Last Night [still this universe]
"Good news," Enabran announced. Julian glanced up at him to find him grinning almost predatorially as he shrugged out of his overcoat.
"Yes?" Julian prompted, when the Cardassian didn't continue.
Enabran walked to the hall closet and carefully hung up his coat before answering. "The Orb has been released from quarantine."
Julian jumped to his feet. "God, finally! It's been months! Where is it now? Can you get access to it?"
Enabran chuckled at his enthusiasm, gently squeezing Julian's shoulder. "It's on its way to the Obsidian Order's science division," he said, "and yes, I can."
Slowly, Julian let out the breath he'd been holding. "I can go home?" he murmured. Back to his own universe, his own time, back to Deep Space Nine and the friends and loved ones he'd left behind. He could see Miles again. He could see Garak. He shut his eyes, trying to imagine their reunion, but when he tried to picture Garak's face, he could only see Enabran right in front of him, smiling at him with a tinge of sadness in his eyes.
"You could," Enabran said softly, leaving the alternative unsaid, but it was loud enough for Julian to hear, and enough to spark a painful twinge in his chest.
"Matthew," he sighed. It was almost a pet name; Julian had called Enabran by his real name since learning who he was, for the most part. Enabran was the Cardassian who was using his connections within the Order to help Julian get home; Matthew was the man who had taken him in and spared him the crueler elements of Cardassian bureaucracy, the man whose kindness had overridden his own less admirable desires. "Don't ask me to stay, Matthew."
"How can I not?" the Cardassian demanded, suddenly fierce. "After all this time, you're just going to leave and expect me to go on as if you're not taking my heart with you?"
Julian winced. "Matthew, I don't want to hurt you. You do know how much I care about you, don't you? But I can't stay. How could I live here? I can't even leave the house, I can't explain my presence on Cardassia."
"We have very skilled surgeons," Enabran said, "as good as you. They could make you look like one of us, so you'd never know you hadn't been born a Cardassian."
"I know," Julian said, "they did it to my friend, Major Kira. They kidnapped her and tried to make her think she'd always been a Cardassian spy who had had her memory wiped, in order to gain a political advantage over the father of the real spy. I have no doubt that your doctors could do a convincing job on me. But I must go back. I have a duty to the Federation, to Starfleet, to the crew of Deep Space Nine. I have a duty to the friends I've left behind. If you'll miss me this much after knowing me for a few months, can you think how much they'll miss me if I never go home?"
"And what of me?" Enabran argued, seizing Julian by the shoulders. "What of my son? Think of how he'll miss you when you're gone. He's grown accustomed to you being here. He thinks of you as a second father. Do you have no duty to him?"
Julian pulled away and sat on the couch. "Matthew," he began carefully, "do you know why I've rejected your advances, all this time? It's not because I don't care for you, or because I'm not attracted to you. There's a part of me that wishes I were free to be with you, but being here has made me realize how much Garak means to me."
"Then why--" Enabran interrupted.
"I mean my Garak," Julian said, "the one from my universe. The one who's grown into a great man, and one of my closest friends. When you and I first met, and I asked if I could call you Garak, it wasn't just the first Cardassian name that came to mind. You remind me of him. He has your eyes. When I look at you..." He trailed off.
Enabran sat down beside Julian. "You're in love with him," he said quietly. It was not a question.
"I suppose I am," Julian admitted. "And it took being away from him for so long to realize it."
"All right," Enabran murmured. "I understand. I can't ask you to choose me over my own son. That would be incredibly selfish."
He did understand, Julian knew. "Family is the most important thing, isn't it."
Enabran gave him a half-smile. "You do know Cardassian culture. A father will always sacrifice his happiness for that of his child, if he must. But..." He reached for Julian, his hand slipping around the back of the human's neck. "Tomorrow, I will get you in to see the Orb. May I have tonight? If this is to be our last night together, won't you let me make it a memorable one?"
"How can I be with you?" Julian could barely get the words out, knowing how much they must hurt Enabran. They hurt him almost as much. "How can I go home and look Elim in the eye, if I am to be intimate with you? Now, when I look at you, I see him. If I go home to him tomorrow and can't look at him without thinking of you, that won't be fair to Elim."
Enabran's face was a study in anguish and Julian found himself almost wishing that Cardassians were not so open in their expression of emotion. He could feel Enabran's pain as his own, and the solution was so simple, so easy. All he had to do was let the warm hand on the back of his neck pull him in, let himself press his mouth to Enabran's, half-open, hear and feel the catch of his breath as Julian let himself fall into his arms.
Julian was having a great deal of trouble remembering all the reasons he had only just laid out for why he couldn't stay with Enabran. Each caress of those warm arms, every press of his lips, every stroke of his tongue against Julian's further erased the threads of logic tying his resistance together.
"Are you going to marry my papa, Doctor Julian?" a small voice asked.
Julian jerked away, his face burning, to find that he had somehow ended up halfway in Enabran's lap. Little Garak was standing in front of the couch, looking at them wih wide-eyed innocence. Julian cleared his throat, hoping his smile didn't look as awkward as he felt. "No, Elim," he said, "I'm not. Your papa and I will always be friends, but we--"
Garak cut him off. "Then you shouldn't be kissing him." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Julian.
"That's enough, Garak!" his father said sharply. "Go to your room."
"No, Matthew, he's right," Julian said. "I shouldn't have kissed you, because I can't stay with you. You're absolutely right, Elim."
"What do you mean, you can't stay?" Garak demanded. "Are you going away?"
Julian felt his heart splinter into fine shards as he reached out and took hold of Garak's hands. "I'm afraid I am, sweetheart," he told the boy gently. "I'm going back home to my space station."
"Why?"
Julian hesitated. He knew there were reasons, good ones too, but when he tried to list them, all that came to mind was Enabran.
"Because he has people who need him, back on the space station," Enabran supplied, and Julian cast him a look of gratitude.
"Sick people?" Garak questioned. "People who need Julian to make them better?"
"Some of them, yes," his father said.
"Aren't there any other doctors who can help them?" Garak asked, pouting.
"There are," Julian admitted, without thinking. Of course Garak was right. He had always been too clever for his own good, or Julian's.
"Elim," Enabran said sternly, and the boy seemed to shrink into himself. "You mustn't pester Julian. None of us wants him to go, but I'm afraid he must. He has a duty. You remember what I taught you about duty, right?"
Garak nodded solemnly. "I understand, Papa." He looked back at Julian, his lower lip trembling. "But I still don't want you to go."
"Oh, Elim," Julian sighed, and gave his hands a gentle squeeze. "It will be all right, I promise."
"But you can't promise that!" Garak cried, yanking his hands back and balling them into fists. "You don't know that!"
"Can I tell you a secret?" Julian said, glancing at Enabran for permission and receiving a nod. He leaned towards Garak and whispered, "I'm not from this universe. I'm from another one, very much like it, and there's another Elim Garak there."
"Really?" Garak looked at him as though he weren't quite sure whether Julian was telling the truth. "Is there another of Papa there?"
"There is," Julian confirmed, "and another Mila as well. I haven't met her yet in my universe, but the other Garak has told me about her. So it stands to reason that in this universe, there will be another Julian, and one day you may meet him."
"You mean I'll see you again? And Papa?" The boy's face was so full of hope that Julian found that all his explanations about causality and the differences already evident between the universes died unspoken.
"That's right," Julian said. Enabran nodded, squeezing his shoulder.
"Well," Garak said, "that's okay, then. You can go home, because it's not goodbye forever."
Julian pulled him into a hug. "Quite right," he agreed. After a moment, he released the boy, holding him at arm's length. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
"Yeah," Garak said, unrepentant.
"Go," his father ordered, stern but not harsh. "Julian and I should go to sleep, as well. We have a big day tomorrow, and Julian has a long journey ahead of him."
"Yes?" Julian prompted, when the Cardassian didn't continue.
Enabran walked to the hall closet and carefully hung up his coat before answering. "The Orb has been released from quarantine."
Julian jumped to his feet. "God, finally! It's been months! Where is it now? Can you get access to it?"
Enabran chuckled at his enthusiasm, gently squeezing Julian's shoulder. "It's on its way to the Obsidian Order's science division," he said, "and yes, I can."
Slowly, Julian let out the breath he'd been holding. "I can go home?" he murmured. Back to his own universe, his own time, back to Deep Space Nine and the friends and loved ones he'd left behind. He could see Miles again. He could see Garak. He shut his eyes, trying to imagine their reunion, but when he tried to picture Garak's face, he could only see Enabran right in front of him, smiling at him with a tinge of sadness in his eyes.
"You could," Enabran said softly, leaving the alternative unsaid, but it was loud enough for Julian to hear, and enough to spark a painful twinge in his chest.
"Matthew," he sighed. It was almost a pet name; Julian had called Enabran by his real name since learning who he was, for the most part. Enabran was the Cardassian who was using his connections within the Order to help Julian get home; Matthew was the man who had taken him in and spared him the crueler elements of Cardassian bureaucracy, the man whose kindness had overridden his own less admirable desires. "Don't ask me to stay, Matthew."
"How can I not?" the Cardassian demanded, suddenly fierce. "After all this time, you're just going to leave and expect me to go on as if you're not taking my heart with you?"
Julian winced. "Matthew, I don't want to hurt you. You do know how much I care about you, don't you? But I can't stay. How could I live here? I can't even leave the house, I can't explain my presence on Cardassia."
"We have very skilled surgeons," Enabran said, "as good as you. They could make you look like one of us, so you'd never know you hadn't been born a Cardassian."
"I know," Julian said, "they did it to my friend, Major Kira. They kidnapped her and tried to make her think she'd always been a Cardassian spy who had had her memory wiped, in order to gain a political advantage over the father of the real spy. I have no doubt that your doctors could do a convincing job on me. But I must go back. I have a duty to the Federation, to Starfleet, to the crew of Deep Space Nine. I have a duty to the friends I've left behind. If you'll miss me this much after knowing me for a few months, can you think how much they'll miss me if I never go home?"
"And what of me?" Enabran argued, seizing Julian by the shoulders. "What of my son? Think of how he'll miss you when you're gone. He's grown accustomed to you being here. He thinks of you as a second father. Do you have no duty to him?"
Julian pulled away and sat on the couch. "Matthew," he began carefully, "do you know why I've rejected your advances, all this time? It's not because I don't care for you, or because I'm not attracted to you. There's a part of me that wishes I were free to be with you, but being here has made me realize how much Garak means to me."
"Then why--" Enabran interrupted.
"I mean my Garak," Julian said, "the one from my universe. The one who's grown into a great man, and one of my closest friends. When you and I first met, and I asked if I could call you Garak, it wasn't just the first Cardassian name that came to mind. You remind me of him. He has your eyes. When I look at you..." He trailed off.
Enabran sat down beside Julian. "You're in love with him," he said quietly. It was not a question.
"I suppose I am," Julian admitted. "And it took being away from him for so long to realize it."
"All right," Enabran murmured. "I understand. I can't ask you to choose me over my own son. That would be incredibly selfish."
He did understand, Julian knew. "Family is the most important thing, isn't it."
Enabran gave him a half-smile. "You do know Cardassian culture. A father will always sacrifice his happiness for that of his child, if he must. But..." He reached for Julian, his hand slipping around the back of the human's neck. "Tomorrow, I will get you in to see the Orb. May I have tonight? If this is to be our last night together, won't you let me make it a memorable one?"
"How can I be with you?" Julian could barely get the words out, knowing how much they must hurt Enabran. They hurt him almost as much. "How can I go home and look Elim in the eye, if I am to be intimate with you? Now, when I look at you, I see him. If I go home to him tomorrow and can't look at him without thinking of you, that won't be fair to Elim."
Enabran's face was a study in anguish and Julian found himself almost wishing that Cardassians were not so open in their expression of emotion. He could feel Enabran's pain as his own, and the solution was so simple, so easy. All he had to do was let the warm hand on the back of his neck pull him in, let himself press his mouth to Enabran's, half-open, hear and feel the catch of his breath as Julian let himself fall into his arms.
Julian was having a great deal of trouble remembering all the reasons he had only just laid out for why he couldn't stay with Enabran. Each caress of those warm arms, every press of his lips, every stroke of his tongue against Julian's further erased the threads of logic tying his resistance together.
"Are you going to marry my papa, Doctor Julian?" a small voice asked.
Julian jerked away, his face burning, to find that he had somehow ended up halfway in Enabran's lap. Little Garak was standing in front of the couch, looking at them wih wide-eyed innocence. Julian cleared his throat, hoping his smile didn't look as awkward as he felt. "No, Elim," he said, "I'm not. Your papa and I will always be friends, but we--"
Garak cut him off. "Then you shouldn't be kissing him." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Julian.
"That's enough, Garak!" his father said sharply. "Go to your room."
"No, Matthew, he's right," Julian said. "I shouldn't have kissed you, because I can't stay with you. You're absolutely right, Elim."
"What do you mean, you can't stay?" Garak demanded. "Are you going away?"
Julian felt his heart splinter into fine shards as he reached out and took hold of Garak's hands. "I'm afraid I am, sweetheart," he told the boy gently. "I'm going back home to my space station."
"Why?"
Julian hesitated. He knew there were reasons, good ones too, but when he tried to list them, all that came to mind was Enabran.
"Because he has people who need him, back on the space station," Enabran supplied, and Julian cast him a look of gratitude.
"Sick people?" Garak questioned. "People who need Julian to make them better?"
"Some of them, yes," his father said.
"Aren't there any other doctors who can help them?" Garak asked, pouting.
"There are," Julian admitted, without thinking. Of course Garak was right. He had always been too clever for his own good, or Julian's.
"Elim," Enabran said sternly, and the boy seemed to shrink into himself. "You mustn't pester Julian. None of us wants him to go, but I'm afraid he must. He has a duty. You remember what I taught you about duty, right?"
Garak nodded solemnly. "I understand, Papa." He looked back at Julian, his lower lip trembling. "But I still don't want you to go."
"Oh, Elim," Julian sighed, and gave his hands a gentle squeeze. "It will be all right, I promise."
"But you can't promise that!" Garak cried, yanking his hands back and balling them into fists. "You don't know that!"
"Can I tell you a secret?" Julian said, glancing at Enabran for permission and receiving a nod. He leaned towards Garak and whispered, "I'm not from this universe. I'm from another one, very much like it, and there's another Elim Garak there."
"Really?" Garak looked at him as though he weren't quite sure whether Julian was telling the truth. "Is there another of Papa there?"
"There is," Julian confirmed, "and another Mila as well. I haven't met her yet in my universe, but the other Garak has told me about her. So it stands to reason that in this universe, there will be another Julian, and one day you may meet him."
"You mean I'll see you again? And Papa?" The boy's face was so full of hope that Julian found that all his explanations about causality and the differences already evident between the universes died unspoken.
"That's right," Julian said. Enabran nodded, squeezing his shoulder.
"Well," Garak said, "that's okay, then. You can go home, because it's not goodbye forever."
Julian pulled him into a hug. "Quite right," he agreed. After a moment, he released the boy, holding him at arm's length. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
"Yeah," Garak said, unrepentant.
"Go," his father ordered, stern but not harsh. "Julian and I should go to sleep, as well. We have a big day tomorrow, and Julian has a long journey ahead of him."