"Wise Up" 13/?
Author's Note: Sorry it's been over two weeks this time. :( I've had a lot of RL stuff going on and when I get online (which many times is after 10 PM), I just am not up to the angst of my own story, lol. But to make up, this is a pretty long one. I want to thank you all for your support of this story it means a lot. And I have to say I was initially nervous that it wouldn't be received well because there's a lot of introspection, lot of inner-monologues, a lot of feelings-analysis, and not a lot of action but you've been great. I know that it tries your patience (mine too!) but I hope you'll stay along for the ride.
Title: Wise Up ch. 13
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
Previous chapters may be found:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Richard Webber had not been thrilled when Derek Shepherd called him the next morning, requesting time off for "personal reasons." The Chief had already lost one star surgeon (albeit temporarily, he hoped), he did not want to lose another. However, when Derek explained that a trip to New York to see his family was in order, Richard relented. He knew that Derek hadn't returned to Manhattan since the night he fled to Seattle, it was high time the man sucked it up and went back. Richard thought highly of the Shepherds and if anyone could straighten Derek out, it was Mrs. Shepherd, his mother. There was also the fact that Richard was keenly cognizant of where Addison was. Maybe when Derek returned to Seattle Grace, he'd bring Addie back and things could improve. He still held out hope for those two.
After calling Richard, Derek managed to acquire a seat on an early flight to New York. Only he was unable to get first class seating, so he had to deal with coach. Times like these reminded him that he could be a snob. Derek liked the finer things in life, he'd worked damn hard to be able to afford such luxuries, it was his right to enjoy them. Yet he recognized a dichotomy between that Derek, styled and sophisticated and the Derek Shepherd who grew up in a middle-class Irish-American household. The Derek who loved chopping wood, living in a trailer in the woods, wearing flannel (!) was one side of him. The other Derek loved the theater, flying first class, living in a fancy (but homey) brownstone in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, wearing designer duds. Some would say the two were so different and yet they both were so much of who he was.
When he moved to Seattle, Derek wanted a 'do-over' of his life, so he attempted to stifle and hide that other part of himself. He even went so far as to deny to himself that he was those things, that he had another life which he left behind. A life which included a big family, incredible friends, great colleagues…and something very important: a wife. Derek couldn't remember his wife. Because if he did, then he'd remember what led him to Seattle in the first place. So he compartmentalized. It worked for a while. He was this mysterious, handsome doctor that all the women clamored for, he was the man with an impressive medical standing that awed co-workers. He was good with his patients. And he was, oh yeah, 'dreamy.' Having that attention lavished upon him, even though he laughed it off at first, was enjoyable. Everyone back home would have scoffed at the whole "Dr. McDreamy" nickname, especially his wife. She had never worshipped him, so the attention from Meredith Grey was flattering indeed. The young, beautiful, impressionable intern thought he could do no wrong. But she didn't know who he was.
As much as he tried to forget about Manhattan, there were times when Derek was alone at the trailer-particularly at 2 in the morning-when his mind would wander to the life and people he left behind. The guilt would gnaw at him, but he would remind himself what he caught Addison and Mark doing and that would alleviate the guilt until the next time. In the three months that he'd been in Seattle, it never once dawned on him to ask Addison for a divorce. Hell he could have demanded it at that point and she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. But he didn't. He just put her aside and figured he'd deal with her eventually…one day. All of that was shot to hell when she strolled into the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital.
Given the shaky ground they were at when she reappeared, Derek could hardly believe that it'd been a year now since he caught them and in-between he'd had an affair with an intern, she'd moved back, they went to marriage counseling, there was fighting, sex, coldness, hurt, pain, fear, and now she was pregnant.
It might be selfish of him, but Derek wanted this baby. He wanted children, always, and Addison was the one he wanted them with. Losing their first child had torn him-them both-apart but after a certain point he was ready to try again, but she wasn't. And then he started resenting her and her attitude and so he did what he did best, he starting closing himself off, distancing himself from her. He knew it hurt her and he didn't want to see that in her eyes. So he avoided her. Or picked fights with her. He worked as many hours as he could, though his chief of staff at Mt. Sinai was often on his case to get himself home. But home was where Addison lived. So he slept at the hospital. And when there was an event that he and his wife were required to attend, he would schedule surgeries and then ask Mark to go in his place. "Mark, there's this dinner we're supposed to go to but I can't." "Mark, there's this dance, you know the fundraiser? I have surgery, take Addison." "Mark…" It got to the point where he was asking Mark to "fill in" on the personal occasions too. "My secretary got her a gift…would you give it to her for her birthday, Mark? Maybe take her to dinner?" "Mark, why don't you bring Addie to Mom's for Thanksgiving?" "Mark, why don't you go with Addie to Kathleen's for Scotty's birthday party?" "Mark…you're my best friend. You stood up for me at my wedding-could you tell Addison I am so sorry but something came up and I can't make the anniversary date? Take her out, please."
Slouching down in his seat, Derek ran his hands over his face. God, he had been such an asshole. He missed out on so many occasions-professional and personal-with his wife and he asked his best friend to fill in! Could he really be that shocked that they'd (or at least Mark) developed feelings for each other? How could Mark not look at Addison with anything but love? She was this tall, gorgeous redhead who was strong, compassionate, a talented, dedicated surgeon, someone who loved family (hers and his) and friends, someone who was fiercely protective of those she loved, and probably the most intelligent person he'd ever met. She was astonishing. And Derek knew that and he threw it away. As much as it killed him to admit it to himself, he knew that he was a big part of why Addison strayed and why Mark fell for her. He pushed them towards each other. And that night, of all nights, Addison was especially vulnerable. She practically pleaded with him to come home and be with her, there were tears in her eyes. She told him she knew that things weren't good and she wanted to work on them and she wanted to talk about…but he brushed her off with what had become his patented "Not now, Addison" and then "We'll talk later, Addison." Finally, "I've got an OR booked all afternoon and night, Addison…Mark will stop by." The minute he said those words, her entire demeanor changed. He knew he crushed her, but she would not give him the satisfaction. Instead of crying, she stood up straight, stiffening her body and said "Fine, Derek" and walked away without looking at him. She studiously avoided him the rest of the day.
Derek did, however, feel guilty. He thought of something his mother had told him a few years earlier and it got to him. So he had someone else take over his surgeries and then he went out and bought Addison her favorite bouquet of flowers. He knew he had a lot to make up for and it wouldn't happen overnight, but they would start that night. He would go home, pick Addison up and just hold her. Comfort her. Whisper how sorry he was that she had to go through that alone. He'd take her to the cemetery if she wanted. Or he would make her dinner because he was sure she wouldn't be in the frame of mind to eat. He would just be there for her and maybe it would start to heal them, heal him. Addison had brought up marriage counseling on a few occasions and his sisters strongly encouraged it, but he'd always been opposed. If she still wanted, he would agree to try.
