie helps make me remember that.Kylie helps with a lot of things,she brings a lot of good things back.I see my mom within her eyes and I cant help but just stare, until her little tiny eyes drift off into a slumber.Im proud as hell of my kids.Seriously.I think I did pretty damn well.Trust me, my kids will ham it up, they are all VERY use to the camera haha.What about yours and Tay's boys?

Yep,I went and seen Tay.He looks skinnier then usual...but he told me that he's started gaining weight again..so apparently its better then how skinny he was?*shivers* id hate to think of him any skinnier then that.He didnt seem depressed at all.He wasnt really a man of too many words towards me, but he lit up playing with Kylie and carrying her around and everything.He got that girl just going and going in fits of laughter.I see he hasnt lost his tough has he?I was just a little worried though that because she is a girl and a baby, that he'd miss Juliet all the more too you know?But he opened up to her.And all he seemed to talk about was the twins, he seems so damn proud of them and he said that he wished they could have been there to play with my little Leelee.You know?I just know..somehow..things are going to look up for you,tay and those little boys.Something about him is changing.Emery and Micah are definitely bringing out the good in him, and shining through.I just wish he acted like there was more to talk about other then just our kids.There is so much he and I need to sort through, to talk about and get cought up on, it would be nice if I didnt have to just ask him questions and him answer and thats pretty much the whole conversation.You know?Wow.Well anyways, yeah..I want some of those pics as soon as you take some.You should go get them professionally done.Well Nikki,take care.

[_xonikkiox_]

I know how she feels. she has it better than i do. atleast she has Kaden and Choloe to talk too. i mean i can talk to emery and micah but they dont talk back. im usually always home alone with the twins because ike is never here and no one ever comes to see me and i really dont have friends cept for yall. I think me and her both would benfit from it. Aww. i bet she looks adorable with her little pudge. she always did look beautiful pregnant. yeah. i'm surprised i dont really have any fat on me after those huge babies came out. I don't know... Tay may not be ready to come out and face the world yet. I'm sure they would too but emery and micah can't play to much right now so i dont know how amused they'll be. That's good. You shouldn't stay away from them. i mean even if you and kate don't get along very well you should atleast still go see the kids. because they might feel left out now... since you hardly ever go and see them and now your having ababy with nat... so yeah. You are missing out on some good times. Well i dont think they'll live with you but visiting atleast every weekend or everyother day or something like that. Yeah the situation between Nat and Kate is kind of like the situation between tayand ike.. well atleast the part where each of them are jealous of each other ya no? but all them are going to have to deal with all these issues sooner or later. it's better to get them outta the way now so it doesn't get out of hand and end with them never talking to each other again. i mean them 2 use to be best friends. its sad they dont talk anymore. Aww.. thats how iam with emery and micah i can sit and watch them sleep for hours on end. just looking at how beautiful they are and amazed that i made them. that they came from me. its just amazing. Aww.. i havent gotten to see her yet i really want too. She does do alot of good things. its amazing. awww... maybe she'll be like your mother. that'd be nice. you did do well. i want to start a scrap book for this family. Mine and tays boys are going to have all kinds of pictures taken of them. alot because i love photography. i think i may want to do it professional. but anyhow.

Good. Believe me you wouldn't have wanted to see him when i saw him. he was skin and bones and look terrible. i'm glad hes starting to take better care of himself gives me hope that he's coming back. well it could be he's hiding it well. he probably doesn't feel like he can talk to you about things. but then again at first he would barely talked to me. but i slowly got him talking more. awww. i cant wait to see him with emery and micah. someone like him doesn't lose his touch. he's meant to be a father. i can see him having like 8 kids. he has a love for children that touches my heart. Yeah... but maybe it helped him some. awww. he's already bragging about his boys eh? i love my boys. very much. i have good feelings about things looking up too. what do you mean changing? good or bad? Yeah they do and thats why i think moving inwith him is a good idea so he can be around those boys and maybe get better. Yall do have quite a bit to work through but you know he's going to need time to adjust to this ya no? Well you can have some. i might go get them done professionally but i'm going to take alot myself i'm good photographer. we need to have a big get together ya no? try and get everyone here so i can take some pictures of us together. heeey. have you heard from Jessica or Ave? i havent heard from them in long time... but i dont expect to hear from Ave she hates me. *sigh* but yeah.

