Here's where I just don't care anymore
Life is going well. Caren is due very soon. I miss the affectionate attention I used to recieve from a lot of people, for some reason nobody likes me anymore. Which is all fine and dandy, it's been like this before. Nothing too terrible to worry over. I've decided to just face the wind no matter how cold it is, and no matter if I'm alone in doing this or if someone stands beside me for a quick chat before stepping in.
I held out my hand to two different people. It was graciously accepted by one, but over time, he lost his grip and now I feel no support from that area. The other purely rejected me all together.
So where does that leave me? Holding my own hands. Which I'm fine with, it doesn't really matter to me either way.
Adam has strep throat. He hasn't been around at all, and I miss him. Which is fairly ironic considering this weekend we got in a terrible quarrel because it got around to him that I was tired of constantly hanging out with him.
Which is true and untrue altogether, but simply put; that subject has been beaten to death. Through means of verbal conversation, inner thoughts, theories, notes, phone conversations, and glares through a window at 10:45 in the evening. It took us two whole days at each other's throats before we finally could stand side by side each other and not think the worst.
Regardless of the fact that I adore Adam and have completely changed my life around just to be next to him as often as normally possible, (and I say normally versus stalker-like); I really really hate him. Just the fact that I've completely given up all of my friends to spend any and all free time with purely him or him and his best friends. So it went from Brianna, Kara, Kayla, Clarissa, and Courtney... to Kara and Kayla, and then Brianna and Clarissa, and now Courtney, Adam, Willie, and Eliza.
At any rate summer is quickly approaching and thank goodness for it indeed. We all now miracles happen in the summer. Perhaps a great one will turn me back int he direction where I want AND need to go, not either or.
College has basically been decided for Temple,TX. Have I completely given up on Indianapolis? Of course not, but then again.. I don't feel his hand anymore.
I held out my hand to two different people. It was graciously accepted by one, but over time, he lost his grip and now I feel no support from that area. The other purely rejected me all together.
So where does that leave me? Holding my own hands. Which I'm fine with, it doesn't really matter to me either way.
Adam has strep throat. He hasn't been around at all, and I miss him. Which is fairly ironic considering this weekend we got in a terrible quarrel because it got around to him that I was tired of constantly hanging out with him.
Which is true and untrue altogether, but simply put; that subject has been beaten to death. Through means of verbal conversation, inner thoughts, theories, notes, phone conversations, and glares through a window at 10:45 in the evening. It took us two whole days at each other's throats before we finally could stand side by side each other and not think the worst.
Regardless of the fact that I adore Adam and have completely changed my life around just to be next to him as often as normally possible, (and I say normally versus stalker-like); I really really hate him. Just the fact that I've completely given up all of my friends to spend any and all free time with purely him or him and his best friends. So it went from Brianna, Kara, Kayla, Clarissa, and Courtney... to Kara and Kayla, and then Brianna and Clarissa, and now Courtney, Adam, Willie, and Eliza.
At any rate summer is quickly approaching and thank goodness for it indeed. We all now miracles happen in the summer. Perhaps a great one will turn me back int he direction where I want AND need to go, not either or.
College has basically been decided for Temple,TX. Have I completely given up on Indianapolis? Of course not, but then again.. I don't feel his hand anymore.