Cuz That's How We Roll Around These Parts!
My coughing is about 90% done. I have to do the breathing treatment every day or it comes back, but fuck it, I can do that all winter if I have too. When I was a kid, I used an inhaler, because my lung muscles weren’t as strong since I wasn’t as physically active. It shouldn’t be surprising that I need it again as I get older. Also, the hernia (did I even tell you guys about that?) has reduced itself and now I am just suffering from some abdominal muscle strains (at least I hope that’s it, because I really don’t want to have any scopes put anywhere inside me to check that shit out!). I am taking muscle relaxers, which swamped me with guilt to take them, but they have helped enough now that I am glad I did.
Anyways, I realized I hadn’t shared the actual funny stories that came out of all this coughing. So let’s do that now.
See, my sister and I think we are funny. I drop something and need her to pick it up, she yells, “Why do you hate me?!” She forgets the kitty litter, I yell, “What’s wrong with you?!” I start having a coughing fit, she yells, “Stop that! Stop it right now!” I usually respond with, “OMG, shut up! I’m siiiiiiick.” Yeah, no one else will ever want to live with us. But, at night, my coughing really was keeping my sister awake. There was one week I don’t think she hit R.E.M. sleep at all. She would yell across the hall, “Stop coughing! Omg, stop it!” But often, she was asleep when she did this. I could tell, because I would have a coughing fit and then be silent for like 20 minutes and out of nowhere I’d hear, “Stop it! Stop coughing!” when I hadn’t even been coughing at all. So even in her sleep, she thinks she’s being funny, but she’s being really really childish! Then we go to the doctor and my sister is playing on her phone, completely not listening (which is what I like, because I can’t be alone in the room in case I need something, but I do like the medical privacy of her completely tuning everything out). The doctor starts telling me that the hernia is from coughing so hard and I really need to try to cough less. At which point, I inevitably start coughing. And the doctor yells, “Stop it! Stop coughing!” and my sister whips her head up and goes, “Aha! I told you so!”
Later I was on the phone with The Canadian Brother and his son can hear me coughing through the phone and he starts trying to imitate me and then I hear him crying and my brother is like, “He tried to fake-cough but he made himself choke.” I cough again and I hear The Canadian Nephew start yelling, “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!” Now I’m getting yelled at for my coughing by a two year old in Canada! He continues to do this throughout the whole conversation - “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!”. So my brother puts him in bed, where he was before I called, and TCN starts yelling, “My drumsticks! Drumsticks!” and my brother gives him his drumsticks and then he yells, “My OTHER drumsticks!” and I ask, “How many drumsticks does he have?” In the meantime, I can hear my nephew screaming, “Druuuuumstiiiicks, Daddy!” and my brother goes, “Omg, here are all your drumsticks. How many drumsticks do you need to sleep anyways?” and my nephew starts giggling and goes, “My drumsticks, Daddy.” He’s really fucking adorable when you aren’t the person actually trying to get him to sleep!
Then my brother is telling me how his wife thinks Bard from The Hobbit looked like Orlando Bloom and I was like, “Oh, she’s right. We kept making jokes about it,” - “But Legolas is Orlando Bloom,” - “Yeah, but Bard looks like him from The Pirates movies. He’s like a descendant of Will Turner.” - “Which actor is Will Turner?” and then his wife yells, “No, Orlando is Will Turner!” and my brother goes, “But Legolas is Orlando,” and I yell to his wife, “I got you! You know what’s up!” while she is still yelling at my brother and then I hear it…the sound of my nephew yelling, “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!” And my brother says, “You are yelling at her and she is yelling at me and he is yelling at you. You people are all insane.”
I guess the moral of this story is my family has worked out a solid form of communication with one another, so easy even a 2 year old can make it work!
Anyways, I realized I hadn’t shared the actual funny stories that came out of all this coughing. So let’s do that now.
See, my sister and I think we are funny. I drop something and need her to pick it up, she yells, “Why do you hate me?!” She forgets the kitty litter, I yell, “What’s wrong with you?!” I start having a coughing fit, she yells, “Stop that! Stop it right now!” I usually respond with, “OMG, shut up! I’m siiiiiiick.” Yeah, no one else will ever want to live with us. But, at night, my coughing really was keeping my sister awake. There was one week I don’t think she hit R.E.M. sleep at all. She would yell across the hall, “Stop coughing! Omg, stop it!” But often, she was asleep when she did this. I could tell, because I would have a coughing fit and then be silent for like 20 minutes and out of nowhere I’d hear, “Stop it! Stop coughing!” when I hadn’t even been coughing at all. So even in her sleep, she thinks she’s being funny, but she’s being really really childish! Then we go to the doctor and my sister is playing on her phone, completely not listening (which is what I like, because I can’t be alone in the room in case I need something, but I do like the medical privacy of her completely tuning everything out). The doctor starts telling me that the hernia is from coughing so hard and I really need to try to cough less. At which point, I inevitably start coughing. And the doctor yells, “Stop it! Stop coughing!” and my sister whips her head up and goes, “Aha! I told you so!”
Later I was on the phone with The Canadian Brother and his son can hear me coughing through the phone and he starts trying to imitate me and then I hear him crying and my brother is like, “He tried to fake-cough but he made himself choke.” I cough again and I hear The Canadian Nephew start yelling, “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!” Now I’m getting yelled at for my coughing by a two year old in Canada! He continues to do this throughout the whole conversation - “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!”. So my brother puts him in bed, where he was before I called, and TCN starts yelling, “My drumsticks! Drumsticks!” and my brother gives him his drumsticks and then he yells, “My OTHER drumsticks!” and I ask, “How many drumsticks does he have?” In the meantime, I can hear my nephew screaming, “Druuuuumstiiiicks, Daddy!” and my brother goes, “Omg, here are all your drumsticks. How many drumsticks do you need to sleep anyways?” and my nephew starts giggling and goes, “My drumsticks, Daddy.” He’s really fucking adorable when you aren’t the person actually trying to get him to sleep!
Then my brother is telling me how his wife thinks Bard from The Hobbit looked like Orlando Bloom and I was like, “Oh, she’s right. We kept making jokes about it,” - “But Legolas is Orlando Bloom,” - “Yeah, but Bard looks like him from The Pirates movies. He’s like a descendant of Will Turner.” - “Which actor is Will Turner?” and then his wife yells, “No, Orlando is Will Turner!” and my brother goes, “But Legolas is Orlando,” and I yell to his wife, “I got you! You know what’s up!” while she is still yelling at my brother and then I hear it…the sound of my nephew yelling, “Stop it! No, Aunt! Enough, alright? Alright!” And my brother says, “You are yelling at her and she is yelling at me and he is yelling at you. You people are all insane.”
I guess the moral of this story is my family has worked out a solid form of communication with one another, so easy even a 2 year old can make it work!