Fic: Dinner Plans (or 5 Jobs Jared and Jensen Never Had) - PG-13, Jared/Jensen, 5x, AU, Romance
It's The Cousin's Birthday! She's sixteen today - SIXTEEN, you guys! I don't even know how that happened. Hopefully this thing called a driver's license will mean we get to see more of her. I honestly can't believe what a tremendous person she is and how much better my life is for having her in the family.
I wrote her a fic for Christmas and printed it out for her, but never posted it here. So I guess today is a good day to share it with all of you. I figured, I've written her some humorous SPN fic and some John angst and that 'Dean writes Glee fanfic' story - now it's time for some J2! Her first J2! This is not the first J2 I have ever written, but it is the first I have ever posted - so off to make a Jared/Jensen tag - yay! (I know, I'm a little behind on this fad).
Dinner Plans - 5 jobs Jared & Jensen never had, 1 job they do have, 6 times Jared asked Jensen to dinner - with some awesome guest cameos - and occasionally the boys in uniforms. 5x, AU, Romance, PG-13 and 3,798 words.
Title: Dinner Plans (or 5 Jobs Jared and Jensen Never Had)
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: CW RPS
Category: 5x, AU, Romance
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen with guest appearances by Samantha Ferris, Richard, Ridge, Jake, Brock, Matt, Aldis, Misha and Mark Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Very Mild Language, Mild Talk of Sexual Situations
Spoilers: None.
Summary: 5 Aus, 5 jobs Jared and Jensen have never had, 5 times of Jared asking Jensen to dinner - and that one job they do have and that one time Jared did ask Jensen to dinner.
Word Count: 3,798 words
Date Written: Dec, 2010
Disclaimer: These are real people and slavery is wrong, yo. Unless someone wants to sell me one of these guys and then I’m all for it. This never happened. I wrote this story and I make no money on it.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: The Cousin saw her first J2 vid awhile ago and said, “What’s up? Are they gay? Can they be gay? I want them to be gay now, so they can be in a relationship together. They should date.” So I thought it was time I write her very first J2 fic for her. Some people have said that they started out in AUs and read those for awhile before they felt okay with reading stories set in the boys real lives. I took that to mean, write 5 mini-aus and then throw in a little RL bit as well. There are several of these mini-verses that I wouldn’t mind turning into something bigger, longer. And I am quite captured by the little side characters - scene stealers all of them. Also, the boys should always wear uniforms.
Dedication: To The Cousin - Welcome to the wonderful world of Real Person Fiction. You’re gonna love it here. Also, Happy Holidays and all that jazz!
#1 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Lawyers:
“But your Honor,” Jared starts, only to be silenced by the judge holding up her hand.
“Final ruling, Mr. Padalecki,” she says and Jared squares his shoulders and tries not to glare at her.
Judge Ferris bangs her gavel and at the other table Jensen Ackles is hugging his client in congratulations.
“Padalecki,” the judge barks at him, “a minute of your time.”
Jared grabs up his papers and stuffs them unceremoniously into his briefcase, before trudging up to the bench.
“Yes, ma’am?” he says and hopes this isn’t about how his leg couldn’t quite hold still under the table today.
But it’s not because being around Jensen makes him nervous, no matter what that new snarky intern of his thinks.
“Jared,” she says, smiling sweetly at him, though Jared knows that just means she is about to say something he isn’t going to like. “This is getting tiresome. How about you do all of us a favor and just ask him out already?”
“Say who now? What?” Jared asks, because he is genuinely confused by this. Is he suppose to be asking out his client, because that would be weird for her to suggest, even if the case is over.
“I believe if I have to sit through another case hearing where you and Mr. Ackles cast not-so-secretive glances at each other, while you fidget all over your seat and he chews on his lower lip until it bleeds - well, I might just have to put in for that early retirement and go back to work as a court appointed attorney, and you know how much I hated that job.”
“I don’t know what…”
“Boy, don’t lie to me in my own courtroom. I’m pretty sure I could hold you in contempt for that.”
“I’m pretty sure you can’t,” Jared mutters under his breath and then flashes her his most winning smile. “Sure thing, your Honor. Will get right on that.”
“Good boy,” she says. “Now go away. I have my secret judges-only game of Twister to get to.”
Jared just smirks at her joke, because the idea of Judge Beaver and Judge Williams playing Twister is hysterical but he’s afraid if he outright laughs at the mental image, he won’t be able to stop and she’ll end up holding him in contempt anyway.
When he turns around, Jensen’s client has left and Jensen is carefully arranging his papers in color-coded files inside his briefcase. Jared understands color-coding in a file cabinet in your office, but doing it in your briefcase seems a little bit like overkill to him. Anyway, shoving all of his papers into his briefcase gives the intern something to sort through later - Aldis gets into too much trouble if Jared gives him free-time.
Jared is distracted weighing the merits of having an intern at all, and when he looks up, Jensen is approaching him and offering out his hand to Jared like they are in Little League and he is telling Jared ‘good game, good game’. But Jared never passes up a chance to touch Jensen Ackles, to slid his palm against Jensen’s and curl his fingers around the man’s wrist.
So he does. Jensen’s skin is warm and soft and Jared looks at him and is left slightly breathless from the sparkle of Jensen’s eyes and what looks like a blush creeping across Jensen’s cheeks.
