Last Chances, chapter 14
Derek shares his perspective with Weiss and some Addek cuddling in bed. :)
“You know,” Addison said thoughtfully, “At some point we are going to have to get out of this bed.”
Derek shook his head and continued to trace circles on her bare back. “No, no, I really don’t think that we do.” He kissed her hair. “I think I’d be perfectly content to just stay here with you forever-right here, in this bed, with you in my arms.”
She giggled softly. “What about lunch with Weiss and Savvy at the country club?”
“Hmmm, lunch with them or staying in bed all afternoon with you?” Derek looked at her with raised eyebrows and a devilish grin. “That’s a tough choice.”
Again, Addison giggled as Derek trailed soft, feathery kisses along her neck and shoulder. “We promised-we promised to meet them for lunch and Savvy and I would do a little shopping and you and Weiss would play golf.” She paused, “But your idea does sound much better.”
“I know it does.” His hand rubbed against the small of her back, pushing the blankets down even lower. He closed his eyes, as Addison cuddled closer to him, allowing him easier access to her long neck.
“How about this,” she began. “How about we get up, take a shower…”
“Together?” He asked with a sly yet hopeful grin.
She sat up and shook her head. “The objective is to get ready as quickly as possible, so that we can get back here as quickly as possible.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Is that a no? Because showering together is extremely economical-saves on water and time and…” He began trailing kisses just beneath her jaw line.
“You’re making it very hard for me to think, you know that, right?”
Derek grinned against her skin. “That’s the point.”
Eventually, Derek and Addison arrived at the country club. They both scanned the room and spotted Weiss and Savvy at a table, chatting lightly and sipping lemon water. They were obviously waiting. Addison pulled Derek towards the table and offered their apologies for being late. They took their seats and ordered lunch, talking lightly as a group. All through lunch Weiss and Savvy would catch Derek and Addison exchanging grins and long glances that was somewhat reminiscent of the Derek and Addison who’d fallen in love so many years before.
After lunch, the girls had departed from the country club to do a little shopping on Fifth Avenue and Derek and Weiss headed out to the golf course.
“So you and Addison, eh?” Weiss asked casually, as he drove a tee into the grass.
Derek nodded, “Me and Addison.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
“What’s going on there?”
“We’re dating.”
Weiss looked back at Derek with a cocked eye. “You’re dating your ex-wife?”
“I am dating my ex-wife.”
“That sounds complicated.”
Derek shook his head and smiled, “It’s not actually-its one of the most uncomplicated things I’ve ever done.” He paused, mulling over the simplicity of it all. “I once told you it was about the vows. It’s not about vows or rings or a piece of paper that says you’re married in the eyes of the State. That’s not what it’s about at all. It’s about loving someone entirely-loving someone so much that no matter what you do, moving on and away from that person just isn’t an option.” He paused, remembering that morning with Addison. “It’s about the way she looks at me after I kiss her and the smile that crooked smile that creeps up on her lips when she’s surprised, its…it’s about her.” Derek smiled, “We’re going to give it another go-try and make it work this time.” He paused, “A second chance, you know-to finally get it right-just one last chance.”
Weiss looked back at him, “I thought you had your second chance.”
Derek nodded and stared out at the green grass. “I took her for granted-I don’t even know how it happened, but I lost sight of what was important. Everything became so complicated and…and somehow, I just forgot what it was like being with her. But it slowly started to come back. The farther apart we got, the more I missed her. Everything reminded me of her. And then-and then one night over some vodka and tears, we reconnected and since then-I’ve never been so happy-so in love-its something I’ve felt before, something I’ve even tried to recreate but its something I’ve only felt with her.” Derek watched Weiss swing his golf club and send the ball sailing though the air.
“You’re a lucky man, Derek.” He shook his head, “Not everyone gets a second chance-let alone a third chance.”
“I know that and I know that I’m lucky.”
“I don’t think anyone would have blamed her if she didn’t take you back.”
