Stand By Your Beds!
Bunny Alert! Bunny Alert! Now, personally, I blame this here picture from the wonderful, talented smut-fuelled people at Theban Band, but it would probably have happened anyway, given my fan-girl tendencies to squee over both David Tennant and John Barrowman...
It's also a pathetic gesture to
justqueenie who is having a rotten old time of it at the moment and who is bearing it all with the sort of staunch good humour that would have made Queen Victoria's bottom lip wobble ever so slightly with pride. Hang on in there, baby. I'm sorry it's not terribly chipper, by the way, which is why you haven't got it as a birthday fic...beta'd by the gorgeous bit of stuff that is
fawsley
Title: Lest We Forget
Author: Dock Leaf
Email: dixonofdockleaf@hotmail.com
Pairing: The 10th Doctor/Captain Jack
Warning: You might just need a hanky on standby…
Disclaimer: It’s someone else’s sandpit, I just rake it about a bit.
Author’s Notes: An ever so sombre little bunny presented this to me about a month ago before going off for some serious Sunlight Therapy, but what with everything else that’s been going on, I clean forgot about it…written from The Doctors’ POV. He’s got his Serious Face on for once.
“So I’ll continue to continue to pretend, that my life will never end,
And that flowers never bend with the rainfall.”
- Paul Simon, ‘Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall’
Lest We Forget
I never can see the obvious, not even when it’s right under my nose. Ten different chances to get things sorted, and I still manage to get it wrong…
It was the night we shut down the last functioning reactor on Observation Platform Troth; circling a dying planet and abandoned for the last millennia by the now extinct race responsible for beating that defenceless world to death. The fissures on the surface could be seen quite clearly, even without the aid of the platform’s viewing equipment and Jack…Jack seemed to be drawn to the pitted observation windows as though by magnets.
The reactor was leaking all sorts of poisons out into that already tortured part of space and Jack, of course, went straight in to shut it down. He told me to check the automated systems weren’t going to boot it back up the moment we left and I did just that. Didn’t think anything of it, it’s how we normally seem to work things out. Jack does Immortal Hero, and I do the twiddly bits. Nothing different this time. Except that there was and I didn’t have a clue.
Jack was quieter than usual when we got back into the TARDIS. We didn’t leave straight away; Jack saying he wanted to do one more check on the reactor levels, just to be sure. I agreed; after all, what’s an extra ten hours to me? He was still quiet. I should have known from that, should have picked up on it. Jack doesn’t do quiet unless he’s asleep, and even then, not always. So that was what woke me up, really; the silence and the cool space next to me where there should have been a warm and vital being.
I found him back on the observation deck, hands pressed against the window as though he could reach out and comfort the poor planet if only he tried hard enough, and with the tracks of dried tears heavy on his face. He was freezing; the shutdown of the systems had taken all but the last emergency reserves of life support, none of which were being wasted on something as non-essential as the heating.
#~#~#
“Jack, what are you doing here?” I asked, gently trying to pull him away from the window. He shrugged, but didn’t budge an inch. My Captain, the proverbial immovable object.
“I’m watching the planet, Doctor. I’m being here, watching it die.”
“I can see that, but why? You’ve seen loads of them go; stars, planets. What’s different about this one?”
He bowed his head against the window; looking so vulnerable it stopped me in my tracks and whispered something to the glass that I didn’t catch. “Jack…?”
It was as though I’d dropped a match in a powder-keg. Jack’s hands clenched into fists and he struck the window hard before turning to me. His face was set with anger. “I said, ‘I don’t know’! OK? I don’t know why this damn planet gets me right in my heart, it’s just so…” His anger died away as quickly as it had flared and, voice breaking, he continued. “It’s alone, y’know? It’s so alone. Everyone left, all the people left it in the end because of what it became, through no fault of its own. And someone should… someone should be here with it when it finally stops turning.”
I took his hand, pulling the cold fingers out of the fist and holding it between my own hands. “But why you? No, don’t bite my head off, I’m trying to understand. Why are you so angry?”
“Why me? You have to ask, ‘why me’? It’s because there was no-one there when I died, Doctor. There was no-one there when I died, there was no-one there when I came back from the dead for the very first time and you…you left me. I was alone, and you left me.”
“Jack...oh Jack…that wasn’t me. Well, yes, it was me, of course it was, but it wasn’t me. I don’t know what else to say apart from I’m here for you and I’m not leaving you again. I can’t leave you.”
