Armed with bourbons and scotches and rums

[onlydisappear]

[Matt's sitting behind the bar, cigarette in one hand, thumbing with the other through a tattered and rather syrupy copy of the Mr. Boston's Bar Guide, which appears to be in the process of turning into something else, if the digressions about the history of ageing barrels as they relate to pirates, and do-it-yourself instructions for a greenhouse

Comments

[redeemed_m]

[And he's wandering around, again. Hand on the knob, Mello closes his eyes for a fraction of a second, praying this isn't another one of those rooms. But you never know, he tells himself. Maybe that's how it keeps them there. Make you afraid to go into the rooms when one might actually be the way out. Yeah, makes perfect sense.]

Oh.

[He should probably head out. But shit. Liquor.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt ducks his head, blushing right on cue. The mark Mello left on his neck is fading, but still visible. Be cool, he tells himself.]

Hey. Non-pussy chocotini, yeah?

[redeemed_m]

Surprise me.

[He catches the blush, but chooses to focus on the lines of bottles behind Matt, instead.] Nothin' too bitter.

[onlydisappear]

Pff, you underestimate my skills at matching people to drinks.

[He stubs his cigarette out, deciding, and mixes up a Black Russian with a splash of chocolate liqueur.]

Try this.

[redeemed_m]

[He prefers White, but Mello's not gonna say that. Instead, he takes the drink, tipping the glass up toward Matt in a silent "cheers" before throwing it back.]

S'good. [A smile touches his lips as he taps the side of the glass with the tip of his finger. Still hasn't made eye contact.] You could've like-[Another small sip]-made a career outta this. Instead of tryin' to save the world.

[Pointless chatter.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt shrugs, but he's pleased.] Thought the world was kinda higher priority.

[This awkwardness is driving him nuts. It's like they have to start over from scratch every time they see each other. He pours himself another beer.]

Could we just, like, call a moratorium on feeling weird? I'm fine with the way shit is, I assume you are, so can we just. Not?

[redeemed_m]

Fine with me. [He sets the glass down, finally fixing Matt with a stare. It's not that he feels weird around him, per se, only that it's kind of hard for him to accept that there's another Matt that, if circumstances were different, would completely be his. Maybe it'd be easier to dislike him. Mello's not sure.]

I've got this thing, though. [And he settles onto a stool, catching one foot on either side of the legs. His finger toys with the rim of the glass as Mello leans forward, just a bit.] Where it's all or nothin'. Never really was one to skirt around shit. So I assume you see where I'm coming from. Didn't wanna cross that line where it was all, but it's already not nothin', so-

[onlydisappear]

So.

[Matt's mouth has gone dry, and his heart's doing the rumba in his throat, feels like, and he's already forgotten about the beer he just got. He curls his left hand up, unconsciously, his middle finger brushing the jagged scar on his palm. He said he'd wait. But he also promised M not to, if there was a chance he could be happy.]

I'm in. I want to, and if you-- I mean. I'm in.

[redeemed_m]

[A small part of him is going What the fuck are you doing? But Mello knows that there are times to listen to that voice, and times where it just gets in the way.]

And if I ever leave-[He lets it hang in the air. He knows that Matt knows. And he knows that Matt's done this shit before, where coming and going is concerned. It's not something that Mello deals with well. He blames L for that. Or maybe Kira. Or both.]

Well, you know the rest.

[onlydisappear]

[Matt nods. He knows. What is with Mellos and this insistence on moving on? Oh. So they don't feel guilty about going.]

If you leave, [he says, and his voice has a hard edge it almost never takes. He's putting his foot down on this one.] You assume I'm fine. All right?

D: last html fail.

[redeemed_m]

[It's about worrying about whoever he leaves behind, yeah. But it goes deeper than that. It's about his own loss, too. It's like when L died, Mello wasn't sure what to make of it. He always assumed he was invincible. That everything he wanted and had would always be around. He hadn't prepared himself for the loss, and he still doesn't. It's a lesson he should've learned, yeah, but unless it's something or someone that he really doesn't want around him, he's not too keen on letting it go.

It might just be selfishness.]

Yeah, you'll be alright. [He forces a half-smile.] You were fine before I got here, I guess. And you'll be fine when I go. [He's not sure how true that is, but he wants to convince himself of it. Makes shit easier.

With a final sip, he presses the glass back toward the other, holding his smile.] I'll take that chocotini now.

*hugs*

[onlydisappear]

I will be.

[He sounds as certain as he can. Matt hates the idea of being something that holds Mello back, or some kind of fucking liability. That was probably why he never let on to his version how he felt. He likes to think that somehow, no matter where the stubborn bastard is now, he knows. Matt smiles as he starts mixing the drink, because if his Mello knew he thought that, he'd roll his eyes so hard, he'd probably sprain something.]

And so will you.

Re: *hugs*

[redeemed_m]

I think it's funny-[And his eyes are fixed on Matt as he mixes the drink, amused at the fact that before he came here, he wouldn't have touched something as light as a martini.]-that out of all the people I could've run into, I ran into you first.

[There's no real meaning behind it. Just an interesting observation.] Could've woke up in the hall and ran into a Yagami. Would've had me goin' nuts in this place, you know?

[onlydisappear]

No shit. [He swaps out Mello's empty glass for the new drink. Maybe this bartending gig isn't such a bad idea.] And if you'd killed him, you'd have fucking flipped when he was good as new in a day or so.

[He leans on the bar, watching Mello, feeling strangely relaxed.]

I'm glad it was me.

[redeemed_m]

Heh. Me too.

[He lets the drink swirl around in the glass for a second, tilting his head a bit when Matt leans against the bar. It's weird to Mello that he would do anything that would even suggest he wants to do anything but get the hell out of here.

May as well enjoy it while he's here, he figures.]

You're like the one thing keepin' me from going nuts in this place.[He's never really been big on confessions, but he'll let that one slide. A sip and Mello lets the liquid sit on his tongue for a second, savoring the chocolaty flavor combined with just that little bite.]

[onlydisappear]

[Matt just watches him, smiling a little, thinking almost superstitiously that if he replies or calls attention to that admission, Mello will scramble to take it back. Matt's pretty good at reading between the lines, and he savors words like these all the more because of their rarity.]

Wanna leave the drunks to their own devices?