He shook his head, “I couldn’t have blamed her, either.” He paused, thinking back to all the years they spent in New York, all the years that he ignored her, took her for granted and pushed her away. “I was really awful to her, wasn’t I?”
“I wouldn’t say awful…”
“But…” Derek waited; he knew it was coming.
“Everyone knew that you loved her-everyone but her, I think.”
Derek thought about that. They had painted themselves as the picture perfect couple-their marriage was a shining example of everything marriage should be-they were happy, successful and not to mention beautiful people-they were truly equals and always each other’s best rival. It seemed like they had it all-and really, they did have it all; he was just too blind to see it-to see everything that he had right in front of him.
"And what about the blonde? The last time I saw you there was a blonde." Weiss watched his golf ball land down on the grass about a yard away from the hole. "Man, just missed." He turned back to Derek. "And Sav told me that you and the blonde had a thing-a serious thing. You even left Addie for her."
Derek grimaced. "Does any part of the thing with the blonde sound like anything other than a mid-life crisis?" Weiss laughed, but Derek was serious. "Some men buy sports cars. I, however, left my wife for a blonde intern." He shook his head, "It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Everything seemed so clear; I knew exactly what I was doing, except for the fact that I had no idea what I was doing." Derek fished out a golf club from his bag and examined it carefully. "One morning, I was making it work with my wife and then that night, I was cheating on her. I didn't want to admit my own mistakes, so I pushed them all onto her and put the blonde intern up on a pedestal-I made myself believe that she was the one and that I wanted to be with her and build a life with her." Derek returned the club to his bag and chose another, again, to Weiss’ dismay, examined it the golf club. "Then, reality set in. She was reluctant to commit, always distant and one day-it literally came down to choosing her or a job and the job seemed more appealing. I care about Meredith, I do, but I'm not in love with her-I was in love with the idea of her."
"How long were the two of you together?"
"The first time-it was only a month or so."
"Then Addison came out to Seattle."
Derek smiled, "And then Addison came out to Seattle." He paused, finally done examining his club. He chose a ball. "The whole time I was tying to make it work with Addison, I was thinking about Meredith." He shook his head, "Then, I left Addison. We signed the papers and I realized that the woman I left my wife for didn't exist; she was a facade, a mere image, almost. She wasn't real. I wanted her to be one thing and she was something completely different." He sighed, "And the worst part is that everything I tried to make her be, Addison was. I was still in love with Addison-the whole time-it was always her and I didn't even realize it."
"Jackass." Weiss said under his breath but with a slight laugh. "So you left her-the blonde, I mean?"
"I didn't have to."
"She left you?"
"Not exactly."
Weiss sighed, "Tee up, already, Shepherd." Derek rolled his eyes and began rummaging through his bag for a tee. "So, what happened then?"
"I caught her with someone else."
"Ouch," Weiss said with a dramatic hiss and grimace, "Twice."
"Yeah, but in a way...this time...I was relieved. It was finally over. I didn’t have to try and make it work or salvage something that wasn’t really there, just so I could say that I didn’t throw my marriage away for nothing. I was free again."
"Free to beg Addison's forgiveness?"
Derek grinned, "Something like that." He paused, thinking back to that night in the bar. "She's scared and reluctant at times, but she wants this, too. She wants to try again and really try to make it work and I plan on spending the rest of my life doing just that-making it work and proving to her that it was all worth the risk." Derek stuck the tee into the ground. "We're having a baby," he added.
Weiss raised his eyebrows. "Not only are you dating your ex-wife, you're having a baby with her, too?" Derek nodded and positioned the ball on the tee. "This all sounds complicated-profound, but complicated."
"It's not."
"Sounds it."
"But it's not-you see, we have a plan-sort of."
"A plan?"
"A plan to keep things uncomplicated-it's simple, really." Derek said, as he squared his shoulders and swung at the ball. "We're keeping it simple." Both men watched the ball fly through the air.
