emotionless as always, but with always so much on my mind!

[dna_static]

I may seem emotional to you, but make no mistake, I am not. Anyway, I had a short/brief conversation with Andrew a little while ago. We're okay now. Not to mention Aj and I had a brief conversation friday afterschool as well. Looks like I may have the chance of getting my friends back. We all seem to be 'cool' with each other now. It's too bad things can't be the same with you know who...He just happened to enter my mind AGAIN! I was starting to do fine and I went about maybe 2 days without thinking about him. I almost came close to tears becuz I heard that he used to talk about me a lot. I'm not sure whether good or bad (I'll find out later) but it's the concept of me being on his mind that stirred my brain. I haven't been able to cry since like around the 1st few weeks of Jan. I don't know. I'm starting to do much better. Matt and I have hooked back up. He was in a relationship (a fiance' actually!) but it turned out that she was beginning to treat him like shit. So he dumped her earlier today. Tomorrow we're officially gonna be ..I guess you can say a 'couple' or whatever you wanna call it. lol couple sounds corny but I didn't know wut else to put. Truth is, I realized that I still love Matt. It seems like maybe we hooked back up cuz we were supposed to or something. Yah know? we wouldn't have come accross each other like this weekend for nothing. Well, I hope you know who gives me some sort of chance to be able to talk to him and I can get some decent closure... otherwise he'll end up popping into my brain from time to time like earlier today. If I'm going to be with Matt, I can't hold feelings for an ex anymore. I wouldn't want him doing that with his ex fiance'!! Anyway, I dedicate these lyrics to myself, with some interpersonal struggle type of meaning. (they're pretty brief)

"Save Yourself" - Stabbing Westward

I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole

I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
(I am just as fucked as you)

I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely
I think I'd rather be alone
(I think I'd rather be alone)

You cannot save me
You can't even save yourself
I cannot save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself