Like a Funeral
My colleague Beth, got her final divorce decree in the mail this week. She said she didn't want people congratulating her, because she didn't feel like this was something she wanted to celebrate. "It's like funeral, like someone died," she said.
Those words have echoed in my head several times over the last week, and even more so this weekend, as I realize how much I have missed of the last two years with my family (are they still my family?) It's like a death. Except at a death, everyone gathers around, they hold you tight and they help you remember both the good and the bad. They feed you, they allow you time to feel all the feelings you are feeling. Even when the death was welcomed and accepted, as was my father's, my mom was surrounded by as much love as she needed.
It's not the case here. I am expected to act as if nothing is wrong. I am expected, especially since I was the one who wanted this, or who appears to have wanted this, to put on a good face to the world. I am expected to act "as if"
As if what? as if I have left my family? as if I wanted to cut this lifeline? Does anyone know how this feels? Does anyone who untangles a long relationship, whether it was good or bad, or both, know how it feels to have to let go?
It sucks.
It rots.
Those words have echoed in my head several times over the last week, and even more so this weekend, as I realize how much I have missed of the last two years with my family (are they still my family?) It's like a death. Except at a death, everyone gathers around, they hold you tight and they help you remember both the good and the bad. They feed you, they allow you time to feel all the feelings you are feeling. Even when the death was welcomed and accepted, as was my father's, my mom was surrounded by as much love as she needed.
It's not the case here. I am expected to act as if nothing is wrong. I am expected, especially since I was the one who wanted this, or who appears to have wanted this, to put on a good face to the world. I am expected to act "as if"
As if what? as if I have left my family? as if I wanted to cut this lifeline? Does anyone know how this feels? Does anyone who untangles a long relationship, whether it was good or bad, or both, know how it feels to have to let go?
It sucks.
It rots.