"None of what you described is in any way simple."
Derek shook his head, "No-but the fact that I love her-that is simple and it all comes back to that one simple thing-love." The ball landed and rolled. In the distance, both Weiss and Derek watched the ball roll into the hole. Derek turned to grin at his friend. "Hole in one."
"I hate golfing with you."
"I hate golfing."
"Then why are we golfing?" Derek shrugged. "How about we don't, say we did and you can finish filling me in on the complicated-but-not situation that you and Addison have found yourselves in over a couple of beers over at the bar." He paused, "The Yankees are on-versus the Tigers. We can watch that so our conversation of soul mates and babies can have a masculine edge."
When Derek arrived back at the house, Addison was already there.
"Hey," he said, coming around the kitchen counter to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey. How was golf?"
"I hate golfing; Weiss hates golfing with me. We ended up at the bar, watching the Yankees lose."
Addison laughed. "Who'd the play?"
"The Tigers," Derek informed her, as he got a glass of water.
"Oh," Addison said, as she stirred whatever she was cooking in a pot on the stove. "How badly did they lose?"
Derek grinned, fully aware that Addison didn't care about baseball. "2-14." He told her. "But I know that you don't really want to talk about the Yankees woes, so, we'll leave it at that." He made his way back over to her and peered over her shoulder curious about what she was making. "Thank you for pretending to care, though."
Addison laughed and watched Derek peer down into the pot. "Rice pilaf," she told him.
He nodded. "Since when do you cook?"
She shrugged, "There's chicken baking in the oven, too." She grinned as Derek raised his eyebrows. In all the years they were married, he could actually recall almost every time that Addison had taken the initiative to make dinner--and he could count on his fingers the times that the meals didn't come out burned. She laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I just feel like....I don't know....nesting."
"Nesting?" Derek asked with a slight laugh, dragging his hand though her hair.
"Nesting," Addison repeated, as she turned back to her rice pilaf. With a grin, she added, "So, if you're going to stand here, at least do something useful-start chopping the vegetables; they’re in the refrigerator. They need to be steamed, too."
Grinning, Derek did as he was told and began chopping up a green pepper. “Add?”
She looked back at him over her shoulder, “Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
She smiled, “Don’t thank me for dinner until you’ve eaten it-you might not be so thankful, you know.”
Laughing, Derek shook his head. “I’m not talking about dinner-I’m talking about you-thank you for believing me and giving me another chance-one last chance to get this right.”
After dinner, a slow dance on the back porch led kissing which led to Derek carrying Addison up to the bedroom to continue what they’d started that morning. Now, hours later, Addison was laying on her side of the bed and Derek on his, their hands atop the covers and their fingers intertwined with each others. Both were exhausted and both were silent. The silence wasn’t awkward, instead, it was kind of relaxing-it was the relaxed feeling of contentment.
Addison rolled onto her side and smiled. “Do you want a girl or a boy?”
Derek, too, rolled over to face her. “Uh-uh, I am not jinxing it.”
“Jinxing it?” Addison laughed, with a classic are-you-really-serious look on her face. “It’s already a done deal. The chromosome has already been selected and the DNA is already wound up-you can’t jinx it-no matter what you say, its not going to determine-one way or the other-the sex of this baby.” She smiled at the last part, still not totally used to terminology like “this baby”.
Derek watched the smile expand across her lips and a flash of excitement in her eyes. “It really doesn’t matter-if it’s a boy or a girl…”
“Oh come on. You can’t tell me you haven’t once thought about it?”
Derek grinned, “Yeah-I’ve thought about it…a lot.”
Addison propped her head up in her hand and grinned at him. “So tell me-I’m not going to call you a male chauvinist if you tell me you always wanted a son.”
