Mullet-verse fic: For madripoor_rose's prompt.
Title: Things You Can't Learn In Reruns
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Junior and Max
Word Count: 1415
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: A crappy, thrown-together commentfic for madripoor_rose, as a prize for catching the reference in Something With A Beat. Her prompt was "Junior and Max at school," and somehow it got too long to fit in the comment box. *facepalm*
Things You Can't Learn In Reruns
Junior was smart. Max knew this like he knew the sky was blue, water was wet, and the persistent buzz in his head from everyone's cell phones was an annoyance. Junior was smart in much the same way people needed oxygen to live; it was that much a defining feature of who he was.
Which was why Max was so surprised, when they got their tests back in English, to see Junior staring at his paper in horror. The light tan of his skin had drained away rapidly and he almost looked like he was going to be sick.
Max would have asked him about it, but when class ended Junior was out the door before Max had even stood up.
Through some online meddling, Junior and Max had the same schedule. So Max was concerned when the boy didn't show up for their next class.
After class, Max decided there was privacy and there was making sure your best (possibly only) friend wasn't passed out in a puddle of his own vomit somewhere. He tracked Junior through his nanites to the restroom they had discovered didn't get as much traffic as the others.
Junior had locked himself in a stall and was making worrying whimpering sounds that made Max suspect he had caught the tail-end of some very involved sobbing.
"Junior?"
There was a sharp intake of breath and then abrupt silence. Junior was even holding his breath. Max rolled his eyes.
"I know you're in there," he said impatiently. "Remember those tiny robots in your blood?"
Junior sighed. "Hi, Max."
"You missed class."
"Was the teacher, like, mad?" Max could almost hear the wince in Junior's voice.
"No, I came up with a truly inspired excuse and promised to relate the lesson to you later. I thought you were in here puking."
"Um...I think I threw up in my mouth a little..." Junior mumbled.
"What the hell?"
Junior made a distressed sound and then finally blurted out "I got a D!" He moaned softly. "No, not even a D, like, a D-minus. I almost flunked, Max!"
That was...weird. Max frowned and asked, "Are you sure?"
"It's my paper, I remember it." There was a sob lurking in the back of Junior's voice and Max was concerned he would actually have to provide comfort. He hadn't been very good at it before he became a robot, he dreaded how bad he might be now.
"So you did bad on one test," Max said, rolling his eyes. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's not one test!"
Max stared at the locked stall, stunned at the sudden shrill pitch of Junior's voice. His cousin sniffled and he could hear the toilet paper roll turning, followed by a sound of Junior blowing his nose wetly.
"It's not one test," he repeated quietly. "It's everything. I don't know what I'm doin'. It's like, she says all this stuff like I'm s'posed to know it already and I don't and I always feel so stupid but I can't be, I can't be stupid! Dad's, like, a genius and Dad's--okay maybe he's not a genius but like, he's not dumb and it's their brains in my head and-and-I can't be stupid, Max!"
To Max's horror, it sounded like Junior was starting to cry again. "Look it-it can't be that bad."
Wordlessly, Junior slid his test under the stall door. Even without picking it up Max could see it was covered in red ink.
When he did pick it up and look it over, he frowned in confusion. As far as he could tell, the test sentences had been labelled completely at random and the written portion was one long, rambling paragraph that-- "Jesus!"
Inside the stall, Junior blew his nose on more toilet paper.
"How the hell can you spell 'relativistic electromagnetism' but you can't spell 'received'?" Max blurted out, biting his tongue against saying anything about Junior's handwriting. To say nothing of the punctuation, what there was of it. "I before E except after C. Jeez, everyone knows that. They still teach that, right?"
"What?"
"They still teach 'I before E', don't they?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"They teach it in third grade," Max said. There was a very long silence. Then it hit him. "Oh." Another silence. "...Damn."
Junior sniffled.
"I...jeez, why didn't you say anything?" Max demanded, leaning back against a sink.
"I thought I could like, figure it out," Junior mumbled thickly.
"Seven years worth of education? You thought you could figure it out? In what? Your bountiful spare time?"
Another distressed sound escaped Junior and Max groaned. "And all that Esperanto you know, is English even Booster's first language? Hell, is grammar even the same however many hundred years from now? Do you have seven years of Esperanto and mutated grammar in your head?"
"I don't know."
Distantly, Max was aware of their next class beginning, but he ignored it. This was more important.
"How are you even functioning?" he asked, suddenly mystified. "You learned social interaction from watching Beverly Hillbillies, you're missing seven years, and what you do have is decades out of date and centuries too early!"
"I'm fine," Junior protested. "I'm catching up!"
"You're flunking English!"
Junior was silent and Max suddenly regretted reminding him of that fact. "Look...we have to do something about this. Maybe...maybe a tutor?"
"I don't want Dad to find out," Junior whispered.