All of those promises, all of those plans flew out the window when he ran inside from the torrential downpour and first saw that familiar jacket on a step leading to the second floor and then a tie on another step. He knew that jacket…it was his. Mark's. He tried to ignore the feeling of dread that overcame him but his heart was pounding and he picked up the tie and jacket and he ran upstairs and then he heard…he heard her moaning. He heard noises that she was only supposed to make for him. He saw a bottle of wine outside the door and it was empty. He heard Mark whispering to her and she was giggling, slurring her words. Words like "I'm not druuuuuuuuunk, Mark" and Mark said, "Yes you are, Addison." "No…I'm hurt, Mark, he hurt me. Why does he always hurt me?" "Shhh," hushed Mark. "He doesn't love me anymore, why doesn't Derek love me anymore?" she whimpered. "I love you, Addison," Mark said. "But Dere-Derek…" she protested ignoring his declaration of love. The minute Derek heard her slur his own name, he thrust open the door and walked in on them…
Mark was still…on top of her and didn't hear the door, so he didn't know they had been interrupted but Addison's eyes widened in horror, fear, and…regret? Immediately she jumped up, pushing Mark off of her, calling out his name. "Derek, please…Derek." At that, Mark quickly grabbed his clothes. "Derek…" he began but one look from him shut Mark up. Mark glanced over at a disheveled Addison before leaving the house. Derek gave Addison a look of pure disgust before grabbing the tie and jacket along with Addison's strewn clothes. "Get out. Get out! Get out of my house!" he yelled at her.
"No," she'd whispered at first. "It's our house, Derek. Derek please, let me explain."
He would have none of it, instead shoving her out in the pouring rain in only a nightshirt and then he threw her clothes at her. She pounded her fists on the door and he could hear her sobs, hear her screaming his name over and over.
Something in him couldn't just leave her that so he opened the door and let her cling to him, sopping wet, but he stood there motionless.
After a few minutes of Addison's slurred attempt to explain and apologize, Derek tersely spat, "There is no Derek and Addison anymore" before leaving the house-leaving her-behind. Her wails grew louder as he stood in the rain, hailing a taxi to take him to JFK.
Derek could feel the anger and pain seep back in at those memories. He knew that the minute he stepped foot at JFK Airport they would flood him.
This was why Derek desperately needed his family. He needed his mother's soothing voice. Needed Shannon's comforting hug. Needed Nancy's teasing. Needed Kathleen's knowing advice. Needed to hear Cindy call Mark a bastard and Addison a bitch…well, maybe not the latter but definitely the former. He just needed family.
Shutting his eyes for the remainder of the flight, Derek willed himself not to let the memories engulf him.
"Adds, you look good today," Weiss told her over lunch at one of her favorite deli's.
"Is that your polite way of saying I looked like shit the past couple of days?" wondered Addison as she sipped green tea.
"Well…"
Addison laughed at him. "It's okay, Weiss. I know I looked like crap. I felt like crap."
"But not anymore?" he guessed.
"Well, I wouldn't say that. I'm still mixed up, but I have this weight lifted, now that I've decided…" her voice trailed off and she gave a tiny smile.
"To make me an uncle?" he supplied with a grin.
"Basically," she grinned back at him.
"I'm so happy for you, Addie. I know you'll make a wonderful mother."
"I hope so."
"I know so. You're pretty terrific, you know?"
Waving a hand in protest, Addison said, "Adultery with my husband's best friend notwithstanding."
Sighing, Weiss leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. "That one…act…doesn't take away from who you are, intrinsically as a person, Addison. You got it?"
She shrugged. "I guess so."
"We really need to do something about that self-esteem of yours. What exactly did my friend Derek do to you in Seattle?"
"It wasn't just Seattle, Weiss," Addison began as she picked at her sandwich.
"Seattle was just payback for the affair. Things were disintegrating long before, right here in Manhattan."
"I know," Weiss said sadly. "I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn't."
"You, me, and everyone tried."
"So what was sleeping with his best friend, then? A way to get his attention?"
Biting her lower lip, Addison glanced at her friend-one of Derek's closest friends-and saw no anger in his face only curiosity.
"Short answer? Yes. Long answer? No. It was much more complicated. Getting his attention was one of the consequences of that night. But unlike what Derek and many others may think, I didn't set out that morning and said, 'Well damn, Derek won't listen to me, won't talk to me, won't even look at me, so tonight I'm going to screw his best friend his fucking brother and that will teach him.' That was the farthest thing from my mind."
"I know you were hurting that day-well a lot of days but particularly then-because it was the anniversary of your miscarriage. Savvy and I should have invited you over, we should have…"
"Nonsense, Weiss. Don't you dare feel guilty in any way. This is on me. And Mark. And yes, on Derek. It wasn't your job, Savvy's job, and it was not Mark's job to take care of me. It was my own. And it was Derek's. We both screwed up."
Weiss nodded and then told Addison to eat her sandwich, but at the moment she wasn't feeling very hungry. A stern look from her friend told her do as he said so she complied.
After he felt she'd eaten enough, he talked again. "And now? What are you two 'screw-ups' going to do now that there's a baby in the picture?"
Shrugging, Addison said, "I wish I knew. But that's the thing. While I decided to have this baby, I haven't resolved where and I don't know if Derek will be in the picture or not."
"Addie come on, you know Derek. Of course he'll be there. He adores kids."
"Yeah, but in what capacity? A part-time father living a coast away? An every-other weekend and rotating holidays father? Doesn't this baby deserve more?"
"Yes," Weiss answered simply. "But you know, it's not just this baby that deserves more. You do too."
When she tried to protest he told her otherwise. "You want to know something?" he asked as she finished her tea.
"What?"
"When Savv and I came to Seattle last year, we honestly were afraid for you. For both of you."
"Afraid? Of what?"
"Afraid that you two were going to let the best thing that ever happened to you walk away from you. Savvy and I thought you were two steps away from a divorce."
"I gave him the papers," she admitted. "He didn't sign them."
"I know. And there was a reason, Addison."
"He never told me."
Looking over her carefully, he remarked, "I don't doubt that. But did you ever ask him, Addison?" When she shook her head, he said, "Miscommunication-or no communication-works both ways. You two need to start on the same wavelength. Not just for the baby because that's a separate issue and you have what, seven months? Okay so in those seven months you and Derek need to figure out what's going to become of the two of you. Do you want there to be a two of you?"
Swallowing a lump in her throat, her voice was barely audible as she said, "Yes."
"Then fight. Aside from my wife you're one of the strongest, most stubborn women I know. Don't give up. Don't let him give up either."
"Have you been reading Tony Robbins lately?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
"I read a lot of self-help books to get me through last year when Savvy…"
Addison reached across the table for her friend's hand and squeezed it. "She's going to be okay, you know that?"