Derek laughed, “No-it’s…” he sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve thought about this for years-what our first child would be like-and it was always a little girl.” Addison smiled softly, as Derek continued in a dream-like voice. “She would be perfect. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes-she’d have fiery, orangey-red that had a little bit of natural curl to it and crystal clear, blue eyes-there would be just a few freckles over the bridge of her nose and smile that could light up a room.” He turned to look at Addison was listening intently, almost as if hanging on every word that he was saying. “She would be the perfect combination of me and you-maybe more you than me.”
Addison rolled onto her back so that Derek didn’t see the tears in her eyes. “My eyes but your smile-that’s what I always saw when I thought about a baby.” Her voice cracked slightly.
Derek rolled back onto his side. “Addie? Are you okay?” She nodded and made an attempt the discretely wiped her eyes. “You’re crying…” He held his breath for a moment and watched her turn back to face him.
“It’s…nothing…I just…my hormones are all out of whack and…and…this is it, you know? This is our chance-our last and only chance and…” She tilted her head the other way; wishing more than anything she could keep her emotions in check, but it seemed the harder she tried, the more emotional she became. “And I just can’t help but think about…you know…the other chances, the ones I threw away.”
Tears spilled over her eyes, as Derek slid across the sheets to pull her into his arms. “Shhh…” he whispered soothingly, as he gently smoothed her hair.
Finally, the tears stopped. Addison timidly cuddled against him and Derek adjusted his arms around her. “I’m sorry…” she began.
“Don’t be.”
“I just…”
“It’s okay.” A silence fell between them and Derek continued to soothing stroke her hair and gently kissed the top of her head. “You regret it, don’t you?”
Addison stayed quiet for a moment and again, felt tears flooding in her eyes. “I regret a lot of things that happened that year.”
Derek hugged her close against him. He hated that she’d had to give up so much for him and at the time it had all been in vain; all of her efforts and sacrifices had gone unnoticed and he knew that had Addison shown up in Seattle, pregnant with another man’s child, he would have never even made the weak attempts that he did and they probably wouldn’t be where they were at that moment. That was something he felt guilty about and on some level regretted. “Yeah, me too…I regret a lot of things about that year, too” he told her.
Previous chapters can be found in descending order here.
“You know,” Addison said thoughtfully, “At some point we are going to have to get out of this bed.”
Derek shook his head and continued to trace circles on her bare back. “No, no, I really don’t think that we do.” He kissed her hair. “I think I’d be perfectly content to just stay here with you forever-right here, in this bed, with you in my arms.”
She giggled softly. “What about lunch with Weiss and Savvy at the country club?”
“Hmmm, lunch with them or staying in bed all afternoon with you?” Derek looked at her with raised eyebrows and a devilish grin. “That’s a tough choice.”
Again, Addison giggled as Derek trailed soft, feathery kisses along her neck and shoulder. “We promised-we promised to meet them for lunch and Savvy and I would do a little shopping and you and Weiss would play golf.” She paused, “But your idea does sound much better.”
“I know it does.” His hand rubbed against the small of her back, pushing the blankets down even lower. He closed his eyes, as Addison cuddled closer to him, allowing him easier access to her long neck.
“How about this,” she began. “How about we get up, take a shower…”
“Together?” He asked with a sly yet hopeful grin.
She sat up and shook her head. “The objective is to get ready as quickly as possible, so that we can get back here as quickly as possible.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Is that a no? Because showering together is extremely economical-saves on water and time and…” He began trailing kisses just beneath her jaw line.
“You’re making it very hard for me to think, you know that, right?”
Derek grinned against her skin. “That’s the point.”
Eventually, Derek and Addison arrived at the country club. They both scanned the room and spotted Weiss and Savvy at a table, chatting lightly and sipping lemon water. They were obviously waiting. Addison pulled Derek towards the table and offered their apologies for being late. They took their seats and ordered lunch, talking lightly as a group. All through lunch Weiss and Savvy would catch Derek and Addison exchanging grins and long glances that was somewhat reminiscent of the Derek and Addison who’d fallen in love so many years before.
