couples_therapy | 57.5. Tension
57.5. (from Week 42) Tension
Co-written with drcampbell
[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Tara carefully taped the tiny fresh diaper up and leaned over to drop some soft kisses to her son’s forehead. She earned a coo in return and smiled, brushing his fine blond hair back with her fingertips. “It’ll be good to get you home, A Stóirín. Out of these disposable nappies and into nice soft cloth ones, hmm,” she said in a hushed voice. She was getting him ready to put him down for the night and didn’t want to excite him too much. He reacted to voice and bright lights, so the room was dimmed.
She tucked his cute little feet into the blue teddy bear onesie and was started to clip the buttons up when she heard someone enter the room behind her. She was pushing her hair out of her face when her husband came up beside her looking a lot more crap than he had when he left a little earlier. She had maybe thought he was going out for a covert cigarette, but she couldn’t smell nicotine on him at all and he hadn’t changed.
“I hit Riley,” were the first words out of Lachlan’s mouth as he wrung his hands in front of him. He paced back and forth a little, his boots clicking on the lino floor.
“What?” Tara gasped, pausing in the buttoning to look at him in disbelief. “Why the hell did you do that?” she asked, her voice still remaining quiet and calm. “Lachie, you’re going to have to stop moving and talk softly. I have to feed him and try to get him down for the night. He’s not going to settle if you’re shifting around like that.” She scooped her son up into her arms, nursing him against her chest as she went over to the recliner by his crib. She was still watching her husband in disbelief when she sat and started to unbutton her pyjama top for the feeding.
Lachlan had stopped as soon as she asked, swallowing anxiously. He came over with her and sat down beside her. The infant started to feed hungrily, it all second nature for mother and son now. “It was an accident,” he told her quietly, tucking the bunny rug around the baby’s feet. “He came up behind me hoping he wouldnae startle me but I was… he just scared me. I just reacted and hit him. I didnae know it was him. I was outside… out there…”
Tara was frowning as she watched him. “Lachie, what’s going on?” she asked. “Why have you been distancing yourself from everyone again? If something has happened, you need to tell me. Are you okay? Are you feeling sick? In pain? Is Riley okay?”
Lachlan ran a hand over his face, feeling tearful again. “He’s got some bruising up the side of his face and swelling around his eye. He was bleeding and needed some sutures just above his eyebrow. He didnae freak out with the blood… I was proud of him. He had gloves, so it’s okay. There’s a wee bit of a concussion there but Cameron drove him home. Evie was on shift and Cameron was just finishing hers. We told him to go home to bed. He’ll feel better with some rest and painkillers.” He met her eyes and shook his head. “I dinnae think I’m okay, but I dinnae know how to fix it either.”
“Keep going,” Tara murmured, the worry evident in her tone. “I can’t help you with half a story, baby. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what I’m fixing.”
Lachlan braced his forehead with his fingers when his head felt too heavy to keep up, but he held her gaze. “When you were drunk the other night, we got home and you were really sick in the garden. I thought you would just pass out after that so I could put you to bed. I know how you are when you’re drunk, but I still worry, you know? But you didnae pass out on me right away. You… you held off long enough t-to tell me… or almost beg me… for another baby. That you didnae want to stop at one because you… you always wanted more than one.”
Tara stared at him, stunned. “I… I what?” she whispered with a tiny shake of her head. “No, I… why would I say that? Lachie, I…” she stammered, seeing now the burning hurt in his blue eyes. “I-I was drunk...”
Lachlan turned his head away, hugging himself as tears pricked his eyes again. “It just felt like you didnae remember anything. But it doesnae matter. It must be true somewhere deep down if you said it when your inhibitions were gone. I… I just cannae give you what you want. I just felt unbelievably blessed to have Riley when I didnae think we could have any…”
“No, Lachie… it’s not… I-I feel the same! Please, baby,” Tara begged, starting to cry herself. Riley stopped feeding with a teary whimper of protest, so she sat him up a little to rub his back. “I don’t even know why I said that! It’s not how I feel!”
Lachlan stood up, tears trickling down his cheeks again. “We’ll talk, aye? I promise. I just cannae do this right now. I need some space to try and wrap my head around it so I thought I’d just… stay at home tonight. You can call me if you need me or if anything changes with Riley, but I just need a wee bit of time alone. I’ll be back in the morning.” He leaned down and dropped a brief kiss to her lips and then kissed his baby son’s cheek. “Tha gaol agam ort.”
Tara just nodded, knowing she had somehow inadvertently hurt her husband in probably the worst way possible. She didn’t want him to go, but she understood why he needed to. She realised it was the first time in their marriage either of them had purposefully chosen to be apart from the other and her heart ached in response. When he left the room, blowing her a small kiss, she just dipped her head with a soft sob, their son still cradled in her arms. Why had she fucking said those things? Why?
