it's party time
Happy Holidays everyone.
hope you have great time and enjoy the winter break as much as I do.
Special announcement, besides I'll post my gift for xf_santa and some graphics soon.. here I found someone who deserves a special gift and I really tried to make something nice, so my sweetheart I'll go open my present from you and hope you like yours. ♥
"Winter just wasn't my season"
I saw the tram, slowly setting from the next turn. Sliding on the rails like there wasn’t any other direction except forward. Again I got prepared to abandon my dignity at the station, so I could fight for a living, re-leaving it alone in the cold to survive alone, then I would go back again and find my self-confidence, confidence that allows me to stand the day.
I had no choice, all my life I had been doing the same, I can only play and the severity of the guitar on my back constantly reminded me that I had missed my chance to develop, had missed my youth and now I had no strength to run after my flighty dreams, I had to take care for my live. Like every day, I had to get up, survive and return to the realm of dream, where I was free.
The tram with a light sharp sound slid smoothly into the white noise of the city, the snow was wrapped around, seemed to suffocate slowly but surely everything. People around me were silent, as if afraid of the cold air, which was trying to grab their breath. The doors opened and I looked around with caution, waited all of the passengers before me and slipped in to the tram.
Once the doors have shut I found the courage to look out the window. Mentally imagining how I stayed there, on the stop, and all my dignity, embraces me, gives me such freedom to be whatever I want but I turned away my look, I had family responsibilities, I was not important, I wasn’t alone.
"I am part of the whole." I thought, and instantly flame of confidence ignited in my eyes. I lowered the guitar from my back and deftly took it in my hand, my action spreaded around a quiet whisper. Fortunately, the tram was not crowded this time of the day, so nobody cried with indignation.
I took a deep breath and started playing as if like I did it all my life, playing with all the positive power that my heart and my ignorant endless soul could give away. Moving slowly between the seats I stopped the melody and turned to the people with expectation, someone would noticed the plastic cup that hunged suspended on my pocket of my old trousers, someone would evaluate what I do.
I started singing my song and the familiar words in my mouth flew to contact the sounds. Same song every day, I had no doubt about the text nor I was worried about messing up the melody , I knew what I was doing and I had time to look at the faces of the passengers. Some of them I see every day, the same uninterested personas, filled with loath and scorn over my existence, and others, teased and surprised that they have hit the time in which poor people are trying to take from what’s theirs. But I did not just beg for money, I offered my music in return, but yeah it was not enough? Of course not, unless they are material, things does not exist, this was the new religion, this was the new faith but I still would believe that someone will evaluate my desire to continue living.
The people were still cold, still the same and all turned towards the window as if they could jump from there, because of the boredom and discomfort I caused.
I felt how the guilt flowed inside me, who was I to want to sponge on others, who was I to make my family live this way. Who was I?
However, I continued forward turned with my back to the traffic, I passed a bright girl with big brown eyes that looked at me apologetically and stared at the tip of her shoes. I smiled warmly and continued playing uncertain tunes until deciding with what song to continue. Suddenly my eyes were attracted by the strange strong sounds, few seats away from me. A group of teenagers gathered and were trying to drown the sound of my guitar. I was accustomed to this behavior, however, youth in them made them think the world revolves because of them, that they can control everything. They would learn with time, youth would fade away, and then, while getting older, their hearts would begin to slowly die.
I decided to pass round them with more cautious, but one boy tripped up just before I passed away and while I was flying to the floor of the tram I knew I have no chance to protect myself from the impact or even to save my guitar .
While falling, cry of fear stopped at my lips, but I swallowed the whole humiliation and remained silent, however, I knew that the fear and the despair are written on my face and had nothing to do to change my facial expression. I got up and tried to smoother my clothes, I did not want to look at the guitar, my only chance for survival, now lying dead and crushed next to my body, calm and quiet, like it was really dead. I did not know what to do. Should I say something? I thought back for the snow stop, where I dumped my dignity, I had nothing to do.
Somehow I gathered strength, threw my head backwards, which threw away my desire to land the dead body of the instrument, with all my force on the boy’s head. I just went forward without turning back, I was deaf to the laughter of the children. Everything that goes around, comes around, someday they would regret ... If not in this, at least in the next life.
Only a few meters remained to the next stop, the time to go down and face the cold outside came again, but I still had time to get to the last door. With my stationary, frozen soul that now weighed hanging over my shoulder I started singing the song again and resolutely went ahead without examining the people, not that they cared about that.
Step away from the door and from my sinking into complete despair I felt how someone's hand grabs me by the shoulder and the only thought that went through my head was that I would be having more problems like my destruction was not complete yet.
But the hand that held me was warm and weak, I turned slowly to look right in the eyes of a low blue eyed woman that smiled hesitantly, as she felt as if her place wasn’t here. She smiled and revealed her sparkling white teeth, then quickly ran through her coat pocket and took out a banknote and, without letting my shoulder with her gentle hand the woman handed me the money. In her eyes I recognized her fire and goodness, I recognized myself.
In seconds, as if frozen in time, the tram stopped with screeching and the woman took the warmth with herself, headed toward the open door.
- What’s your name?- I cried after her, seeing that I can not catch up with her because the door was closing.
"Hope" - was the only thing I heard before the tram moved forward.