After lunch, the girls had departed from the country club to do a little shopping on Fifth Avenue and Derek and Weiss headed out to the golf course.
“So you and Addison, eh?” Weiss asked casually, as he drove a tee into the grass.
Derek nodded, “Me and Addison.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
“What’s going on there?”
“We’re dating.”
Weiss looked back at Derek with a cocked eye. “You’re dating your ex-wife?”
“I am dating my ex-wife.”
“That sounds complicated.”
Derek shook his head and smiled, “It’s not actually-its one of the most uncomplicated things I’ve ever done.” He paused, mulling over the simplicity of it all. “I once told you it was about the vows. It’s not about vows or rings or a piece of paper that says you’re married in the eyes of the State. That’s not what it’s about at all. It’s about loving someone entirely-loving someone so much that no matter what you do, moving on and away from that person just isn’t an option.” He paused, remembering that morning with Addison. “It’s about the way she looks at me after I kiss her and the smile that crooked smile that creeps up on her lips when she’s surprised, its…it’s about her.” Derek smiled, “We’re going to give it another go-try and make it work this time.” He paused, “A second chance, you know-to finally get it right-just one last chance.”
Weiss looked back at him, “I thought you had your second chance.”
Derek nodded and stared out at the green grass. “I took her for granted-I don’t even know how it happened, but I lost sight of what was important. Everything became so complicated and…and somehow, I just forgot what it was like being with her. But it slowly started to come back. The farther apart we got, the more I missed her. Everything reminded me of her. And then-and then one night over some vodka and tears, we reconnected and since then-I’ve never been so happy-so in love-its something I’ve felt before, something I’ve even tried to recreate but its something I’ve only felt with her.” Derek watched Weiss swing his golf club and send the ball sailing though the air.
“You’re a lucky man, Derek.” He shook his head, “Not everyone gets a second chance-let alone a third chance.”
“I know that and I know that I’m lucky.”
“I don’t think anyone would have blamed her if she didn’t take you back.”
He shook his head, “I couldn’t have blamed her, either.” He paused, thinking back to all the years they spent in New York, all the years that he ignored her, took her for granted and pushed her away. “I was really awful to her, wasn’t I?”
“I wouldn’t say awful…”
“But…” Derek waited; he knew it was coming.
“Everyone knew that you loved her-everyone but her, I think.”
Derek thought about that. They had painted themselves as the picture perfect couple-their marriage was a shining example of everything marriage should be-they were happy, successful and not to mention beautiful people-they were truly equals and always each other’s best rival. It seemed like they had it all-and really, they did have it all; he was just too blind to see it-to see everything that he had right in front of him.
"And what about the blonde? The last time I saw you there was a blonde." Weiss watched his golf ball land down on the grass about a yard away from the hole. "Man, just missed." He turned back to Derek. "And Sav told me that you and the blonde had a thing-a serious thing. You even left Addie for her."
Derek grimaced. "Does any part of the thing with the blonde sound like anything other than a mid-life crisis?" Weiss laughed, but Derek was serious. "Some men buy sports cars. I, however, left my wife for a blonde intern." He shook his head, "It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Everything seemed so clear; I knew exactly what I was doing, except for the fact that I had no idea what I was doing." Derek fished out a golf club from his bag and examined it carefully. "One morning, I was making it work with my wife and then that night, I was cheating on her. I didn't want to admit my own mistakes, so I pushed them all onto her and put the blonde intern up on a pedestal-I made myself believe that she was the one and that I wanted to be with her and build a life with her." Derek returned the club to his bag and chose another, again, to Weiss’ dismay, examined it the golf club. "Then, reality set in. She was reluctant to commit, always distant and one day-it literally came down to choosing her or a job and the job seemed more appealing. I care about Meredith, I do, but I'm not in love with her-I was in love with the idea of her."
"How long were the two of you together?"
"The first time-it was only a month or so."
"Then Addison came out to Seattle."