From somewhere suspiciously close to the door of the judge’s chambers, Jared hears a very loud throat-clearing, at the exact moment that Jensen starts to take his hand back and Jared blurts out, “Have dinner with me!”
Jensen blinks, opens his mouth and then closes it and then opens it again to say, “When?”
Jared turns various shades of red and pink but manages to answer, “Tonight?”
Jensen looks down at his briefcase for a moment and then back up at Jared. “I have a lot of paperwork to do to close this case up.”
Jared actually feels his face fall in disappointment. He has a lot of paperwork to do to close this case up too.
“I’ll probably be done around seven,” Jensen adds and Jared’s head whips up so fast that he actually feels something pop and thinks maybe he won’t have to go to the chiropractor this week after all.
“Uh, yeah, okay,” Jared says and then remembers to smile.
“Cool,” Jensen says and this time Jared’s smile is more real and less shocked.
“Pick you up at your office?”
“Yeah,” Jensen replies and starts to turn away. “Casual clothes though,” he adds. “I’m curious to see you out of a suit.”
Jensen walks away but not before Jared can turn neon pink at the suggestion hidden in that statement.
When he leaves the courtroom, Jared chances a look back over at the door to the judge’s chambers, only to find Judge Ferris peeking out at him. He can’t decide if he should hug her or flip her off, and he figures both would get him held in contempt, so he just waves and hurries off to decide what to wear on his date with Jensen.
***
#2 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Doctors:
Jared comes bursting through the exam room door, waving an X-ray around in his hand, to find Jensen adjusting the IV drip on his patient and checking off on the chart that the man just got more pain medicine.
“What’s the verdict, Dr. Padalecki?” Jensen asks him.
“Totally broken,” Jared says and the patient snickers.
“No shit, Sherlock,” the man says and Jensen pats his arm.
“Calm down there, Mr. Speight,” he tells the man. “You are tripping balls right now.”
“I can’t believe you’re still conscious actually,” Jared tells him and then holds up the X-ray towards the light. “There,” he says and points at the X-ray, just below the man’s knee, “and there,” and this time closer to the man’s ankle. “The first one is hairline but the other one is totally out of place. Sorry to say, but we’re going to have to set it.”
“I will take more drugs then,” Mr. Speight tells them with a nod to his head.
“Sorry, buddy,” Jensen says, “you’ve had too much as is.”
“Boo!” the patient shouts and then stops. “Did I just ‘boo’ you, Dr. Ackles? I am so stoned. You’re pretty.”
Jared sees Jensen blink rapidly at the man. It’s definitely not the first time a patient has hit on Jensen, but Jensen never seems to know what to say.
“He’s pretty right, Dr Padalala…you?” Mr. Speight asks Jared.
Jared doesn’t hesitate. “He’s gorgeous.”
“Awww,” the patient says and then promptly passes out.
“That’s better anyway,” Jared says to his unconscious form. “This is gonna hurt.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?” Jensen asks and then kneels up on the bed so he can hold the man down if he regains consciousness while Jared is setting his leg.
Jared feels himself blush, but he nods and manages to meet Jensen’s eyes when he says, “You’re the most gorgeous man I know in real life, Jensen.”
Jensen grins and shrugs. “Okay,” he says.
“So,” and Jared is moving the patient’s leg, getting ready to re-align the bone, “are we still on for dinner tonight?”
“I don’t know,” Jensen says softly. “Do I have to put out?”
Jared laughs, a nervous bark of a noise and cringes at himself. “If I was expecting you to put out, I’d take you someplace better than the diner across the street,” he tells his friend.
“That Italian place on Fifth would be nice. I’ll wear a tie and everything.”
Jensen isn’t looking at him, but Jared can see that his friend’s blush is exactly the same color pink as Jared’s own.
“I choose the wine?”
“Dude, beer,” Jensen says.
“Okay,” and then they are setting the patient’s leg and Jared is trying to remember if he has a suit jacket in his locker or not.
***
#3 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Teachers:
“And then I was like - no Alona, Graceland is not the capitol of Tennessee,” Jared says and swings his legs back and forth from where he is perched on Jensen’s desk.
Jensen isn’t looking at him, but rather has his face pressed almost completely to the paper he is grading. He stills offers, “Alona is the best dressed kid in this whole damn school, but I swear she uses up all her brain capacity on shoes.”
“Dude,” Jared says and flicks Jensen in the side of the head, “wear your glasses, loser.”
“Forgot them,” Jensen mumbles and caps his red pen before looking up.
Jared sighs over-dramatically, then opens the bottom desk drawer where Jensen keeps his secret stash of Cosmo magazines and rummages around until he pulls out an extra pair of glasses.
“Dude, how did you know those were in there?” Jensen asks and gratefully takes the glasses while offering Jared a near-heart-stopping smile.
“I put them there,” Jared tells him with a casual shrug. “You’re always forgetting your reading glasses.”
Jensen and Jared are smilingly stupidly at each other when students start filing in the door.
“Lord, not you again, Mr. P,” a snarky voice rings out and Jared snaps his eyes away from Jensen to glare at the person so rudely interrupting their moment.
“Good morning to you too, Ridge,” he says to the boy, who has plopped down in his seat.
“You two should just go make-out in the principal’s office or something. Instead of sickening us every morning by making googly eyes at each other and then not doing anything about your big stupid crush.”
Jared narrows his eyes at the boy. “I think what you meant to say was - I am so looking forward to running the projector in class today, Mr. P, and I never, ever make-out with people in the principal’s office.”
Ridge rolls his eyes, but thankfully keeps his mouth shut.
“So,” Jared says to Jensen and tries to drop his voice so the classroom full of students can’t hear, “you want to go to the grill down the street for lunch today? It’s Shrimp Friday.”
Jensen shakes his head while adjusting some things on his desk. Jared feels his shoulders slump at the rejection and is grateful at least that Jensen is looking down and doesn’t notice.
“I have some shit to do today, some errands.”
“Oh. Okay,” Jared says and starts to back away. He has to get to his own class, after all, so it’s not like he is fleeing the scene or anything.
“But I’m free on Saturday,” Jensen tells him and this time he looks up, meets Jared’s eyes. “We could try a movie too.”
Jensen is smiling at him again and Jared can’t breathe, so he just nods and says rather shakily, “I’ll call you then,” before turning to leave.
As he passes by the boy’s desk, Ridge holds out his hand for a fist bump and Jared can’t help but return the gesture.
Behind him, he hears Jensen say, “Ridge, I believe you are volunteering to read your essay first.”
Jared heads off to class then, wondering if it would be inappropriate to ask Alona for fashion advice in regards to first dates.
***
#4 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Police Officers:
“She’s nice and beautiful and everything, so I don’t know why her mother thinks she needs help getting a date,” Jensen says and puts his hand on the suspect’s back, making sure he stays up against the wall.
Jared is patting down his own suspect - Brock Kelly, all of sixteen - and smirking over at his partner as Jensen relays his bad-date set-up.
“Her mom has lived across the hall from me for twelve years. You think the old lady would have noticed by now that I’m gay.”
“So, what happened?” Jared asks and crouches down to check the boy’s shoes.
Jensen stops talking for a moment as he checks his own suspect’s - Jake Abel, age fifteen - baseball cap and then continues on with, “Traci was cool. She knew I was gay. We ate her mom’s pie and watched American History X and then she went home.”
“American History X is awesome,” Jake says and Jensen shoves his face back into the wall.
“Quiet, Abel,” he says and goes back to patting the kid down. It’s the third time this week and Jensen is insistent that this is the week he finally finds the kid’s hiding spot.
“No, my story still beats that,” Jared tells his friend and then pulls a bag of weed out of Brock’s shoe. He dangles it in the kid’s face, while Brock begins rhythmically thudding his head against the wall and drops his arms down to wait for the handcuffs.
“My neighbor keeps trying to set me up with her grandson,” Jared continues. “He just came out of the closet and I think he is the only gay person she knows, so naturally, we’re perfect for each other.”
“Is he cute?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, sure,” Jared tells him. “If seventeen year old boys did it for me.”
“Thank god they don’t,” Brock mumbles into the wall and Jared smacks the back of his head.
“At some point we will have men in our lives, Jay,” Jensen says and then bounces a little on his toes and pulls a bag of weed off of Jake - duct taped inside his left pant leg.
So duct tape really is good for everything.
“Shit,” Jake mumbles.
Jensen takes out his cuffs and Jake groans.
“Do me a favor, Officer Ackles?” Jake asks and he isn’t smirking now. “Call my dad. If you call my mom, she’ll send Step-Ass and I hate that guy.”
“Sure thing, Abel,” Jensen tells him and both officers turn to lead the boys back to the squad car.
“I appreciate that,” Jake tells him. “Now, may I return the favor and suggest - you could always have dinner with Officer Padalecki.”
“Hey,” Jared says brightly, “You could always have dinner with me.” They have dinner all the time, so it’s no big deal that this invite came right after they were talking about dating.
Dating other people though, not each other.
“Are you paying?” Jensen asks.
“If he pays, you have to be the one to bend over,” Jake informs him.
“That could be arranged,” Jensen says teasingly but his eyes rake over Jared’s body in a completely predatory way.
The boys both just snort at them.
“It’s about damn time,” Brock says. “You two have been doing this dance longer than Ackles has been trying to find Jake’s weed.”
Jared and Jensen stop walking to stare at each other.
“I guess maybe we should get dressed up then,” Jared says and tries to pretend his voice isn’t shaking.
Jensen gives him a shy smile and answers, “I do love a man in a suit.”
Then they are sliding the boys into the back of the squad car and Jared is freaking out over whether or not he actually owns a suit.
***
#5 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Firefighters:
“And that girl could dance, like whoa,” Matt is saying and Jared lets out a yawn and stretches out in the lawn-chair.
“Are you sure she could actually dance, Cohen?” he asks his friend. “Or was it just the short-shorts she was wearing?”
“Hey,” Matt tells him and holds up a warning finger, “do not underestimate the power of short-shorts for improving one’s ability to do just about anything.”
Jared looks out across the firehouse floor, where the new guy - Albus or Aldis or something - is hosing down the cement. It’s been a light day and Jared thinks if this keeps up, he might actually get out of here on time tonight.
He doesn’t say it out loud though, because that’s totally a jinx.
“Anyway, it’s a good club. You should try it out,” Matt says to him and Jared just nods, because in all the years they’ve known each other, Jared has only taken a recommendation from Matt Cohen once.
It didn’t end well.
“S’up, Jensen?” Matt shouts out as Jensen Ackles comes around the corner, carrying four bottles of root beer. He stops to give one to the new kid and then heads in their direction.
Jared sits up in his seat and adjusts his polo shirt across his chest.
“You are so adorable,” Matt tells him. “Squaring your shoulders and fixing your clothes for your little crush.”
“I don’t have a crush,” Jared hisses under his breath and then smiles up at Jensen.
Jensen hands Matt a root beer and then promptly says, “Cohen, move.”
Matt makes a mock-scowl at him, but then gets up anyway and lets Jensen take his chair.
“Only because I love you, Jay,” he says and then wanders off to torment the new kid.
“Matt is trying to convince me to go to a dance club,” Jared tells Jensen and accepts the root beer the man offers him.
Jensen raises his eyebrows. “The only thing worse than you dancing…is me dancing.”
“That thing you do is not dancing,” Jared replies with a grin. “It looks like you’re having a seizure.”
“Short-shorts!” Matt hollers across the garage.
Jared looks down at his lap. “Apparently wearing short-shorts makes you better at dancing,” he informs Jensen and tries to control the blush creeping across his face at the image of Jensen in Daisy-Dukes.
“Or the shorts just showcase my awesome legs and totally distract from what a spaz I actually am,” Jensen tells him and Jared looks up at his friend with wide eyes.
“Or,” Matt hollers out again, “you could just ask him out to dinner and stop boring us all with your constant undressing of each other with your eyes.”
“Seriously,” New Guy adds, “I’ve been here for all of five minutes and I can see you two are stupidly into each other. For serious.”
Matt and New Guy exchange high-fives and then wander away to find something else to do and Jared is left to stare at the loose thread on his jeans.
“We could have dinner,” Jared says softly and actually holds his breath while he waits for Jensen to respond.
After what seems like an eternity, Jared feels a warm hand on his shoulder.
Jensen waits for Jared to look up, before he says, “I get off at seven.”
Jared feels like his face might break from how wide his smile is. “Me too. We could leave straight from here.”
“I get to see you in something other than your firehouse polos and your softball uniform?” Jensen asks and raises his root beer bottle in a salute.
Jared returns the gesture and tries not to worry about whether he has anything in his gym bag that isn’t covered in sweat or the color pink.
***
And The Job Jared and Jensen Actually Have - Actors:
Jared’s head hits the wall with an echoing crack and his breath freezes in his chest, even as his legs slide him down the wall until he is sitting, legs splayed out, on the floor.
From somewhere that sounds very far away, he can hear Mark Sheppard’s voice saying things like, “Jesus…hell…Jared…Jared…”
And then a more familiar comforting voice, accompanied by a warm soft hand on his face, asking, “Jared? You with us, man?”
Jared looks up into Jensen’s green eyes and grins. “Demons suck.”
“Hey,” Mark says from somewhere off to Jared’s right, “a guy your size shouldn’t go down so easy.”
“A guy your size,” Jared tells him, “shouldn’t be able to throw someone my size around so easily either. But here we are.”
Jared winces as Jensen pulls him to his feet and hooks an arm under him, holds some of Jared’s weight.
“Maybe Jensen can kiss it better?” Mark says and Jared just barely catches Jensen flipping the older man off.
Someone is there then, with a chair, and Jared sits and let the medic look at the back of his head.
Jensen has a hand on his shoulder the whole time.
“So, I was thinking…” Jared starts.
“Don’t do that with a head injury,” Misha says from back where he is loitering by the director, waiting for Mark to be done so they can go do some wine tasting thing, which Jared just suspects is code for ‘let’s go back to Misha’s and get drunk’.
Jared sees Jensen cut Misha a glare and then he is smiling down at Jared. “What’s up, Jay?”
“We should have dinner tonight.”
“I do plan on eating,” Jensen says with a confused smile.
“Together, I mean,” Jared tells him.
“Jay,” Jensen says patiently and then glances at the back of Jared’s head, as if to see if his brains maybe came loose with the impact, “we live together. We eat together every night.”
“No,” Jared says and tries to pull his head away from the medic. “Not cold leftovers while we sit on opposite ends of the couch and stare at whatever is on HGTV, dude. I mean, out somewhere.”
“Like a restaurant?’ Jensen asks and maybe smiles a little less confused and little more real.
“Yes.”
The paramedic pats Jared’s shoulder and says, “Just sit for a minute. You know the drill.”
Jared gives the man his thanks and then looks up expectantly at Jensen.
Someone, Jared suspects Misha, shoves a bottle of water in his hand.
“That place down the street from Misha’s is pretty good, I hear. We could try that,” Jensen tells him at last.
“You need to wear a suit,” Misha says and then winks, “but I always get laid when I take Vicki there, so that’s a plus.”
Jared chooses to ignore that last remark and instead asks, “We gonna drive all the way home just to get suits?” Because as nice as it sounds to sit across a fine table and eat good food and look at Jensen all night, traffic will be a bitch.
“You could just steal one of Sam’s suits,” Mark suggests helpfully and when Jared looks over, both Misha and Mark look slightly wide-eyed and maniac.
“Okay,” Jensen says softly. “It’s a date.”
Misha and Mark start jumping up and down like kangaroos and Jared throws his half empty water bottle at them.
Jared stands up, as the director waves them back to their places. Jensen keeps his hand on Jared’s shoulder until they have to separate to go stand on their marks.
Jared grins lopsided at Jensen and then looks over at the little demon man in the corner.
