charging... clear!

[remem_b_er]

L. Oh L.

*B is prowling the halls, for the first time, obviously not human any more.*

Come out, come out.

[GHOST PLOT IS OVER. Repeat, as of the events of the L-B thread in this post, it's over. All illness ceases and desists IMMEDIATELY. This post is open for a last grand hurrah at the spook, but after tonight this is it. (It'll remain an

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[reprism]

[Light has been watching the wall.

he's not sure how long L has been gone; can't remember why he left in the first place. his sense of time has deteriorated. he is aware, vaguely, that he has gotten worse again - but the concerns of fever and slime and pain and dizziness have all dissolved into a kind of pettiness. he has been overtaken by something larger, an echoing transcendent state which leaves him detached from everything but the images on the wall. except they're not on the wall - the wall doesn't exist any more, or maybe it has just changed into something with more dimensions than it should have. everything around it is just a mirage, but the wall is like an anchor; maybe it's his life.

it is less like a movie-theatre projection, more like a parade of memories.

the door, as it creaks open, sounds both impossibly loud and far away. he opens his mouth and tries to speak but finds it clogged with slime, his tongue and teeth slippery, so he coughs and spits, gracelessly, before finally managing to utter thickly:] L?

[remem_b_er]

Light.

*It isn't L.*

[reprism]

... [silent for a long while.] What do you want? [whispered. he knows that the fact that his voice is barely-audible won't matter, though.]

[remem_b_er]

The only thing I've ever wanted.

Why weren't you there?

[reprism]

Otousa-- [he breaks off and starts to cough, convulsing, fingers digging into the mattress.] I didn't - I had nothing left to give to you. [his voice breaking a bit.] You didn't want... you didn't...

[images of his eighteenth birthday flicker through his consciousness, a day spent at classes, and with L and Near, a day which he had once filled up with promises of a trip into the country.]

[remem_b_er]

You could have given us a second chance, Light.

[reprism]

I wanted to. [hoarsely, desperately.]

[remem_b_er]

It broke your sister's heart.

[reprism]

[choking a little bit.] I didn't mean to.

[remem_b_er]

You couldn't set your pride aside for one minute? You couldn't see we were just worried for you?

We handled it so poorly, but you couldn't even give us a second chance, for Sayu's sake?

[reprism]

I know that! But I don't - I don't know what I did wrong. [crying now, the tears thick and green.] I don't know why I... I didn't want to-- [drawing in a deep breath through the stabbing pain in his entire body. he's rambling now, the words spilling out of him - meaningless excuses and justifications, he knows, but he has to sort this out. he has to understand.] I didn't want to admit that I cared at all, because then I'd care too much. It's too much all-or-nothing. I didn't want to admit that I thought I might be a little bit wrong because then it would be all my fault. Still no fucking shades of gray. I didn't want to come back to you just to have you... just to have you... [the fear curls and coils in his stomach, and it seems as though his throat closes up, strangled by its cold tendrils.] Just to have you reject me again. I never wanted it to be like this. Why is it like this?

[remem_b_er]

Because we're all too frightened.

[reprism]

Is there really anything to be frightened of? [the question is honest and vulnerable.]

[remem_b_er]

Losing each other.

[reprism]

You threw me away. You lied, about so many things, it was like - I lost my name. [he can't even begin to talk about the displacement and loneliness, can't find the words to sketch its outlines; doesn't even know if it has outlines, or if it's too large.] I'm so scared that I'm not good enough to get you back.

[remem_b_er]

*Silent, but not stony.*