Gaelic translations:
- A Stóirín = my little darling
- Tha gaol agam ort = I love you
All muses referenced with permission and are part of the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,047
Co-written with drcampbell
[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Tara carefully taped the tiny fresh diaper up and leaned over to drop some soft kisses to her son’s forehead. She earned a coo in return and smiled, brushing his fine blond hair back with her fingertips. “It’ll be good to get you home, A Stóirín. Out of these disposable nappies and into nice soft cloth ones, hmm,” she said in a hushed voice. She was getting him ready to put him down for the night and didn’t want to excite him too much. He reacted to voice and bright lights, so the room was dimmed.
She tucked his cute little feet into the blue teddy bear onesie and was started to clip the buttons up when she heard someone enter the room behind her. She was pushing her hair out of her face when her husband came up beside her looking a lot more crap than he had when he left a little earlier. She had maybe thought he was going out for a covert cigarette, but she couldn’t smell nicotine on him at all and he hadn’t changed.
“I hit Riley,” were the first words out of Lachlan’s mouth as he wrung his hands in front of him. He paced back and forth a little, his boots clicking on the lino floor.
“What?” Tara gasped, pausing in the buttoning to look at him in disbelief. “Why the hell did you do that?” she asked, her voice still remaining quiet and calm. “Lachie, you’re going to have to stop moving and talk softly. I have to feed him and try to get him down for the night. He’s not going to settle if you’re shifting around like that.” She scooped her son up into her arms, nursing him against her chest as she went over to the recliner by his crib. She was still watching her husband in disbelief when she sat and started to unbutton her pyjama top for the feeding.
Lachlan had stopped as soon as she asked, swallowing anxiously. He came over with her and sat down beside her. The infant started to feed hungrily, it all second nature for mother and son now. “It was an accident,” he told her quietly, tucking the bunny rug around the baby’s feet. “He came up behind me hoping he wouldnae startle me but I was… he just scared me. I just reacted and hit him. I didnae know it was him. I was outside… out there…”
Tara was frowning as she watched him. “Lachie, what’s going on?” she asked. “Why have you been distancing yourself from everyone again? If something has happened, you need to tell me. Are you okay? Are you feeling sick? In pain? Is Riley okay?”
Lachlan ran a hand over his face, feeling tearful again. “He’s got some bruising up the side of his face and swelling around his eye. He was bleeding and needed some sutures just above his eyebrow. He didnae freak out with the blood… I was proud of him. He had gloves, so it’s okay. There’s a wee bit of a concussion there but Cameron drove him home. Evie was on shift and Cameron was just finishing hers. We told him to go home to bed. He’ll feel better with some rest and painkillers.” He met her eyes and shook his head. “I dinnae think I’m okay, but I dinnae know how to fix it either.”
“Keep going,” Tara murmured, the worry evident in her tone. “I can’t help you with half a story, baby. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what I’m fixing.”
Lachlan braced his forehead with his fingers when his head felt too heavy to keep up, but he held her gaze. “When you were drunk the other night, we got home and you were really sick in the garden. I thought you would just pass out after that so I could put you to bed. I know how you are when you’re drunk, but I still worry, you know? But you didnae pass out on me right away. You… you held off long enough t-to tell me… or almost beg me… for another baby. That you didnae want to stop at one because you… you always wanted more than one.”
Tara stared at him, stunned. “I… I what?” she whispered with a tiny shake of her head. “No, I… why would I say that? Lachie, I…” she stammered, seeing now the burning hurt in his blue eyes. “I-I was drunk...”
Lachlan turned his head away, hugging himself as tears pricked his eyes again. “It just felt like you didnae remember anything. But it doesnae matter. It must be true somewhere deep down if you said it when your inhibitions were gone. I… I just cannae give you what you want. I just felt unbelievably blessed to have Riley when I didnae think we could have any…”
“No, Lachie… it’s not… I-I feel the same! Please, baby,” Tara begged, starting to cry herself. Riley stopped feeding with a teary whimper of protest, so she sat him up a little to rub his back. “I don’t even know why I said that! It’s not how I feel!”
Lachlan stood up, tears trickling down his cheeks again. “We’ll talk, aye? I promise. I just cannae do this right now. I need some space to try and wrap my head around it so I thought I’d just… stay at home tonight. You can call me if you need me or if anything changes with Riley, but I just need a wee bit of time alone. I’ll be back in the morning.” He leaned down and dropped a brief kiss to her lips and then kissed his baby son’s cheek. “Tha gaol agam ort.”
Tara just nodded, knowing she had somehow inadvertently hurt her husband in probably the worst way possible. She didn’t want him to go, but she understood why he needed to. She realised it was the first time in their marriage either of them had purposefully chosen to be apart from the other and her heart ached in response. When he left the room, blowing her a small kiss, she just dipped her head with a soft sob, their son still cradled in her arms. Why had she fucking said those things? Why?
Gaelic translations:
- A Stóirín = my little darling
- Tha gaol agam ort = I love you
All muses referenced with permission and are part of the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,047