Uuuuggghhh
I know I said I wouldn't update this thing until something important or life changing happened but I am getting so fed up with everyone's bullshit and I need to rant.
My brother is the biggest bag of cocks this side of the galaxy. It's like he has absolutely no ability to feel consideration for anyone but himself. He does whatever he wants and when we try and talk to him about it he snaps at us and tells us to quit fucking nagging him. It's so absolutely MIND BAFFLING how someone can think that you can do the things he does and not get nagged at for it. Neither him or his son seem to understand. It isn't fucking rocket science! If you want respect, treat us with respect. If you want us to shut the fuck up and leave you alone, quit pissing us off. Period. It's common fucking sense.
It riles me up. It makes me burn with anger that they have to act like they're the only ones living in this house. And it shouldn't get me this royally pissed. It really shouldn't. All those anger issues I had when I was a kid, putting holes in walls and breaking shit, starts to filter right back into my life when I think about it. So to avoid the anger and all the emotion and the complete and utter helplessness, I do drugs, I drink, I sit in my fucking chair and stare at the ceiling. I drown myself in fantasies and daydreams because it helps me just to get through the goddamn day when I don't even have any real responsibilities.
So then I run out of ways to placate myself and I start hurting for money to feed my habit. But WAIT, I don't have any money because I can't get a goddamn job. Whether it's my addictions and my lack of motivation or the simple fact that there aren't any jobs. I'm stuck in this stagnant state of bullshit.
I read a quote today. It went something like, "A boat is safe in the harbor. But this is not the purpose of a boat." And I thought, "Hey that sounds exactly like me." But who the fuck wants to go sailing in a boat with a gaping hole in its hull? No one. And that's where I am. A boat trapped in the harbor because it needs repairs and can't find the motivation or resources to repair itself.
I need to get out of this house, out of this city, out of this state, and I'm stuck.
Aaaaand my light bulb just went out. Fucking fabulous.
My brother is the biggest bag of cocks this side of the galaxy. It's like he has absolutely no ability to feel consideration for anyone but himself. He does whatever he wants and when we try and talk to him about it he snaps at us and tells us to quit fucking nagging him. It's so absolutely MIND BAFFLING how someone can think that you can do the things he does and not get nagged at for it. Neither him or his son seem to understand. It isn't fucking rocket science! If you want respect, treat us with respect. If you want us to shut the fuck up and leave you alone, quit pissing us off. Period. It's common fucking sense.
It riles me up. It makes me burn with anger that they have to act like they're the only ones living in this house. And it shouldn't get me this royally pissed. It really shouldn't. All those anger issues I had when I was a kid, putting holes in walls and breaking shit, starts to filter right back into my life when I think about it. So to avoid the anger and all the emotion and the complete and utter helplessness, I do drugs, I drink, I sit in my fucking chair and stare at the ceiling. I drown myself in fantasies and daydreams because it helps me just to get through the goddamn day when I don't even have any real responsibilities.
So then I run out of ways to placate myself and I start hurting for money to feed my habit. But WAIT, I don't have any money because I can't get a goddamn job. Whether it's my addictions and my lack of motivation or the simple fact that there aren't any jobs. I'm stuck in this stagnant state of bullshit.
I read a quote today. It went something like, "A boat is safe in the harbor. But this is not the purpose of a boat." And I thought, "Hey that sounds exactly like me." But who the fuck wants to go sailing in a boat with a gaping hole in its hull? No one. And that's where I am. A boat trapped in the harbor because it needs repairs and can't find the motivation or resources to repair itself.
I need to get out of this house, out of this city, out of this state, and I'm stuck.
Aaaaand my light bulb just went out. Fucking fabulous.