Ugh
Too much smoking and not enough sleep makes my head feel heavy and full of fog in the morning. Its like a stoner/insomniac hang over. Blah...
Had another fainting spell last night. Its fucking terrifying even though it has happened so many times before. I never know when its coming. Its just like, all of a sudden my stomache doesn't feel good, then I'm light headed and sometimes I get a cold sweat. Finally the room starts to spin and I have to lie down or else I just black out and fall. Once I lie down, I'm fine. I just have to remember to get somewhere where I can lie down safely before it gets too bad. Thankfully it has never happened while driving. I can just guess what I would look like stretched out on the side of the highway with people on their morning commute driving by. "What's that officer?... No, I'm fine. I just have to lie here for a few minutes so I don't black out while driving... No I haven't been drinking. It's fucking 8 AM!" Yeah. That would be great...
I have to find a doctor that I can trust and tell him/her about it. Its just really hard to trust doctors when I am supposed to completely open up to them and tell them all my problems and I know nothing about them other than they are on my insurance and they have a nice looking piece of paper that means they know what they are doing supposedly. That and having all of the last three or four doctors I have gone to give me medication that I have reacted to really badly doesn't help either.
Sleeping was really hard last night because of the fainting thing. No matter how much you accept the inevitability of death, when the reality of it comes up to randomly scare the fuck out of you, it sucks. I don't think I could die from what ever is wrong with me but, I imagine that what I feel when I pass out is similar to what it feels like to quickly bleed to death since I am fairly sure that it is lack of blood and oxygen to my brain that is making it happen. Never knowing if this is another fainting spell of if it is some kind of heart attack or stoke that is going to be the end of me makes me just a wee bit anxious. Then, last night I thought that it was just me getting sleepy really quickly but that wasn't the case. Then, when I wanted to spell, I was all full of nervous energy and was almost scared to loose conciousness, even if it was in purpose for sleeping. I bet I look like shit now from not sleeping. Oh well. I guess some people are into that "Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me." look.
Had another fainting spell last night. Its fucking terrifying even though it has happened so many times before. I never know when its coming. Its just like, all of a sudden my stomache doesn't feel good, then I'm light headed and sometimes I get a cold sweat. Finally the room starts to spin and I have to lie down or else I just black out and fall. Once I lie down, I'm fine. I just have to remember to get somewhere where I can lie down safely before it gets too bad. Thankfully it has never happened while driving. I can just guess what I would look like stretched out on the side of the highway with people on their morning commute driving by. "What's that officer?... No, I'm fine. I just have to lie here for a few minutes so I don't black out while driving... No I haven't been drinking. It's fucking 8 AM!" Yeah. That would be great...
I have to find a doctor that I can trust and tell him/her about it. Its just really hard to trust doctors when I am supposed to completely open up to them and tell them all my problems and I know nothing about them other than they are on my insurance and they have a nice looking piece of paper that means they know what they are doing supposedly. That and having all of the last three or four doctors I have gone to give me medication that I have reacted to really badly doesn't help either.
Sleeping was really hard last night because of the fainting thing. No matter how much you accept the inevitability of death, when the reality of it comes up to randomly scare the fuck out of you, it sucks. I don't think I could die from what ever is wrong with me but, I imagine that what I feel when I pass out is similar to what it feels like to quickly bleed to death since I am fairly sure that it is lack of blood and oxygen to my brain that is making it happen. Never knowing if this is another fainting spell of if it is some kind of heart attack or stoke that is going to be the end of me makes me just a wee bit anxious. Then, last night I thought that it was just me getting sleepy really quickly but that wasn't the case. Then, when I wanted to spell, I was all full of nervous energy and was almost scared to loose conciousness, even if it was in purpose for sleeping. I bet I look like shit now from not sleeping. Oh well. I guess some people are into that "Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me." look.