"I do. Thanks in large part to you. And even though I don't think much of him on a personal level anymore, in part to Mark."
"He's a good surgeon," she acknowledged.
"Yeah, well my wife got the best."
Standing up, Addison pushed her chair in and smoothed her skirt. "You know when else she got the best? When she met you."
He smiled at her and then walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
They walked outside in comfortable silence. "I'll see you tonight after the Shepherd shindig," Addison said before Weiss turned to walk towards where he worked.
"Good luck with that. Give our love to everyone."
"Will do. And I'll give your lovely wife a hug and a kiss for you in 10 minutes. Kiss on the cheek, of course because we're not that kinky. Anymore…."
Laughing, Weiss shook his head and left.
Five hours later, Addison was on the doorstep of Erin Shepherd's house, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in another. Hand trembling, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then rang the doorbell.
"I'll get it Ma!" sang the voice of one of Derek's sisters.
The door opened and Derek's youngest sister stood in surprise to see her sister-in-law. She looked over her shoulder for Derek and sighed when she didn't see him. "Oh, it's you," she said, the annoyance clear.
"I," hesitated Addison.
"Hey Addie," Nancy's voice rang out. "I'm glad you made it," she told her, ushering her in.
"Thanks," Addison said, grateful for one friendly face.
"Hey," whispered Nancy. "It's going to be okay. I promise." Nancy gave her a quick hug before directing her into the family room where the kids were on the floor playing with one another and the adults were sitting around catching up.
"Hey gang, look who showed up," Nancy said and everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Addison.
This is it, Addison said to herself, steeling herself for the reaction of everyone. Derek's sisters looked at each other and then their husbands, offering no acknowledgment.
"Aunt Addie, Aunt Addie," sang on of her nephews, Scotty as he jumped up and ran over, giving her a big hug.
Closing her eyes, she leaned down and breathed in the smell of his hair. "I've missed you," he confided.
"I missed you too, sweetie."
Her other nieces and nephews followed suit and Addison felt a rush of relief. At least they still loved her and wanted her here.
One other person got up and walked towards her. "If it isn't my favorite daughter-in-law," Erin said with a smile.
"Oh Mom," Addison said. "I'm your only one."
"Doesn't matter," she said, stretching her arms out and Addison went in them and was surprised at the fierceness of the hug.
"I've missed you, darling girl," she told her, stroking her hair.
A few tears that she had been holding at bay fell down. "I've missed you too, Mom. You have no idea how much."
"Shhh," Erin said, soothing her.
"I'm so sorry. You have no idea."
"Shhh, I know."
They stayed in the embrace for a while and Nancy gathered the kids together to distract them while the adults talked.
After a few minutes, Erin released her and she wiped her eyes, feeling foolish for how red she must look.
"I'm, I'm going to freshen up," she said.
She went into the powder room and splashed some cold water on her face. Get it together, Addison! She instructed as she reapplied some makeup.
"You okay, Ad?" asked Shannon, the sister who followed Derek in birth order.
Nodding, Addison closed the light and said, "I'm fine."
"Mom and the kids weren't the only ones who missed you, Sis," Shannon said, surprising Addison with a hug.
Addison returned the hug and thanked her sister-in-law and then they caught up a bit on Shannon's husband and kids.
"God, I've missed so much," Addison remarked.
"I mean, Nancy filled me in on a lot but…"
"Yeah well it happens. Not anymore though, you got it?"
"Got it," Addison said with a small smile.
She had always gotten along best with Shannon and Nancy. Though she did get along with Kathleen and Cindy, they were different. Their relationships with Derek were different.
"I can't believe she had the nerve to show up here!" whined Cindy.
"Cindy, don't," her husband warned her.
"No. Come on. She broke my brother's heart. Your son," she reminded her mom.
"Cindy's right, she did," piped up Kathleen.
"Sleeping with Mark…"
"Oh give it a rest, you two," Nancy said as she came around. "Who hasn't slept with Mark? Especially in this room-other than Mom-none of us."
Kathleen rolled her eyes. Leave it to Nancy to point out the obvious.
"Yeah, well that's different," said Cindy. "She was Derek's wife."
"And you four are his sisters," their mom reminded them. "So don't start about Mark. And for the record? Addison is still Derek's wife."
"I don't know why he hasn't divorced her," she muttered under her breath.
"Cynthia! That's enough," reprimanded her mom.
"You girls all have to deal with the fact that Derek is still married to Addison and it's his choice. It's his choice to try to make things work with her and I for one hope they make it. Come on, even you, Cindy, you remember how he was treating her before he left. You know how much he hurt her."
"And let me tell you, he didn't improve in Seattle," Nancy piped in.
"Did Addison tell you that?" wondered Kathleen but Nancy shook her head. "No, I heard it from Savvy and before you tell me she's biased it was validated by other people. Derek hasn't been pleasant to her to say the least. Some would wonder why she's still with him. Now can we just let it drop and leave Derek and Addison to Derek and Addison? Come on, we haven't seen her in over a year and we missed her-well all did," she said pointedly looking at her older and younger sister.
"I guess," Kathleen said.
"Whatever," was Cindy's response.
"And unlike a certain brother of ours, she has made an effort to make amends. She's made an effort to keep in contact. She's sent presents for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, she's shown that she cares," Shannon pointed out.
"You're right," admitted Kathleen.
"Now, it is Eric's birthday and we are going to act like adults here, you got it?" stated their Mom.
"Yes, M'am," the three girls said.
Addison and Shannon, meanwhile, had stood in the hallway and heard every word. Addison felt horrible but she also expected it and she felt that she deserved it.
"Good, now go in there and welcome her home and then we can have dinner."
The girls looked at each other and then went to find Addison and were surprised to see her with Shannon, and they realized she'd heard the entire debate.
"Addison," began Kathleen.
She shook her head. "No, you don't have to say anything. I know you don't want me here."
"That's not true," Nancy said. "Isn't that right, Cin?"
Cindy glared at her older sister before nodding. "She's right. We…we missed you."
"It's okay. You can hate me all you want, I deserve it."
"Addie shut up and give me a hug," Kathleen said, causing the others to look at her in surprise and then laugh at the expression on Addison's face. Addison hugged Derek's oldest sister and then gave a laugh.
Cindy finally walked over and tentatively said, "Welcome home" and then she held out her hand and Addison shook it. It was something.
They ate dinner in relative peace. No one inquired as to why Derek wasn't there with Addison and everyone behaved-including Cindy. As the cake was being passed around and Addison was holding one of her younger nieces in her arms, Cindy surprised her by sitting next to her.
"I don't hate you," she admitted.
"It's okay, Cindy. You don't owe me anything. Derek is your brother and I'm…well little ears so I won't say but it's okay."
"It's true. I hate what you did and that he got hurt so badly but I know he hurt you too. I know my big brother and how he can be."
