Let's Hear It For The Boy
First of all, someone please shoot me for referring to a really old, not-so-good Whitney Houston song. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, back to my point.
I like to consider myself an intelligent person. However, I am one of those smart people that from time to time does impossibly dumb things. The latest example: I haven't given The SAK anywhere enough credit, which I realized tonight. The reason why is the dumb thing I've done.
At some point, I got it in my head that The SAK was involved with me mostly because it was fun for him and he thinks I'm hot. For some reason, I couldn't convince myself that he cared about me with any kind of depth. Sure, he liked me and all, but I didn't think he was involved enough to stick through it if things got icky here and there. (I think where I got this idea from in the first place was when Dipshit Boy complained that, "This isn't fun anymore" when I started getting depressed and stressed out my senior year.) As a result, when I realized just how unhappy I was down here a couple of months ago (and when I wasn't handling it well at all), I didn't mention it to him out of fear that he'd decide that it wasn't fun anymore, and if it was going to require actual effort on his part (aside from driving down here every couple of weekends) then he just wasn't interested and that would be it.
Dumb? Yes. But also convincing myself that this wasn't a major thing to him would provide me with an out should this ever turn sour - I could say to myself, "hey, he never cared that much in the first place, so it's not like it's a big loss." Again, dumb? Incredibly. But, hey, I'm a girl who's gotten screwed over before, and it's kind of stuck with me.
Tonight, however, the fact that the things I had convinced myself were true weren't was used to beat me about the head and neck.... in a good way.
The SAK had a ballroom competition in Columbus, so I went. I was a bit annoyed that I wasn't going to get to see him beyond today, and even then not that much, but I took a deep breath and got over it. I was having a good time - I got to meet his ballroom friends that he talks about all the time, and the dancing I saw that morning was amazing. Then, for no particular reason, the fact that I'm very frustrated with work (they've made a few minor changes that make the job I have now absolutely nothing like the job I hired for) and my lack of stirring social life down here just got to me, and the next thing I know I'm snapping at him and crying and bitching up a storm about why I'm so damn annoyed with Things In General in the middle of the auditorium. This is after I burst into tears on the phone the other night for no particular reason.
He listened to me whine and I composed myself. I later apologized for my outburst, telling him that he shouldn't have to listen to me bitch about all that because it wasn't his problem, and he said the sweetest thing ever: "If you're not happy, then it's my problem."
If that's not a sure sign of a keeper, I don't know what is. Except, maybe, the fact that he's genuinely looking forward to spending time with me and our respective families over Thanksgiving. He seems to be excited about meeting my family and spending the weekend up there. And his family is looking forward to having me there on Thursday (my family isn't having the big dinner until Friday, so we're driving to MI from Springfield Friday morning, then going back to our respective homes on Sunday afternoon). And he's looking forward to introducing me to one of his friends from home while we're in Springfield.
He's great. For something that wasn't supposed to go beyond a few not-so-random hookups in the spring, this has worked out better than I could have ever hoped for. Short of living in the same city as him, I don't think I could be any happier with him.
I like to consider myself an intelligent person. However, I am one of those smart people that from time to time does impossibly dumb things. The latest example: I haven't given The SAK anywhere enough credit, which I realized tonight. The reason why is the dumb thing I've done.
At some point, I got it in my head that The SAK was involved with me mostly because it was fun for him and he thinks I'm hot. For some reason, I couldn't convince myself that he cared about me with any kind of depth. Sure, he liked me and all, but I didn't think he was involved enough to stick through it if things got icky here and there. (I think where I got this idea from in the first place was when Dipshit Boy complained that, "This isn't fun anymore" when I started getting depressed and stressed out my senior year.) As a result, when I realized just how unhappy I was down here a couple of months ago (and when I wasn't handling it well at all), I didn't mention it to him out of fear that he'd decide that it wasn't fun anymore, and if it was going to require actual effort on his part (aside from driving down here every couple of weekends) then he just wasn't interested and that would be it.
Dumb? Yes. But also convincing myself that this wasn't a major thing to him would provide me with an out should this ever turn sour - I could say to myself, "hey, he never cared that much in the first place, so it's not like it's a big loss." Again, dumb? Incredibly. But, hey, I'm a girl who's gotten screwed over before, and it's kind of stuck with me.
Tonight, however, the fact that the things I had convinced myself were true weren't was used to beat me about the head and neck.... in a good way.
The SAK had a ballroom competition in Columbus, so I went. I was a bit annoyed that I wasn't going to get to see him beyond today, and even then not that much, but I took a deep breath and got over it. I was having a good time - I got to meet his ballroom friends that he talks about all the time, and the dancing I saw that morning was amazing. Then, for no particular reason, the fact that I'm very frustrated with work (they've made a few minor changes that make the job I have now absolutely nothing like the job I hired for) and my lack of stirring social life down here just got to me, and the next thing I know I'm snapping at him and crying and bitching up a storm about why I'm so damn annoyed with Things In General in the middle of the auditorium. This is after I burst into tears on the phone the other night for no particular reason.
He listened to me whine and I composed myself. I later apologized for my outburst, telling him that he shouldn't have to listen to me bitch about all that because it wasn't his problem, and he said the sweetest thing ever: "If you're not happy, then it's my problem."
If that's not a sure sign of a keeper, I don't know what is. Except, maybe, the fact that he's genuinely looking forward to spending time with me and our respective families over Thanksgiving. He seems to be excited about meeting my family and spending the weekend up there. And his family is looking forward to having me there on Thursday (my family isn't having the big dinner until Friday, so we're driving to MI from Springfield Friday morning, then going back to our respective homes on Sunday afternoon). And he's looking forward to introducing me to one of his friends from home while we're in Springfield.
He's great. For something that wasn't supposed to go beyond a few not-so-random hookups in the spring, this has worked out better than I could have ever hoped for. Short of living in the same city as him, I don't think I could be any happier with him.