“Let’s get this last shot then, Sheppard. I have to go steal clothes.”
The End
I wrote her a fic for Christmas and printed it out for her, but never posted it here. So I guess today is a good day to share it with all of you. I figured, I've written her some humorous SPN fic and some John angst and that 'Dean writes Glee fanfic' story - now it's time for some J2! Her first J2! This is not the first J2 I have ever written, but it is the first I have ever posted - so off to make a Jared/Jensen tag - yay! (I know, I'm a little behind on this fad).
Dinner Plans - 5 jobs Jared & Jensen never had, 1 job they do have, 6 times Jared asked Jensen to dinner - with some awesome guest cameos - and occasionally the boys in uniforms. 5x, AU, Romance, PG-13 and 3,798 words.
Title: Dinner Plans (or 5 Jobs Jared and Jensen Never Had)
Author: The Artful Dodger / dodger_sister
Fandom: CW RPS
Category: 5x, AU, Romance
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen with guest appearances by Samantha Ferris, Richard, Ridge, Jake, Brock, Matt, Aldis, Misha and Mark Sheppard
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Very Mild Language, Mild Talk of Sexual Situations
Spoilers: None.
Summary: 5 Aus, 5 jobs Jared and Jensen have never had, 5 times of Jared asking Jensen to dinner - and that one job they do have and that one time Jared did ask Jensen to dinner.
Word Count: 3,798 words
Date Written: Dec, 2010
Disclaimer: These are real people and slavery is wrong, yo. Unless someone wants to sell me one of these guys and then I’m all for it. This never happened. I wrote this story and I make no money on it.
Feedback: Bring it. dodger_sister / TheArtofDodger@comcast.net
Beta’d: Nope.
Author's Notes: The Cousin saw her first J2 vid awhile ago and said, “What’s up? Are they gay? Can they be gay? I want them to be gay now, so they can be in a relationship together. They should date.” So I thought it was time I write her very first J2 fic for her. Some people have said that they started out in AUs and read those for awhile before they felt okay with reading stories set in the boys real lives. I took that to mean, write 5 mini-aus and then throw in a little RL bit as well. There are several of these mini-verses that I wouldn’t mind turning into something bigger, longer. And I am quite captured by the little side characters - scene stealers all of them. Also, the boys should always wear uniforms.
Dedication: To The Cousin - Welcome to the wonderful world of Real Person Fiction. You’re gonna love it here. Also, Happy Holidays and all that jazz!
#1 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Lawyers:
“But your Honor,” Jared starts, only to be silenced by the judge holding up her hand.
“Final ruling, Mr. Padalecki,” she says and Jared squares his shoulders and tries not to glare at her.
Judge Ferris bangs her gavel and at the other table Jensen Ackles is hugging his client in congratulations.
“Padalecki,” the judge barks at him, “a minute of your time.”
Jared grabs up his papers and stuffs them unceremoniously into his briefcase, before trudging up to the bench.
“Yes, ma’am?” he says and hopes this isn’t about how his leg couldn’t quite hold still under the table today.
But it’s not because being around Jensen makes him nervous, no matter what that new snarky intern of his thinks.
“Jared,” she says, smiling sweetly at him, though Jared knows that just means she is about to say something he isn’t going to like. “This is getting tiresome. How about you do all of us a favor and just ask him out already?”
“Say who now? What?” Jared asks, because he is genuinely confused by this. Is he suppose to be asking out his client, because that would be weird for her to suggest, even if the case is over.
“I believe if I have to sit through another case hearing where you and Mr. Ackles cast not-so-secretive glances at each other, while you fidget all over your seat and he chews on his lower lip until it bleeds - well, I might just have to put in for that early retirement and go back to work as a court appointed attorney, and you know how much I hated that job.”
“I don’t know what…”
“Boy, don’t lie to me in my own courtroom. I’m pretty sure I could hold you in contempt for that.”
“I’m pretty sure you can’t,” Jared mutters under his breath and then flashes her his most winning smile. “Sure thing, your Honor. Will get right on that.”
“Good boy,” she says. “Now go away. I have my secret judges-only game of Twister to get to.”
Jared just smirks at her joke, because the idea of Judge Beaver and Judge Williams playing Twister is hysterical but he’s afraid if he outright laughs at the mental image, he won’t be able to stop and she’ll end up holding him in contempt anyway.
When he turns around, Jensen’s client has left and Jensen is carefully arranging his papers in color-coded files inside his briefcase. Jared understands color-coding in a file cabinet in your office, but doing it in your briefcase seems a little bit like overkill to him. Anyway, shoving all of his papers into his briefcase gives the intern something to sort through later - Aldis gets into too much trouble if Jared gives him free-time.
Jared is distracted weighing the merits of having an intern at all, and when he looks up, Jensen is approaching him and offering out his hand to Jared like they are in Little League and he is telling Jared ‘good game, good game’. But Jared never passes up a chance to touch Jensen Ackles, to slid his palm against Jensen’s and curl his fingers around the man’s wrist.
So he does. Jensen’s skin is warm and soft and Jared looks at him and is left slightly breathless from the sparkle of Jensen’s eyes and what looks like a blush creeping across Jensen’s cheeks.
From somewhere suspiciously close to the door of the judge’s chambers, Jared hears a very loud throat-clearing, at the exact moment that Jensen starts to take his hand back and Jared blurts out, “Have dinner with me!”
Jensen blinks, opens his mouth and then closes it and then opens it again to say, “When?”
Jared turns various shades of red and pink but manages to answer, “Tonight?”
Jensen looks down at his briefcase for a moment and then back up at Jared. “I have a lot of paperwork to do to close this case up.”
Jared actually feels his face fall in disappointment. He has a lot of paperwork to do to close this case up too.
“I’ll probably be done around seven,” Jensen adds and Jared’s head whips up so fast that he actually feels something pop and thinks maybe he won’t have to go to the chiropractor this week after all.
“Uh, yeah, okay,” Jared says and then remembers to smile.
“Cool,” Jensen says and this time Jared’s smile is more real and less shocked.
“Pick you up at your office?”
“Yeah,” Jensen replies and starts to turn away. “Casual clothes though,” he adds. “I’m curious to see you out of a suit.”
Jensen walks away but not before Jared can turn neon pink at the suggestion hidden in that statement.
When he leaves the courtroom, Jared chances a look back over at the door to the judge’s chambers, only to find Judge Ferris peeking out at him. He can’t decide if he should hug her or flip her off, and he figures both would get him held in contempt, so he just waves and hurries off to decide what to wear on his date with Jensen.
***
#2 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Doctors:
Jared comes bursting through the exam room door, waving an X-ray around in his hand, to find Jensen adjusting the IV drip on his patient and checking off on the chart that the man just got more pain medicine.
“What’s the verdict, Dr. Padalecki?” Jensen asks him.
“Totally broken,” Jared says and the patient snickers.
“No shit, Sherlock,” the man says and Jensen pats his arm.
“Calm down there, Mr. Speight,” he tells the man. “You are tripping balls right now.”
“I can’t believe you’re still conscious actually,” Jared tells him and then holds up the X-ray towards the light. “There,” he says and points at the X-ray, just below the man’s knee, “and there,” and this time closer to the man’s ankle. “The first one is hairline but the other one is totally out of place. Sorry to say, but we’re going to have to set it.”
“I will take more drugs then,” Mr. Speight tells them with a nod to his head.
“Sorry, buddy,” Jensen says, “you’ve had too much as is.”
“Boo!” the patient shouts and then stops. “Did I just ‘boo’ you, Dr. Ackles? I am so stoned. You’re pretty.”
Jared sees Jensen blink rapidly at the man. It’s definitely not the first time a patient has hit on Jensen, but Jensen never seems to know what to say.
“He’s pretty right, Dr Padalala…you?” Mr. Speight asks Jared.
Jared doesn’t hesitate. “He’s gorgeous.”
“Awww,” the patient says and then promptly passes out.
“That’s better anyway,” Jared says to his unconscious form. “This is gonna hurt.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?” Jensen asks and then kneels up on the bed so he can hold the man down if he regains consciousness while Jared is setting his leg.
Jared feels himself blush, but he nods and manages to meet Jensen’s eyes when he says, “You’re the most gorgeous man I know in real life, Jensen.”
Jensen grins and shrugs. “Okay,” he says.
“So,” and Jared is moving the patient’s leg, getting ready to re-align the bone, “are we still on for dinner tonight?”
“I don’t know,” Jensen says softly. “Do I have to put out?”
Jared laughs, a nervous bark of a noise and cringes at himself. “If I was expecting you to put out, I’d take you someplace better than the diner across the street,” he tells his friend.
“That Italian place on Fifth would be nice. I’ll wear a tie and everything.”
Jensen isn’t looking at him, but Jared can see that his friend’s blush is exactly the same color pink as Jared’s own.
“I choose the wine?”
“Dude, beer,” Jensen says.
“Okay,” and then they are setting the patient’s leg and Jared is trying to remember if he has a suit jacket in his locker or not.
***
#3 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Teachers:
“And then I was like - no Alona, Graceland is not the capitol of Tennessee,” Jared says and swings his legs back and forth from where he is perched on Jensen’s desk.
Jensen isn’t looking at him, but rather has his face pressed almost completely to the paper he is grading. He stills offers, “Alona is the best dressed kid in this whole damn school, but I swear she uses up all her brain capacity on shoes.”
“Dude,” Jared says and flicks Jensen in the side of the head, “wear your glasses, loser.”
“Forgot them,” Jensen mumbles and caps his red pen before looking up.
Jared sighs over-dramatically, then opens the bottom desk drawer where Jensen keeps his secret stash of Cosmo magazines and rummages around until he pulls out an extra pair of glasses.
“Dude, how did you know those were in there?” Jensen asks and gratefully takes the glasses while offering Jared a near-heart-stopping smile.
“I put them there,” Jared tells him with a casual shrug. “You’re always forgetting your reading glasses.”
Jensen and Jared are smilingly stupidly at each other when students start filing in the door.
“Lord, not you again, Mr. P,” a snarky voice rings out and Jared snaps his eyes away from Jensen to glare at the person so rudely interrupting their moment.
“Good morning to you too, Ridge,” he says to the boy, who has plopped down in his seat.
“You two should just go make-out in the principal’s office or something. Instead of sickening us every morning by making googly eyes at each other and then not doing anything about your big stupid crush.”
Jared narrows his eyes at the boy. “I think what you meant to say was - I am so looking forward to running the projector in class today, Mr. P, and I never, ever make-out with people in the principal’s office.”
Ridge rolls his eyes, but thankfully keeps his mouth shut.
“So,” Jared says to Jensen and tries to drop his voice so the classroom full of students can’t hear, “you want to go to the grill down the street for lunch today? It’s Shrimp Friday.”
Jensen shakes his head while adjusting some things on his desk. Jared feels his shoulders slump at the rejection and is grateful at least that Jensen is looking down and doesn’t notice.
“I have some shit to do today, some errands.”
“Oh. Okay,” Jared says and starts to back away. He has to get to his own class, after all, so it’s not like he is fleeing the scene or anything.
“But I’m free on Saturday,” Jensen tells him and this time he looks up, meets Jared’s eyes. “We could try a movie too.”
Jensen is smiling at him again and Jared can’t breathe, so he just nods and says rather shakily, “I’ll call you then,” before turning to leave.
As he passes by the boy’s desk, Ridge holds out his hand for a fist bump and Jared can’t help but return the gesture.
Behind him, he hears Jensen say, “Ridge, I believe you are volunteering to read your essay first.”
Jared heads off to class then, wondering if it would be inappropriate to ask Alona for fashion advice in regards to first dates.
***
#4 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Police Officers:
“She’s nice and beautiful and everything, so I don’t know why her mother thinks she needs help getting a date,” Jensen says and puts his hand on the suspect’s back, making sure he stays up against the wall.
Jared is patting down his own suspect - Brock Kelly, all of sixteen - and smirking over at his partner as Jensen relays his bad-date set-up.
“Her mom has lived across the hall from me for twelve years. You think the old lady would have noticed by now that I’m gay.”
“So, what happened?” Jared asks and crouches down to check the boy’s shoes.
Jensen stops talking for a moment as he checks his own suspect’s - Jake Abel, age fifteen - baseball cap and then continues on with, “Traci was cool. She knew I was gay. We ate her mom’s pie and watched American History X and then she went home.”
“American History X is awesome,” Jake says and Jensen shoves his face back into the wall.
“Quiet, Abel,” he says and goes back to patting the kid down. It’s the third time this week and Jensen is insistent that this is the week he finally finds the kid’s hiding spot.
“No, my story still beats that,” Jared tells his friend and then pulls a bag of weed out of Brock’s shoe. He dangles it in the kid’s face, while Brock begins rhythmically thudding his head against the wall and drops his arms down to wait for the handcuffs.
“My neighbor keeps trying to set me up with her grandson,” Jared continues. “He just came out of the closet and I think he is the only gay person she knows, so naturally, we’re perfect for each other.”
“Is he cute?” Jake asks.
“Yeah, sure,” Jared tells him. “If seventeen year old boys did it for me.”
“Thank god they don’t,” Brock mumbles into the wall and Jared smacks the back of his head.
“At some point we will have men in our lives, Jay,” Jensen says and then bounces a little on his toes and pulls a bag of weed off of Jake - duct taped inside his left pant leg.
So duct tape really is good for everything.
“Shit,” Jake mumbles.
Jensen takes out his cuffs and Jake groans.
“Do me a favor, Officer Ackles?” Jake asks and he isn’t smirking now. “Call my dad. If you call my mom, she’ll send Step-Ass and I hate that guy.”
“Sure thing, Abel,” Jensen tells him and both officers turn to lead the boys back to the squad car.
“I appreciate that,” Jake tells him. “Now, may I return the favor and suggest - you could always have dinner with Officer Padalecki.”
“Hey,” Jared says brightly, “You could always have dinner with me.” They have dinner all the time, so it’s no big deal that this invite came right after they were talking about dating.
Dating other people though, not each other.
“Are you paying?” Jensen asks.
“If he pays, you have to be the one to bend over,” Jake informs him.
“That could be arranged,” Jensen says teasingly but his eyes rake over Jared’s body in a completely predatory way.
The boys both just snort at them.
“It’s about damn time,” Brock says. “You two have been doing this dance longer than Ackles has been trying to find Jake’s weed.”
Jared and Jensen stop walking to stare at each other.
“I guess maybe we should get dressed up then,” Jared says and tries to pretend his voice isn’t shaking.
Jensen gives him a shy smile and answers, “I do love a man in a suit.”
Then they are sliding the boys into the back of the squad car and Jared is freaking out over whether or not he actually owns a suit.
***
#5 Job Jared and Jensen Never Had - Firefighters:
“And that girl could dance, like whoa,” Matt is saying and Jared lets out a yawn and stretches out in the lawn-chair.
“Are you sure she could actually dance, Cohen?” he asks his friend. “Or was it just the short-shorts she was wearing?”
“Hey,” Matt tells him and holds up a warning finger, “do not underestimate the power of short-shorts for improving one’s ability to do just about anything.”
Jared looks out across the firehouse floor, where the new guy - Albus or Aldis or something - is hosing down the cement. It’s been a light day and Jared thinks if this keeps up, he might actually get out of here on time tonight.
He doesn’t say it out loud though, because that’s totally a jinx.
“Anyway, it’s a good club. You should try it out,” Matt says to him and Jared just nods, because in all the years they’ve known each other, Jared has only taken a recommendation from Matt Cohen once.
It didn’t end well.
“S’up, Jensen?” Matt shouts out as Jensen Ackles comes around the corner, carrying four bottles of root beer. He stops to give one to the new kid and then heads in their direction.
Jared sits up in his seat and adjusts his polo shirt across his chest.
