(Untitled)

[kirabepraised]

[ It's been a tough few months for Light; his physical degeneration into shinigami has eclipsed the entire right side of his body, but it is the effects of the memory loss that occur with the changeover, as his humanity disintegrates, that has had a far more profound effect,

Having ventured out of his room, he no longer remembers his friends or

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[curtainwizard]

[Light isn't quite himself this week, either. All his memories of the notebook, of Kira, all his mad hopes and aspirations, all washed away as if they've never been. But six years of memory loss isn't as easily patched as six months', and being surrounded by people who know exactly who he is and what he's done ...

It's not quite true to say Light doesn't remember Kira at all. He sees his face in his dreams: his own face, dripping with madness and spiritual corruption. Nothing like the dry, gangrenous decay spreading over you. No, that's less frightening by far.

He draws to a halt.]

You don't look well.

[kirabepraised]

I had thought I'd caught a bit of a tan. Is it too much, do you think?

[curtainwizard]

Mmm - it's a little lopsided. Next time, I'd say you should remember to turn around.

[He doesn't remember you at all: shinigami are gone from his memory, including you, it would seem. But Mikami's mentioned you to him since: the one with the hand of a shinigami. This would seem to qualify.]

What happened to you?

[kirabepraised]

[ A brief smile flitted over his expression, replaced by sombre consideration as that hand, more of a twisted claw than anything, raked his hair out of his eyes. ]

I walked into a door.

[curtainwizard]

[He matches the fleeting smile, point for point. That's an excuse he remembers using himself, and he gives the same answer he got, exaggeratedly casual.]

Really, Light, if someone you love is hurting you, there are ways to make it stop.

[Partly, the teasing is to see how you'll react - and partly, it's a test. The evasion, the contamination, the refusal to deal with him, all of that raises his suspicions. But not entirely. The red eyes may alarm Light more than anything else about you, but the look in them is far more like his own reflection than the one in his dream-mirror.]

[kirabepraised]

I have the horrible feeling I'd try offering them a poisoned apple. God forbid.

[ He'd never live it down, especially with himself. Ah, the evasion, it's nothing really. He's just so tired of people being repetitive about his appearance that he's longing for actual conversation. This amnesia would seem to be permanent, not to mention direly boring. Knowing nothing and no one was melting his memory processes at an even faster rate, one big circle of damnation ongoing in his head.

There's no point in lying at this stage, he'd just lead himself in circles. ]

I'm a shinigami.

[curtainwizard]

[He steps back the offhand manner, settles into thoughtfulness.]

Interesting. You know, a couple of people have mentioned shinigami to me, but you're the first I've met who claimed to be one.

[The look of you is telling, as is the fact you're here in the mansion to begin with. Another me, who was becoming a shinigami. What Mikami did was something to do with him.

He can't remember Mikami following him, the struggle with L to get him back, any of it.]

[kirabepraised]

I have yet to take the entrance exams.

[ Comments airily, disinterested in where his own demise is taking him. He'll deal with it when it rolls around. This young man, however, is stirring all sorts of half-shadowed memories. ]

What about you - are you Kira?

[curtainwizard]

[Ah, this is the question which triggers Light's own evasion. Maybe part of it is the conflict, between his own convictions and those of others - and maybe part of it is the repressed, locked-down presence of his other self, crying in the background. Unheard. Unwanted.]

Such an open question. Do you think I'd just answer it, if I were?

Are you Kira?

[kirabepraised]

No, I don't think you would.

[ A small smile lingered as he softly replied. ]

... Well, obviously.

[curtainwizard]

[It's a punch to the stomach: after all these years, all that effort which may not be objectively real, but is still the life Light remembers, Kira is standing in front of him, acknowledging Light with his own smile. His own face, tainted as it is. His eventual reply is dried out like a sponge.]

This will sound odd, given the - er - suntan, but you don't look like I expected.

[kirabepraised]

Haven't you read the rules lately? There's a very short one, near the front, that doesn't pertain to giving or taking lives. The human who uses this note can neither go to Heaven nor Hell. Do you think the shinigami would waste an opportunity to have another on their side when that person knows how to do such a job? That would be neglectful. It's all very straight-forward, if you give it a little thought. Besides, I've heard I'm rather good at the job, as impartial as my views have become.

One day, Light, a similar demise will await you. I'm sorry to say that after-sun doesn't help.

[curtainwizard]

[Sayu had mentioned a note, and refused to elaborate. Something precious to Kira, something critical: something worth killing her for. But all this talk of rules, of heaven and hell, and the way killing seems like a job to you-]

It doesn't begin to follow that what happens to you has to happen to me. Besides, don't tell me there are rules that bind Kira. Didn't you think you were a god?

[Scathing distaste. It's a distraction from his fears, threatening to become panic: Is that what I'm going to be? Is that what I'm here for? To become him? An urge to back away, as if from a snake, fighting with his need to know.

Somewhere very, very deep down, that unheard voice is screaming: He has something you want.]

[kirabepraised]

[ Immortality, isn't that what Kira wanted from the beginning? Well, he has it, but at such a ghastly price. Nothing he has is worth very much, in Light's opinion, not his ability to read names and dates by looking at a person's face, his Death Note or the way his memories are slowly but surely falling apart, leaving him nothing but a confused personality struggling to remember its own name.

Take your pick, really. ]

I did, or so I'm told. [ He sounds calm, resigned to learning of his horrendous past. Unimpressed or just apathetic. ] The thing is, as punishment for my sins, I'm dead and losing my memories, so I can't remember anything to do with my life. I have to be an impartial creature, killing the first person I come across whenever I return to the real world, because otherwise I'll be picking and choosing who lives and dies, and that isn't fair; I know it's so.

Kira sounds like quite the farce. There's no need to glare at me as if I share the views of what I once was any longer.

[ Lips twitch as he continues placidly. ]Don't

[curtainwizard]

What we're born, that isn't relevant, is it? Only what we become.

[He knows he isn't a monster. He's never killed anyone himself - only sat by and watched the bonfire burning.]

I was wondering if you'd forgotten, or if you were insane. Or both, of course. You don't look as if you've murdered hundreds of thousands of people.

[kirabepraised]

I wish I'd never picked up that damned notebook.