(no subject)
thanksgiving was recently but that's irrelevant. whats relevant is that i dropped my computer and i don't want to talk about it. i'd like to call it getting fucked again, but uh well, it's my fault again obviously, but i don't think this means i'll stop owning electronics. just gotta push past the hurt. i don't ever spend money because i need to save up for my next accident. i think about how i wasn't eligible for workstudy at school this year because of how much i earned in 2008, but i wonder if there's any box i could have checked for "got fucked prior to attendance". what to do, what to do. things that were stolen in the first place were stolen again. fuck->fuck back. i remember a kind of miserable day on rockville pike back in may when i needed to buy an adapter to make it possible to connect my camera to my computer and i was willing to spend 20 dollars, because that's reasonable, but all i found was seventy dollars, so i went back out to my car and got my boxcutter and cut it out of the package and put it in my pocket and walked out again BUT IM A NICE GUY. IM A NICE GUY. i fumed while i was doing it, like "look what i've been forced to do", like "i can't wait to catch breaks anymore, i need to make my own" and "the things i will use this for are of so much more value than what someone who can afford this will use it for". and now what? now this proof of what could have been a delusion: vimeo.com/rross. now i'm seventy dollars richer, still, and for the rest of my life i will be seventy dollars richer because i didn't pay money for it. i've been slowly learning the philosophy of money since 2007, and one important thing to note is that it doesn't work like grades in school, there are no financial semesters where everything is reset and gains and losses from before don't matter. every time i decide not to spend money on something i have that much more money for the rest of my life. on a separately disastrous day, i was traveling from baltimore to silver spring on the MARC and since it was a particular day during some unfortunate hour i had to spend 28 dollars on a ticket home, whereas i would usually have to spend 7. i had to get home because of some family engagement, but after i bought the ticket i called my sister who told me it wasn't happening after all. in my frustration i also forgot my first merchant marines hat on the bench i was sitting on, waiting for the train, which meant i would have to buy another for ten more dollars when i got back to piney point, which was only a couple of weeks from that moment. i got back to piney point and stole the hat. joe gillette wanted to go to whartscape this summer and so did i, but he insisted that i buy his ticket for him and it's best to give him what he wants, so i did, but the very next day he called me and said that he didn't want to go after all. i could go up by myself and try and sell the ticket, but without joe it was twice as much as i was planning on spending on gas. 2 18 dollar tickets + 2 x 25 dollars gas money plus ~ 10 dollars whatever money is a hundred, so i decided not to go and spent a week in a close-to-friendship-ending ordeal trying to pry the money out of joe to minimize my losses. 18 dollars poorer, permanently. plus sacramento. fuck->fuck back. good thing i have parents. if i had money i'd spend it all at craft stores on fake plants and marbles. i like greensboro just the way it is right now and this is reason to fear the future. goddamn these days. this cat is warm and vibrating. my room is freezing again and im ok with it. my sister and my dad and i were driving to virginia for thanksgiving dinner and my dad asks me if i've heard anything about that new movie coming out called "avalon". he said he wanted to know about any new movies coming out that have the depth and compexity of The Matrix, so he asked the IT guy at his work who told him about the sequel to a movie called "boondoggle" something. he spent some time a couple of days later talking about how his dad and his dad's dad had this idea that when faced with something that isn't working quite right, the best thing is to push and push and persist until it starts to work. i sat there silently and thought about how it wasn't such a bad way to behave. i'm fighting like a motherfucker against my pedigree.
to that end:
to that end:
You can watch this video on www.livejournal.com