What Am I Going To Do W/Myself?
Seriously. Finals are coming up, and 1st semester is almost done and I am down low in the grade ghetto. Nothing seems to be working out for me. Nothing is really making me happier and everything is just disappointing. Grades, my physical appearance, my mother, school, friends, society, life in general is just giving me shit. I have nothing to look forward to, and I feel all too much like Holden Caulfield. And I don't have rich parents to back me up and someone younger than my parents but older than me to help me.
I need to get up early to wash my hair, and I have to find my comb later because I know if I don't do it now, I'll waste at least 30 minutes looking for it in the morning. Another thing that depresses me. My hair. My hair has been a constant trouble and it is normal for me to be complaining about it.. but now.. all I really want to do is chop it off and get a cool short hairdo. Like Tegan's. I'm obsessed now, about looking more mature, because the kids at school disgust me with their immature, naive attitude. Almost everyone is gullible and ignorant and it sickens me. Like a 12 yaer old wearing nipple tassles. That's what I think of when I see my female schoolmates wearing stripper make-up and clothes that scream "FUCK ME HARD".
I need an ego-boost. Some clothes that will make me invincible, and some make-up that will make me look like as I had plastic surgery. I want to be that amazing, that even though I'm a failure at school and that I have enough fat to live 3+ lifetimes, I'll have a style that everyone will envy. I don't think I'll succeed though. I don't have money and I'll be kick out before my parents see me with make-up. So I'm back at where I started. A loser.