Facing the facts and moving on
An informal survey of 1 out of what-seems-to-be-an-ocho-bazillion of the homeless in the Short North think that I’m terribly rude.
It’s true, I was told so directly.
I make it a point not to give money to homeless people - I just can’t bring myself to do it. Giving money to the homeless perpetuates a dependency culture on their part while doing nothing to solve the larger picture of why they are homeless in the first place. Don’t try to make yourself feel good by giving a dollar to that homeless guy on the street- make a donation to a shelter to make sure that dollar will be put to good use and not in the bottom of a 40 oz. King Cobra.
There are two words that I hate to hear from strangers, “Excuse me”. Really, I hate those words...a lot. When a stranger says those words to me it’s not because I dropped something and they want to return it, or because they want to compliment me in some way or one of a myriad of other nice things that could be done. Most of the time it’s because they want to tell me their sob story and then ask for money.
I’ve never been comfortable giving money to the homeless. In my younger days I used to moo at them. Then a homeless man moo-ed back at me and I thought it might be some sort of homeless mating ritual, so I decided to chuck that idea out the window.
Then I took the wuss approach and started saying, “I’m sorry - I don’t have anything.” Then I realized that I’m lying not once, but twice in the same sentence. That’s hard to do. I do have money and I’m not sorry that I’m not giving you any of it. See? One sentence, two lies. In the spirit of honestly I had to quit saying that.
Recently I’ve decided just to ignore the request entirely. If you’re walking on the street and come running up to me, I will ignore you. Tell me your car broke down, tell me about your pregnant wife, tell me how bad you need more liquor. I don’t care, I really don’t. Call it an extreme case of compassion fatigue, but I just don't care about why you need money - you're not getting any from me.
Okay, okay - I’m stepping off my soapbox now. It just really gets under my skin when people think they’re doing a good thing by giving money to the homeless. So back to my informal survey: oh right, it says I’m an asshole.
While I was walking through the Short North today a man jumped off the wall he was sitting on. He proceeds to run up next to me and without even a good story, “Hey man, you gots (yes, it was "gots") a dollar?”
“Yes, I do have a dollar. Thank you very much for inquiring as to the wellbeing of my dollar. It’s nice and comfy in my wallet where it’s going to stay until I walk into the UDF where I am going to buy some water since it’s hot out today. I’d rather have a water than you have a 40 oz.”
That’s what I would liked to have said. But I didn’t. I didn’t say anything. Recently, I’ve not been in the mood to expend any more energy than necessary on anything, so it was easy to use my ignore-the-request technique, and I kept on walking. Such was the moment where my informal survey results came from. Said homeless man proceeds to yell after me, “You don’t have to be rude.”
Rude? Was I breaking an etiquette rule? What does Miss Manners have to say about this? I might have to write her and ask proper procedures for such an occasion. Such a faux pas might rank right up there with eating an entrée with a salad fork! The entire town will be talking and I don’t walk to end up on Page 6.
Despite the aforementioned draconian consequences of my “rudeness” I thought little of being told I was rude. I later had a thought: if I was rude when I ignored the request, when did it become proper etiquette to walk up to a stranger and ask them for their money? I think his begs another question for Miss Manners. She might have to devote an entire column to answering all my letters.
Either way, I’m back at the drawing board trying to figure out yet another way to deal with panhandlers. Damn the man, I don’t really want to have to spend time on this. Boo.
It’s true, I was told so directly.
I make it a point not to give money to homeless people - I just can’t bring myself to do it. Giving money to the homeless perpetuates a dependency culture on their part while doing nothing to solve the larger picture of why they are homeless in the first place. Don’t try to make yourself feel good by giving a dollar to that homeless guy on the street- make a donation to a shelter to make sure that dollar will be put to good use and not in the bottom of a 40 oz. King Cobra.
There are two words that I hate to hear from strangers, “Excuse me”. Really, I hate those words...a lot. When a stranger says those words to me it’s not because I dropped something and they want to return it, or because they want to compliment me in some way or one of a myriad of other nice things that could be done. Most of the time it’s because they want to tell me their sob story and then ask for money.
I’ve never been comfortable giving money to the homeless. In my younger days I used to moo at them. Then a homeless man moo-ed back at me and I thought it might be some sort of homeless mating ritual, so I decided to chuck that idea out the window.
Then I took the wuss approach and started saying, “I’m sorry - I don’t have anything.” Then I realized that I’m lying not once, but twice in the same sentence. That’s hard to do. I do have money and I’m not sorry that I’m not giving you any of it. See? One sentence, two lies. In the spirit of honestly I had to quit saying that.
Recently I’ve decided just to ignore the request entirely. If you’re walking on the street and come running up to me, I will ignore you. Tell me your car broke down, tell me about your pregnant wife, tell me how bad you need more liquor. I don’t care, I really don’t. Call it an extreme case of compassion fatigue, but I just don't care about why you need money - you're not getting any from me.
Okay, okay - I’m stepping off my soapbox now. It just really gets under my skin when people think they’re doing a good thing by giving money to the homeless. So back to my informal survey: oh right, it says I’m an asshole.
While I was walking through the Short North today a man jumped off the wall he was sitting on. He proceeds to run up next to me and without even a good story, “Hey man, you gots (yes, it was "gots") a dollar?”
“Yes, I do have a dollar. Thank you very much for inquiring as to the wellbeing of my dollar. It’s nice and comfy in my wallet where it’s going to stay until I walk into the UDF where I am going to buy some water since it’s hot out today. I’d rather have a water than you have a 40 oz.”
That’s what I would liked to have said. But I didn’t. I didn’t say anything. Recently, I’ve not been in the mood to expend any more energy than necessary on anything, so it was easy to use my ignore-the-request technique, and I kept on walking. Such was the moment where my informal survey results came from. Said homeless man proceeds to yell after me, “You don’t have to be rude.”
Rude? Was I breaking an etiquette rule? What does Miss Manners have to say about this? I might have to write her and ask proper procedures for such an occasion. Such a faux pas might rank right up there with eating an entrée with a salad fork! The entire town will be talking and I don’t walk to end up on Page 6.
Despite the aforementioned draconian consequences of my “rudeness” I thought little of being told I was rude. I later had a thought: if I was rude when I ignored the request, when did it become proper etiquette to walk up to a stranger and ask them for their money? I think his begs another question for Miss Manners. She might have to devote an entire column to answering all my letters.
Either way, I’m back at the drawing board trying to figure out yet another way to deal with panhandlers. Damn the man, I don’t really want to have to spend time on this. Boo.