work
my job is depressing sometimes.. i always whine about all MY shit, then i step through the doors here and it's all blasted back into perspective: rv is depressed..never leaves the house. cs is depressed can't find work, never leaves the house..HIS friend wants to kill himself. ds is depressed can't find a g/f..leaves the house alot i think. st has a job...hears voices. rm never leaves the house..the smoke detector is watching him, people are urinating in his laundry & food, he hears voices.. he wants a job. sb tried to kill herself a few years ago, she's doing well taking classes in pacoima. dc is depressed. pm is depressed wants to work but can't get out of bed to do so, his brother just had a heart attack. lp is delusional, thinks i'm a 'king with a throne' he also has pica and puts foreign object in his mouth, one day he will kill himself accidentally... and i am just me, no king, no throne. and that's just all stuff from today. it's 12:30pm.
so, if i whine about my shit remind me of THIS shit. i have the ability ot realize this ,but I need to be reminded..i need to really really remember what I have and what I don't have and what's really important, what really matters. who gives a fuck about dog, about art, about me and my existance.? I guess jenny does, I guess my family does. and that's all good....but it's never enough, for at the end of the day when I drift off into sleep i'm me ..alone with myself. floating .... waiting and wondering what's next. will i hear the sounds of static as i float through the void? radio broadcasts from the 50's to keep me on track? the pulsating vibrations of space keeping me warm while the cold winds howl around me? I have no idea.
so, if i whine about my shit remind me of THIS shit. i have the ability ot realize this ,but I need to be reminded..i need to really really remember what I have and what I don't have and what's really important, what really matters. who gives a fuck about dog, about art, about me and my existance.? I guess jenny does, I guess my family does. and that's all good....but it's never enough, for at the end of the day when I drift off into sleep i'm me ..alone with myself. floating .... waiting and wondering what's next. will i hear the sounds of static as i float through the void? radio broadcasts from the 50's to keep me on track? the pulsating vibrations of space keeping me warm while the cold winds howl around me? I have no idea.