Today.
Thinking back, I remember a time when all the simpleness in life meant the world to me. How a slow drive on a back road could stir up a feeling of complete bliss. Now those moments are gone and I struggle to see the beauty of such simple things. Everyone in life always seems to be in this huge rush. I am also involved in this avid expedition. Not even a few months ago the most joyous thing in my life was sitting in my car with a auburn haired mademoiselle discussing the complexity of our own lifes. Now I sit in my room wondering where the time is going. Everyday I feel as if I have less and less time, things aren't as enjoyable by far. The fast fleeting change of emotions I experience brings aversion towards myself.
Am I being fake, a new fear of mine. I don't really understand at all who I am, or anything im going through or how exactly to deal with it all. So invert myself and adjust to the situation when something is amiss. Duely note that this causes a constant shift in friendships and relationships with anyone I come in contact with in general. The one thing about me that hasn't changed is my timidness. I can't shake my social abilities into "go" mode. Maybe a mental block? Whatever it is I just can't seem to get out there and be myself around a stranger.
I'd like to blame this whole ordeal on a feeling we call love. Or being in love. Being in love is defined at Deeply or passionately enamored. Enamored is marked by foolish or unreasonable fondness. So yes it's true, being in love can make you do stupid things.... because you're basically in love for stupid reasons. I loved one for our friendships, the deepness, the quickness, the understanding, maybe I thought I was saving her from herself. Maybe I was saving her from all the problems she'd ever explained to me in the dead of the night or at 4 in the morning on the telephone. Either way my fondness of this one was remarkable because she was the first person I'd even felt 1/2 that strongly about.
My 2nd love was a little different. Meeting while in love with the first, this one scared me a bit. A girl much like number 1 with her problems and issues but this one was bold, she didn't need my help, she didn't need my advice, we where just friends. I couldn't save her from anything but myself. So for disappearing for a long time I saved her. Then I came back and from then on it was too late to even fix any damage that is still occuring.
I once told someone I was in a constant state of rebuilding my life. Everytime I have something accomplished I get kicked into the ground by some huge emotional event... I always ask for help fixing things this time I'm on my own, and the work will be completed.
Friends, you know who you are, and I hope you know how much you all mean to me. Right now i'm off in left field somewhere trying to figure myself out, this time it's an honest effort....
P.S. Thanks for caring, and comment.
Am I being fake, a new fear of mine. I don't really understand at all who I am, or anything im going through or how exactly to deal with it all. So invert myself and adjust to the situation when something is amiss. Duely note that this causes a constant shift in friendships and relationships with anyone I come in contact with in general. The one thing about me that hasn't changed is my timidness. I can't shake my social abilities into "go" mode. Maybe a mental block? Whatever it is I just can't seem to get out there and be myself around a stranger.
I'd like to blame this whole ordeal on a feeling we call love. Or being in love. Being in love is defined at Deeply or passionately enamored. Enamored is marked by foolish or unreasonable fondness. So yes it's true, being in love can make you do stupid things.... because you're basically in love for stupid reasons. I loved one for our friendships, the deepness, the quickness, the understanding, maybe I thought I was saving her from herself. Maybe I was saving her from all the problems she'd ever explained to me in the dead of the night or at 4 in the morning on the telephone. Either way my fondness of this one was remarkable because she was the first person I'd even felt 1/2 that strongly about.
My 2nd love was a little different. Meeting while in love with the first, this one scared me a bit. A girl much like number 1 with her problems and issues but this one was bold, she didn't need my help, she didn't need my advice, we where just friends. I couldn't save her from anything but myself. So for disappearing for a long time I saved her. Then I came back and from then on it was too late to even fix any damage that is still occuring.
I once told someone I was in a constant state of rebuilding my life. Everytime I have something accomplished I get kicked into the ground by some huge emotional event... I always ask for help fixing things this time I'm on my own, and the work will be completed.
Friends, you know who you are, and I hope you know how much you all mean to me. Right now i'm off in left field somewhere trying to figure myself out, this time it's an honest effort....
P.S. Thanks for caring, and comment.