Addison shrugged, not wanting to say anything negative about Derek and ruining any chance at Cindy truly not hating her.
"You brought this one into this world," Cindy stated, softly brushing hair off her daughter's forehead. "How could I hate you?"
"Okay," Addison said at last. "Thank you."
Cindy nodded and gave her a genuine smile. Addison knew things were still shaky with her and Kathleen but all hope wasn't lost. This fact greatly relieved her because Addison loved those girls a lot and they were going to be aunts to this baby.
"Thanks for the wine," Eric, Nancy's husband and the birthday boy said a little while later.
"No problem," Addison said with a smile.
The kids were getting restless and it was getting late for them so their parents told them to clean up and get ready to go home. As Kathleen opened the door to leave, she stood in shock as she saw who was standing at the door, waiting to ringing the bell.
"Derek!" she shrieked in happiness.
"Kathleen!" he said happily, grabbing her in a hug.
"God I've missed you," he whispered as he held her.
"You too, Little Brother."
"Kathleen are you going to stand there or help me with the kids?" John, her husband asked.
"I'm sorry, it's just…" she stopped talking as John noticed what was going on. "Oh."
John's eyes grew wide as he saw Addison in the other room helping one of their nephews tie his shoes.
"Oh," Kathleen said, remembering.
"What's all this about?" Cindy asked.
"EEE!" she shrieked.
"Cynthia Louise! What on earth is going on?"
"Mom! Mom you'll never guess who's here!" she called out.
Derek gave his youngest sister a big squeeze and then ruffled her hair. "Missed you, kiddo."
"Same here. And I'm not a kid anymore, Derek."
"You always will be to me, Cin," he told her with a teasing smile.
"What is going on in there?" Shannon asked. "I thought you were leaving," she said to Kathleen.
"I was and then I found this one on the doorstep," she said, pointing toward their wayward brother.
Shannon's eyes widening. "Oh," she said, unsure what to say.
"Oh? That's all your big brother gets, 'oh'?" repeated Derek with a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah well I'm surprised you remembered my name," she huffed.
"Shan…."
"Don't, Derek. Not tonight."
He shrugged. "Fine. But can I get a hug tonight? Please?" he asked with his trademark pout.
Shannon laughed and hugged her only brother.
"Love you too, Shann."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Well, that's it," came Kathleen's voice. "Kids are all ready to go."
"I don't want to leave Aunt Addie," whined her son Jacob.
Derek stood there shell-shocked. Aunt Addie? Addison was there?
His three sisters looked at each other, then at Derek, then back at each other.
"Me either!" piped in Jacob's twin, Jennifer.
"Hey, I'll be back, I promise," he heard Addison tell his niece and nephew. "I'll walk you two to the car, okay?"
Smiling, they each grabbed one of her hands and pulled her to the door, yelling "bye Grandma!"
"What's all this?" Addison asked, looking at the crowd which had gathered at the door.
"Come on Aunt Addie, let's go……"
"Coming, Jacob." But Addison stopped in her tracks when she saw the familiar figure leaning against the door.
"Jenny, you left your doll, go get it," her mother, Nancy instructed as she went into the foyer, stopping when she saw her brother.
"Derek," she whispered and then she turned to her sister-in-law who's mouth hung open.
Derek was staring at Addison. He couldn't believe that she was there, at his mom's house. With his family. Once again, Derek went to find some peace and once again she was there…wait.
Derek shook his head. No, he was not mad at her. She had every right to be there. She was their family too. And he did assume she had returned to Manhattan so…even in a city of millions of people it shouldn't surprise him to find her right there.
Addison grew very uncomfortable as Derek looked at her. She couldn't tell how pissed he was that she was once again, invading his territory.
Looking over everyone she decided to make her getaway shortly.
"Nancy Pants!" Derek called out to his favorite sister.
"Well, well well if it isn't the famous Dr. Derek Shepherd," his sister retorted.
"Nance…"
Nancy jabbed him in the shoulder. "Nice of you to show up. Too late for dinner and for birthday cake, of course."
"Birthday cake?" he asked, confused and Nancy shook her head. Figures.
"Eric's birthday," Cindy reminded him.
"Oh. Oh! Well, sorry."
He managed to squeeze a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek.
"Okay kiddos, I have to go but I will visit you again, real soon. Bye sweeties," Addison said, leaning down to hug Jacob and Jennifer and kiss them on the cheek.
Derek always loved watching his wife with his sisters' kids. She was so good with them and they simply adored her. It always tugged at his heartstrings. Tonight was no different.
"Addie, before you leave, I need to talk to you," his mom called out as she walked into the foyer.
She stopped in her tracks at the sight of her son.
"Derek," she said with a smile.
"Hi Mom," Derek said, going over to greet her with a long hug and kiss.
"There's hope for you two yet," she whispered in his ear.
"Mom?" Addison asked, standing with her arms protectively around her waist, which Derek took note of.
"You can't leave now, Addie."
"What? Oh but…"
"Stay. Talk." She instructed, pushing Addison towards Derek.
"Ma it's late and I'm jet-lagged," Derek interjected.
"Tough."
His sisters and their families were gone in the meantime, leaving the three behind.
Neither Derek nor Addison said anything to the other. This drove Erin crazy.
"I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about. Like how you both managed to be at the same house tonight."
"You live here, Mom," Derek pointed out.
"Yes I do. And I'm going to bed. Good night you two," she said and she kissed them both on the cheek before retreating to her room.
Addison gave an awkward laugh. "Not very subtle there."
"Not at all," agreed Derek.
"So…" Addison began.
"So…" Derek repeated.
"What are you doing here?" they asked in unison.
"I wanted to see my family," Derek said.
"Oh. Well, Nancy told me about Eric's birthday get-together and she invited me."
"You saw Nancy?" he asked, wondering when that happened.
"I ran into her at the hospital."
The hospital. Sloan was there.
"Before you even accuse I was not there to see Mark."
Derek shrugged.
"Okay," he responded. "So you're staying with Savvy and Weiss?" he guessed.
She nodded, there was no longer a reason to hide it.
"That's what I thought. Well…"
"Derek? Don't bother."
"What?" he asked, confused at her sudden annoyed tone.
"You obviously didn't expect me here and didn't want to see me let alone talk to me so I'll do you the favor and leave."
"Addison."
"Good night, Derek."
"Mom wanted us to talk."
"I know but this is too awkward and it's late and you're jet-lagged and Savvy and Weiss are expecting me…" her voice trailed off.
"We do need to talk," he informed her.
"I know. But not tonight. You know where I'm staying now, you can call me and we'll meet…somewhere neutral and discuss things…"
"The baby?" he asked.
"Things," she said, not giving anything away.
"All right. Let me walk you to the cab," he offered, not wanting her alone in the dark.
She shook her head. "Savvy let me borrow her car. I'm set."
"Oh. Well, good night, Addison."