Jack smiled crookedly at me and stepped closer, taking my head gently between his hands and looking deep into my eyes, as though he could seek out the certainty of what I was saying. His own were bright with tears, turning the blue to drowned sapphires. “No? What happens when you’re forced to regenerate? You won’t be you anymore then, so how can I be sure of whoever comes along next?”
I smiled sadly and wrapped him in my arms, feeling how much he was trembling and hating myself for causing him so much pain, however unintentional it was. “You can’t be sure of that, I can’t be sure of that. What you can be sure of is me, right here, right now, saying this: I love you, Captain. I’m always going to love you and why would I need to regenerate when you keep doing the dangerous stuff for me? I’ve never had such an easy time!”
He laughed slightly and finally returned the embrace, making me shiver as he slid his cold hands downwards to warm them against my skin. “You love me, huh?”
“Yes, I absolutely do. Cold hands and all.”
“What was that stupid saying…? Oh yeah. Cold hands, warm heart. Is that right?”
I pulled away, just far enough to be able to kiss him hard and put my own, by now almost blue, hands against his chest. “It’s the warmest heart I’ve ever known, Jack.”
#~#~#
We both stayed to watch that world turn against itself; wrapped in blankets, not talking but not needing to, either. When the angry glow had finally faded, the small sun’s corona turning black and the last remnants of the atmosphere gone, it was Jack who led me back to the TARDIS. It was Jack who shut the door and, in our bed again, it was Jack who took me, sobbing against my body in a final grief, tears of both sorrow and the re-affirmation of life.
I know that I can’t leave him and that I won’t leave him; I’d cross more than time to keep him. But what if, for him, it becomes too much?
What if he leaves me?
OoO
I'm also grinning like a Cheshire Cat that got the whole damn dairy plus milkman plus pedigree herd of Jersey's becuase finally, there is some good stuff going on. Quite apart from the planned Weekend of Salisbury Smut with the afore-mentioned fawsley to look forward to at some point, possibly November time, dunno exactly, my brother has got a new job that he very much wanted and it's in the UK!! He's home, and so no longer likely to get shot at, other than in the usual happy-go-lucky way of Leicester, which is Very Good News. Also on the Happy Horizon of Me, is the impending visit to these shores (yes folks, for one week only!!) of the one, the only,
half_elf_lost! Cue wild, Muppet Show style cheering!
It's also a pathetic gesture to
justqueenie who is having a rotten old time of it at the moment and who is bearing it all with the sort of staunch good humour that would have made Queen Victoria's bottom lip wobble ever so slightly with pride. Hang on in there, baby. I'm sorry it's not terribly chipper, by the way, which is why you haven't got it as a birthday fic...beta'd by the gorgeous bit of stuff that is
fawsley
Title: Lest We Forget
Author: Dock Leaf
Email: dixonofdockleaf@hotmail.com
Pairing: The 10th Doctor/Captain Jack
Warning: You might just need a hanky on standby…
Disclaimer: It’s someone else’s sandpit, I just rake it about a bit.
Author’s Notes: An ever so sombre little bunny presented this to me about a month ago before going off for some serious Sunlight Therapy, but what with everything else that’s been going on, I clean forgot about it…written from The Doctors’ POV. He’s got his Serious Face on for once.
“So I’ll continue to continue to pretend, that my life will never end,
And that flowers never bend with the rainfall.”
- Paul Simon, ‘Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall’
Lest We Forget
I never can see the obvious, not even when it’s right under my nose. Ten different chances to get things sorted, and I still manage to get it wrong…
It was the night we shut down the last functioning reactor on Observation Platform Troth; circling a dying planet and abandoned for the last millennia by the now extinct race responsible for beating that defenceless world to death. The fissures on the surface could be seen quite clearly, even without the aid of the platform’s viewing equipment and Jack…Jack seemed to be drawn to the pitted observation windows as though by magnets.
The reactor was leaking all sorts of poisons out into that already tortured part of space and Jack, of course, went straight in to shut it down. He told me to check the automated systems weren’t going to boot it back up the moment we left and I did just that. Didn’t think anything of it, it’s how we normally seem to work things out. Jack does Immortal Hero, and I do the twiddly bits. Nothing different this time. Except that there was and I didn’t have a clue.
