(no subject)
i cannot access my email from work because of the fucking retarded filter, so im posting it here in order to save it later. read it if you want.
48 stepped through the thick oak doors and into the spacious lobby of a marble-tiled office building. He stopped short, nearly tripping over a trio of short creatures with pallid skin and large almond-shaped black eyes. "Morning 172, 64, 329," he said to the group. The foremost grey stared up at him with unblinking eyes, its slender hands smoothing the wrinkles of its silvery bodysuit.
"Morning, 48," it said without moving its lips. "I see you are still unassigned, how is your vacation treating you?" 64's attention was momentarily drawn to a motherly woman clad in blue and white robes, a shining halo rimming her brown hair. Its eyes snapped back to meet 48's while the other two creatures exchanged snickers behind cupped hands.
48 chuckled. "It's about to end, Team D has a meeting in ten minutes. I'll find out my new project then." He glanced over his shoulder to peer out the windows of the office building. "Where are they sending you this time?"
64 grimaced and rolled its eyes. "Arkansas again, we have to probe yet another dumb hick. Fifth time this week, man." It shook its head and sighed. "We've been appealing for contact duty, but 2 insists that we are the most convincing greys on Team V, so..."
"Well I'm sure you'll do a fine job, boys. Good luck" 48 clapped a hand on the lead grey's emaciated shoulder and walked towards the massive blackstone desk, ignoring the insults the trio muttered in his direction.
The woman behind the desk looked up, her face simultaneously that of a gorgeous fair-skinned young girl and a withered hag. She smiled, revealing teeth that shifted from a pearly orthodontist's dream to an assortment of crooked brown fangs. "Hello 48, how have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks," she sang.
"Can't complain too much, 31. Still playing the succubus, I see."
She coughed out a ragged cackle. "You know, I worked that assignment for forty-two years. Just never felt the urge to blank." She shrugged her skeletal shoulders. 48 nodded absently, glancing at the sign that hung above reception. MAKING THE WORLD MORE INTERESTING SINCE 0! it read in shining golden letters.
"Well it suits you," he said, glancing at his watch. "Look at the time, I must be getting to the meeting. I'd hate to keep 4 waiting. You know how he gets when he's bored."
31 nodded and turned to the rack of brass keys behind the desk. She selected one that was embossed with a black eye and handed it to 48, smilling. "I'm sure you know where to go." He nodded and hurried up the creaky spiral staircase to the second floor, key in hand.
At the second floor landing he was greeted by a deafening howl, issued from the lips of a towering beast covered in matted brown hair. "No, no, no you idiot, give it a higher register!" shrieked a being of solid black shadow standing on the other side of the rail. "You just sound like a bear. Give it more of a girlish scream and hold it for about a minute." The shadow person noticed 48's approach and shook its head. "Can you believe this guy, 48? Fucking amateur hour around here."
"Take it easy, 93. It's my first skunk ape assignment. I'll get it down before I get to the swamp." Its glowing red eyes looked into 48's and its head dropped a bit. The shadow took a few steps forward, his clawlike finger pointed at the hairy creature.
"Listen, kid. I did BHM duty for a hundred and ten years before you were crafted. I know my shit, and your shit stinks!" 48 laughed and waved his hand in front of his face.
"You got that part down, son. Make sure it's a bit more potent when you get within range of a human, though. And you might want to pump up the sulfur." The ape looked from 48 to the shadow and gave a weak smile.
"Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll give it a shot." It looked down at the watch on 48's wrist and the red eyes flashed. "Aw shit, I'm due for footprints in five minutes!" With a shimmer and a slight pop, the ape vanished. 93 turned toward 48 and sighed.
"I'm tellin' ya, these new guys are a bunch of fuck ups. I bet you anything he'll bungle this one just like he did with the castle haunting he had last year." The form of a wide-brimmed hat and cape took shape on the shadow man as he spoke. "By next week we'll be hearing the reports that the citizens of Campbell County, Florida captured the legendary skunk ape. Then we'll really be in the shit, I tell you!"
48 chuckled, more at 93's disturbing penchant for human slang than at his admonishment of the younger agent's abilities. "Give the new ones a chance, 93. We veterans can't handle the demand these days. Human populations are booming, and as a result we have to increase our number to keep up."
