(no subject)
I broke everything off with Toshi a few days ago.
I've been needing to do it for ages but something has always held me back, and whatever that thing was, I escaped it and let everything go. Not a trace of us exists anymore in the 'us' sense and I've left nothing behind; without the offer of "lets be friends" or other such niceties as I won't have them. He is a figment of my past.
He emailed me after the fact that he wasn't ready to say goodbye, but my decision was already made. He made his choices; and so I made mine -- both things that sit evenly on the scale by weight of selfishness, although I think the invisible wall of non-communication I've established isn't anything less than deserved.
I've justified him for a long time; really, he hasn't done much of anything to deserve the way I felt about him.
Still, as can be imagined, I've cried an insane amount.
But I did the right thing and I feel good about it.
I'm seriously okay. More okay than I could have imagined.
Even still, I need to take a few more days for myself alone.
I'm excited about having myself all to myself again, stupid as that sounds, but its true. ♥ XD;
I've been needing to do it for ages but something has always held me back, and whatever that thing was, I escaped it and let everything go. Not a trace of us exists anymore in the 'us' sense and I've left nothing behind; without the offer of "lets be friends" or other such niceties as I won't have them. He is a figment of my past.
He emailed me after the fact that he wasn't ready to say goodbye, but my decision was already made. He made his choices; and so I made mine -- both things that sit evenly on the scale by weight of selfishness, although I think the invisible wall of non-communication I've established isn't anything less than deserved.
I've justified him for a long time; really, he hasn't done much of anything to deserve the way I felt about him.
Still, as can be imagined, I've cried an insane amount.
But I did the right thing and I feel good about it.
I'm seriously okay. More okay than I could have imagined.
Even still, I need to take a few more days for myself alone.
I'm excited about having myself all to myself again, stupid as that sounds, but its true. ♥ XD;