Lesbian Mermaids

[docbrite]

I've been letting myself get all antisocial again because, as I ranted to Grey earlier, "why go out because it's just going to be a bunch of people misgendering me all over the place even if I wear the horrible uncomfortable binder and I don't even know what fucking restroom to use anymore." This is especially not-good because Southern Decadence is

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[redhaddock]

As another trans man, I've been wanting to send you some encouragement for a while, but I'm a bit paranoid about disclosing my status under any established online account/username. (Sorry for the sockpuppet!) Also apologies in advance if my writing isn't very clear; this is the first time I have talked about my experiences with being trans in four or five years and these are difficult things to articulate without practice. Nonetheless I hope I can offer you some support.

So much of the crap you're dealing with and have dealt with while transitioning is a lot like what I went through, at similar points during transition; it's uncanny reading your posts at times. Being constantly misgendered after a couple months on testosterone was the worst part of it for me. (I remember one specific incident at the end of that phase where I had to hand a cashier some ID and he spat out, "Have a nice day, [legal name]," in a busy store, like he was doing society a valuable service for pointing out the deviant. That was fun.)

For me, it absolutely got better. I didn't think I'd ever get a male sounding voice, or that I'd ever be able to fit my ass in men's pants, or that I would ever be able to be consistently read as male because I'm 5'1". But I sound alright, my body changed, and there are plenty of cis/non-trans guys that short or shorter. It's gotten better for every trans guy I've spoken to, as well. I think it will probably get better for you, whether you continue medical transition or not.

One of the hardest parts for me was (and, tbh, still is) internalizing the fact that I have just as much right to be a man as any other man. It's difficult to process your own doubt or feelings of being illegitimate when everyone seems to be misgendering you, you know? But I've gotten much better and being out in public has become so much easier because I am able to project a certainty in my gender which cis people have naturally. It took time and practice to develop that but it makes a phenomenal difference both in how people perceive me and in how I cope with having to hand people ID or hearing my legal name (haven't changed it yet.)

When I was still beginning to transition, I couldn't even comprehend having my gender be a non-issue in social spaces the vast majority of the time. But now it is. I believe that you will get there too. What you're going through right now is absolutely the hardest part for most people, but it is temporary. Even though it probably feels like it will last forever (and, if you're like me, even if your mind can compose and recite a hundred page bulleted list of specific reasons why this will last forever and ever and you might as well give up now! For me those "reasons" were ultimately just excuses, no matter how logical they seemed at the time.)

If there is any kind of support you would find useful from me, please let me know. I will help if I'm able. Regardless, best of luck to you and yours.