The dark figure shrugged. "I can't say I miss the days when I'd have to juggle a fairy colony in Manchester with an angel sighting later in the afternoon in Nagydobsza. Then off to Yurihama for a trip through the graveyard as a Nuppeppo. But travel is good for the soul, ya know."
"We don't have souls, 93."
If 48 could see features on the shadow man's face, he was sure that the being would be glowering. Without a word, 93 shimmered and popped out, presumably to his assignment. 48 was now officially five minutes late to Team D's meeting, and he shuffled down the hall to a golden door marked by a large black eye. He slid the key in.
* * *
"Nice of you to join us, 48!" boomed a deep voice from the far end of the conference table. It belonged to a giant musclebound man dressed in furs. Wild red hair rimmed his head, and a thick, rusty beard flowed down his chest. A massive warhammer was tucked behind his braided leather belt. Nine featureless, smooth-skinned faces turned in his direction as the door slid shut.
"Sorry about that, 4. 227 needed a few pointers on his assignment." He sat in one of the full-length leather chairs lining the table. "We want the people of Florida to live in fear, don't we?" 48 looked around the room. None of his teammates appeared amused by his tardiness. 4 glared at him as he shuffled through the index cards in his hand.
"Enough of your delightful banter, 48. If you are late again I will see to it that you are assigned to one of the homeless men roaming the streets of New York. Whispering conspiracies to him and only him day after day will teach you a lesson in punctuality." The Norse god flipped a card at the agent to his immediate right. "Now then. 51, you'll be doing a lake monster at Lake Champlain in Vermont. Be sparse at first, and alter your appearance slightly. We don't want the locals to be too convinced just yet. This is a long-term assignment, and we're trusting you to set up the next Loch Ness. Make us proud and show 18 over on Team A that she isn't the only aquatic menace in the world."
51 looked over the card and shimmered. In his place a horse-headed eighty-foot long serpent loomed over the conference table, his undulating body curling several times around the room. "How's this, 4?" the serpent gurgled, then grew a set of flat appendages, its neck extending and the face taking on a reptilian shape. "Or do you want the classic look?"
4 grinned and nodded. "Either or both will be fine, 51. Your imagination hasn't failed us yet." The scaly head nodded and the monster shimmered and disappeared with a pop. The Nordic giant looked over the remaining members of Team D and passed out all of the cards at once. "As for the rest of you, we have a very important assignment which will require all of your attention. For the next 13 months you will be assigned to Point Pleasant, West Virginia in a variety of roles. This endeavor must be carefully executed if we are to pull it off, and it will make Team B's effort in 1947 look like a leprechaun outbreak."
Each team member sat reading the cards, which were completely full front to back with information about the case. 4 stood with his hands on his wide hips, beaming through his gnarled beard. 48 turned his card over, then over again to read the third page. Then turned it over to read the fourth. And the fifth. He set the card down and looked around the table. 30, 27, 29 and 45 transformed into humanoid men in black suits. Their faces took on district mediterranean features, and their eyes seemed apt to pop out of their skulls.
"You four will be on standby for the beginning of the events, but when you receive the signal you will be traveling the area and performing the activities described on your assignment dossier," said 4, pointing to the index card. 54 and 39 became invisible as 4 gestured toward them with his hammer. "You two will be granting the specified psychic enhancements to the individuals outlined on your dossiers, as well as providing poltergeist activity to selected witnesses." 48 got the impression that the unseen agents were nodding.
Agents 26 and 28 turned into fair-haired humanoids with fine features and strange alien clothing. They resembled strangely beautiful Aryan males in jumpsuits not worn by any human on Earth. "26 you are to be Indrid Cold, and your assignment, as you can see, is to deal with a contactee. A craft has been prepared for you. 28, you will be assisting him in this." The pair nodded slightly and smiled at each other. 48 felt a twang of jealousy. Contact is one of the most prized assignments, as long as the agent is convincing and can prove his ability to deal with the human contactees.
4's eyes turned to the latecomer and he smiled. "48, as recognition of your talents, you have been assigned a very important role in this. I trust you have scanned your work order?" 48 glanced down at the five-sided index card and furrowed his featureless brow. He scanned it one more time, flipping it over and over. His assignment was unprecedented, a creature that had never before appeared on Earth and seemed unrelated to the others' tasks. He was curious to see how this would play out, and frowned at the ludicrous nature of the card's contents.