Jack was quieter than usual when we got back into the TARDIS. We didn’t leave straight away; Jack saying he wanted to do one more check on the reactor levels, just to be sure. I agreed; after all, what’s an extra ten hours to me? He was still quiet. I should have known from that, should have picked up on it. Jack doesn’t do quiet unless he’s asleep, and even then, not always. So that was what woke me up, really; the silence and the cool space next to me where there should have been a warm and vital being.
I found him back on the observation deck, hands pressed against the window as though he could reach out and comfort the poor planet if only he tried hard enough, and with the tracks of dried tears heavy on his face. He was freezing; the shutdown of the systems had taken all but the last emergency reserves of life support, none of which were being wasted on something as non-essential as the heating.
#~#~#
“Jack, what are you doing here?” I asked, gently trying to pull him away from the window. He shrugged, but didn’t budge an inch. My Captain, the proverbial immovable object.
“I’m watching the planet, Doctor. I’m being here, watching it die.”
“I can see that, but why? You’ve seen loads of them go; stars, planets. What’s different about this one?”
He bowed his head against the window; looking so vulnerable it stopped me in my tracks and whispered something to the glass that I didn’t catch. “Jack…?”
It was as though I’d dropped a match in a powder-keg. Jack’s hands clenched into fists and he struck the window hard before turning to me. His face was set with anger. “I said, ‘I don’t know’! OK? I don’t know why this damn planet gets me right in my heart, it’s just so…” His anger died away as quickly as it had flared and, voice breaking, he continued. “It’s alone, y’know? It’s so alone. Everyone left, all the people left it in the end because of what it became, through no fault of its own. And someone should… someone should be here with it when it finally stops turning.”
I took his hand, pulling the cold fingers out of the fist and holding it between my own hands. “But why you? No, don’t bite my head off, I’m trying to understand. Why are you so angry?”
“Why me? You have to ask, ‘why me’? It’s because there was no-one there when I died, Doctor. There was no-one there when I died, there was no-one there when I came back from the dead for the very first time and you…you left me. I was alone, and you left me.”
“Jack...oh Jack…that wasn’t me. Well, yes, it was me, of course it was, but it wasn’t me. I don’t know what else to say apart from I’m here for you and I’m not leaving you again. I can’t leave you.”
Jack smiled crookedly at me and stepped closer, taking my head gently between his hands and looking deep into my eyes, as though he could seek out the certainty of what I was saying. His own were bright with tears, turning the blue to drowned sapphires. “No? What happens when you’re forced to regenerate? You won’t be you anymore then, so how can I be sure of whoever comes along next?”
I smiled sadly and wrapped him in my arms, feeling how much he was trembling and hating myself for causing him so much pain, however unintentional it was. “You can’t be sure of that, I can’t be sure of that. What you can be sure of is me, right here, right now, saying this: I love you, Captain. I’m always going to love you and why would I need to regenerate when you keep doing the dangerous stuff for me? I’ve never had such an easy time!”
He laughed slightly and finally returned the embrace, making me shiver as he slid his cold hands downwards to warm them against my skin. “You love me, huh?”
“Yes, I absolutely do. Cold hands and all.”
“What was that stupid saying…? Oh yeah. Cold hands, warm heart. Is that right?”
I pulled away, just far enough to be able to kiss him hard and put my own, by now almost blue, hands against his chest. “It’s the warmest heart I’ve ever known, Jack.”
#~#~#
We both stayed to watch that world turn against itself; wrapped in blankets, not talking but not needing to, either. When the angry glow had finally faded, the small sun’s corona turning black and the last remnants of the atmosphere gone, it was Jack who led me back to the TARDIS. It was Jack who shut the door and, in our bed again, it was Jack who took me, sobbing against my body in a final grief, tears of both sorrow and the re-affirmation of life.
I know that I can’t leave him and that I won’t leave him; I’d cross more than time to keep him. But what if, for him, it becomes too much?
What if he leaves me?
OoO
I'm also grinning like a Cheshire Cat that got the whole damn dairy plus milkman plus pedigree herd of Jersey's becuase finally, there is some good stuff going on. Quite apart from the planned Weekend of Salisbury Smut with the afore-mentioned fawsley to look forward to at some point, possibly November time, dunno exactly, my brother has got a new job that he very much wanted and it's in the UK!! He's home, and so no longer likely to get shot at, other than in the usual happy-go-lucky way of Leicester, which is Very Good News. Also on the Happy Horizon of Me, is the impending visit to these shores (yes folks, for one week only!!) of the one, the only,
half_elf_lost! Cue wild, Muppet Show style cheering!