(no subject)
I wrote a really really long post addressing a struggle I've been having over the past two years with trauma, deep depression, and assorted personal things that I've been unable to really express for the usual reasons -- fear being the large one. As soon as it was all good and ready to post, i immediately hit the 'private' button.
With a lot of things that have happened, I really pretended to be a lot more OK than I ever really was, just because I'm the type of person who hates showing people my sad face. And sometimes, when that sad face refuses to go away, I go away too. Looking back on the past, it's disgusting how nonchalant I used to act towards certain issues.
But I need to forget them and move on. I really... really, just really need things to go in the past where they belong, and hopefully, my head will let that happen.
And in the meantime of that, as I've decided repeatedly, I need to start writing again. And I've said this so many times over, and I mean it this time has been said to death, but I need this. I do. Writing has always been the most cathartic thing in my life. But I'm not sure that I can make it happen alone. Opening Word and just staring at it hasn't helped. Jikate suggested opening up my old WIPs and trying to continue them, but they are so well written (EPEEN EPEEN EPEEN) that I can't believe that the person who put those words out was ever really me. Being so out of practice, I can't really pick up where I left off, and even if I get 'in practice', I don't know that my style could be what it once was seeing that people really do change. It's daunting, really.
Over the last few days, I'm re-editing and going through my old writing to put it back online.
If I have anyone's support at all, anymore, or deserve it, I don't know.
But I really need direction, someway or somehow.
Or a prompt -- a song, a picture, a few words as a general theme. I don't know.
Halp. ;-;
With a lot of things that have happened, I really pretended to be a lot more OK than I ever really was, just because I'm the type of person who hates showing people my sad face. And sometimes, when that sad face refuses to go away, I go away too. Looking back on the past, it's disgusting how nonchalant I used to act towards certain issues.
But I need to forget them and move on. I really... really, just really need things to go in the past where they belong, and hopefully, my head will let that happen.
And in the meantime of that, as I've decided repeatedly, I need to start writing again. And I've said this so many times over, and I mean it this time has been said to death, but I need this. I do. Writing has always been the most cathartic thing in my life. But I'm not sure that I can make it happen alone. Opening Word and just staring at it hasn't helped. Jikate suggested opening up my old WIPs and trying to continue them, but they are so well written (EPEEN EPEEN EPEEN) that I can't believe that the person who put those words out was ever really me. Being so out of practice, I can't really pick up where I left off, and even if I get 'in practice', I don't know that my style could be what it once was seeing that people really do change. It's daunting, really.
Over the last few days, I'm re-editing and going through my old writing to put it back online.
If I have anyone's support at all, anymore, or deserve it, I don't know.
But I really need direction, someway or somehow.
Or a prompt -- a song, a picture, a few words as a general theme. I don't know.
Halp. ;-;