"Mothman?" he said uncertainly.
"Mothman," said 4.
* * *
48 stepped through the thick oak doors and into the spacious lobby of a marble-tiled office building. He stopped short, nearly tripping over a trio of short creatures with pallid skin and large almond-shaped black eyes. "Morning 172, 64, 329," he said to the group. The foremost grey stared up at him with unblinking eyes, its slender hands smoothing the wrinkles of its silvery bodysuit.
"Morning, 48," it said without moving its lips. "I see you are still unassigned, how is your vacation treating you?" 64's attention was momentarily drawn to a motherly woman clad in blue and white robes, a shining halo rimming her brown hair. Its eyes snapped back to meet 48's while the other two creatures exchanged snickers behind cupped hands.
48 chuckled. "It's about to end, Team D has a meeting in ten minutes. I'll find out my new project then." He glanced over his shoulder to peer out the windows of the office building. "Where are they sending you this time?"
64 grimaced and rolled its eyes. "Arkansas again, we have to probe yet another dumb hick. Fifth time this week, man." It shook its head and sighed. "We've been appealing for contact duty, but 2 insists that we are the most convincing greys on Team V, so..."
"Well I'm sure you'll do a fine job, boys. Good luck" 48 clapped a hand on the lead grey's emaciated shoulder and walked towards the massive blackstone desk, ignoring the insults the trio muttered in his direction.
The woman behind the desk looked up, her face simultaneously that of a gorgeous fair-skinned young girl and a withered hag. She smiled, revealing teeth that shifted from a pearly orthodontist's dream to an assortment of crooked brown fangs. "Hello 48, how have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks," she sang.
"Can't complain too much, 31. Still playing the succubus, I see."
She coughed out a ragged cackle. "You know, I worked that assignment for forty-two years. Just never felt the urge to blank." She shrugged her skeletal shoulders. 48 nodded absently, glancing at the sign that hung above reception. MAKING THE WORLD MORE INTERESTING SINCE 0! it read in shining golden letters.
"Well it suits you," he said, glancing at his watch. "Look at the time, I must be getting to the meeting. I'd hate to keep 4 waiting. You know how he gets when he's bored."
31 nodded and turned to the rack of brass keys behind the desk. She selected one that was embossed with a black eye and handed it to 48, smilling. "I'm sure you know where to go." He nodded and hurried up the creaky spiral staircase to the second floor, key in hand.
At the second floor landing he was greeted by a deafening howl, issued from the lips of a towering beast covered in matted brown hair. "No, no, no you idiot, give it a higher register!" shrieked a being of solid black shadow standing on the other side of the rail. "You just sound like a bear. Give it more of a girlish scream and hold it for about a minute." The shadow person noticed 48's approach and shook its head. "Can you believe this guy, 48? Fucking amateur hour around here."
"Take it easy, 93. It's my first skunk ape assignment. I'll get it down before I get to the swamp." Its glowing red eyes looked into 48's and its head dropped a bit. The shadow took a few steps forward, his clawlike finger pointed at the hairy creature.
"Listen, kid. I did BHM duty for a hundred and ten years before you were crafted. I know my shit, and your shit stinks!" 48 laughed and waved his hand in front of his face.
"You got that part down, son. Make sure it's a bit more potent when you get within range of a human, though. And you might want to pump up the sulfur." The ape looked from 48 to the shadow and gave a weak smile.
"Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll give it a shot." It looked down at the watch on 48's wrist and the red eyes flashed. "Aw shit, I'm due for footprints in five minutes!" With a shimmer and a slight pop, the ape vanished. 93 turned toward 48 and sighed.
"I'm tellin' ya, these new guys are a bunch of fuck ups. I bet you anything he'll bungle this one just like he did with the castle haunting he had last year." The form of a wide-brimmed hat and cape took shape on the shadow man as he spoke. "By next week we'll be hearing the reports that the citizens of Campbell County, Florida captured the legendary skunk ape. Then we'll really be in the shit, I tell you!"
48 chuckled, more at 93's disturbing penchant for human slang than at his admonishment of the younger agent's abilities. "Give the new ones a chance, 93. We veterans can't handle the demand these days. Human populations are booming, and as a result we have to increase our number to keep up."