[doinitwitrythem]

Yeah.She, I cant really say I know how she feels because Im a man and I didnt have to sacrifice as much as her and then on top of that im that father...not the mother.But I can say that every time I have been there I never see anyone come and go like they use to before the children came along.That girl has always been so damn busy but now its like, you can ALWAYS get ahold of her.She said she is even thinking about getting rid of her cell phone and just having a home phone because nobody even calls her or anything.I dont know, Nikki, she isnt cheerful like she use to be.I mean Kate was always so bubbly, now she seems like the only life for her is those children.Apparently she hasnt even went on any dates lately because she says those children are her top priority and only priority.So um yeah.I dont know.I just feel bad.Those kids are probably 3 of the best things that have ever happened to me, but I didnt know that she'd have to give up so much leaving her with just 3 mouths to feed and a divorce, you know?She even gave up modeling.At least then she was confident..now whenever I see her, her hair is up in a bun and she is just wearing sweat pants and a tank top and like really dont wear make up.I dont think its just about being comfortable in her own skin, I think she's pretty much giving up.I feel horrible about it.Yeah lmao but I dont know how much of a conversation you can hold with nearly 3 year olds , you know?But I see your point though, its easier to talk to them then it would be with your boys lmao.Damn you woman always making your damn points and we men cant fricken argue.GRRR lol.Im sorry though Nikki.Yeah, she looks beautiful though...she dont really believe me though.Of course I dont tell her all the time how beautiful she is because I mean its not my place, Im a married man and she is my ex wife.Talk about a little ackward much?Lol.But um yeah, I still remind her.But yeah, I think you two single mothers would definitely benifit from those visits, seriously.Actually, Kate and I have been getting along well, that's not even a problem.I was just shutting myself out to children in general because we have all lost so many.You know?And I should hope and pray Nikki that ,that curse does not spread as far as you.You know?Because your kids are your world and plus they are Tay's kids too.You dont need that.Seriously!By god!But yeah, I talked to Kate and talked to Natalie, the kids are going to come over here every other week.So that should be good.Of course though, Kate couldn't barely part with Kylie for longer then a few days and so she said Kylie is the only one that I get for a few days.She was crying and she was like...oh dear how am I going to do this?Im going to miss my little babys,i'll be all alone.It was sad but cute and sweet at the same time.Little Kylie just sat there eyeing her mother while sucking away on her pacifier lol.I swear that little girl is such a doll.And Choloe is such a mommy lmao.Kate says sometimes she feels like Choloe is taking over her job.Lol, she's like..Choloe...let mommy be the mommy, that's the one thing mommy does best.So anyways, yeah.Thanks for all the advice your great Nikki and you always have been.Your like a great big and never ending fortune cookie.Hehe.I think Nat is a little worried though that im not going to pay as much attention to our child though beings I have 3 kids already and mine and Kate's little girl isnt very old herself.You know?Haha I dont think there is as much hatred as far as Kate and Nat go, not at all.They just really havent taken the time to even sit down and talk you know?Otherwise I think it would be fine.I think Kate said something about it the other day though?Like asked me to bring Natalie next time I pick the kids up.Nikki, I always knew you were going to be a great mother though and just...now to see it and how motherly you are, its fucking incredible.I have never seen someone be such a natural born at mothering.And I mean, how much damn love you have about those kids, haha, everything you say and write about, includes your little boys and I think that is just great.Seriously.

