Hell is what I live!
Whatever happened?To it all?You know what?Im begining to think that family really dont have any meaning.I'd sware im the only one trying to hold the remains of this family together.I fucking miss my mom.I know I sound like a great big baby right now but I really really really fucking miss her.It's times like these that I miss her grace, I miss how gentle she was and how kind she always was.She always knew what to do, she always tried her best.Will our family ever be whole again?
Shit!
Natalie and I are having a little bit of problems.I have to say that Im fucking scared shitless!!She says she is in love with 2 men.Not one, but 2.I thought that would change once I married her, but I guess not.Was it too soon?What happened?So much for that little family of our own.She is in love with Tay still and feels torn in 2 directions.I dont get it though!I just dont get it.As if it isnt bad enough that my brother just dont think the same of me and I can hardly get him to open up to me or even speak 2 words to me..now he might just get the one woman I love.My last chance.I try and try and try.I do everything for her damn love.He dont have to do anything for it, because she always loves him..at the end of the day, when we are making love and she closes her eyes..I fear that its him she's thinking of.I love that woman so fucking much.
I am 20 years old...this is my 2nd marriage.I divorced my first wife, we concieved 3 children together and lost like 3 together.And here I am, married again with a child on the way..a child that I fear for its life.And now im thinking its not the child I have to be afraid of losing..its the mother.I had almost given up when she came along..her smile so bright it lit up my life,I thought to myself that this is it Zac, she is the one...nothing like Kate and your first marriage you failed and your children you failed.I could have sworn I've put forth my best effort with her but perhaps I sheltered her too much?Maybe there IS such thing as being TOO good.
I truly do love her and Tay does need something.I dont know what it is he needs..but he needs something.I just want my brother back.I'd sacrifice just about anything for him and her.So I told her, as her beautiful dark brown eyes wept and I cought each fallin tear that it would be okay, despite my own heart crying out.If one of us leaves and she decides its him that her hearts resting place is with..then she could go but I wasnt going to leave her.I never will.She will have to leave me first.I'll be torn if it comes to that but I guess you cant force someone to love you for the rest of their life if it isnt true love.I dont want her to be miserable with me wishing the whole time she was with Tay and Tay wishing she was with him.All I can ask though is that no matter what, I remain a HUGE part of this child's life.I wont fail this child..I owe this baby the world.
I think im going to go see Kate,the twins and my youngest daugheter.God, its been ages.I dont know how im going to face them,I just...I love them so much..I dont want to lose them,but I guess with the loss of Juliet recently that we all sufferd, the biggest lesson it has tought is not to take the time we have for granted.
How did it come to this living nightmare?
Just how?
Nikki...doll, hang in there alright?Its falling apart all around us but you just need to hold strong.Im trying.And you know what?I've got to the point where I just throw a finger up in the air when asked what I think about Ike..I know it hurts, but im begining to think thats what you need to do too.Im here for ya hun...im here.
Shit!
Natalie and I are having a little bit of problems.I have to say that Im fucking scared shitless!!She says she is in love with 2 men.Not one, but 2.I thought that would change once I married her, but I guess not.Was it too soon?What happened?So much for that little family of our own.She is in love with Tay still and feels torn in 2 directions.I dont get it though!I just dont get it.As if it isnt bad enough that my brother just dont think the same of me and I can hardly get him to open up to me or even speak 2 words to me..now he might just get the one woman I love.My last chance.I try and try and try.I do everything for her damn love.He dont have to do anything for it, because she always loves him..at the end of the day, when we are making love and she closes her eyes..I fear that its him she's thinking of.I love that woman so fucking much.
I am 20 years old...this is my 2nd marriage.I divorced my first wife, we concieved 3 children together and lost like 3 together.And here I am, married again with a child on the way..a child that I fear for its life.And now im thinking its not the child I have to be afraid of losing..its the mother.I had almost given up when she came along..her smile so bright it lit up my life,I thought to myself that this is it Zac, she is the one...nothing like Kate and your first marriage you failed and your children you failed.I could have sworn I've put forth my best effort with her but perhaps I sheltered her too much?Maybe there IS such thing as being TOO good.
I truly do love her and Tay does need something.I dont know what it is he needs..but he needs something.I just want my brother back.I'd sacrifice just about anything for him and her.So I told her, as her beautiful dark brown eyes wept and I cought each fallin tear that it would be okay, despite my own heart crying out.If one of us leaves and she decides its him that her hearts resting place is with..then she could go but I wasnt going to leave her.I never will.She will have to leave me first.I'll be torn if it comes to that but I guess you cant force someone to love you for the rest of their life if it isnt true love.I dont want her to be miserable with me wishing the whole time she was with Tay and Tay wishing she was with him.All I can ask though is that no matter what, I remain a HUGE part of this child's life.I wont fail this child..I owe this baby the world.
I think im going to go see Kate,the twins and my youngest daugheter.God, its been ages.I dont know how im going to face them,I just...I love them so much..I dont want to lose them,but I guess with the loss of Juliet recently that we all sufferd, the biggest lesson it has tought is not to take the time we have for granted.
How did it come to this living nightmare?
Just how?
Nikki...doll, hang in there alright?Its falling apart all around us but you just need to hold strong.Im trying.And you know what?I've got to the point where I just throw a finger up in the air when asked what I think about Ike..I know it hurts, but im begining to think thats what you need to do too.Im here for ya hun...im here.