URGH!!!!! URGH!!!!! WHY WHY WHY
I hate it I hate it how I just can't be happy. I'm so sick and tired of trying and failing. It's just so god dame overwhelming. FUCK IT! No one cares what I do anymore no one gives a shit about me so why should I. Mabye I should just go back to my old self-destructive ways at lest then I could hide the hurt better and people thought I was happy and they left me alone. I hate the fact that home is the one place you can go and no one can hurt you and you just feel safe. But I can't. I hate it there every time I go home it just makes me want to die even more. Why does the one person who's supposed to love me regardless hate me so much. I don't even know what I do to make her mad anymore. It seems like every thing I do and say pissed her off. I swear I could leave and never come back and she wouldn't care it would just give her one less thing to be pissed about. I hate that I have to be fighting with the one guy who actually makes me happy. I just can't take being yelled at anymore. Don't get me wrong he doesn't really every yell at me in fact this may be the first time he has ever yelled at me. But I take so much shit from everyone else that he's the one person I want to be able to go to and not have to worrie about anything else thats going on around me and thats how it usally is. He always makes me forget the bad. That's why it hurts so bad for him to yell at me. I just want everything to be ok with everything in my life but thats never going to happen I'm never going to be that lucky. FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!