(no subject)
i had an epiphany this morning at work; as i got about opening the delicatessen. i checked my roster and realised that i had an hour cut off from each of my two shifts, and that put me in a foul mood.
i was ready to verbosely decimate my manager, who incidentally, not a week ago got back his job after quitting a month ago to pursue a gleaming career as a tram driver.
we all know how that turned out. too much pressure, he said, this job is easier.
i told him off. he said that there were cuts across the whole board. upper management. that means david.
appie then told me the deli has been losing money. as far as i'm concerned, it's been losing money since i started working there.
david gave the manager the choice of either cutting hours, increasing prices of deli goods, or cutting the pay rate. judy protested against the last. so deli goods became more expensive and hours got cut.
and i lost two hours. and am ready to explode.
but back to my point. I had an epiphany. i hate this job, and im only working because i need the money, at least, until the end of the semester. that aside,
that seems to me the story of my life. i believe that i will and am, by nature, meant to go it alone.
everything that have nudged me into the shape i am my whole life
had been about anti authority. from slapping ms ravi in secondary 3, getting thrown into a halfway house, rebelling, never had a boss that i liked, never liked being bossed about, never really listening to what my parents had to say...im stubborn, keith said.
and ive never been social. i hated big social events, i always felt awkward. i dont care for the big parties, i dont care for small chat. i dont care for 'oh come on where's your sense of humour' bitching over coffee. i dont care about what you bought, and who you've been fucking. i find socialing...tedious. i rather be by myself, not because i cant handle a social event, but because i dont have to put up with being pretentious.
ive never been in a lasting relationship. i thought i was just bad at it. i couldnt ever sustain my interest, i got too easily stuck in comfort and inaction. the only person i ever felt constantly emotionally threatened by discomfort was steven, but that was a relationship too far ahead and too mature. i didnt know myself.
ive always been blunt. perhaps i say things as they are a little too truthfully. within the past 2 years, ive alienated more people i know than the past other 26 years of my life. i find myself getting easily irritated by those who are vocally racist and sexist, and those who perpetuate stupidity, homophobia, irrational xenophobia. when my father sent me and tons others a cautionary email about the wiles of devious mainland Chinese women in Singapore, i sent him and email lambasting him, and sent that mail to everyone he sent too.
and in that way, i do not believe i'll become popular this lifetime. in that way i dont think i will fit into this capitalist society very well.
i was ready to verbosely decimate my manager, who incidentally, not a week ago got back his job after quitting a month ago to pursue a gleaming career as a tram driver.
we all know how that turned out. too much pressure, he said, this job is easier.
i told him off. he said that there were cuts across the whole board. upper management. that means david.
appie then told me the deli has been losing money. as far as i'm concerned, it's been losing money since i started working there.
david gave the manager the choice of either cutting hours, increasing prices of deli goods, or cutting the pay rate. judy protested against the last. so deli goods became more expensive and hours got cut.
and i lost two hours. and am ready to explode.
but back to my point. I had an epiphany. i hate this job, and im only working because i need the money, at least, until the end of the semester. that aside,
that seems to me the story of my life. i believe that i will and am, by nature, meant to go it alone.
everything that have nudged me into the shape i am my whole life
had been about anti authority. from slapping ms ravi in secondary 3, getting thrown into a halfway house, rebelling, never had a boss that i liked, never liked being bossed about, never really listening to what my parents had to say...im stubborn, keith said.
and ive never been social. i hated big social events, i always felt awkward. i dont care for the big parties, i dont care for small chat. i dont care for 'oh come on where's your sense of humour' bitching over coffee. i dont care about what you bought, and who you've been fucking. i find socialing...tedious. i rather be by myself, not because i cant handle a social event, but because i dont have to put up with being pretentious.
ive never been in a lasting relationship. i thought i was just bad at it. i couldnt ever sustain my interest, i got too easily stuck in comfort and inaction. the only person i ever felt constantly emotionally threatened by discomfort was steven, but that was a relationship too far ahead and too mature. i didnt know myself.
ive always been blunt. perhaps i say things as they are a little too truthfully. within the past 2 years, ive alienated more people i know than the past other 26 years of my life. i find myself getting easily irritated by those who are vocally racist and sexist, and those who perpetuate stupidity, homophobia, irrational xenophobia. when my father sent me and tons others a cautionary email about the wiles of devious mainland Chinese women in Singapore, i sent him and email lambasting him, and sent that mail to everyone he sent too.
and in that way, i do not believe i'll become popular this lifetime. in that way i dont think i will fit into this capitalist society very well.