The dark figure shrugged. "I can't say I miss the days when I'd have to juggle a fairy colony in Manchester with an angel sighting later in the afternoon in Nagydobsza. Then off to Yurihama for a trip through the graveyard as a Nuppeppo. But travel is good for the soul, ya know."
"We don't have souls, 93."
If 48 could see features on the shadow man's face, he was sure that the being would be glowering. Without a word, 93 shimmered and popped out, presumably to his assignment. 48 was now officially five minutes late to Team D's meeting, and he shuffled down the hall to a golden door marked by a large black eye. He slid the key in.
* * *
"Nice of you to join us, 48!" boomed a deep voice from the far end of the conference table. It belonged to a giant musclebound man dressed in furs. Wild red hair rimmed his head, and a thick, rusty beard flowed down his chest. A massive warhammer was tucked behind his braided leather belt. Nine featureless, smooth-skinned faces turned in his direction as the door slid shut.
"Sorry about that, 4. 227 needed a few pointers on his assignment." He sat in one of the full-length leather chairs lining the table. "We want the people of Florida to live in fear, don't we?" 48 looked around the room. None of his teammates appeared amused by his tardiness. 4 glared at him as he shuffled through the index cards in his hand.
"Enough of your delightful banter, 48. If you are late again I will see to it that you are assigned to one of the homeless men roaming the streets of New York. Whispering conspiracies to him and only him day after day will teach you a lesson in punctuality." The Norse god flipped a card at the agent to his immediate right. "Now then. 51, you'll be doing a lake monster at Lake Champlain in Vermont. Be sparse at first, and alter your appearance slightly. We don't want the locals to be too convinced just yet. This is a long-term assignment, and we're trusting you to set up the next Loch Ness. Make us proud and show 18 over on Team A that she isn't the only aquatic menace in the world."
51 looked over the card and shimmered. In his place a horse-headed eighty-foot long serpent loomed over the conference table, his undulating body curling several times around the room. "How's this, 4?" the serpent gurgled, then grew a set of flat appendages, its neck extending and the face taking on a reptilian shape. "Or do you want the classic look?"
4 grinned and nodded. "Either or both will be fine, 51. Your imagination hasn't failed us yet." The scaly head nodded and the monster shimmered and disappeared with a pop. The Nordic giant looked over the remaining members of Team D and passed out all of the cards at once. "As for the rest of you, we have a very important assignment which will require all of your attention. For the next 13 months you will be assigned to Point Pleasant, West Virginia in a variety of roles. This endeavor must be carefully executed if we are to pull it off, and it will make Team B's effort in 1947 look like a leprechaun outbreak."
Each team member sat reading the cards, which were completely full front to back with information about the case. 4 stood with his hands on his wide hips, beaming through his gnarled beard. 48 turned his card over, then over again to read the third page. Then turned it over to read the fourth. And the fifth. He set the card down and looked around the table. 30, 27, 29 and 45 transformed into humanoid men in black suits. Their faces took on district mediterranean features, and their eyes seemed apt to pop out of their skulls.
"You four will be on standby for the beginning of the events, but when you receive the signal you will be traveling the area and performing the activities described on your assignment dossier," said 4, pointing to the index card. 54 and 39 became invisible as 4 gestured toward them with his hammer. "You two will be granting the specified psychic enhancements to the individuals outlined on your dossiers, as well as providing poltergeist activity to selected witnesses." 48 got the impression that the unseen agents were nodding.
Agents 26 and 28 turned into fair-haired humanoids with fine features and strange alien clothing. They resembled strangely beautiful Aryan males in jumpsuits not worn by any human on Earth. "26 you are to be Indrid Cold, and your assignment, as you can see, is to deal with a contactee. A craft has been prepared for you. 28, you will be assisting him in this." The pair nodded slightly and smiled at each other. 48 felt a twang of jealousy. Contact is one of the most prized assignments, as long as the agent is convincing and can prove his ability to deal with the human contactees.
4's eyes turned to the latecomer and he smiled. "48, as recognition of your talents, you have been assigned a very important role in this. I trust you have scanned your work order?" 48 glanced down at the five-sided index card and furrowed his featureless brow. He scanned it one more time, flipping it over and over. His assignment was unprecedented, a creature that had never before appeared on Earth and seemed unrelated to the others' tasks. He was curious to see how this would play out, and frowned at the ludicrous nature of the card's contents.
"Mothman?" he said uncertainly.
"Mothman," said 4.
* * *