Why am I so fragile?
This is ridiculous. For all that I've been through, one would think that I have an invisible shield made of titanium alloy to protect against pain. But pain is such a strong force that it permeates through the chain-meal and spreads like an infectious disease.
I put up an intentional wall to guard my fragile emotions, but it must be made of shallow mush as it seemingly makes no difference at all. This always happens to me. It's a sick pattern that I recognize, but lack the something special it takes to break the cycle. And inevitably I end up at home, watching the walls literally close in on me.
This time is different than the others - I can't even force myself to cry to release the tension building up inside of me. Why am I like this? I can't blame it all on bipolarity - there must be something else going on that I am refusing to recognize. I feel lonely, isolated, hurt, rejected...like I'm sinking inside of myself.
And I'm way too tired to sleep.