(continued)

[doinitwitrythem]

Yeah,I dont know.Tay just, I dont know, it seems like there is a lot more work to be done you know?But im not complaining.The poor man has seen his fare share of shit in this world and is still standing on his own two feel which is pretty damn amazing if I might say so myself.So yeah.8 kids huh?So you think Tay will have a big family like our mom and Walker did?We already know Tay is nothing like...WALKER because he is already such an incredible father.You know?You two both are great and together ..I think equal the perfect parents and hopefully Nat and I will too.You know?I mean...good change.Of course.You are fucking AWESOME with photography too.Oh my gosh.I know Tay LOVED that, he use to have an art gallery of your pics, I dont know, he still might.But yeah.He was really into that stuff at one point.He's such an old soul.Anyways, yeah a big get together would be great.Long over due, it would be awesome.I havent heard from Ave.Tay would be the one to talk to for that.And as far as Jessica, last I heard she was in NewYork and had a job and was taking care of Mac and Zoe as best as she could,not mac so much though because he's out doing his own thing with his friends..which she is a little concerned about because its around his age when usually you get pure pressured.But yeah.And she said she kicked the habbit of cutting, and the eating disorder,she's working on.So yeah.That's last I heard from her and that was like...SHIT...6 months ago I think?Wow, thats long over-due.Well anyways, take care...chin up k?

Re: (continued)

[_xonikkiox_]

there is alot more work to be done but it will get done. It is pretty amazing. even when he almost fell down and when he's fallen down he's picked him self up and dusted him self off and went on. Yeah i see Tay having this big family. Yeah i see him having a family like your alls. i see how he is with kids and hes meant to be with them. they just repsond so well tohim and he loves kids. hes a great father. your right we all know its nothing like Walker.. if he was then we wouldn't put up with him. yeah i think we'll be awesome parents. yall will be just fine. well its good. i'm glad hes changing... he needs to be happy again. i miss my care free happy tay. i know im good with photogragpy. I know he loved it too. he amazes me. i'm sure he still does because he loved it. and then he got this really nice look picture of me somewhere. He is an old soul i think thats why me and him are so close because im an old soul. A big get together is long over due. maybe when everything gets better with tay and we're all settled in we can have one. i haven't heard from her either.. i get worried. she wont talk to me anymore. When did she move to ny? god... i miss her too. well its good shes kicked the cutting habit and the eatting disorder. as long as mac isn't giving her any trouble. Yeah he'll be fine ihope. she needs to come see us or we need to go see her. you need to get a hold of her and get me her address and number so i can get ahold of her.wow.. you need to get ahold of her. soooooooon! i'm taken care. and my chin is up. for now. bye <3

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[doinitwitrythem]

Yeah I know, of course.I mean, that comes with the territory of course.Yeah, I've always looked up to Tay.He dont really believe that i've always looked up to him, but I always did, even as a toddler..I followed him around everywhere haha and then sort of just got stuck with me lol.That'd be awesome if you guys have a big family...oops, did I say you guys?I mean...Tay!Yeah, that's what I meant.*chuckles*.Nat wants to have a big family too, but we will see how everything goes after we have this first child, you know?Because Id hate to decide to have more children when I cant even see us being together forever ..you know?But I mean...its not like that.I love that woman more then anything and will do anything to make it work.Yeah, you and Tay are a bunch of old farts.LMAO j/k.But anyways...yeah.I know, I miss jess and need to get in touch with her again, i think im going to call her soon and see if the number still works.I want to talk to Zoe and Mac too and make sure they give me the word they are being good for their sis...plus im going to talk to them about them all coming here for a week or so, you know?

Alright?I'll let you know as soon as I get this all put together and stuff k Nikki?Lol.Alright well anyways take care doll.

Re: (continued)

[_xonikkiox_]

it does. Tay is a strong person. very strong. hes someone to look up too. even if he doesnt think it. i admire him for everything he's done and you too. haha. im sure he's glad your stuck with him your aweosme. hahaha. there you go again. you and your hints. i dunno. Zac your going to have a big family i mean shit look how many you already have. your meant to be a daddy. I understand. you dont want to start this big family and have her leave and take the kdis like what happened with kate. i know you'd do anything to make things work with her. haha we're not old farts youngin. I miss her too. she was my shopping buddy. you do and next time you talked to her tell her i said hi and i send my love and so do her nephews. yeah you need to talk to mac and make sure hes being good for her. yeah i wish they'd move back i miss them alot. and if they come back i have ot take pictures. well okay. as soon as you get everything give it me okay?

