This is my LIFE!!!
Enjoy!
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Road, otherwise it's Chi-ca-go.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville, and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly honked at. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. But expect to be honked at within those 5 seconds.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare).
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks or Caddys have the right of way. Period.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours.
Although many expressways (they are not freeways) have posted speed limits of 55. The minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less....get the hell out of the left lane!!
The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental.
The Congress expressway (The Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.
If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago". If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field pay $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard... run!
You ARE a Chicagoan if... You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois and become irate at people who do. You measure distance in minutes. Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of the heat. You've ever had to switch from heat to "A/C" in the same day. You carry jumper cables in your car. You realize that I-290, I-90,I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway." You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy,
Eisenhower, Dan Ryan You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake" No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about
Downtown Chicago. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers. You buy "The Trib." You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. You know the real reason they call Chicago "The Windy City." You understand what "lake-effect" means. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra. You ride the "L." "Can I go with?" is a complete sentence. You can distinguish between the following area codes:
847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.
You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpets.
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is Chi-caw-go, assuming you live north of Roosevelt Road, otherwise it's Chi-ca-go.
Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
If you are in Naperville, and your map is one day old, then it is already obsolete.
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "I-94"... which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11. The evening rush hour is from 2 to 8. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly honked at. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. But expect to be honked at within those 5 seconds.
Construction on Northwest Tollway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added the Elgin-O'Hare and the I-355 to the mix. (Incidentally the 'Elgin-O'Hare' does NOT go to either Elgin or O'Hare).
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Cicero!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Buicks or Caddys have the right of way. Period.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours.
Although many expressways (they are not freeways) have posted speed limits of 55. The minimum acceptable speed on expressways is 85. Anything less....get the hell out of the left lane!!
The wrought iron on windows in Englewood, Lawndale and Austin are not ornamental.
The Congress expressway (The Ike) is our daily version of NASCAR.
If it's 100 degrees, it's "Taste of Chicago". If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, it's opening day at Wrigley. If it's rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Western Open is in the second round.
If you go to Wrigley Field pay $25.00 to park in "Cubs Lot." Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard... run!
You ARE a Chicagoan if... You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois and become irate at people who do. You measure distance in minutes. Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of the heat. You've ever had to switch from heat to "A/C" in the same day. You carry jumper cables in your car. You realize that I-290, I-90,I-94, and I-294 are all different roads. You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway." You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy,
Eisenhower, Dan Ryan You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake" No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about
Downtown Chicago. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers. You buy "The Trib." You know what goes on a "Chicago" Hot Dog....and you are permitted to shoot anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. You know the real reason they call Chicago "The Windy City." You understand what "lake-effect" means. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra. You ride the "L." "Can I go with?" is a complete sentence. You can distinguish between the following area codes:
847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.
You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpets.