Aaah! Turn the lights back on!
I'm afraid of the dark. Not the kind of velvety blackness that is so conducive to a good, sound sleep, but the kind where you're running around trying to find the way out and you can't see a thing. My life right now is very much like a merry-go-round that is spinning right in front of me, but I can't seem to grab ahold of the rail and boost myself up. It's temporary, I do know that much, but it just hit so hard and so fast that it caught me completely off-guard. Everything feels so out of control! My doctor and I can't seem to connect on my test results from the exploratory surgical procedure I underwent last week, and of course that has me worried. Then today I got an email about this form of ovarian cancer that attacks in a pattern similar to my own symptoms. Or it could be a bleeding ulcer, for all I know. I think that the problem with this piece of the proverbial puzzle is that I don't have an answer at all.
Shane and I are winding down to a steady end, I think. That's the only explanation I have for the way he is acting right now. Was I in love with him? No, so my heart isn't breaking into a million pieces or anything, but I miss him a lot because we do (did?) get along rather well. Again, it's the not knowing that is killing me here.
Amanda tried to kill herself last night - yeah, that's a long story in and of itself, but this post is going to get truncated now because my friend is here. More to come later...
Shane and I are winding down to a steady end, I think. That's the only explanation I have for the way he is acting right now. Was I in love with him? No, so my heart isn't breaking into a million pieces or anything, but I miss him a lot because we do (did?) get along rather well. Again, it's the not knowing that is killing me here.
Amanda tried to kill herself last night - yeah, that's a long story in and of itself, but this post is going to get truncated now because my friend is here. More to come later...