Derek smiled, "And then Addison came out to Seattle." He paused, finally done examining his club. He chose a ball. "The whole time I was tying to make it work with Addison, I was thinking about Meredith." He shook his head, "Then, I left Addison. We signed the papers and I realized that the woman I left my wife for didn't exist; she was a facade, a mere image, almost. She wasn't real. I wanted her to be one thing and she was something completely different." He sighed, "And the worst part is that everything I tried to make her be, Addison was. I was still in love with Addison-the whole time-it was always her and I didn't even realize it."
"Jackass." Weiss said under his breath but with a slight laugh. "So you left her-the blonde, I mean?"
"I didn't have to."
"She left you?"
"Not exactly."
Weiss sighed, "Tee up, already, Shepherd." Derek rolled his eyes and began rummaging through his bag for a tee. "So, what happened then?"
"I caught her with someone else."
"Ouch," Weiss said with a dramatic hiss and grimace, "Twice."
"Yeah, but in a way...this time...I was relieved. It was finally over. I didn’t have to try and make it work or salvage something that wasn’t really there, just so I could say that I didn’t throw my marriage away for nothing. I was free again."
"Free to beg Addison's forgiveness?"
Derek grinned, "Something like that." He paused, thinking back to that night in the bar. "She's scared and reluctant at times, but she wants this, too. She wants to try again and really try to make it work and I plan on spending the rest of my life doing just that-making it work and proving to her that it was all worth the risk." Derek stuck the tee into the ground. "We're having a baby," he added.
Weiss raised his eyebrows. "Not only are you dating your ex-wife, you're having a baby with her, too?" Derek nodded and positioned the ball on the tee. "This all sounds complicated-profound, but complicated."
"It's not."
"Sounds it."
"But it's not-you see, we have a plan-sort of."
"A plan?"
"A plan to keep things uncomplicated-it's simple, really." Derek said, as he squared his shoulders and swung at the ball. "We're keeping it simple." Both men watched the ball fly through the air.
"None of what you described is in any way simple."
Derek shook his head, "No-but the fact that I love her-that is simple and it all comes back to that one simple thing-love." The ball landed and rolled. In the distance, both Weiss and Derek watched the ball roll into the hole. Derek turned to grin at his friend. "Hole in one."
"I hate golfing with you."
"I hate golfing."
"Then why are we golfing?" Derek shrugged. "How about we don't, say we did and you can finish filling me in on the complicated-but-not situation that you and Addison have found yourselves in over a couple of beers over at the bar." He paused, "The Yankees are on-versus the Tigers. We can watch that so our conversation of soul mates and babies can have a masculine edge."
When Derek arrived back at the house, Addison was already there.
"Hey," he said, coming around the kitchen counter to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey. How was golf?"
"I hate golfing; Weiss hates golfing with me. We ended up at the bar, watching the Yankees lose."
Addison laughed. "Who'd the play?"
"The Tigers," Derek informed her, as he got a glass of water.
"Oh," Addison said, as she stirred whatever she was cooking in a pot on the stove. "How badly did they lose?"
Derek grinned, fully aware that Addison didn't care about baseball. "2-14." He told her. "But I know that you don't really want to talk about the Yankees woes, so, we'll leave it at that." He made his way back over to her and peered over her shoulder curious about what she was making. "Thank you for pretending to care, though."
Addison laughed and watched Derek peer down into the pot. "Rice pilaf," she told him.
He nodded. "Since when do you cook?"
She shrugged, "There's chicken baking in the oven, too." She grinned as Derek raised his eyebrows. In all the years they were married, he could actually recall almost every time that Addison had taken the initiative to make dinner--and he could count on his fingers the times that the meals didn't come out burned. She laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I just feel like....I don't know....nesting."
"Nesting?" Derek asked with a slight laugh, dragging his hand though her hair.
"Nesting," Addison repeated, as she turned back to her rice pilaf. With a grin, she added, "So, if you're going to stand here, at least do something useful-start chopping the vegetables; they’re in the refrigerator. They need to be steamed, too."