"Junior, if this keeps up, it'll take some serious maneuvering to keep him--them from finding out." Max thought it over for a moment while Junior blew his nose. "What about Oracle?"
"What?"
"As many contacts as she has, as extensive as her network is, you can't tell me she doesn't know anyone who might be able to help." He paused. "Would you be willing to try that?"
"Maybe..."
"Look, just think about it," Max said, moving to stand in front of the stall again.
Junior was silent for a moment before he mumbled, "I'll send her an email after school."
When he didn't say anything more and Max didn't hear any movement inside the stall except for the occasional sniff, Max sighed. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn't happy about it.
Momentarily dropping his hologram, Max relaxed his human form and slid under the door of the stall. Junior's squeak of surprise came to him muffled and he made a mental note to find some way to keep his ears intact next time he did that. Once inside the stall, Max pulled himself together and flicked his hologram back up.
Junior looked pretty much like Max had expected. Perched on the back of the toilet, lime-vomit shoes splayed on the seat, eyes red and still wet, nose...disturbingly, organically drippy. Max wondered when normal human bodily functions had become so disgusting.
A handful of toilet paper swiped at the snot under Junior's nose and he gave a weak grin. "That was kinda cool."
"You're missing classes," Max pointed out. "Come on, meatsack, let's get you cleaned up."
With another sniff, Junior rubbed the toilet paper over his face and dropped it in the toilet before sliding to his feet. He started to reach around Max to unlock the door, but Max stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Glancing at him in confusion, Junior was surprised by Max pulling him into an uncertain hug. Either his surprise didn't last long or he was just good at going with the unexpected, because Junior quickly brought his arms up and returned the hug, leaning against Max.
"You're smart," Max said quietly. "Really, really smart. You just...missed a few important steps. Unfortunately, they're not ones you can learn from watching reruns."
Junior nodded against his shoulder, not bothering to say anything.
"So we just have to catch you up. Which we'll do, and probably fast. Because like I said, you're smart. Okay?"
Pulling back just a little, Junior smiled at him, though his eyes were still a bit wet. "Thanks, Max." He leaned his forehead against Max's and grinned. "You're the best cousin-nephew a guy could have."
Max rolled his eyes. "Just remember, our cover story is that you've been puking up everything in your fleshbag stomach and I've been holding your hair. If anyone asks, it was truly disgusting and an experience that will haunt me to my dying day."
Finally laughing, Junior just dropped his face to Max's shoulder and hugged his best friend.
-----
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Junior and Max
Word Count: 1415
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: A crappy, thrown-together commentfic for madripoor_rose, as a prize for catching the reference in Something With A Beat. Her prompt was "Junior and Max at school," and somehow it got too long to fit in the comment box. *facepalm*
Things You Can't Learn In Reruns
Junior was smart. Max knew this like he knew the sky was blue, water was wet, and the persistent buzz in his head from everyone's cell phones was an annoyance. Junior was smart in much the same way people needed oxygen to live; it was that much a defining feature of who he was.
Which was why Max was so surprised, when they got their tests back in English, to see Junior staring at his paper in horror. The light tan of his skin had drained away rapidly and he almost looked like he was going to be sick.
Max would have asked him about it, but when class ended Junior was out the door before Max had even stood up.
Through some online meddling, Junior and Max had the same schedule. So Max was concerned when the boy didn't show up for their next class.
After class, Max decided there was privacy and there was making sure your best (possibly only) friend wasn't passed out in a puddle of his own vomit somewhere. He tracked Junior through his nanites to the restroom they had discovered didn't get as much traffic as the others.
Junior had locked himself in a stall and was making worrying whimpering sounds that made Max suspect he had caught the tail-end of some very involved sobbing.
"Junior?"
There was a sharp intake of breath and then abrupt silence. Junior was even holding his breath. Max rolled his eyes.
"I know you're in there," he said impatiently. "Remember those tiny robots in your blood?"
Junior sighed. "Hi, Max."
"You missed class."
"Was the teacher, like, mad?" Max could almost hear the wince in Junior's voice.
"No, I came up with a truly inspired excuse and promised to relate the lesson to you later. I thought you were in here puking."
"Um...I think I threw up in my mouth a little..." Junior mumbled.
"What the hell?"
Junior made a distressed sound and then finally blurted out "I got a D!" He moaned softly. "No, not even a D, like, a D-minus. I almost flunked, Max!"
That was...weird. Max frowned and asked, "Are you sure?"
"It's my paper, I remember it." There was a sob lurking in the back of Junior's voice and Max was concerned he would actually have to provide comfort. He hadn't been very good at it before he became a robot, he dreaded how bad he might be now.
"So you did bad on one test," Max said, rolling his eyes. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's not one test!"