[_xonikkiox_]

Your right. shes had to make alot of sacrifices and its sad. but then so i have i. i know what shes going through. its hard. yeah. thats what happens when you have kids or you get hurt.. or something happens. she'll get better and she'll be busy again. i see what she means the only reason i keep a cell phone is in case i break donw or god forbid that something bad happens. Well im not really all that cheerful anymore either. it happens. Maybe thats how she sees it. right now all she cares about are those kids. thats probably because she feels their the only ones she has. i mean sometimes thats how i feel. that i have no one but my babies. well Zac she can't really do much anymore because she has the kids and it's probably hard to find a sitter and she probably doesnt wanna ask you. Well.. maybe she doesn't feel attractive anymore. i need to talk to her. i need to go see her sometime. she probably doesn't feel the need to get dressed up anymore since she doesnt see anyone or anything. whats the use? im like that most of the time. Sometimes you have to give up and then work your way back up again. Well she might not be able to have a full blown converstation but they can talk enough to amuse each other ya no? i have no one really. i can do a few days without hearing anyone talk. or having anyone to talk too. I mean... its hard. thats another reason why im moving in with tay to have someone with me to talk to and stuff. i just put it out like i see it. not a point. :oP Well i'm sure she just needs to go out some and party or something. she needs to have a little fun without kids. aww. i'm sure she does look beautiful. i dont blame her.. i dont really think i look as good as you all say. well you can still say she looks beautiful every once in awhile. We would. because atleast having someone to talk too about stuff and to go out with. just hang out. go shopping OHH!! that sounds like fun. SHOPPING SPREE! yes. okay sorry. lol. well its good yall been getting along. i know we've lost alot of children but we're going to have so many more that will make it. just think of the 5 we have right now and the one thats one the way. wow. i hope it doesn't too. my kids are my world and if i lost them i'd lose everything... it'd be over. i mean... i love them both so much it'd kill me to lose them. tay really doesn't need it. he's just getting attached to them. well thats good you get to see them more. good! i was getting very mad with you not seeing them alot. aww. i understand how she is. i dont think i'd be able to part with micah and emery. it'd be hard... because their all i've had since they've been born. not being able to watch them sleep at night i'd miss that. well atleast its a few days. awww. she sounds like one i cant wait to see her. haha. little momma choloe eh? hahaha. choloe wants to be mommy.. thats cute. Your welcome i'm full of advice...hahaha oh lord. i dont know whether thats a good thing or a bad thing to sound like a fortune cookie. you'll pay the baby enough attention you have enough love in you to go around. well i know its not hatered between them. but its something. i know its worse between ike and tay and i think thats mostly my fault. Well they need to talk to each other because one fighting pair is enough. and tay and ike aren't going to forgive each other anytime soon.well are you going to take her? iam a great mother. i've always been mothering. i love to help people and give advice and be motherly...its weird! lol. but its good because i lovek ids and i want to have a bundle.i want a huge family. that is if i ever fall in love again.

[doinitwitrythem]