Grinning, Derek did as he was told and began chopping up a green pepper. “Add?”
She looked back at him over her shoulder, “Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
She smiled, “Don’t thank me for dinner until you’ve eaten it-you might not be so thankful, you know.”
Laughing, Derek shook his head. “I’m not talking about dinner-I’m talking about you-thank you for believing me and giving me another chance-one last chance to get this right.”
After dinner, a slow dance on the back porch led kissing which led to Derek carrying Addison up to the bedroom to continue what they’d started that morning. Now, hours later, Addison was laying on her side of the bed and Derek on his, their hands atop the covers and their fingers intertwined with each others. Both were exhausted and both were silent. The silence wasn’t awkward, instead, it was kind of relaxing-it was the relaxed feeling of contentment.
Addison rolled onto her side and smiled. “Do you want a girl or a boy?”
Derek, too, rolled over to face her. “Uh-uh, I am not jinxing it.”
“Jinxing it?” Addison laughed, with a classic are-you-really-serious look on her face. “It’s already a done deal. The chromosome has already been selected and the DNA is already wound up-you can’t jinx it-no matter what you say, its not going to determine-one way or the other-the sex of this baby.” She smiled at the last part, still not totally used to terminology like “this baby”.
Derek watched the smile expand across her lips and a flash of excitement in her eyes. “It really doesn’t matter-if it’s a boy or a girl…”
“Oh come on. You can’t tell me you haven’t once thought about it?”
Derek grinned, “Yeah-I’ve thought about it…a lot.”
Addison propped her head up in her hand and grinned at him. “So tell me-I’m not going to call you a male chauvinist if you tell me you always wanted a son.”
Derek laughed, “No-it’s…” he sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve thought about this for years-what our first child would be like-and it was always a little girl.” Addison smiled softly, as Derek continued in a dream-like voice. “She would be perfect. Ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes-she’d have fiery, orangey-red that had a little bit of natural curl to it and crystal clear, blue eyes-there would be just a few freckles over the bridge of her nose and smile that could light up a room.” He turned to look at Addison was listening intently, almost as if hanging on every word that he was saying. “She would be the perfect combination of me and you-maybe more you than me.”
Addison rolled onto her back so that Derek didn’t see the tears in her eyes. “My eyes but your smile-that’s what I always saw when I thought about a baby.” Her voice cracked slightly.
Derek rolled back onto his side. “Addie? Are you okay?” She nodded and made an attempt the discretely wiped her eyes. “You’re crying…” He held his breath for a moment and watched her turn back to face him.
“It’s…nothing…I just…my hormones are all out of whack and…and…this is it, you know? This is our chance-our last and only chance and…” She tilted her head the other way; wishing more than anything she could keep her emotions in check, but it seemed the harder she tried, the more emotional she became. “And I just can’t help but think about…you know…the other chances, the ones I threw away.”
Tears spilled over her eyes, as Derek slid across the sheets to pull her into his arms. “Shhh…” he whispered soothingly, as he gently smoothed her hair.
Finally, the tears stopped. Addison timidly cuddled against him and Derek adjusted his arms around her. “I’m sorry…” she began.
“Don’t be.”
“I just…”
“It’s okay.” A silence fell between them and Derek continued to soothing stroke her hair and gently kissed the top of her head. “You regret it, don’t you?”
Addison stayed quiet for a moment and again, felt tears flooding in her eyes. “I regret a lot of things that happened that year.”
Derek hugged her close against him. He hated that she’d had to give up so much for him and at the time it had all been in vain; all of her efforts and sacrifices had gone unnoticed and he knew that had Addison shown up in Seattle, pregnant with another man’s child, he would have never even made the weak attempts that he did and they probably wouldn’t be where they were at that moment. That was something he felt guilty about and on some level regretted. “Yeah, me too…I regret a lot of things about that year, too” he told her.
Previous chapters can be found in descending order here.