Max stared at the locked stall, stunned at the sudden shrill pitch of Junior's voice. His cousin sniffled and he could hear the toilet paper roll turning, followed by a sound of Junior blowing his nose wetly.
"It's not one test," he repeated quietly. "It's everything. I don't know what I'm doin'. It's like, she says all this stuff like I'm s'posed to know it already and I don't and I always feel so stupid but I can't be, I can't be stupid! Dad's, like, a genius and Dad's--okay maybe he's not a genius but like, he's not dumb and it's their brains in my head and-and-I can't be stupid, Max!"
To Max's horror, it sounded like Junior was starting to cry again. "Look it-it can't be that bad."
Wordlessly, Junior slid his test under the stall door. Even without picking it up Max could see it was covered in red ink.
When he did pick it up and look it over, he frowned in confusion. As far as he could tell, the test sentences had been labelled completely at random and the written portion was one long, rambling paragraph that-- "Jesus!"
Inside the stall, Junior blew his nose on more toilet paper.
"How the hell can you spell 'relativistic electromagnetism' but you can't spell 'received'?" Max blurted out, biting his tongue against saying anything about Junior's handwriting. To say nothing of the punctuation, what there was of it. "I before E except after C. Jeez, everyone knows that. They still teach that, right?"
"What?"
"They still teach 'I before E', don't they?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"They teach it in third grade," Max said. There was a very long silence. Then it hit him. "Oh." Another silence. "...Damn."
Junior sniffled.
"I...jeez, why didn't you say anything?" Max demanded, leaning back against a sink.
"I thought I could like, figure it out," Junior mumbled thickly.
"Seven years worth of education? You thought you could figure it out? In what? Your bountiful spare time?"
Another distressed sound escaped Junior and Max groaned. "And all that Esperanto you know, is English even Booster's first language? Hell, is grammar even the same however many hundred years from now? Do you have seven years of Esperanto and mutated grammar in your head?"
"I don't know."
Distantly, Max was aware of their next class beginning, but he ignored it. This was more important.
"How are you even functioning?" he asked, suddenly mystified. "You learned social interaction from watching Beverly Hillbillies, you're missing seven years, and what you do have is decades out of date and centuries too early!"
"I'm fine," Junior protested. "I'm catching up!"
"You're flunking English!"
Junior was silent and Max suddenly regretted reminding him of that fact. "Look...we have to do something about this. Maybe...maybe a tutor?"
"I don't want Dad to find out," Junior whispered.
"Junior, if this keeps up, it'll take some serious maneuvering to keep him--them from finding out." Max thought it over for a moment while Junior blew his nose. "What about Oracle?"
"What?"
"As many contacts as she has, as extensive as her network is, you can't tell me she doesn't know anyone who might be able to help." He paused. "Would you be willing to try that?"
"Maybe..."
"Look, just think about it," Max said, moving to stand in front of the stall again.
Junior was silent for a moment before he mumbled, "I'll send her an email after school."
When he didn't say anything more and Max didn't hear any movement inside the stall except for the occasional sniff, Max sighed. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn't happy about it.
Momentarily dropping his hologram, Max relaxed his human form and slid under the door of the stall. Junior's squeak of surprise came to him muffled and he made a mental note to find some way to keep his ears intact next time he did that. Once inside the stall, Max pulled himself together and flicked his hologram back up.
Junior looked pretty much like Max had expected. Perched on the back of the toilet, lime-vomit shoes splayed on the seat, eyes red and still wet, nose...disturbingly, organically drippy. Max wondered when normal human bodily functions had become so disgusting.
A handful of toilet paper swiped at the snot under Junior's nose and he gave a weak grin. "That was kinda cool."
"You're missing classes," Max pointed out. "Come on, meatsack, let's get you cleaned up."
With another sniff, Junior rubbed the toilet paper over his face and dropped it in the toilet before sliding to his feet. He started to reach around Max to unlock the door, but Max stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Glancing at him in confusion, Junior was surprised by Max pulling him into an uncertain hug. Either his surprise didn't last long or he was just good at going with the unexpected, because Junior quickly brought his arms up and returned the hug, leaning against Max.
"You're smart," Max said quietly. "Really, really smart. You just...missed a few important steps. Unfortunately, they're not ones you can learn from watching reruns."
Junior nodded against his shoulder, not bothering to say anything.
"So we just have to catch you up. Which we'll do, and probably fast. Because like I said, you're smart. Okay?"
Pulling back just a little, Junior smiled at him, though his eyes were still a bit wet. "Thanks, Max." He leaned his forehead against Max's and grinned. "You're the best cousin-nephew a guy could have."
Max rolled his eyes. "Just remember, our cover story is that you've been puking up everything in your fleshbag stomach and I've been holding your hair. If anyone asks, it was truly disgusting and an experience that will haunt me to my dying day."
Finally laughing, Junior just dropped his face to Max's shoulder and hugged his best friend.
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