"Good night, Derek." With one last look at her husband, Addison left, leaving Derek as confused as he was when he left Seattle, maybe even more.
Title: Wise Up ch. 13
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: Derek and Addison are trying to come to terms with their feelings for each other and their behavior towards each other. Will they be able to face their demons and be stronger or will they give up? Circa end season 2, with my spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infringement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
Previous chapters may be found:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Richard Webber had not been thrilled when Derek Shepherd called him the next morning, requesting time off for "personal reasons." The Chief had already lost one star surgeon (albeit temporarily, he hoped), he did not want to lose another. However, when Derek explained that a trip to New York to see his family was in order, Richard relented. He knew that Derek hadn't returned to Manhattan since the night he fled to Seattle, it was high time the man sucked it up and went back. Richard thought highly of the Shepherds and if anyone could straighten Derek out, it was Mrs. Shepherd, his mother. There was also the fact that Richard was keenly cognizant of where Addison was. Maybe when Derek returned to Seattle Grace, he'd bring Addie back and things could improve. He still held out hope for those two.
After calling Richard, Derek managed to acquire a seat on an early flight to New York. Only he was unable to get first class seating, so he had to deal with coach. Times like these reminded him that he could be a snob. Derek liked the finer things in life, he'd worked damn hard to be able to afford such luxuries, it was his right to enjoy them. Yet he recognized a dichotomy between that Derek, styled and sophisticated and the Derek Shepherd who grew up in a middle-class Irish-American household. The Derek who loved chopping wood, living in a trailer in the woods, wearing flannel (!) was one side of him. The other Derek loved the theater, flying first class, living in a fancy (but homey) brownstone in the Upper West Side of Manhattan, wearing designer duds. Some would say the two were so different and yet they both were so much of who he was.
When he moved to Seattle, Derek wanted a 'do-over' of his life, so he attempted to stifle and hide that other part of himself. He even went so far as to deny to himself that he was those things, that he had another life which he left behind. A life which included a big family, incredible friends, great colleagues…and something very important: a wife. Derek couldn't remember his wife. Because if he did, then he'd remember what led him to Seattle in the first place. So he compartmentalized. It worked for a while. He was this mysterious, handsome doctor that all the women clamored for, he was the man with an impressive medical standing that awed co-workers. He was good with his patients. And he was, oh yeah, 'dreamy.' Having that attention lavished upon him, even though he laughed it off at first, was enjoyable. Everyone back home would have scoffed at the whole "Dr. McDreamy" nickname, especially his wife. She had never worshipped him, so the attention from Meredith Grey was flattering indeed. The young, beautiful, impressionable intern thought he could do no wrong. But she didn't know who he was.
As much as he tried to forget about Manhattan, there were times when Derek was alone at the trailer-particularly at 2 in the morning-when his mind would wander to the life and people he left behind. The guilt would gnaw at him, but he would remind himself what he caught Addison and Mark doing and that would alleviate the guilt until the next time. In the three months that he'd been in Seattle, it never once dawned on him to ask Addison for a divorce. Hell he could have demanded it at that point and she wouldn't have a leg to stand on. But he didn't. He just put her aside and figured he'd deal with her eventually…one day. All of that was shot to hell when she strolled into the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital.
Given the shaky ground they were at when she reappeared, Derek could hardly believe that it'd been a year now since he caught them and in-between he'd had an affair with an intern, she'd moved back, they went to marriage counseling, there was fighting, sex, coldness, hurt, pain, fear, and now she was pregnant.
It might be selfish of him, but Derek wanted this baby. He wanted children, always, and Addison was the one he wanted them with. Losing their first child had torn him-them both-apart but after a certain point he was ready to try again, but she wasn't. And then he started resenting her and her attitude and so he did what he did best, he starting closing himself off, distancing himself from her. He knew it hurt her and he didn't want to see that in her eyes. So he avoided her. Or picked fights with her. He worked as many hours as he could, though his chief of staff at Mt. Sinai was often on his case to get himself home. But home was where Addison lived. So he slept at the hospital. And when there was an event that he and his wife were required to attend, he would schedule surgeries and then ask Mark to go in his place. "Mark, there's this dinner we're supposed to go to but I can't." "Mark, there's this dance, you know the fundraiser? I have surgery, take Addison." "Mark…" It got to the point where he was asking Mark to "fill in" on the personal occasions too. "My secretary got her a gift…would you give it to her for her birthday, Mark? Maybe take her to dinner?" "Mark, why don't you bring Addie to Mom's for Thanksgiving?" "Mark, why don't you go with Addie to Kathleen's for Scotty's birthday party?" "Mark…you're my best friend. You stood up for me at my wedding-could you tell Addison I am so sorry but something came up and I can't make the anniversary date? Take her out, please."
Slouching down in his seat, Derek ran his hands over his face. God, he had been such an asshole. He missed out on so many occasions-professional and personal-with his wife and he asked his best friend to fill in! Could he really be that shocked that they'd (or at least Mark) developed feelings for each other? How could Mark not look at Addison with anything but love? She was this tall, gorgeous redhead who was strong, compassionate, a talented, dedicated surgeon, someone who loved family (hers and his) and friends, someone who was fiercely protective of those she loved, and probably the most intelligent person he'd ever met. She was astonishing. And Derek knew that and he threw it away. As much as it killed him to admit it to himself, he knew that he was a big part of why Addison strayed and why Mark fell for her. He pushed them towards each other. And that night, of all nights, Addison was especially vulnerable. She practically pleaded with him to come home and be with her, there were tears in her eyes. She told him she knew that things weren't good and she wanted to work on them and she wanted to talk about…but he brushed her off with what had become his patented "Not now, Addison" and then "We'll talk later, Addison." Finally, "I've got an OR booked all afternoon and night, Addison…Mark will stop by." The minute he said those words, her entire demeanor changed. He knew he crushed her, but she would not give him the satisfaction. Instead of crying, she stood up straight, stiffening her body and said "Fine, Derek" and walked away without looking at him. She studiously avoided him the rest of the day.
Derek did, however, feel guilty. He thought of something his mother had told him a few years earlier and it got to him. So he had someone else take over his surgeries and then he went out and bought Addison her favorite bouquet of flowers. He knew he had a lot to make up for and it wouldn't happen overnight, but they would start that night. He would go home, pick Addison up and just hold her. Comfort her. Whisper how sorry he was that she had to go through that alone. He'd take her to the cemetery if she wanted. Or he would make her dinner because he was sure she wouldn't be in the frame of mind to eat. He would just be there for her and maybe it would start to heal them, heal him. Addison had brought up marriage counseling on a few occasions and his sisters strongly encouraged it, but he'd always been opposed. If she still wanted, he would agree to try.
