(no subject)

[doctor_btap]

i wake up at 5 in the morning and can't go back to sleep for the life of me. i feel drained....or maybe it's just the holiday spirit. i always hated valentine's day since i was young. anyway, i have been loosing weight and it is concerning me. mostly because i have all these new jeans i bought and now they don't fit me and im only left w/ about 3 pairs that actually do and now those 3 are starting to get loose. im also just worried for my health, i mean sure everyone in this world would like to be an ideal weight, and it's not really an ideal weight as much as an image. the image to be skinny as hell. i seriously don't want to be at that stage in my weight. sure i would like to be "fit" but i want to be healthy. i seriously don't know how i am loosing all this weight. i don't do any type of excersize at all, but i have been noticing a weird change in my diet. im not doing it purposely by any means. i just can't eat that much. for example if i ever go out to eat i leave about half of my food and i can't finish the rest. then shortly after i eat i get rid of it all (insert bathroom scene here)hehehehehehe. and no i don't throw up.....number one reason why i don't is b/c i HATE throwing up.i don't think you will ever meet anyone in life that hates throwing up as much as i do. plus that is dumb. so that's as much as my worries these days. everything is else is just fine. i have recently made some decisions in my life that i feel are for the better. i don't need negative energy in my life. so i did what it took to get rid of it. life is too short sometimes. i don't want to waste my days. i am what i am and i do what i please, so fuck off if you think you have some influence in my life (that just there was not meant for my friends). it's wrong to passionately hate someone, not to mention when you don't even know them. hating someone is not going to get you anywhere in life, but for this person it seems like they aren't going anywhere in their life to begin with. end of that chapter. like i said life is too short and i must live it up. im going back to fighting for my freedom in this household. not to mention living it up w/ my partners in life. duh!
the tap,
dr.btap
i want to be a free spirit like gaby tapia...........no one can keep me.