Yeah, you and Kate both..I have a lot of sympathy for you woman.And at the very same time, I look up to you two because you guys are so strong to be doing what your doing and handling yourself so well in a situation like this as a young mother and single.You know?Seriously..I have mad respect for you two.Heyyyyy, I call you...every once so often on your celly telly.Lol.Of course I dont really call kate, because um...h-e-l-l-o ackward much?Lol ex wife and all.Natalie would NOT be thrilled at all.With her hormones all out of whack like they are..I know she'd be pissed and automatically assume something and it would all get blown out of perportion..and um..just...not good.Lol.Yeah...well I mean, id be more then happy to watch the kids.She's got so much pride though thinking she can do it all by herself and doesnt need a man for it you know?Just like Natalie was going through that stage where she wouldnt let ANYONE give her money, she had to get a job for herself.And that's how Kate is, only..its different.So I dont even know if she'd ask me to watch the kids no matter how despret she is.I really think you need to talk to her though Nikki.From one friend to another, from one single mother to another.You know?I think it would do you both a world of good!Definitely.I know she is really missing the friendship Natalie and her had, I mean..a friendship like that in general.I know how you feel Nikki, as far as Ike and Tay go, because pretty much..I am what caused Natalie and Kate to be like this.I just..I wish I could be the one good thing they have in common too?What glues them back together instead of looking at it all so negatively.*Sighs* Well, a man can hope cant he?But anyways...yeah. I think im going to talk to my ole lady about me, kate and her going out for a night of fun.Not sure though.I know Natalie DEFINITELY would NOT go for Kate and I going some place together, alone!No way!But I really dont blame her..as much as I hate to admit it..im that way with her and Tay.Forbidden fruit can just be too tempting sometimes?There will be no more losing children.Seriously, its just not going to happen anymore.Juliet was the last one.Thats how it has to be.You know?Im sorry it had to end with her, but it has to end somewhere and I just cant bare the thought of it ending with anyone else.You were getting mad at me huh woman?Yeah I dont know, sometimes I feel like a peice of shit for a father.I remember how excited and proud I was with them at first, and still am...its just..god, it tore me up having kate move out and take the kids and then try and get full custody and the threats she made.Wow.Thats just all stuff I really wouldnt like to remember.I pray to god my kids turn out just fine though because lord knows they've been through their fare share and seen some messed up stuff.Oh wow...my kids..god help them.Yes Choloe is a mommy.Haha wow okay dont put it in those terms...I can already see me chasing off those damn boys...shit ..lol..dont rush it.She better not want to be a mommy at this age...or...or never for that matter...because we all know whats required to make babys.*shutters* Ill beat whoever touches my little girl.Lol.Wow okay I need to lighten up and not rush this whole ageing proccess.But yeah, i've been meaning to talk to nat about coming along with me to Kate's but she's always sleeping and I dont have the heart to wake her.Blah!It sucks, but I WILL talk to her, definitely.Your great Nikki...your just awesome as all hell.You go girl!!Haha WOW i sounded gay there/

[_xonikkiox_]

you dont need to have sympathy for us. we'll be okay. like you said we're strong. Well we're making the best of our situations. we are young mothers and single but we are prefectly capble of raising our kids without men ya no? lol yeah you do call me but your about the only one. ZAc you and Kate was friends before you was dating and before you got married. i dont see now that your split up that you should stop talking to her. i mean it's just talk and the same goes for you not wanting her to talk to tay alone. I dont liek that. i mean if my boyfriend or something wanted to talk to an ex thats fine. i remember when ike got all pissed i talked to my ex. just because im talking to them doesnt mean something is going to happen. that kind of thinking really pisses me off. i understand. i never wanted anyone else to watch my babies.. i didnt wanna burden them ya no? and like i only asked ike to do it a few times. Yeah us girls always gotta take care of ourselves ya no? everyone always thinks we need help because we're women but we can do it by ourselves probably better than you can do it. i dunno. i mean you should just offer sometimes ya no? it would do us both good. i tihkn here in a few days imma go see her and see how shes doing. Well atleast nat and kate have a hope of patching things up. i dont see ike and tay doing that anytime soon. specially after ike finds out about me leaving him and living with Tay... shit is going to hit the fucking fan. blah. dude. i mean you gotta trust each other. i mean just because you all or they have history doesnt mean thier going to fuck or anything. its like you all don't trust each other. no more losing kids. i just wished it could have stopped before her. Yeah i was getting mad at you. not going to see your kids .fooooooool whats wrong with you? well when you feel liek that thats when you should go see your kids. i know it tore you up when she left but its something that had to be done. and her trying to get full custody and making threats wasn't nice. Your kids wil lturn out fine i mean look at them now. their going to be great kids. everyone goes through so fucked up shit but they grow and learn from it. Aww.. Choloe mommy. how cute. hahaha... yeah. im glad i dont have the problem yet. i have 2 boys that imma have to teach to respect women. oh boy. it'll be here before you know it too. god. shes going to be a heartbreaker. your going to have alot of boys coming after her. haha. never? i mean really at some point in time shes going to have babys and shes not going to be your little girl anymore. sex is required to make babies. sex is good. hehehe. yeah you do need to lighten up. your not going to have to worry about that for a few more years unless your going to beat up little kids. lol. Well maybe you should ask her. like before she naps or something. Im not great or awesome. zac are you sure your not gay?