All of those promises, all of those plans flew out the window when he ran inside from the torrential downpour and first saw that familiar jacket on a step leading to the second floor and then a tie on another step. He knew that jacket…it was his. Mark's. He tried to ignore the feeling of dread that overcame him but his heart was pounding and he picked up the tie and jacket and he ran upstairs and then he heard…he heard her moaning. He heard noises that she was only supposed to make for him. He saw a bottle of wine outside the door and it was empty. He heard Mark whispering to her and she was giggling, slurring her words. Words like "I'm not druuuuuuuuunk, Mark" and Mark said, "Yes you are, Addison." "No…I'm hurt, Mark, he hurt me. Why does he always hurt me?" "Shhh," hushed Mark. "He doesn't love me anymore, why doesn't Derek love me anymore?" she whimpered. "I love you, Addison," Mark said. "But Dere-Derek…" she protested ignoring his declaration of love. The minute Derek heard her slur his own name, he thrust open the door and walked in on them…
Mark was still…on top of her and didn't hear the door, so he didn't know they had been interrupted but Addison's eyes widened in horror, fear, and…regret? Immediately she jumped up, pushing Mark off of her, calling out his name. "Derek, please…Derek." At that, Mark quickly grabbed his clothes. "Derek…" he began but one look from him shut Mark up. Mark glanced over at a disheveled Addison before leaving the house. Derek gave Addison a look of pure disgust before grabbing the tie and jacket along with Addison's strewn clothes. "Get out. Get out! Get out of my house!" he yelled at her.
"No," she'd whispered at first. "It's our house, Derek. Derek please, let me explain."
He would have none of it, instead shoving her out in the pouring rain in only a nightshirt and then he threw her clothes at her. She pounded her fists on the door and he could hear her sobs, hear her screaming his name over and over.
Something in him couldn't just leave her that so he opened the door and let her cling to him, sopping wet, but he stood there motionless.
After a few minutes of Addison's slurred attempt to explain and apologize, Derek tersely spat, "There is no Derek and Addison anymore" before leaving the house-leaving her-behind. Her wails grew louder as he stood in the rain, hailing a taxi to take him to JFK.
Derek could feel the anger and pain seep back in at those memories. He knew that the minute he stepped foot at JFK Airport they would flood him.
This was why Derek desperately needed his family. He needed his mother's soothing voice. Needed Shannon's comforting hug. Needed Nancy's teasing. Needed Kathleen's knowing advice. Needed to hear Cindy call Mark a bastard and Addison a bitch…well, maybe not the latter but definitely the former. He just needed family.
Shutting his eyes for the remainder of the flight, Derek willed himself not to let the memories engulf him.
"Adds, you look good today," Weiss told her over lunch at one of her favorite deli's.
"Is that your polite way of saying I looked like shit the past couple of days?" wondered Addison as she sipped green tea.
"Well…"
Addison laughed at him. "It's okay, Weiss. I know I looked like crap. I felt like crap."
"But not anymore?" he guessed.
"Well, I wouldn't say that. I'm still mixed up, but I have this weight lifted, now that I've decided…" her voice trailed off and she gave a tiny smile.
"To make me an uncle?" he supplied with a grin.
"Basically," she grinned back at him.
"I'm so happy for you, Addie. I know you'll make a wonderful mother."
"I hope so."
"I know so. You're pretty terrific, you know?"
Waving a hand in protest, Addison said, "Adultery with my husband's best friend notwithstanding."
Sighing, Weiss leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. "That one…act…doesn't take away from who you are, intrinsically as a person, Addison. You got it?"
She shrugged. "I guess so."
"We really need to do something about that self-esteem of yours. What exactly did my friend Derek do to you in Seattle?"
"It wasn't just Seattle, Weiss," Addison began as she picked at her sandwich.
"Seattle was just payback for the affair. Things were disintegrating long before, right here in Manhattan."
"I know," Weiss said sadly. "I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn't."
"You, me, and everyone tried."
"So what was sleeping with his best friend, then? A way to get his attention?"
Biting her lower lip, Addison glanced at her friend-one of Derek's closest friends-and saw no anger in his face only curiosity.
"Short answer? Yes. Long answer? No. It was much more complicated. Getting his attention was one of the consequences of that night. But unlike what Derek and many others may think, I didn't set out that morning and said, 'Well damn, Derek won't listen to me, won't talk to me, won't even look at me, so tonight I'm going to screw his best friend his fucking brother and that will teach him.' That was the farthest thing from my mind."
"I know you were hurting that day-well a lot of days but particularly then-because it was the anniversary of your miscarriage. Savvy and I should have invited you over, we should have…"
"Nonsense, Weiss. Don't you dare feel guilty in any way. This is on me. And Mark. And yes, on Derek. It wasn't your job, Savvy's job, and it was not Mark's job to take care of me. It was my own. And it was Derek's. We both screwed up."
Weiss nodded and then told Addison to eat her sandwich, but at the moment she wasn't feeling very hungry. A stern look from her friend told her do as he said so she complied.
After he felt she'd eaten enough, he talked again. "And now? What are you two 'screw-ups' going to do now that there's a baby in the picture?"
Shrugging, Addison said, "I wish I knew. But that's the thing. While I decided to have this baby, I haven't resolved where and I don't know if Derek will be in the picture or not."
"Addie come on, you know Derek. Of course he'll be there. He adores kids."
"Yeah, but in what capacity? A part-time father living a coast away? An every-other weekend and rotating holidays father? Doesn't this baby deserve more?"
"Yes," Weiss answered simply. "But you know, it's not just this baby that deserves more. You do too."
When she tried to protest he told her otherwise. "You want to know something?" he asked as she finished her tea.
"What?"
"When Savv and I came to Seattle last year, we honestly were afraid for you. For both of you."
"Afraid? Of what?"
"Afraid that you two were going to let the best thing that ever happened to you walk away from you. Savvy and I thought you were two steps away from a divorce."
"I gave him the papers," she admitted. "He didn't sign them."
"I know. And there was a reason, Addison."
"He never told me."
Looking over her carefully, he remarked, "I don't doubt that. But did you ever ask him, Addison?" When she shook her head, he said, "Miscommunication-or no communication-works both ways. You two need to start on the same wavelength. Not just for the baby because that's a separate issue and you have what, seven months? Okay so in those seven months you and Derek need to figure out what's going to become of the two of you. Do you want there to be a two of you?"
Swallowing a lump in her throat, her voice was barely audible as she said, "Yes."
"Then fight. Aside from my wife you're one of the strongest, most stubborn women I know. Don't give up. Don't let him give up either."
"Have you been reading Tony Robbins lately?" she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
"I read a lot of self-help books to get me through last year when Savvy…"
Addison reached across the table for her friend's hand and squeezed it. "She's going to be okay, you know that?"
"I do. Thanks in large part to you. And even though I don't think much of him on a personal level anymore, in part to Mark."
"He's a good surgeon," she acknowledged.
"Yeah, well my wife got the best."
