The First Time

[docbrite]

Due to going through a depressive episode now, I've been thinking about the first time I ever experienced chemical depression. I remember it very clearly, because it was so unlike anything else I'd ever felt. I was seventeen. I had just survived several terrible years at a school where other students told me daily how ugly, stupid, and worthless I

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Pull from the Spirit:

[imariistarre]

Sounds easy, but I know it's not. It will be a challenge.

Your body is wracked by chemical imbalances. Yes, situational depression worsens this condition but, deep down it's still just your body that is stuck in this muck.

There is an elevated part of you, a God-Self if you will. He exists on another plane, but you can access him.

New Agers call this part of us the 'higher self'. Wiccans will refer to a ritual called 'drawing down the sun'. Left Hand Pathers believe that everyone has the potential to ascend to the divine given enough tempering and spiritual growth.

I'm very sorry, I don't know the voodoo/hoodoo equivalent of this. But I'm certain it must exist.

Meditate until you find him. Then allow him to bypass your body. Pull directly from this elevated, spiritual being that is you, but higher. Trust Up.

If you're like me and you have trouble quieting your mind into a meditative state, there are workarounds.

I use knitting. It's simultaneously left brain/right brain engaging, but it's also meditative and productive. Depressive brain chemistry can actually find that to be a rather euphoric mix.

I also use writing. I've been in recovery for emotional trauma for a little over a year now. I didn't get better for a long time because I was alone, and I knew I needed help. However, trust issues prevented me from reaching out. So, I wrote him instead. I used my vivid imagination and my way with words to write the person I needed into my life. He still only exists in my mind, but his presence is felt.

Write a story where you are in this elevated place. Create your own god realm and build yourself a temple there. Write about watching your earth self endure the pain. Write about reaching out, descending, melding with him.

--

I'm trying to think of an inspirational way to close this, but I'm coming up blank.

Just know that I've been where you are, and I'm still working through it, I'm just sharing what has worked for me.

I hope it's been helpful.

~ImariiStarre