the churnings of a dis-eased mind
And I'm standing there in a turtleneck, a week's worth of stubble on my face, being introduced to Ashley's father at some commencement dinner as (paraphrase) "the one who was... involved... going to get involved... with the democratic national convention... until... well..." Awkward pause. Then, I'm out with it:
Couldn't hack it. Can't swallow it. Growing away from the Democrats, can't deal, feel politically conflicted.
He asks me, you know... conflicted, eh? am I too far left for Kerry? or thinking Bush? And we quickly resolve that comic misunderstanding. (Otherwise, he might've taken "a bottle of wine" and "all night talking" to repair my damaged sensibilities; and I would thank him for it.)
But it left me standing there, tonight, staring at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth... I really am too far... well, not left, you know? I mean, what I am is:
in favor of the abolishment of government, corporations, militaries, organized churches, boy scout troupes, and other such unnatural regimentations of human relations; arrangements of human interaction in terms of power politics that favor the invested elite.
What political party does that put me in? I don't even believe in political parties. I believe in friendship. I believe in semi-communal living, share and share alike, elevated primate food-sharing politics. I believe in going with the grain of our natures, but tempering those tendencies with the humane and moral ethics we have developed in SPITE of 4000 years of human civilization and development.
THAT is what four years studying entertainment, history, and politics in college taught me, that is what I got from college and four years of dorm life: individual humans can be trusted to be lazy, fickle, or whatever their particular difficulty is, but they can be trusted. An organization can only be trusted to fuck a small minority of individuals for the gain of a greater majority, blind to circumstances, extenuating or otherwise. Is there a better way to do this?
It's 1 AM, I just wanted to remind myself I thought this. Because underneath all this faux-democrat shit I'm putting on (because I honestly believe that Bush has to go), I really despise the human systems we've built, and while they've brought us great wonders, they also bring us great terror... they become source of our blessings and curses both... they are our two-faced janus, our last fickle Greek Gods, they give and take with the same hand... as they become more developed, the blessings and curses are mixed, and things just become more complex, the stakes are constantly raised... and I don't see an ending to it. I like being human, but I sort of hate being civilized. while it is all very fun and well and good, what good is it, in the long run, in the cosmic view? I would rather move to a farm and work the earth and hang out with my friends and write books no one will ever read and lie in the shade and drink water all day, rather than live in the city, go see movies, get coffee, worry about the price of things, sweat about taxes and reciepts and credit ratings and student loans and resumes and all this other unnecessary garbage. HURRY TECHNOLOGY FIX OUR MODERN LIFE, SCIENCE FIND AN ANSWER, I CANNOT ENDURE THIS TEDIUM TERRIBLY MUCH LONGER.
Aw, no, just kidding. The tedium of modern life is ok. It can be kind of fascinating. It can also be a little humiliating. Oh well, it might also be worth noting that I didn't do the convention 'cause I was straight up too busy - five classes, two sketch shows, the shit took a lot out of me. So, I am a conscientious objector in terms of the political process, but also, my plate is already kind of full, and I can't really be fucking bothered. That's really worth noting, too.
Anyway, I'm off to sleep. I love you all very much. Good night, moon. Good night, polite society.
Couldn't hack it. Can't swallow it. Growing away from the Democrats, can't deal, feel politically conflicted.
He asks me, you know... conflicted, eh? am I too far left for Kerry? or thinking Bush? And we quickly resolve that comic misunderstanding. (Otherwise, he might've taken "a bottle of wine" and "all night talking" to repair my damaged sensibilities; and I would thank him for it.)
But it left me standing there, tonight, staring at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth... I really am too far... well, not left, you know? I mean, what I am is:
in favor of the abolishment of government, corporations, militaries, organized churches, boy scout troupes, and other such unnatural regimentations of human relations; arrangements of human interaction in terms of power politics that favor the invested elite.
What political party does that put me in? I don't even believe in political parties. I believe in friendship. I believe in semi-communal living, share and share alike, elevated primate food-sharing politics. I believe in going with the grain of our natures, but tempering those tendencies with the humane and moral ethics we have developed in SPITE of 4000 years of human civilization and development.
THAT is what four years studying entertainment, history, and politics in college taught me, that is what I got from college and four years of dorm life: individual humans can be trusted to be lazy, fickle, or whatever their particular difficulty is, but they can be trusted. An organization can only be trusted to fuck a small minority of individuals for the gain of a greater majority, blind to circumstances, extenuating or otherwise. Is there a better way to do this?
It's 1 AM, I just wanted to remind myself I thought this. Because underneath all this faux-democrat shit I'm putting on (because I honestly believe that Bush has to go), I really despise the human systems we've built, and while they've brought us great wonders, they also bring us great terror... they become source of our blessings and curses both... they are our two-faced janus, our last fickle Greek Gods, they give and take with the same hand... as they become more developed, the blessings and curses are mixed, and things just become more complex, the stakes are constantly raised... and I don't see an ending to it. I like being human, but I sort of hate being civilized. while it is all very fun and well and good, what good is it, in the long run, in the cosmic view? I would rather move to a farm and work the earth and hang out with my friends and write books no one will ever read and lie in the shade and drink water all day, rather than live in the city, go see movies, get coffee, worry about the price of things, sweat about taxes and reciepts and credit ratings and student loans and resumes and all this other unnecessary garbage. HURRY TECHNOLOGY FIX OUR MODERN LIFE, SCIENCE FIND AN ANSWER, I CANNOT ENDURE THIS TEDIUM TERRIBLY MUCH LONGER.
Aw, no, just kidding. The tedium of modern life is ok. It can be kind of fascinating. It can also be a little humiliating. Oh well, it might also be worth noting that I didn't do the convention 'cause I was straight up too busy - five classes, two sketch shows, the shit took a lot out of me. So, I am a conscientious objector in terms of the political process, but also, my plate is already kind of full, and I can't really be fucking bothered. That's really worth noting, too.
Anyway, I'm off to sleep. I love you all very much. Good night, moon. Good night, polite society.