Standing up, Addison pushed her chair in and smoothed her skirt. "You know when else she got the best? When she met you."
He smiled at her and then walked over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
They walked outside in comfortable silence. "I'll see you tonight after the Shepherd shindig," Addison said before Weiss turned to walk towards where he worked.
"Good luck with that. Give our love to everyone."
"Will do. And I'll give your lovely wife a hug and a kiss for you in 10 minutes. Kiss on the cheek, of course because we're not that kinky. Anymore…."
Laughing, Weiss shook his head and left.
Five hours later, Addison was on the doorstep of Erin Shepherd's house, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in another. Hand trembling, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then rang the doorbell.
"I'll get it Ma!" sang the voice of one of Derek's sisters.
The door opened and Derek's youngest sister stood in surprise to see her sister-in-law. She looked over her shoulder for Derek and sighed when she didn't see him. "Oh, it's you," she said, the annoyance clear.
"I," hesitated Addison.
"Hey Addie," Nancy's voice rang out. "I'm glad you made it," she told her, ushering her in.
"Thanks," Addison said, grateful for one friendly face.
"Hey," whispered Nancy. "It's going to be okay. I promise." Nancy gave her a quick hug before directing her into the family room where the kids were on the floor playing with one another and the adults were sitting around catching up.
"Hey gang, look who showed up," Nancy said and everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Addison.
This is it, Addison said to herself, steeling herself for the reaction of everyone. Derek's sisters looked at each other and then their husbands, offering no acknowledgment.
"Aunt Addie, Aunt Addie," sang on of her nephews, Scotty as he jumped up and ran over, giving her a big hug.
Closing her eyes, she leaned down and breathed in the smell of his hair. "I've missed you," he confided.
"I missed you too, sweetie."
Her other nieces and nephews followed suit and Addison felt a rush of relief. At least they still loved her and wanted her here.
One other person got up and walked towards her. "If it isn't my favorite daughter-in-law," Erin said with a smile.
"Oh Mom," Addison said. "I'm your only one."
"Doesn't matter," she said, stretching her arms out and Addison went in them and was surprised at the fierceness of the hug.
"I've missed you, darling girl," she told her, stroking her hair.
A few tears that she had been holding at bay fell down. "I've missed you too, Mom. You have no idea how much."
"Shhh," Erin said, soothing her.
"I'm so sorry. You have no idea."
"Shhh, I know."
They stayed in the embrace for a while and Nancy gathered the kids together to distract them while the adults talked.
After a few minutes, Erin released her and she wiped her eyes, feeling foolish for how red she must look.
"I'm, I'm going to freshen up," she said.
She went into the powder room and splashed some cold water on her face. Get it together, Addison! She instructed as she reapplied some makeup.
"You okay, Ad?" asked Shannon, the sister who followed Derek in birth order.
Nodding, Addison closed the light and said, "I'm fine."
"Mom and the kids weren't the only ones who missed you, Sis," Shannon said, surprising Addison with a hug.
Addison returned the hug and thanked her sister-in-law and then they caught up a bit on Shannon's husband and kids.
"God, I've missed so much," Addison remarked.
"I mean, Nancy filled me in on a lot but…"
"Yeah well it happens. Not anymore though, you got it?"
"Got it," Addison said with a small smile.
She had always gotten along best with Shannon and Nancy. Though she did get along with Kathleen and Cindy, they were different. Their relationships with Derek were different.
"I can't believe she had the nerve to show up here!" whined Cindy.
"Cindy, don't," her husband warned her.
"No. Come on. She broke my brother's heart. Your son," she reminded her mom.
"Cindy's right, she did," piped up Kathleen.
"Sleeping with Mark…"
"Oh give it a rest, you two," Nancy said as she came around. "Who hasn't slept with Mark? Especially in this room-other than Mom-none of us."
Kathleen rolled her eyes. Leave it to Nancy to point out the obvious.
"Yeah, well that's different," said Cindy. "She was Derek's wife."
"And you four are his sisters," their mom reminded them. "So don't start about Mark. And for the record? Addison is still Derek's wife."
"I don't know why he hasn't divorced her," she muttered under her breath.
"Cynthia! That's enough," reprimanded her mom.
"You girls all have to deal with the fact that Derek is still married to Addison and it's his choice. It's his choice to try to make things work with her and I for one hope they make it. Come on, even you, Cindy, you remember how he was treating her before he left. You know how much he hurt her."
"And let me tell you, he didn't improve in Seattle," Nancy piped in.
"Did Addison tell you that?" wondered Kathleen but Nancy shook her head. "No, I heard it from Savvy and before you tell me she's biased it was validated by other people. Derek hasn't been pleasant to her to say the least. Some would wonder why she's still with him. Now can we just let it drop and leave Derek and Addison to Derek and Addison? Come on, we haven't seen her in over a year and we missed her-well all did," she said pointedly looking at her older and younger sister.
"I guess," Kathleen said.
"Whatever," was Cindy's response.
"And unlike a certain brother of ours, she has made an effort to make amends. She's made an effort to keep in contact. She's sent presents for holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, she's shown that she cares," Shannon pointed out.
"You're right," admitted Kathleen.
"Now, it is Eric's birthday and we are going to act like adults here, you got it?" stated their Mom.
"Yes, M'am," the three girls said.
Addison and Shannon, meanwhile, had stood in the hallway and heard every word. Addison felt horrible but she also expected it and she felt that she deserved it.
"Good, now go in there and welcome her home and then we can have dinner."
The girls looked at each other and then went to find Addison and were surprised to see her with Shannon, and they realized she'd heard the entire debate.
"Addison," began Kathleen.
She shook her head. "No, you don't have to say anything. I know you don't want me here."
"That's not true," Nancy said. "Isn't that right, Cin?"
Cindy glared at her older sister before nodding. "She's right. We…we missed you."
"It's okay. You can hate me all you want, I deserve it."
"Addie shut up and give me a hug," Kathleen said, causing the others to look at her in surprise and then laugh at the expression on Addison's face. Addison hugged Derek's oldest sister and then gave a laugh.
Cindy finally walked over and tentatively said, "Welcome home" and then she held out her hand and Addison shook it. It was something.
They ate dinner in relative peace. No one inquired as to why Derek wasn't there with Addison and everyone behaved-including Cindy. As the cake was being passed around and Addison was holding one of her younger nieces in her arms, Cindy surprised her by sitting next to her.
"I don't hate you," she admitted.
"It's okay, Cindy. You don't owe me anything. Derek is your brother and I'm…well little ears so I won't say but it's okay."
"It's true. I hate what you did and that he got hurt so badly but I know he hurt you too. I know my big brother and how he can be."
Addison shrugged, not wanting to say anything negative about Derek and ruining any chance at Cindy truly not hating her.
"You brought this one into this world," Cindy stated, softly brushing hair off her daughter's forehead. "How could I hate you?"