“You are so adorable,” Matt tells him. “Squaring your shoulders and fixing your clothes for your little crush.”
“I don’t have a crush,” Jared hisses under his breath and then smiles up at Jensen.
Jensen hands Matt a root beer and then promptly says, “Cohen, move.”
Matt makes a mock-scowl at him, but then gets up anyway and lets Jensen take his chair.
“Only because I love you, Jay,” he says and then wanders off to torment the new kid.
“Matt is trying to convince me to go to a dance club,” Jared tells Jensen and accepts the root beer the man offers him.
Jensen raises his eyebrows. “The only thing worse than you dancing…is me dancing.”
“That thing you do is not dancing,” Jared replies with a grin. “It looks like you’re having a seizure.”
“Short-shorts!” Matt hollers across the garage.
Jared looks down at his lap. “Apparently wearing short-shorts makes you better at dancing,” he informs Jensen and tries to control the blush creeping across his face at the image of Jensen in Daisy-Dukes.
“Or the shorts just showcase my awesome legs and totally distract from what a spaz I actually am,” Jensen tells him and Jared looks up at his friend with wide eyes.
“Or,” Matt hollers out again, “you could just ask him out to dinner and stop boring us all with your constant undressing of each other with your eyes.”
“Seriously,” New Guy adds, “I’ve been here for all of five minutes and I can see you two are stupidly into each other. For serious.”
Matt and New Guy exchange high-fives and then wander away to find something else to do and Jared is left to stare at the loose thread on his jeans.
“We could have dinner,” Jared says softly and actually holds his breath while he waits for Jensen to respond.
After what seems like an eternity, Jared feels a warm hand on his shoulder.
Jensen waits for Jared to look up, before he says, “I get off at seven.”
Jared feels like his face might break from how wide his smile is. “Me too. We could leave straight from here.”
“I get to see you in something other than your firehouse polos and your softball uniform?” Jensen asks and raises his root beer bottle in a salute.
Jared returns the gesture and tries not to worry about whether he has anything in his gym bag that isn’t covered in sweat or the color pink.
***
And The Job Jared and Jensen Actually Have - Actors:
Jared’s head hits the wall with an echoing crack and his breath freezes in his chest, even as his legs slide him down the wall until he is sitting, legs splayed out, on the floor.
From somewhere that sounds very far away, he can hear Mark Sheppard’s voice saying things like, “Jesus…hell…Jared…Jared…”
And then a more familiar comforting voice, accompanied by a warm soft hand on his face, asking, “Jared? You with us, man?”
Jared looks up into Jensen’s green eyes and grins. “Demons suck.”
“Hey,” Mark says from somewhere off to Jared’s right, “a guy your size shouldn’t go down so easy.”
“A guy your size,” Jared tells him, “shouldn’t be able to throw someone my size around so easily either. But here we are.”
Jared winces as Jensen pulls him to his feet and hooks an arm under him, holds some of Jared’s weight.
“Maybe Jensen can kiss it better?” Mark says and Jared just barely catches Jensen flipping the older man off.
Someone is there then, with a chair, and Jared sits and let the medic look at the back of his head.
Jensen has a hand on his shoulder the whole time.
“So, I was thinking…” Jared starts.
“Don’t do that with a head injury,” Misha says from back where he is loitering by the director, waiting for Mark to be done so they can go do some wine tasting thing, which Jared just suspects is code for ‘let’s go back to Misha’s and get drunk’.
Jared sees Jensen cut Misha a glare and then he is smiling down at Jared. “What’s up, Jay?”
“We should have dinner tonight.”
“I do plan on eating,” Jensen says with a confused smile.
“Together, I mean,” Jared tells him.
“Jay,” Jensen says patiently and then glances at the back of Jared’s head, as if to see if his brains maybe came loose with the impact, “we live together. We eat together every night.”
“No,” Jared says and tries to pull his head away from the medic. “Not cold leftovers while we sit on opposite ends of the couch and stare at whatever is on HGTV, dude. I mean, out somewhere.”
“Like a restaurant?’ Jensen asks and maybe smiles a little less confused and little more real.
“Yes.”
The paramedic pats Jared’s shoulder and says, “Just sit for a minute. You know the drill.”
Jared gives the man his thanks and then looks up expectantly at Jensen.
Someone, Jared suspects Misha, shoves a bottle of water in his hand.
“That place down the street from Misha’s is pretty good, I hear. We could try that,” Jensen tells him at last.
“You need to wear a suit,” Misha says and then winks, “but I always get laid when I take Vicki there, so that’s a plus.”
Jared chooses to ignore that last remark and instead asks, “We gonna drive all the way home just to get suits?” Because as nice as it sounds to sit across a fine table and eat good food and look at Jensen all night, traffic will be a bitch.
“You could just steal one of Sam’s suits,” Mark suggests helpfully and when Jared looks over, both Misha and Mark look slightly wide-eyed and maniac.
“Okay,” Jensen says softly. “It’s a date.”
Misha and Mark start jumping up and down like kangaroos and Jared throws his half empty water bottle at them.
Jared stands up, as the director waves them back to their places. Jensen keeps his hand on Jared’s shoulder until they have to separate to go stand on their marks.
Jared grins lopsided at Jensen and then looks over at the little demon man in the corner.
“Let’s get this last shot then, Sheppard. I have to go steal clothes.”
The End