"Okay," Addison said at last. "Thank you."
Cindy nodded and gave her a genuine smile. Addison knew things were still shaky with her and Kathleen but all hope wasn't lost. This fact greatly relieved her because Addison loved those girls a lot and they were going to be aunts to this baby.
"Thanks for the wine," Eric, Nancy's husband and the birthday boy said a little while later.
"No problem," Addison said with a smile.
The kids were getting restless and it was getting late for them so their parents told them to clean up and get ready to go home. As Kathleen opened the door to leave, she stood in shock as she saw who was standing at the door, waiting to ringing the bell.
"Derek!" she shrieked in happiness.
"Kathleen!" he said happily, grabbing her in a hug.
"God I've missed you," he whispered as he held her.
"You too, Little Brother."
"Kathleen are you going to stand there or help me with the kids?" John, her husband asked.
"I'm sorry, it's just…" she stopped talking as John noticed what was going on. "Oh."
John's eyes grew wide as he saw Addison in the other room helping one of their nephews tie his shoes.
"Oh," Kathleen said, remembering.
"What's all this about?" Cindy asked.
"EEE!" she shrieked.
"Cynthia Louise! What on earth is going on?"
"Mom! Mom you'll never guess who's here!" she called out.
Derek gave his youngest sister a big squeeze and then ruffled her hair. "Missed you, kiddo."
"Same here. And I'm not a kid anymore, Derek."
"You always will be to me, Cin," he told her with a teasing smile.
"What is going on in there?" Shannon asked. "I thought you were leaving," she said to Kathleen.
"I was and then I found this one on the doorstep," she said, pointing toward their wayward brother.
Shannon's eyes widening. "Oh," she said, unsure what to say.
"Oh? That's all your big brother gets, 'oh'?" repeated Derek with a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah well I'm surprised you remembered my name," she huffed.
"Shan…."
"Don't, Derek. Not tonight."
He shrugged. "Fine. But can I get a hug tonight? Please?" he asked with his trademark pout.
Shannon laughed and hugged her only brother.
"Love you too, Shann."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Well, that's it," came Kathleen's voice. "Kids are all ready to go."
"I don't want to leave Aunt Addie," whined her son Jacob.
Derek stood there shell-shocked. Aunt Addie? Addison was there?
His three sisters looked at each other, then at Derek, then back at each other.
"Me either!" piped in Jacob's twin, Jennifer.
"Hey, I'll be back, I promise," he heard Addison tell his niece and nephew. "I'll walk you two to the car, okay?"
Smiling, they each grabbed one of her hands and pulled her to the door, yelling "bye Grandma!"
"What's all this?" Addison asked, looking at the crowd which had gathered at the door.
"Come on Aunt Addie, let's go……"
"Coming, Jacob." But Addison stopped in her tracks when she saw the familiar figure leaning against the door.
"Jenny, you left your doll, go get it," her mother, Nancy instructed as she went into the foyer, stopping when she saw her brother.
"Derek," she whispered and then she turned to her sister-in-law who's mouth hung open.
Derek was staring at Addison. He couldn't believe that she was there, at his mom's house. With his family. Once again, Derek went to find some peace and once again she was there…wait.
Derek shook his head. No, he was not mad at her. She had every right to be there. She was their family too. And he did assume she had returned to Manhattan so…even in a city of millions of people it shouldn't surprise him to find her right there.
Addison grew very uncomfortable as Derek looked at her. She couldn't tell how pissed he was that she was once again, invading his territory.
Looking over everyone she decided to make her getaway shortly.
"Nancy Pants!" Derek called out to his favorite sister.
"Well, well well if it isn't the famous Dr. Derek Shepherd," his sister retorted.
"Nance…"
Nancy jabbed him in the shoulder. "Nice of you to show up. Too late for dinner and for birthday cake, of course."
"Birthday cake?" he asked, confused and Nancy shook her head. Figures.
"Eric's birthday," Cindy reminded him.
"Oh. Oh! Well, sorry."
He managed to squeeze a hug from her and a kiss on the cheek.
"Okay kiddos, I have to go but I will visit you again, real soon. Bye sweeties," Addison said, leaning down to hug Jacob and Jennifer and kiss them on the cheek.
Derek always loved watching his wife with his sisters' kids. She was so good with them and they simply adored her. It always tugged at his heartstrings. Tonight was no different.
"Addie, before you leave, I need to talk to you," his mom called out as she walked into the foyer.
She stopped in her tracks at the sight of her son.
"Derek," she said with a smile.
"Hi Mom," Derek said, going over to greet her with a long hug and kiss.
"There's hope for you two yet," she whispered in his ear.
"Mom?" Addison asked, standing with her arms protectively around her waist, which Derek took note of.
"You can't leave now, Addie."
"What? Oh but…"
"Stay. Talk." She instructed, pushing Addison towards Derek.
"Ma it's late and I'm jet-lagged," Derek interjected.
"Tough."
His sisters and their families were gone in the meantime, leaving the three behind.
Neither Derek nor Addison said anything to the other. This drove Erin crazy.
"I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about. Like how you both managed to be at the same house tonight."
"You live here, Mom," Derek pointed out.
"Yes I do. And I'm going to bed. Good night you two," she said and she kissed them both on the cheek before retreating to her room.
Addison gave an awkward laugh. "Not very subtle there."
"Not at all," agreed Derek.
"So…" Addison began.
"So…" Derek repeated.
"What are you doing here?" they asked in unison.
"I wanted to see my family," Derek said.
"Oh. Well, Nancy told me about Eric's birthday get-together and she invited me."
"You saw Nancy?" he asked, wondering when that happened.
"I ran into her at the hospital."
The hospital. Sloan was there.
"Before you even accuse I was not there to see Mark."
Derek shrugged.
"Okay," he responded. "So you're staying with Savvy and Weiss?" he guessed.
She nodded, there was no longer a reason to hide it.
"That's what I thought. Well…"
"Derek? Don't bother."
"What?" he asked, confused at her sudden annoyed tone.
"You obviously didn't expect me here and didn't want to see me let alone talk to me so I'll do you the favor and leave."
"Addison."
"Good night, Derek."
"Mom wanted us to talk."
"I know but this is too awkward and it's late and you're jet-lagged and Savvy and Weiss are expecting me…" her voice trailed off.
"We do need to talk," he informed her.
"I know. But not tonight. You know where I'm staying now, you can call me and we'll meet…somewhere neutral and discuss things…"
"The baby?" he asked.
"Things," she said, not giving anything away.
"All right. Let me walk you to the cab," he offered, not wanting her alone in the dark.
She shook her head. "Savvy let me borrow her car. I'm set."
"Oh. Well, good night, Addison."
"Good night, Derek." With one last look at her husband, Addison left, leaving Derek as confused as he was when he left Seattle, maybe even more.